Don't ever move for a man

pencilbride2B · 2020-09-30T09:30:05+00:00

The good news is she still has a killer scholarship AND an awesome job! She doesn't need him, and can still have a great time in Germany!

helena939392 · 2020-09-30T10:29:01+00:00

I did this partially for a man. I wanted to move abroad for a long time, but because of my NVM narcissistic psycho violent ex, I left a well paying job, a lovely home, my family and friends, grabbed my cat and moved from northern Europe to Spain.

My salary dropped 25%, quality of living and life in general dropped significantly, in my new city locals were hateful towards expats and I missed my friends and family. I postponed buying my own apartment _3 years_ because I couldn't buy one without him being resentful - he wasn't able to buy one for at least ten years because of his massive student loan. But I moved in with him, even though he had cheated on me and beat me up before - because he had given me a shut up ring. In less than a year, he managed to beat me up again a few times, rape me and ofc continued his never ending cheating.

In March I returned home and life's never been better. I've had several setbacks during spring and summer, but still life is good. I'm now buying my own place and I have a dreamy boyfriend. Sure, I have awful scars and bad memories and trauma. Never move for a man. You will leave everything for a man who didn't appreciate you in the first place.

taele1996 · 2020-09-30T12:41:30+00:00

Besides the whole moving thing, did anyone catch the part where he did the exact thing to his ex? The part where he cheated on his ex with her And then he cheated on her with a new girl? Like wtf

tallwomenneedlovetoo · 2020-09-30T12:21:12+00:00

She can make this out to be the best few years of her life! She’s going to school for F R E E in Berlin, something that people in the states dream about. She’s going to have access to a wealth of cultures that are only a 40 minute plane ride or a couple of hours by train away.

This gives her the opportunity to develop her language skills via immersion if she wants, though most educated young people speak very good English in Berlin so if she’s hesitant, she’ll still be able to communicate effectively.

Germany handled the pandemic better than the US; she’s going to be safer and more able to do activities than any of us here. And she’s in her early 20’s! This is her moment to get experience that puts her over all other applicants in future jobs and will test her mettle.

This old fucking scrote accidentally convinced her to have a nearly free once-in-a-lifetime experience and i hope she’s smart enough to recognize the gift once she gets there and doesn’t go anywhere near him or his dusty bachelor pad.

fwe23rrs · 2020-09-30T13:57:16+00:00

Never make a decision that involves a man if you wouldn’t do it single.

For example, if my partner moved to Seattle I would be willing to move there, because it’s a cool city and something I could see myself doing as a single woman. I also wouldn’t feel bad if we broke up in that situation, because it was a choice authentic to myself.

On the other hand, if my partner moved to Mobile Alabama, I would absolutely not go after him. I have no interest in living in Alabama, and I’m not going to completely shift my desires for a man that chose to move to a city I don’t want to live in.

It sounds like this woman at least likes Germany because she made the choice to study abroad there.. so I have a feeling she will be able to make the best out of the situation.

StrainingMyNeurons · 2020-09-30T13:19:14+00:00

Get on Meetup app and make some local academia friends, and you’ll soon forget the Berlin connection to this scrote. Don’t stay at his apartment unless you want to see this other woman’s things there and herself in person. I bet he’s triangulating you both too - you for the fun of it, and her - so that she jumps higher. He’s no rock, more like a soft, slushy turd pile.

xScarWintersx · 2020-09-30T12:49:03+00:00

I still can't believe a 32 YEAR OLD man has not yet completed his undergrad and is still living with/being supported by his parents.

lil_monstera · 2020-09-30T14:52:49+00:00

This is also why we need to keep in mind the context in which a man ends relationships and starts new ones. When I started dating my first NVM boyfriend he was cheating on his girlfriend and eventually dumped her months later to be with me. Guess how things ended with us? Whatever terrible things he's done to his exes, he will also do to you.

no_therworldly · 2020-09-30T17:20:15+00:00

i left her a comment, i live in berlin and staying on my couch for 2 weeks would def. be better than staying with him

venomoth91 · 2020-09-30T22:01:04+00:00

I have my own horror story about this. I started dating my NVM ex last year when we both lived in the same West Coast (USA) city, but then he wanted to move back to his hometown in the South for six months and he asked me to come with him. It was a major Southern city, so I figured I could be decently happy there and six months would go by fast. I paid for my one-way plane ticket, ended my living agreement with my roommate, cancelled my gym membership, and quit my job. I started a new job that was work-from-home.

Well less than 48 hours after I arrived, he wrote me a horrific two-page breakup letter explaining all his pet peeves about me in detail and then bought me a return plane ticket back to the West Coast. The things in that letter were things I had been doing throughout our entire relationship that he had never once mentioned not liking before, so I was in complete and utter shock.

I instead ended up flying back to my hometown in the Midwest and staying with my parents for a few months to help me recover because that letter and his continuous criticism of me afterward caused me so much trauma. I should’ve blocked him, but I hadn’t found FDS yet and I was convinced the way he treated me was all my fault.

I’m now back on the West Coast living with my old roommate and working my old job again, doing at-home workouts because of quarantine, and currently dating a potentially HVM here (it’s too early to know for sure so I’m still vetting.)

We actually met on Tinder in late 2018 and dated for about a month before I dumped him for my NVM ex, but we reconnected recently and I decided to give him another chance because I remembered him seeming pretty awesome. Literally the only reason why I chose my ex over him was because my ex loved-bombed me and this guy gave me a normal healthy amount of attention and effort, so I mistakenly assumed my ex was more serious about me and the relationship would be better. I definitely learned my lesson though and I’m so grateful this potential HVM was willing to start over and try again with me.

hex_girlfriendd · 2020-09-30T22:45:06+00:00

It's gonna sting now but when she's my age (30) and still hot with a lot more money and her masters, she's barely gonna remember this idiot. It sucks I guess but she did the move the right way (scholarship/job, not dependent on him) and will be totally fine.

alichuchu · 2020-09-30T16:37:13+00:00

The mere fact that he didn’t give a single fuck that she was literally moving her entire life over to a different continent for him, and still broke up with her know that she is young and vulnerable is so sinister,. Men actually lack any type of basic empathy.

2020-09-30T15:58:10+00:00

It's lessons like this that make us the way we are. I hope she learns, because if not similar situations will arise until she learns. She needs to learn to prioritize herself, because at the end of the day that's what men always do.

lunatigre · 2020-09-30T20:07:26+00:00

I hope she uses this opportunity to learn how to stand on her own two feet and seek out some amazing friendships and mentors. I also hope she cuts him out completely. Can you imagine being the new girlfriend and your new garbage BF has to help his foreign ex GF get established? ? He's just an unending cycle of disrespecting women.

riotous486saturn · 2020-09-30T20:39:48+00:00

So many red flags she glossed over. I hope she can recognize them in the future.

randomgirlimok · 2020-10-01T02:13:05+00:00

Never date a man who dumps his GF for you

Saitschik · 2020-10-01T03:05:48+00:00

Moving for a man is wrong, always. LVM can't handle that sudden "pressure".

But Berlin is full of handsome and interesting men. She will be fine

Title	Don't ever move for a man
Author	Bombs_
Upvotes	203
Comments	32
Date	September 30, 2020 8:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j2ilqx/dont_ever_move_for_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-ever-move-for-a-man.306136 https://theredarchive.com/post/306136

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