Dealing with the realization that I'm a Pickmesha

Aocwannabe · 2021-06-18T22:44:27+00:00

Thank you for posting this💚 I still have the occasional “shame spiral” and I haven’t dealt with any serious clown fuckery for years.

There is great news! You will absolutely get to a better place if you continue to read FDS and assert healthy boundaries with everyone in your life. It takes practice and the process isn’t linear but you will get there.

If it’s possible get out into the world and make some new girlfriends through shared hobbies. Do the Bechdel test on your friendships so that it’s more than therapy or bonding over trauma. Humans aren’t meant to heal in isolation.

Welcome to FDS🌺

Stuffnthings1840 · 2021-06-18T22:44:31+00:00

We have all been there.

EclecticBarbarella · 2021-06-18T23:23:05+00:00

Loving reminder that HVW practice self love and forgiveness. You know things now that you didn’t know then. Now that you know, you’re making adjustments to take better care of yourself in the future. You’re just trying to find your way out of the patriarchal gaslighting like the rest of us. You’re doing the work even though it’s hard and you’re doing great, don’t beat yourself up ❤️

radical__daphne · 2021-06-18T22:06:01+00:00

Give it like one year. One year of effort. I guarantee you will be in a much better place. Life is very long and you have lots and lots and lots of time. An abundance of time.

Let yourself grieve and feel whatever you need to feel. I still feel like that sometimes. I try to just tell myself to set it down and do something else or think about something else. Try following your passion and what makes you happy and makes you feel alive.

No growth comes without pain.

alphasquish · 2021-06-18T23:20:06+00:00

Welcome! About 3 months into my level up journey. It’s been hard, and sometimes reading things on the sub both resonates and hurts. Once you see, you can’t unsee. Keep with. It will slowly get better. To quote one of my faves from BoJack Horseman:

It gets easier. Every day, it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day – that’s the hard part. But it does get easier.

And it’s true…every step you take towards leveling no matter how small will eventually snowball into a happier, healthier life for you. Just keep at it.

FDS-GFY · 2021-06-18T23:09:51+00:00

Welcome. You are not alone. I am excited at all that is ahead of you now.

2021-06-18T23:11:53+00:00

I think no matter how old we are when we get to this realization, we all feel at least a little regret about our past mistakes. But knowing how much better your future is about to be, now that you’re learning to respect yourself and expect better will help balance that feeling and it will get easier.

And when you make a mistake or miss a red flag again (it will happen, it’s a learning curve) be less hard on yourSELF 💕: you are learning, the people that continue trying to hurt you or take advantage of you are the ones that deserve the blame, so remember we’re all at different stages on our leveling up.

Don’t compare yourself to others battles’, but take solace in all our past mistakes and just remember your own personal journey will be worth it.

WillySnatcher · 2021-06-19T07:48:38+00:00

Some encouragement for you maybe - I was too. Worse, I married the scrote. I had a flash of absolute clarity, left him, and went deeply into therapy focused on self worth and confidence. I levelled up very quickly (this was years and years ago) and became very uncompromising and decisive, two traits that haven't left me. The levelling up process doesn't need to take years. Mine was months. I'm now married again, and have had coffee brought to me in bed by a smokin' hot man every morning for the last 7 years.

purasangria · 2021-06-19T02:42:03+00:00

Awareness is the first step, sis. Glad you're here. 🙂

lessadessa · 2021-06-18T23:44:36+00:00

So happy you are here <3 <3 <3

daenerysstormbornfan · 2021-06-19T00:44:54+00:00

It’s great that you realized it, it’s never too late to turn your life around, you will get past this!

badbadnotbueno · 2021-06-19T04:34:48+00:00

I cringe at some of the things I did and situations I put myself in prior to finding fds. The wild thing is after awhile, I started realizing a lot of the things FDS talks about (LVM traits) and how common these types of men are. At the time, I just didn’t know of a group to discuss this stuff with others. I’m so grateful to have found this sub bc I really was ready to throw in the towel and give up hope. That’s why I will always support this group.

ThrowawayCompassion · 2021-06-19T12:46:37+00:00

It’s okay, we here have all been in your shoes more or less. Totally 💯 feel you.

Also, finding a HVM is like finding a needle in a haystack. It’s basically up to random chance, like winning the lottery. That particular grief hit me hard in this rabbit hole. The grief of knowing how systemic and shocking the male damage is, how true gentlemen don’t really exist anymore, how porn sick they all are, how much cheating and abuse happens. My chances for quality companionship with a HVM are very slim so I’ve let that go and accepted myself and a happy calm single life. I had to grieve that loss. I still do actually. I have been irreparably hurt on my quest to find “him” and it’s so embarrassing what I’ve put up with and how brainwashed I was into pickmeisms. I tallied up the expenses one day and felt my heart drop in the most painful way. All I tried to do was be loved, and love and it ruined my life on several occasions. I needed to smarten up and give my head a shake.

