I got the ick and something was telling me not to go through with meeting up with him. For a few days since making the plans, was feeling ashamed and bad for caving in on myself and going to online dating apps seeking connections just to fantasize about what could be.

I’m deleting the apps now and downloading meetup app, where I saw an online event later today with a group of women (* sorry!) playing board games in my area.

I need friends and therapy right now, not lovers.

EDIT: wow fds thanks for the support today, I was offline working on a sewing project. Instead of going out for the awkward coffee-and-maybe-dinner, i made progress on a dress that’s been pinned and hanging and waiting to be stitched together properly.

Can’t thank you enough for the supportive and understanding words, it felt like a big hug scrolling through comments. You all deserve a nice hot homemade apple pie with golden brown crusts and amber apple goo, a hint of cinnamon, served with freezing cold French vanilla ice cream, dashed with toasted sea-salted pralines, whipped with a hint of pure ethically sourced caramel.

Someone mentioned that their ick starts with the whole app experience, and I agree. It is no longer hitting me the same way as it used to, when I open it up. Ick. It’s like shopping and selling. It makes me feel un-special and disposable. It turned out to be damaging to me in my twenties, big shock lol.

Just to let you in on a bit of a secret, I also got the big ick on this one guy because he was looking forward to meeting me, and that was it for me.

“He likes me… ew…” was true, which meant that the other side of the coin is also true:

“If he had contempt for me… that’d be hot.”

Thus: therapy.

Love you all. 😇🌹