~ archived since 2018 ~

HVM shit

venus_lee

June 18, 2020

1735 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

https://i.redd.it/zpn9ij2fgm551.jpg

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Post Information

Title	HVM shit
Author	venus_lee
Upvotes	1735
Comments	69
Date	June 18, 2020 7:33 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hba3bk/hvm_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hvm-shit.696750 https://theredarchive.com/post/696750

Comments

[–]miz_nycFDS Newbie555 points556 points557 points 6 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–]PicklesNBaconPickmeisha™️298 points299 points300 points 6 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]venus_leeFDS Newbie177 points178 points179 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]PicklesNBaconPickmeisha™️87 points88 points89 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]affectionnFDS Newbie58 points59 points60 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]husheveryoneFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]miz_nycFDS Newbie57 points58 points59 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]foppish_aplombFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]husheveryoneFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]monkiem-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]acadametwFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

Agree, though I'm not 100% opposed to the intention. Having it be a parenting course and not discussing it with her and presumably dropping contact reads to me like the dudes who say they're gonna marry you on the first date and ghost regularly lol. Idk if it counts as love bombing, but...

It also may just be the way it's worded. I was a direct care provider for young adults with ~~DIDs~~ IDDs and there are indeed plenty of training classes available and many of them are geared towards both professionals and family or describe themselves as something like "suitable for anyone who lives with, loves or supports someone on the autism spectrum" which is actually ultra broad. Ultimately most people who aren't either working with them or related to them don't bother with actually trying to educate themselves on it, so I can definitely see how a class that's applicable to more than just parents may still end up being described as a "parenting" class. It would honestly be great if more people did take that kind of class as a matter of general knowledge and being a good, kind citizen and better prepared for the future without requiring individual exposure to inspire interest, not all that dissimilar from how it shouldn't take having a close personal relationship with BIPoC for a white person to bother respectfully educating themselves on their histories and experiences.

Beyond that, though, I still think he should have maintained regular positive and respectful contact with the mom because everyone should understand that it's not just about being good with the kids for a while but whether someone's actually going to be a long term positive fixture in a child's life and you don't do that by taking a class and starting at 100% but by earning it 24/7 365.. Even if you're nice to everyone and leave on fine terms, having significant others frequently casually entering and exiting a child's life is NOT good for them and is also high risk in terms of being able to reliably protect them from predators. You have to earn it.

edit: additionally regarding classes, a lot of care facilities and service-based organizations for ~~DID~~ IDD individuals actually require anyone working for them or volunteering to take classes or get certifications before allowing further involvement so again in that sense I really don't think the class specifically is the primary issue or a bad way to begin demonstrating that he's taking it seriously and with the time, effort & respect it deserves. It's really the rest of how it's presented that leaves the question marks imo

[–]LateNightLattes01FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]acadametwFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]elliecaliforniaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]LateNightLattes01FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]xlillinxysxFDS Newbie292 points293 points294 points 6 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

[–]YarikEnterpriseFDS Disciple444 points445 points446 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]xlillinxysxFDS Newbie78 points79 points80 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]YarikEnterpriseFDS Disciple59 points60 points61 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]LordDunderheadPickmeisha™️54 points55 points56 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 6 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

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[–]LordDunderheadPickmeisha™️25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 6 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link

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[–]LordDunderheadPickmeisha™️8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

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[–]LordDunderheadPickmeisha™️6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]LordDunderheadPickmeisha™️4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]LordDunderheadPickmeisha™️8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]RadfemmerFDS Newbie85 points86 points87 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]xlillinxysxFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]RadfemmerFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]kdigz6FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]smg222888FDS Apprentice43 points44 points45 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]negligenceperseFDS Newbie107 points108 points109 points 6 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]elementalviragoFDS Apprentice83 points84 points85 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]LateNightLattes01FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]passionatevirtuosoFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]negligenceperseFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]passionatevirtuosoFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]negligenceperseFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]passionatevirtuosoFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]CeriseNoireFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]negligenceperseFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Nightingale1820At-Risk Pick Me Youth13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]negligenceperseFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]nemesiasundrops1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bug_HuggerFDS Newbie78 points79 points80 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]babysnakes882 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]circescircusRuthless Strategist51 points52 points53 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple123 points124 points125 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]Nightingale1820At-Risk Pick Me Youth80 points81 points82 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]DelicateDreamFDS Disciple30 points31 points32 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]FurryBellyButt0nFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, IMO they should be v cautious and proceed with caution.

TW: abuse statistics/tactics and sexual assault

Single mothers, young children, and individuals with intellectual/developmental disabilities are populations that are vulnerable to grooming for exploitation and abuse.

Minors with intellectual and developmental disabilities are estimated to be 3 times more likely to be abused than their peers and up to 5 times more likely to be sexually abused before the age of 18. Keep in mind the "typical" rate of sexual abuse is 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually abused before age 18.

Single mothers are a target for predators to access their children and will love-bomb, manipulate, groom them until they can get away with their behavior.

Obviously I hope it's not the case because single mothers are Queens that deserve love and being respected/valued, but don't use this act as a pedestal to label him as a HVM and miss all the red flags or justify their "HV" behavior to trust in him earlier just because he took an online course to educate themselves. HV is proven over time.

[–]geologykittyFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bug_HuggerFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]letsberealforamomentRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]perv_alert93FDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThrowRA-NWI-RegionFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moira_SpiceFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]pendrag19690 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SuchBarracudaFDS Newbie-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link