Good to be back, ladies! While the sub was closed for cleanup I did something I've been putting off for a long time, but God do I feel a weight off my shoulders.

Background: We met on Tinder back in April and had, what I thought at the time was, a whirlwind romance. He was a handsome older man (I’m 21, he’s 29) and he knew exactly what moves to put on (thanks to years of practice, I assume 🙄).

While we had fun (he was a salsa dancer and dead sexy) and I was enjoying getting a little swept up, I kept my emotional distance and, for the first time in my dating history, managed to keep from fantasising about the future. But this emotional distance also led me to a very negative angry place, where I found myself not smiling at him as often as I was rolling my eyes at him. I didn't find him funny and we have barely anything in common, but he thought I was hot, so that was a good enough reason to keep it going, right?

A few months into seeing each other, I got a job opportunity which would have me move back in with my parents in my tiny home town about 100 miles away. I told him this the same night I asked if he had any interest in going exclusive. He said no, saying bluntly that he enjoyed female attention (read: having sex with random women) too much. That should have been the end of it, but I was scared of moving home and having no options, so I decided we would stay in touch when I moved away, so that he could be my sneaky link on the weekends I was back in town to visit friends.

I found FDS maybe a week after this, and after binge-browsing the sub for several days, I made myself a promise that as soon as I stopped having fun, it would be over.

I moved home early July, but despite telling him consistently when I was going, he messaged me repeatedly when I was getting back to the city, making me explain myself time and time again.

Since about two months into seeing each other he had a very nasty habit of leaving me on read in the middle of a conversation, then sliding back after days like nothing had happened (I realise now that this was probably Dread Game). Before I started work I had a long weekend away with my parents, in the middle of which he finally decided to message me back after four days.

Instead of responding to him, I decided to make him wait just as long and started posting on my story so he knew I was on IG and that he was being ignored. He reacted or replied to every one of my updates, demanding my attention like a dog begging for a bone. For every message I added another day before I responded to him. Looking back, that's when I really should have cut him off.

Instead, I let him keep weaving his web all the way until this week. The last time I saw him in person was the end of July, and while I had a good time with him, as soon as I was in the car home my stomach sank thinking about how he would be out in town the rest of the week dancing and flirting and sleeping with other girls. That Monday sitting at my desk during my lunch break I drafted a break-up message and kept it in my notes just in case I finally decided it was over.

In the end I didn't need it. On Tuesday he begged to call me later that night, and I told him to ring me after 8. He didn't. I waited for half an hour before deciding to chill with my sister instead, keeping one eye on my phone the whole time. The next morning I messaged him and asked what was going on. Without any aology he does the same thing, saying he'll call me after 9. I'll be damned if I don't wait until 10:30 for him to call before saying fuck it and going to bed, only to wake up that next morning to a "u up?" sent at 11pm.

I was so angry and had already spent so much time/energy the past two days waiting for him that I simply told him I wished he'd called because I'd wanted to say it rather than text it, but I didn't think we should see each other anymore. After six months all he had to say was "that's cool with me :)". I thought I wasn't attached but I can't lie, that being all he had to say stung.

But after a few hours, I felt better, and a whole day later I feel like I can breathe again. I've known for a month at least that I'm too young and too beautiful to be worrying over a guy closing in on 30, but putting my foot down has made me feel really good about myself. That initial panic of "omg I'm never gonna see him again" has cooled and mellowed into "omg I never have to worry about organising my life around him again".

I'm where I'm supposed to be. My family are happy, healthy and connected, I have a strong circle of wonderful and reliable friends, and my career is up up and away. All I need is right in front of me, and when I want more, I'll go get it.

I'm embracing FDS principles fully moving forward. He is blocked and Tinder has been deleted. This is going to be the first time since February last year that I haven't been dating or talking to a guy.

Long may it last 🙏