Do HVM even exist?

ThatsWhat__I__Said · 2020-04-30T21:59:03+00:00

Questions like this remind me of a religious quote that I heard many years ago. Though I'm not religious, it's applicable when seeking to find a good partner.

The question was asked "God what is my purpose in life? Will I marry? Will I have children? What do you want from me?" God's answer was "Your purpose in life is to bring glory to God"

I would like to amend that by saying our purpose is to bring glory to ourselves, to take care of ourselves - to be the best selves that we can be - to let go of thinking another person is going to validate us and make us whole.

I do understand the desire and the drive to meet a good man and make that life together, but you can't pine away for that. (I'm not saying that's what you're doing necessarily.)

I feel bad for you that all the male role models and men in your life are stunted and chauvinistic. But you must rise above that, and be the most wonderful girl you can possibly be.

I hope with all my heart that you meet a sweet good man that appreciates you. I found one - it took a long time.

I didn't waste my time on losers and creeps (and boy, are they out there) so when the right guy did come along I was ready to go with no one dragging me down.

Have a good day honey, and keep safe.

EmpressOfDankness · 2020-04-30T21:54:30+00:00

[deleted]

brainybrink · 2020-04-30T23:06:10+00:00

Keep in mind your background, culture, community plays a big role on why you see lvm/nvm. I grew up poor and most of my neighbors are scummy so of course I never dated or interact with most men who live in my neighbourhood. I don't have give anyone the benefit of the doubt or second chances I know 100% I need avoid the men in my area. A guy can be a shitty human being especially if his culture raises men to believe they are above women (liberals quacks and libfem are now trying to paint it as racism if you call out a culture for what it is). Also, his family plays a big role into why they are a lvm/nvm. Plus, focusing on lvms and nvms is not going to show you who the HVM. HVMs are hidden gems literally lmao and you have to dig through dirt and garbage to find them.

TheStar_XVII · 2020-04-30T22:43:38+00:00

They're rare, but they exist! Mine took me 2.5 years of dating and 40+ first dates to find, but it was worth it.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-05-01T01:12:45+00:00

They are extremely rare. I know 3 hvm. All of them married with children. I have recently met a younger guy that seems to be one too, but that remains to be seen (they all look so nice when we meet them).

Honestly they are so rare that I have pretty much accepted I won't be getting one. Statistically, that is just the most likely outcome. That's why I am single, and I'm probably gonna be for a loooooooong time. Because being single is infinite times better than being with a lvm.

YesNoMaybe87 · 2020-04-30T21:35:59+00:00

Keep looking, they’re out there! Not as common as LVM but they exist.

2020-04-30T22:58:45+00:00

I can think of only one HVM that sticks out in my mind. Not only did I like him, I respected him and admired him. A lot of women like him, but alas, he's married.

--qtbunny-- · 2020-05-01T00:48:48+00:00

HWMs does exist. They're there, but what I think is that they're more likely to find at a social event, or somewhere work-related. Given the number of players on online dating, there's probably a slim chance that HWMs appear there, but it is possible. I don't do online dating myself, so I don't really know well about this area.

I also know that HWMs aren't social-media obsessed and tend to have a life on their own off of the internet, like having hobby of running or something. I knew a guy who was very family-oriented, even though he was a CS major and had to spend time at a computer programming all day.

i WISH there was good male role models in my life

Ironically most of the YouTubers/role models/people that I look up' to are male. This might seem odd, but to find a good role male model, start coming up with a list of favorite male actors that you like from a TV show or a movie. I've noticed that most male role models I look up to are married to their best friend whom they've known for several years. (i.e check out Bryan Dechart. He played Connor in Detroit: Become Human).

I haven't met an HWM in my life yet, but then again I'm still in 1st year of college so there's a lot of ways to meet new people :) It just takes time, and self-dedication to improvement.

ny-lady · 2020-05-01T04:03:50+00:00

They do exist, they are just harder to come by.

Ive dated some good men in my years and my step dad is a good man, 25+ years hes been in been in my life. Him and my mom are like lovey teenagers! LOL

Some of the stuff I read here, sheesh...

Just note a good man doesn't mean you work. Two good people dont always mesh. Doesn't make either bad, you just dont fit.

420snailmode · 2020-05-01T01:34:19+00:00

They exist. Be comfortable with yourself first, but if you want a HVM, don't worry... you already have one! Visualize that life, hold the image..... keep visualizing. Affirm the future in present tense. Express gratitude every day. Visit r/lawofattraction and r/NevilleGoddard

I'm single right now but I'm super thankful for the HVM in my life. He showers me in appreciation, attends to my needs, knows my body language. He's out there.

naga5497 · 2020-05-01T01:23:27+00:00

Honestly, at age 45, I’ve given up. I’ve had so many relationships and dates and I’ve even been married twice and they have all turned out to be LVM. I’m hoping that my recent change in attitude will help me find an HVM but I’m not actively looking and don’t expect to ever find one. I truly believe that LVM is just their nature, especially when it comes to sex and porn. I now know what my dad meant when he said, “You don’t understand what goes on in their heads” when he was giving me the birds and bees talk in my teens. I hope that I’m wrong, I really do. I really hope that I meet an HVM someday, but I’m not holding my breath.

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-04-30T22:01:19+00:00

I think they exist. A close friend of mine from college had done so many things that checked the HV list. Not just to me, but to everyone. We were strictly platonic so I don’t know how he would be in dating, but he’s just a genuinely kind and selfless person.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-05-01T01:15:53+00:00

Yes, they do. Lvm are just more common.

