IMO insecurity is the biggest thing you should avoid in a man. What are some signs of insecurity that youve noticed???

butterflymeadowzz · 2020-02-16T12:54:13+00:00

Changes his tune based on what other people say

Has to bring up any superficial gain that comes with dating/sleeping with him.

Follows trends

Keeps toxic individuals around for no apparent reason (has issues cutting ties/moving on)

Projects any fears onto you.

Cannot stand any declaration of self love or independence-has to follow up with negging

Trying to make you jealous or getting jealous himself verrry easily

dependence on drugs/alcohol-something he needs to work on first

An Insecure man might as well be insecure about everything and anything because it literally shows in every interaction he has. If he’s insecure, he can’t talk to other males comfortably, females correctly or he’ll overcompensate in talking to females. He is low-key hateful, envious, and overall problematic- especially since to himself because he most likely isn’t doing things to become secure.

jetpatch · 2020-02-16T12:47:00+00:00

Ill give one example of my own but i have a million, this is just the most recent because i sae it play out past night. A friend of mine is short. Hes obsessed with TINY women to the point where he makes cruel comments about tall women and borderline fetishizes small bodies. Like whenever we see a small woman he is drawn to her, even if you can't even see her face. I used to think eh, it's just the body type he likes because as a small man, which...is ok... But now i see the aggresive aversion to taller women and it just screams insecurity to me. We were out last night with some friends and this georgeuous girl was being friendly with our group. She was nice to him and acted really interested which she shouldn't have been because as soon as she was gone he predictably acted repusled and made some comment about her being an amazon and a "big girl" (she was very thin and maybe 5'10). You just know he went home to petite teen barely legal porn.

throwaway_46572Kiw · 2020-02-16T12:47:17+00:00

Unwillingness to take direction in bed is a huge insecurity red flag for me.

canttouchthisnananan · 2020-02-16T13:10:39+00:00

Men who are short and always talk about height, their height, your height usually are insecure about it

persephones_torch · 2020-02-16T14:43:19+00:00

Negging. Over explaining something you didn't ask about. Putting down people. Judgemental especially about something shallow or physical that they don't have. Their confidence isn't quiet but comes off as arrogant and obnoxious. Obsessed with getting the latest trends (i.e. sneakers). More 'words' than 'actions'.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-02-16T15:04:20+00:00

If he needs you to constantly praise him, his accomplishments, or appearance and gets petulant or verbally complains about you not doing this - that’s a really dangerous red flag. It’s also a good indicator you have a narcissist, and likely cheater, on your hands. He will never have enough validation so he will seek it with every woman he can.

Lazy_Sherbert · 2020-02-16T16:03:57+00:00

A man accusing me of being a lesbian because my girl friends and I give each other gifts for Valentines Day, Christmas, birthdays etc. That was actually one of the most pathetic things I heard from a man directed my way.

canttouchthisnananan · 2020-02-16T12:53:04+00:00

Talking bad about other people to you. Being jealous. Not trusting you with other men like coworkers. Trying to make you insecure about yourself.

jetpatch · 2020-02-16T15:11:13+00:00

Whining.

Seriously you don't need to be a mind reader to know a man is insecure, they go on and on and on about it via the medium of moaning about minor shit they should ignore.

In the 00s it was even super common for seemingly sane guys just to randomly come out in conversation they were insecure about something just because they didn't like it. Such as "I don't like girls with long hair, it makes me feel insecure." Lady boner killer.

extraacct1234 · 2020-02-16T18:05:10+00:00

Controlling, particularly about where you go and with whom and wearing what. This also includes calling and texting constantly so that he always knows you're around and not having sex with someone else. Hell no.

Any pathetic comments about "I don't know why you're with me" or "I'm not good enough for you." Run.

Anything where he tries to have a pity party, especially if he tries to make you his therapist who must build him up. Barf.

Not trusting you, particularly to not cheat, or accusing you of cheating. Major abuser red flag.

Saying you are only with him for sex. Getting angry if you use a vibrator or sex toy with or without him. Getting angry or throwing himself a pity party if you don't orgasm.

Just any general insecurity or severe social anxiety. Anything that would require you to be his emotional mommy.

Honestly insecure guys make me sick.

