for the love of god stop explaining yourself

SayNad · 2022-03-28T04:19:41+00:00

Think of it this way - you still go out of your way, carve some time out of your day, put in effort and energy into giving LVMs attention.

What do all that clapbacks, last words, "education" wall of text get you? Quick burst of feel good chemicals because you "showed him"? But after that?

NOTHING. You just spend all that time and energy for nothing.

He still got the attention he crave plus shit load of information he can use to manipulate the next woman.

Plus that quick burst of feel good chemicals are dangerously addicting - you feel powerful, right, on top of the world for 5 minutes. After it is gone, you miss it, crave it, wanting to feel all that goodness again.

Soon you find yourself doing more clapbacks, engaging in more debate, giving more "education" - giving him more attention.

You have become an addict to the clapbacks. You know, like all those SJWs inserting themselves everywhere in hopes of starting a long debate.

Start block and delete NOW before you go down that road.

The only acceptable reason for snapping back if it will make you a difficult target to bully in real life - in family gatherings, office, college. Even then the goal is to get them off your back as soon as possible, not to get the last word in. Do one shot one kill whenever possible before continue ignoring them.

lluuni · 2022-03-28T02:24:04+00:00

Remember, removal of attention is the ONLY punishment men respond to.

Don’t clap back. No matter how genius you think your comeback is. Men will always gang up with other men, even if their comeback is just some unintelligent misogynistic comment. Take one look at the tinder sub and see all the posts of men humiliating women for the tiniest of reasons. Sometimes for no reason at all. You can’t win no matter how much of an upper hand you think you have.

Ghost. Block. Delete. Your attention, no matter how positive or negative, is a prize to them. The only way to win is to not give it to them.

Edit: Also remember, the reason men hate ghosting so much is because it works in your favor. Thank you for the award.

VintagePallor · 2022-03-28T03:02:31+00:00

Yes. This. So many women posting "epic clapbacks" here... That is not FDS approved. Just block the dude. Screenshot his stupidity and send your sick burn to the group chat for your girls to appreciate if you must! Get your validation from female solidarity, not "male tears". Drinking salty tears only dehydrates you... We don't need ANYTHING from LVM, not even to "score points" off them.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-03-28T06:46:48+00:00

Little boy egos cannot face adult stuffs, like responsibility, accountability, consequences.

They need mommy to take the burden.

I know men that did stuff just out of curiosity, to see what their gf would do/ how they will react. They have nothing better to do! Too little emotional labor and unpaid labour. Their manservant took care of it.

No dishes to clean, no laundry to load, no break to cook, no kids to care for. Why? Because she's already doing it for him also! Surely, she invested too much not to take this shit too! And say thank you at the end of the day!

And guess what! When she's just leaving and not saying a word, he's going to social media and writing: "she's a psychopath because she didn't cry when I hurt her!"

Because men want us to bear the consequences of their bad behavior (and the shame). It's not only that most of them are dysregulated narcissists. Woman cry because I made her. Woman sad because I said bad thing. Bwa ha ha. They also have a large dude if magical thinking because they are more narcissistic than women and in most of the cases they are pathological, unlike women, so the idea of the woman acting up the consequences of their bad behavior is giving them validation for their existence. This is why they need to hear from you how they hurt you because they tried that pleasure and they get ultra validated: "I did that! I am powerful!"

By initiating action A, they know you will suffer consequences B (crying/ bring sad/ upset). You suffering the consequences = it means that they are powerful gods over your life.

"I made her cry"

"I made her beg"

"I made her hurt"

These notions give them strength.

But when he behaves badly and you do not cry, when he initiates plan A and you do not respond accordingly, then their little boy ego infused with a narcissist dose of magical thinking and God -complex just didn't know what to do! That's when they stop and wonder. Why didn't she cry? Is she not hurt?

I know this through experience and that could have cost me my life. I was never meant to know it.

He asked me: why aren't you crying? Why aren't you sad.

I asked: "am I supposed to be sad?"

He said: "well, yes"

"Then you about that through your behavior, the intention was to make me feel bad, sad and to have ne crying and begging."

That's when the conversation broke because there was no turning it on me :"but I didn't say that, I didn't do that, your overreacting!"

That's how the game is played. With every reply (which they anticipate), you give them a chance to make you the fool.

When you do not play ... They have no chance to "clear their character" and to "plead their case". A narcissist without a trial is automatically guilty.

"Let me prove it to you (that you're mistaken/ overreacting)"

How about no?

