If you have a pattern of “saving” men please read this.

So I know it goes against the general expectation to cut LVMs out of my life but I decided that since he is part of my friend group, I am not gonna cut out all my friends because of one guy

he basically forms shallow relationships with women, nothing beyond sex. All casual sex and honestly he gets turned down by women a lot too.

So I finally asked him, why do you do this? Why do you form exclusively sexual relationships and you do not seem to pursue a deeper connection?

His answer shocked me. He said that he is looking for a deeper connection but none of the women that sleep with him align with his moral expectations of a woman.

He expects a woman to not sleep with him so easily, to not smoke (like he does) and to basically uphold a very conservative image of a wife when he does not even fit BOYFRIEND criteria much less a husband.

So I pointed out the hypocrisy to him, and he said that he wants a woman to “save” him from his degenerate ways. He is fully aware his behaviour is problematic. He is fully aware he does not live out his own moral expectations. He smokes, drinks, steals, lies. It makes sense why he turned down by women a lot.

I am writing this not just to generally shit on LVMs but I do want to highlight something here. Many pickmes, or even women who have codependency issues want to save a broken, problematic man. And LVMs like these DELIBERATELY look for women like these to save them. They choose to continue with their toxic ways until someone can do the emotional labour of reparenting them. I am sure you have seen it. A high value woman with a good career dragging along a dead weight LVM who can’t stop drinking, smoking weed etc. So if you have a pattern of dating men like this, PLEASE KNOW it’s not cuz you “attract this energy”. This is absolute horseshit. Men like these deliberately seek women who they identify as those who would want to “save” and “fix” broken men. stay away.

It was only after that conversation with this LVM did I realise not only was he aware he had a double standard for himself and his partner, he is wants to benefit from her “more moral” lifestyle and expects a woman to clean up his mess, the mess being his chosen lifestyle. This is in line with the whole patriarchal messaging of “boys will be boys” and the unhealthy expectation that women are on this high moral pedestal, expected to save men from themselves.