Fiebre · 2020-05-01T05:50:49+00:00

Never seen one, never dated one. All men I thought to be HVM who were in a relationship with someone (not me but my friends etc) eventually showed their colours. All of them. The best dads were sexist dipshits, the most professional ones dumped all chores on their wives, the most charismatic ones turned to be textbook abusers, those who showed their girlfriends how much they meant to them showed the same thing to a dozen other women, etc. An HVM needs to be most of the good things at once and you can hardly ever see what goes on behind closed doors in other people's relationships - and when it's you trying to make out if the man you're interested in is indeed an HVM, it's very hard to get a complete picture in early stages. It's too easy to miss something and you don't get to find out if they have this or that HVM trait until way later in a relationship, and that's when the colour showing happens. It's easy to find a negative trait and dump the guy than checking EVERY HVM trait, something else will pop up that will destroy the picture. So, no. I'm fine with that for me, I'll be an HVW for me, and that's enough.

2020-05-01T06:22:08+00:00

Yes they exist.

But I think a lot of people can’t see them. I used to always be attracted only to the douches and crazies, and in fact I didn’t even notice there were any others around. I read a book that gave me a slap in the face a few years ago and suddenly it was like I was given a pair of glasses and everything became clear (but I was a mess while reading it) now I just... I’m not attracted to morons, I see them very clearly, and most importantly - I see the other normal guys out there. Finally. (The book was named Attached, I did the audiobook cause I can’t read/focus for long)

Fuzzball6846 · 2020-05-01T03:28:35+00:00

My dad is a HVM. Perhaps one of the best.

I’ve never met a person in my life who I’ve respected more. He was always around when we were kids, never yelled, always made time for the family even when he was busy, etc. I swear that man has the patience of a god.

I think he’s the reason I have such high standards in men.

RadarFemef · 2020-05-01T12:27:51+00:00

I guess I’ve come to the perspective that it doesn’t even matter if I meet a HVM. I want to expect the best from myself and from any intimate personal relationships I have

yellowxmellow · 2020-04-30T21:39:49+00:00

I’m sort of hopeless now as well...I was just cheated on by someone who I started to realize was an LVM before I found out he cheated on me. This is my second time being cheated on. I also have four brothers, all of which I consider LVM’s and in some ways I believe my father is as well. I do see a lot of videos on tiktok of men who seem to be HVM and treat the females in their life the way they should be treated, but I fear it is all for the camera

nosynobody · 2020-05-01T08:07:34+00:00

Both my cousin and bff are married to HVM. They both met in college and had long relationships before getting married to them. I always thought my cousin was a pick me(but I was wrong as she clearly enforces boundaries in her relationship, she's just very diplomatic about them) but they have a very egalitarian relationship.

Both the men work hard, are affectionate to them and very supportive of their wives choices. So there are definitely HVM, we just need to find them.

6lackPrincess · 2020-05-01T12:52:11+00:00

Same girl, every single man I've come across in my life has been lv. I am coming to accept that I may die alone lol but I'm fine with that if the alternative is to spend my life with the type of men I've dated in the past. No thank you 🤢

Blackishcat27 · 2020-05-01T17:13:19+00:00

My husband is HVM as was my dad growing up. The thing is no one is perfect. My dad had asbergers and was pretty socially akward but he was so loving, patient, kind and selfless. My husband has the socially akward thing going for him too but he's also very loving, giving and in a lot of ways very selfless.

thgeye · 2020-05-01T22:13:50+00:00

Honestly I think they’re super rare. The society we’re in rewards LVM behaviors, and breeds more and more LVM, as most men don’t ever expect to have to commit cause they know they can have a full rotation of FWBs for 2-3 decades and eventually have baby mommas (unmarried of course) if they want to reproduce. A guy can literally go on his phone and get free sex whenever he wants from “liberated” women with no expectation for commitment. It’s much easier for him to do that than look for a life partner, especially when deep rooted parts of his biology are telling him to go on tinder. And this is supported by everything in neoliberal society.

girludontbringhome · 2020-05-01T04:04:48+00:00

I actually had an opposite perspective than you. My friends are with HVMs, they each found their guys at age 18 (first bfs), before I even had my first date. Their relationships made me soo hopeful that I just thought any guy that would come around would be high value like their bfs. When I was 20, I was asked out on my first date and had my first relationship. I really thought it was going to turn out like my friend’s relationships. But it was not at all, the guy was a total jerk and was basically trying to use me for the physical benefits of having a gf and I ended up heartbroken for a long time. I think I just saw these HVM around me and it made me sort of naive because I thought every guy would be that way. It used to make me kind of angry (and jealous if I’m being honest) when I would rant to my friends about the demise of my relationship, and while they could sympathize, they couldn’t really empathize because they didn’t go through any heartbreak really before meeting their HVM. But then I realized I should stop feeling that way and be happy that my friends are treated like the queens they are, and that I should take notes so that I know how a guy should treat me. But to answer your question, there are HVM out there DO NOT settle for less! But don’t be naive like I was and keep vetting people.

Title	Do HVM even exist?
Author	420snailmode
Upvotes	118
Comments	34
Date	April 30, 2020 9:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gb4rvd/do_hvm_even_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-hvm-even-exist.677222 https://theredarchive.com/post/677222

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