A lot of this subreddit is about accepting being awesome alone rather than being dragged down to a LVM relationshit. Loneliness sucks, but much less so than having a horrible partner ruin your life.

_queeeen_ · 2021-06-19T03:42:43+00:00

You’re one step closer! Grieve if you need to. And rise from the ashes.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-06-19T04:19:41+00:00

It’s okay. I’m in your situation as well. Recovering pick-me right here. 🙋🏻‍♀️

I’m so glad to have FDS guide through these scrotes and slugs.

MildlySchizo · 2021-06-19T07:29:59+00:00

Don't worry and don't be too hard on yourself. I'm damn near 40 and just realizing that this was me for most of my life. It gets easier, it gets better and you will level up and feel better! The more you read, the more you learn! <3

warinmymind94 · 2021-06-19T08:15:21+00:00

Honestly give yourself a big pat on the back, you're here, and you have seen the truth and you're brave: you looked at the truth of being a pickme, acknowledging it and have come here to start making changes. That's huge! You are growing already. I am proud of you because it is really hard to acknowledge it and start, a lot of pickmes start realizing something is wrong, but don't do anything about it or just get worse.

AbaloneNeither5098 · 2021-06-18T22:29:14+00:00

Best advice from someone who’s been there and done that..is to aggressively put YOU first, if he’s not someone that works as hard if not harder then you..look away baby you don’t need a bum! Work on your inner little girl first and watch how she becomes the women she always could be without having been tainted by sick narcissistic men (or ass clowns as you put it). Also watch how women approach him and how he treats them, there’s a massive difference in they way women talk about a man they know RESPECTS them, then one that only gives them attention for titty and ass reasons.

Like the person who commented before this..Growth doesn’t come with out being uncomfortable for a while!

GinnyMcJuicy · 2021-06-19T00:29:41+00:00

One thing that helped me when I realized this is that society trains us from birth to be pickmeishas. It's absolutely not our fault, and it takes a lot of strength to realize we have self worth and we need to defend it.

pikachu4me · 2021-06-19T04:30:11+00:00

Girl, this was literally me. When you know better, you do better. So glad I found this sub and happy you posted this. ❤️❤️

GodILoveTheEnglish · 2021-06-18T23:54:59+00:00

So happy to have you here. I completely understand the guilt, I’ve been there too. But now that you’ve found FDS, you’re going to learn a lot and you’re going to be able to apply it well and you can become a HV Queen.

Check out r/femalelevelupstrategy as well for help navigating your way ❤️

starryeyed4ever · 2021-06-19T01:53:22+00:00

Never heard the phrase “ass clowns” before. Love it. Thanks for inspiring me to add another phrase to my vocab! 😂😍

Gorilla_girl17 · 2021-06-19T03:31:47+00:00

I am also brand new to this subreddit and WOW did it open my eyes! I love it so much. I’ve always felt that BDSM (particularly male doms with female subs) was just veiled abuse by one and a trauma victim trying to own her trauma by the other. But I always felt like that was a bad feminist, kink-shaming thing to think. You all confirmed everything I’ve already been thinking, THANK YOU! I got out of not great relationship with a LVM in a pretty hurtful way and then went on a few pickmeisha adventures…I’ve now been fully single for a year and not even entertaining the thought of dating, just working on me. That has been so helpful to avoid the spirals! You’ll get there!

aplaceformythoughtss · 2021-06-19T04:44:03+00:00

I can relate so much to this!! I consider myself a clown in my past dating experiences. All the things I used to put up with was embarrassing. I was really scraping the barrels in the height of my pickmeisha days, it was awful. All because I was desperate to find a man. Desperation tainted my view and I was unable to tell the difference between LVM and HVM. There were so many pickmeshas enabling and encouraging me.

giggleomg · 2021-06-20T23:17:07+00:00

The great thing about FDS is that it’s here to remind us when or if we start to backslide into old habits. It’s a community of women with various backgrounds and experiences but aligned to the same principles to elevate and choose better. Welcome.

You’re not alone or different to feel how you do now. It’s a process of awakening & self awareness m. Things will get better. You may even decide to take a break from dating & sex to focus on yourself like some of us do and gotdamn this shit feels good. Much progress on self esteem and less bs. Read and consume at your pace. Don’t believe every post literally, but there is much value here for women tired of the script society has forced down our throat.

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