Dating When You’re Young/Not Intending to Marry YET?

Aocwannabe · 2021-11-01T17:18:50+00:00

Date for marriage even if you don’t want marriage. And only have sex with men if you are okay with them being the father of your child.

What I mean to say is…date men who are capable of commitment, financially stable and have a vision for their life and are intentional about how they spend their time and who they are spending it with. In your age group these man are probably not in the space for marriage either but the sooner you learn to vet for these qualities, the better.

fingerlimepie · 2021-11-01T20:02:01+00:00

I think it is worth dating if it's something you want to do, as it teaches you a lot about yourself and what you want in a partner.

You wouldn't know how to design a kitchen if you didn't know how to cook! If you're aware of your personal wants and deal breakers and what kind of person you naturally mesh with, when the right HVM for you comes along he'll be easier to recognise.

Don't settle - but don't hold yourself back.

ewokblubber · 2021-11-01T16:44:29+00:00

Honestly, I think that's an issue that figures itself out as you go.

Thinking about the realistic logistics of dating, relationships can go two ways: If you start dating someone, it either works out, or it doesn't.

If you start dating someone when you're 21, and after a few years, you're still together and marriage becomes a realistic possibility, you can marry them. If they propose too early, you can say no or ask for more time. If it doesn't work out, you break up after a while, just as marriage-minded people break up relationships that do not work for them. In the end, chances are your first relationship will fail even if both partners are HV, just because of how life goals can shift easily when you're young and people are still developing and figuring out what they want in a partner. This is natural, and a valuable learning experience.

I'd say go into relationships with the idea that you are open to them possibly lasting years and ending in marriage down the line when you're ready, but aware and at peace with the notion that chances are, they'll fizzle out after a few months to a year or so just because of how relationships work at that age. Have fun and don't worry! If you vet, the right people stick around, the wrong people don't.

thewetdog_ · 2021-11-01T15:58:56+00:00

lol you’re not “taking away a hvm from women who do want to marry”

If you date a guy, it get serious, he wants to marry, you don’t, you will have incompatible goals and he’ll go find someone else to marry. Just as you would do the same if it were reversed .

Platipus6 · 2021-11-01T20:43:03+00:00

Date casually. Go on one date a week and make sure it's fun and light. Have high standards for your limited time. No netflix and chill, no hangouts.

A date, time, place and activity, or nothing at all.

divination__ · 2021-11-01T20:34:58+00:00

I think it is a good idea to get some dating experience as you'll learn how to assert boundaries and to not be overwhelmed/surprised by good treatment. I think it is part of a de-conditioning process to erase the socialised desire in us to always be "nice" and "peacekeepers", to learn to be unflappable and unbothered, to get used to men flattering you and taking it for what it is (usually exactly that – cheap flatter, not proclamations of love). It can also be very fun!

I think the suggestions others have made – to date for marriage even though you're not planning to marry – is the right approach. That is, don't be easily won over, don't sleep with anyone you wouldn't theoretically want to marry, etc. Honestly, once you raise your standards, you'll realise even the most promising men usually don't last more than 2-3 dates before they step over a line and need to be cut off.

Dating HV men is fun though, even if they're ultimately not right for you. They'll plan the dates without you having to say anything, and they'll take you to nice restaurants and bars. If I were you, I'd make a list of places you want to go (and a list of places you've been) in your city and use dating as an opportunity to explore them and grow your cultural capital.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-11-02T01:05:50+00:00

I think getting experience in being ruthless and coldhearted, cutting men off at the first sign of any red flags is good. Go for it, and if the man is truly high value he will happily wait until you are ready to settle down.

missisabelarcher · 2021-11-01T23:20:00+00:00

I think you can date "casually" for enjoyment and experience but still have high standards. Beyond fun and romance, dating at any level of commitment is always a great opportunity to practice advocating for yourself, setting boundaries, communicate clearly and honestly, learning to trust your instincts, walking away when needed and standing in your self-worth.

These relationship skills need to be practiced in action, especially when as women we are discouraged from them. But the relationship doesn't have to be serious. Any kind of relating is a chance to practice!

arnezuara · 2021-11-01T16:41:35+00:00

I would advise not to, from personal experience. Focus on finishing your studies and saving money once you start working.

CandidKick · 2021-11-02T11:01:41+00:00

Date for marriage.

If you want to date for the intimacy: women in hetero relationships orgasm less than all other groups. Straight men, in general, can be a bit disappointing in bed.

The longer you are with someone you care about, the more they can learn-such as a HVM. And someone like that is probably marriage material. If you date a LVM, chances are high that it will be mediocre and he will be selfish at best.

I remember so many of my friends being excited to be with a guy. Didn’t understand why more experienced women found that laughable. Most of them quickly lost interest.

fireforestfairy · 2021-11-02T10:59:48+00:00

I personally don't see the point of it. It's not that different from hooking up "just for fun". Causal relationships with sex are not beneficial to women.

gfcacdista · 2021-11-02T14:28:14+00:00

In my opinion the hope is what fuels any date.

I'd rather spend my time and money with my family, friends and pets or taking care of myself instead of someone that does not value me.

I have the same motto for my friendships as well. Life is so short and you are worth the best!

Title	Dating When You’re Young/Not Intending to Marry YET?
Author	sleepysiri
Upvotes	148
Comments	31
Date	November 1, 2021 3:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qkgvod/dating_when_youre_youngnot_intending_to_marry_yet/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dating-when-youre-youngnot-intending-to-marry-yet.1080598 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080598

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