How levelling up has affected me socially :/

__kamikaze__ · 2020-05-30T17:06:27+00:00

I think the problem is you aren’t surrounded by the right people.

There’s also a saying that it’s “lonely at the top”. It means that although you’ve strived to better yourself you’ll be lonely since not everyone else will achieve that level of success. This applies to most facets of life— career, self improvement etc.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-05-30T17:14:04+00:00

You’re literally surrounded by pickmeishas. It’s the same for me, I dress feminine, I have morals and do not have people in my circle that aren’t like minded. At work, these women will approach me for advice then try to change my opinion because they are pick me’s.

Once a coworker was like “I can’t wait for a man to move in with me so he can pay half the rent.” So I schooled her and said she could move in with him, because he’s already paying the whole rent, why should she pay half? She wouldn’t let up and I was like “Do you, because it couldn’t be me.”

She always comes by and tries to invite me to things but she and I are not the same.

Rejection works for women too. Some women can’t stand that your rejecting their friendship because y’all are not aligned. But I can’t have you infecting my mind with your foolishness so it is what it is.

outside-perception · 2020-05-30T17:30:47+00:00

I was taught by older generations in many ways like how you present yourself. When you carry yourself like a lady, many will feel threatened and it forces others to either step up their game or try to take you down with them. Keep levelling up. You may find yourself attracting many surprising people who are genuine. I promise x

butterflymeadowzz · 2020-05-30T16:57:41+00:00

Hey, if they like to be the typical, low-bar libfem that’s on them. You could easily say your own comments to them about it..and mention how un-ladylike they may take it, at that! (not telling you to come out of character)

I think you’re just becoming a walking mirror reflecting what they might like to have for themselves, but don’t. Most likely by choice. Don’t socialize with that type of person anymore, lead by example at a distance. They’ll either get it or won’t.

The one girl in the group who refuses to let herself go usually has to duck shade from somewhere.

TradcatAlice · 2020-05-30T17:47:30+00:00

This might be unpopular around this sub but I'm going to say it. I really hate School of Affluence. I know many women on here like it but it starts from the assumption that women are wrong if they don't fit this submissive, docile, ladylike archetype.

As HVW we should level up, we should care about our appearance, we should exercise and take care of our health. But we don't have to do it in a Eurocentric, docile archetype and we certainly don't have to do it for men as is the underlying assumption in School of Affluence.

Perhaps shift your framework. I am a proud ambitious woman, I am also very feminine, but I don't look down on my friends if they gain a couple pounds during quarantine and don't want to exercise daily. We are human! When I'm exercising daily and my friends aren't, I motivate them because we as women are a sisterhood. We are not in constant competition as men would have us believe. It's okay if we have off days, it's okay if we gain a couple pounds, as long as we have the mindset that we are ambitious, take no sh-- type of women that always level up.

Ka_Tetof99 · 2020-05-30T18:24:34+00:00

There’s a certain type of person who believes, no matter what you’re doing, that you’re doing it at them; they project all their own insecurities onto you and come up with the idea that you’re judging them somehow, when it’s just them projecting, comparing and finding themselves lacking.

spicysugary · 2020-05-30T17:34:50+00:00

[deleted]

bowdownjesus · 2020-05-30T18:53:20+00:00

When you change, not everyone changes with you. When you start leveling up, you are setting the bar higher for yourself. If say you develope a heathy lifestyle, then you really will not have that much in common with someone, if you don´t have a strong relationship to begin with. However, maybe there is someone in your circle whom you are overlooking and you can cultivate that relatioship little more?

