Having a HV father doesn’t automatically prepare you to gravitate towards HVM.

daisy_0720 · 2021-03-14T07:51:50+00:00

What I found was that having a HV father simply deterred me from dating the 'obvious' NVM - the unwashed guys, the unemployed broke dudes, the drug users, the rude misogynists, etc.

What it didn't protect me from was the more insidious LVM that looked great 'on paper' - good job, polite, handsome, well-dressed, but who were passive-aggressive, depressed, cheaters, not over their ex, had female 'friend' orbiters, unable to apologize or admit wrong-doing, lied about porn use, etc. All that stuff you only discover after wasting months/years on these guys. They ALL kept the mask on for at least the first 3-4 months.

beliebeigh · 2021-03-14T05:05:24+00:00

Thanks for this. SO OFTEN we are blamed for being abused, especially the “not all men” camp.

“Oh you must like being treated like shit.” “You must have issues and seek out bad boys.” “You have daddy issues.” “You must have low self esteem.”

If any of that were true, NVM wouldn’t have to lie, manipulate, and fake their personalities to get women. But they do, because N O B O D Y enjoys or actively seeks out being treated like shit. Edit: a word

hateitherexx · 2021-03-14T05:56:20+00:00

What's sad is that people demean you for having a great role model, but don't understand that you are only human and trying your best. I hope you know that you are your own person and deserve better than you were given! Also I hope your plants are okay now lol 🪴🌻✨

Jiou112 · 2021-03-14T05:01:59+00:00

"I'm sure he's a nice guy but he's probably going to hold you back." "Date a guy who takes you kayaking." (Wierdly specific but ok) "You're too cool for someone who sits at home." Just somethings my dad said about the men I've dated before he passed. Still dated the looser who sits on the couch. If only I could show him I go kayaking all the time now.

to_learn_to_fly · 2021-03-14T11:28:09+00:00

My father is FAR from HVM, but not a total NVM either. He has a lot of LVM issues, but also some HVM traits. Whenever I realise my current boyfriend is worse than my dad in some area, it's an obvious signal for me to break it off. I always think, "if my dad, who's not even the perfect guy, can be decent in such and such situation, then why am I putting up with someone who can't"? This is why I believe that the more HVM the father is, the more chances his daughter has to notice red flags and escape a bad relationship if she finds herself in one. But it's not like the perfect father can save us from LVM alltogether, because they're everywhere and can pretend well.

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-03-14T13:43:53+00:00

Right, if you have a good father, you can be naive and susceptible to thinking men are good like him, or are like him "deep down." Every woman has to be on guard.

headlights- · 2021-03-14T14:24:36+00:00

[deleted]

Pornruinedsociety · 2021-03-14T08:42:48+00:00

I think now it's a much bigger societal problem that effects most women form a variety of backgrounds, society and the media grooms women to except less from men and give more.

literal_salamander · 2021-03-14T23:53:13+00:00

Yes, one of my best friends has the nicest man dad. He treats her mom like a queen, treats her like a princess, sacrifices so that his family doesn't have to do without etc. She still ended with a string of "girlfriending her forever", someone who almost murdered her, and a raging narcissist. She assumes everyone is going to be like her dad and tries to "communicate" to them to make them like her dad, but that saying....people have to want to change.

thecrazywitch31 · 2021-03-14T08:43:50+00:00

That's true. I have a HV father too. I live in a very conservative society and we were not doing well financially. I was good at studies, so my father went above and beyond, even took debts to make sure I went to the best institute for studies ( I had to prepare for a competitive exam).

Still, there were a lot of things, like relatives, friends, movies and TV serials who were either male centric or entirely mysoginist.

Although I do attribute my ability to say," I deserve a better life, I am a good person" because my upbringing was good and I read a lot of books, and was already a feminist.

wagonwheel_ · 2021-03-14T14:42:34+00:00

Having a HV father and brother made me take for granted that most men are good to women. I learned the hard way that this is definitely not true.

comet2004 · 2021-03-15T17:58:39+00:00

Sometimes having a LVM father can make you even more hyperaware of a LVM. A LVM has rarely gotten past the 2nd date with me - the minute I get low effort vibes like my dad I run for the hills. I also tend to be more picky because you see just how much a LVM can destroy your life. I think also though this could be because my mom is a HVW who had a very one and done approach to marriage and also wasn't afraid to kick him to the curb and was self sufficient with a good job.

Title	Having a HV father doesn’t automatically prepare you to gravitate towards HVM.
Author	randomdazee
Upvotes	234
Comments	23
Date	March 14, 2021 4:40 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m4o226/having_a_hv_father_doesnt_automatically_prepare/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/having-a-hv-father-doesnt-automatically-prepare.779436 https://theredarchive.com/post/779436

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