Breesasha · 2022-03-28T04:02:23+00:00

I agree! I just block and delete. These men are slow and absolutely helpless.

KitKat1705 · 2022-03-28T07:52:24+00:00

They know. They get off on the idea of driving you crazy. So I always do the least expected thing : walk away calmy. The last guy I was seeing kept telling me « I think you like me ». It was more the other way around if you ask me because we had nothing in common and he kept trying. When I dumped his ass, he told me he knew he would dump his ass over what did it. He knew. They know what to do, what to say but chose not to be that man for you. And thats okay. You just need to leave quietly because what they want over everything is your time and energy.

starlight_sequence · 2022-03-28T15:17:55+00:00

In that vein, don't explain yourself in a long term relationship either.

I had been having conflict with my ex for a while, and he showed his true colors the first time I ever turned him down for sex.

I gently pushed his chest away and said "I don't want to have sex tonight" and this man threw a toddler fit about how I can't just say no, I have to give him an explanation. This morphed into an argument about how I don't owe him an an explanation, and him insisting it's the "kind" thing to do for your partner. When my explanation was that I wasn't feeling the level of trust and security I needed, then it transformed into a fit about how rejected and hurt he was feeling.

Not about ensuring my comfort, not about making a safe and welcoming environment where my "no" would be honored. It was all about his feelings. Which honestly, was on track with the rest of the conflict that got us to that point in the first place.

Men want you to explain and justify your choices because it gives them a springboard to try to negotiate or prove why you're wrong or unreasonable. How a man reacts to your lack of justification says a lot about his character.

edwardianemerald · 2022-03-28T12:36:55+00:00

Great post! I love it.

It's especially timely because there is a new theme in PUA / TRP these days where LVM / NVM advocate for wanting "feisty" women. What they really mean is they can turn around and say:

this woman is argumentative
this woman is aggressive
this woman is troublesome
this woman is a burden
this woman is "too much"
this woman loves to fight
this woman talks too much
this woman tries too hard

Just walk away ladies!!

indecisive-alice · 2022-03-28T02:07:00+00:00

100%!! My life has become so much more peaceful with just going silent and moving on.

LottaScars800 · 2022-03-28T02:51:09+00:00

Maaaaan I wish I had realized this a few weeks back. Not caring, blocking, going ghost is always the way to move. I have to work on that 😂

MsWriteNow07 · 2022-03-28T23:37:13+00:00

This is so true. A male relative of mine called me the other day, obsessing about a girl who said yes to a date but ultimately decided to turn him down. This guy is like the golden child of the universe. Life just smiles on him and he’s a genuinely nice person and quite handsome. I think he was just stunned a woman wasn’t interested for once because he’s used to women throwing themselves at him. Anyhow, he starts talking and it turns out this girl turned him down like a year and a half ago. Apparently he just saw her again when he was visiting (they don’t live in the same city) and he just couldn’t sleep wondering why she wasn’t interested. That just confirmed FDS for me. Ignoring men is powerful. If they want to you, they’ll chase you. If you reject them by ignoring them because they aren’t up to par, it will haunt them forever.

oddcharm · 2022-03-28T19:30:09+00:00

In other words, find a man who fights fair. You WILL disagree with your partner at some point (agreeing on EVERYTHING is not usually a good sign as usually one person in the relationship is pretending), but if he is not the type to come to the discussion being open, genuine and honest you run tf away!

supremelyparanoid · 2022-03-29T13:15:56+00:00

Ever since I stopped over explaining myself at work, to family and friends, it’s been a weight lifted from my shoulders. I used to worry about explaining myself and now I just move right along. I’ve saved myself so much energy and time. Delete, block, move on !

itsirrelevant · 2022-03-28T17:13:23+00:00

I mean plenty of men will be upset about things and not just simply move on given they are not all unfeeling robots, but that isn't a good reason to continue interacting. It's best for your sanity to move on regardless.

katiekat0214 · 2022-03-28T14:06:42+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear this. Just today, I blocked (didn't need to delete, I never add anyone) on my chat program. My new go-to line: your options right now are very simple: you either accept that it's just chat, and I don't want any relationship, or you get blocked. It really is just that simple: accept my wishes, stop pushing, stop looking at me as a "challenge" (UGH, hate that word), stop thinking your wishes are more important than mine, or you don't get to be any part of my life. I've explained. Accept it or next.

flowerpower102938 · 2022-03-29T12:07:57+00:00

I agree with everything you've said. I was thinking about the clapbacks on the FDS podcast. Could someone explain why we do that then?

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