PossibleCook · 2020-05-30T22:14:12+00:00

You said towards the end that you try really hard to be liked by the women around you and you’re wondering if you should stop. Yes, you should stop. I’m not gonna speak on the character of the women around you - maybe (as many have already pointed out) they’re jealous of you, or maybe their personalities just don’t mesh with yours. People can sense when someone is trying too hard and it puts them off from that person. I think you should just be yourself and let them say what they will. Look for new social circles and surround yourself with people on your level. Good look on your journey to self improvement OP!

jetpatch · 2020-05-30T21:12:38+00:00

Frankly some of those people will actually appreciate you being outspoken and different to them and then some really won't but there's only one way to find out which is which.

spicysugary · 2020-05-30T18:18:17+00:00

Why bother about them? You're doing great and you know it

nutshit · 2020-05-31T04:15:50+00:00

I totally get you!! The benefits that come with leveling up is nice but when your around negative people it feels horribly uncomfortable. People project their insecurities on you HARD just by existing

rinabean · 2020-05-31T13:39:50+00:00

I can't relate exactly because I would rather be dead than feminine and ladylike, but I get some of it. Like with the working out, that was partially about being successful which I think you have identified but it was mainly the women-self-hatred-bonding thing. It doesn't matter who is fat, who has been exercising, you're meant to all sit and say "omg I'm so fat" and bond through this negativity. Feeling good about yourself is a threat to this misery loves company mindset, as is attempting to solve your problems

That's what it is with the cheating too. "Waah it sucks to be a woman and get cheated on all the time and you can't do anything about it" instead of doing something about it. That's why they call it judging, because they're judging themselves for being like this because you're not like this. They felt better pretending they were helpless. Now they have to confront that they're ruining their own lives.

I think men must be like this too, but we don't see it laid bare so often because in mixed groups that dynamic colours everything. And women have more problems, so maybe we are more prone to this, or maybe it makes it a bigger part of some women's identities, I don't know.

kantarra · 2020-05-31T03:30:02+00:00

I can relate somewhat. At my last job most of the women were like that, they hated to see me eat a huge and not even particularly healthy lunch and still be slim, be 10 years older and have less wrinkles. Sorry for winning the genetic lottery, I guess? I would advise you to stop caring about what they think, but keep being kind. Some do end up seeing that actually you are a nice person, though most lack the introspection and ability to exit the herd mentality. I think there is value in being kind and showing solidarity (within reason, obviously never for pickme behaviour etc) even to women who are perhaps not really on board with this idea. It does win over some though. Also I agree with previous posters that trying too hard or even at all to be liked is really off-putting in general. Just be yourself.

If you feel it gets too much, you could do what I used to do sometimes and bring in a huge, calorific lunch, eat every last bite with relish in front of them and finish with a nice, big slice of chocolate cake. Just don't comment on it in any way at all, act as if it's the most normal thing in the world to eat this magnificent feast. I'm not proud to admit it, but I found it hugely satisfying to see the envy mixed with thinley veiled disgust on those bitchy faces. I really do feel for everyone not happy with their figure and not blessed with a good metabolism but I don't have a lot of empathy for people who use that as an excuse to hate on people who are naturally slim or just work to achieve the figure they want to have.

HorrorDrawer · 2020-05-31T07:19:10+00:00

AAH I relate so much to this because this was basically me with my old friend group- they'd make those same sorts of "jokes" and I felt like I had to be self-deprecating and minimize myself to fit in. I was always supportive and complimentary of them, but it never really made a difference. In my case, that group fell apart, and now that I'm away from those people I've been feeling a lot happier overall and have been working on getting my life and mental health back on track. I really regret minimizing myself for them because I feel like it leaked into my overall mindset and held me down.

Not saying your acquaintances are gonna be like my old friends, and I do think it's good to remain polite, but don't get too emotionally caught up in worrying about their opinions or try to 'prove' yourself. Maybe they'll lay off the jabs and come around, maybe not, but either way if you continue on a path of authenticity and pursuing your goals you're going to be a lot happier and attract people on the same wavelength as you.

Title	How levelling up has affected me socially :/
Author	spicysugary
Upvotes	79
Comments	47
Date	May 30, 2020 9:02 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gtb8g8/how_levelling_up_has_affected_me_socially/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-levelling-up-has-affected-me-socially.674815 https://theredarchive.com/post/674815

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