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-02-16T16:09:18+00:00

My Nex would always tell me how I felt. Tell me if i was upset (when I was perfectly fine), tell me that I didn’t love him, that I didn’t want to be with him, that I’d leave him because everyone always left. I constantly reassured and praised him - I’m guessing he just wanted an ego boost? Or if I was having a bad day, not related to him just having a crappy day we all sometimes do, he’d say that he could never do anything right or he could never make me happy, and somehow I ended up apologizing. The odd thing is he came off as super confident in public or in work. He was insecure in those deeper personal relationships that went past surface level.

doritofacebadtouch · 2020-02-16T16:23:07+00:00

This one is a little weird, but bossy guys. Guys who ALWAYS have to be in control, in bed, on dates, whatever. What happened to you that you have to constantly be in control and cant leave the reigns for a second?

magenta_mojo · 2020-02-16T17:25:49+00:00

Being controlling (what you wear, who you talk to, where you go, what hobbies you have, etc).

A lot of men are insecure about their penis sex/sexual performance. One of the first times I had sex with an ex he thought I was faking it...

TurtleDive1234 · 2020-02-16T18:39:07+00:00

Being demanding about how long it takes you to text back. Accusing you out of nowhere of cheating/wanting to cheat. Asking where you went, who you were with. Endless list.

2020-02-16T18:52:39+00:00

Strongly envious and resentful of others' accomplishments.

faircreditscore · 2020-02-16T20:13:51+00:00

Easily influenced by friends.

Dude once broke up with me because we went to the gym with his friends and one of his friends was trying to make conversation and I had my headphones in. I realized he was trying to talk to me and I panicked and pulled one out and said “Oh! I’m so sorry. What do you want?” Yeah that can totally come off as bitchy but I panicked and that’s what came out of my mouth with the best intent. The tone was positive but the words “what do you want” was interpreted as “I fucking hate you for absolutely no reason at all and so I challenge you to a duel.” His friend hated me since then and told my ex to break up with me and he did because of that lol. What a baby to admit during the break up that his friends influenced him to.

Pickmeisha me was so heartbroken I’m so glad I’ve changed

grimreapersdtr · 2020-02-16T21:51:54+00:00

Weird fixations with the latest dude bro pop psychologists and social media stars, like Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan. They can't make up ideas and opinions on their own-- they have adopt the philosophies of others wholesale and use that as some kind of tool to fake how "intelligent" they are. Also-- comments that indicate they have adopted political ideologies such as conservative alt-right, US libertarianism, that kind of thing that is often focused on putting men on a pedestal and oppressing everyone else.

EmotionalClimate · 2020-02-16T20:35:10+00:00

Loves EDM (like enough to list it on social media/dating profiles) and ragers. In that vein, he also...
Has shirtless festival pics, club pics, pics of him with a girl in a bikini, gym pics, or pics of him from his prime (aka college) when he's been out of college for 2+ years.
Has more than 1 selfie on his dating profile/social media. A hard pass if it's a bathroom mirror selfie
On his LinkedIn, has listed shitty "certificates" from elite university's online programs at the top of his education section
Isn't loving/generous/caring towards his mother; doesn't speak lovingly of her
On a date, when the bill comes, I slowly do make a grab for my wallet (the gesture of attempt itself is good manners, imo), but if doesn't insists on paying, I'm out
Initiates a cheap ass date (coffee/drinks) and when I decline, he proceeds to suggest something better (even if he does come up with a very nice alternative, I've already lost interest). this just demonstrates he was testing you
Says he's "loyal"...um you shouldn't have to say that. That's like saying I'm "breathing," "not abusive or engaged in illegal activity" -- like, why would ANYONE need to explicitly list DEFAULT character traits unless they were shitty?
Has shitty tattoos
Tries to take you back to his place the first date

IloveKoreanfoodyaaas · 2020-02-16T21:41:32+00:00

Negging. Bringing up things he thinks YOU are insecure about constantly, like your height or weight or soemthing. Bringing up other women to try and make you jealous. My ex used to do this a lot. I actualy ended up cheating on him LOL. I didn't intend to, but now looking back all his behavior was due to the fear, and knowlege, that I could do better than him.

ALSO be wary of men that boast a lot about their jobs a lot, thats also a sign.

galian84 · 2020-02-17T00:41:50+00:00

These are all great signs to look out for! The last guy I dated admitted that he was deeply insecure in a rare moment of vulnerability. Here's what I noticed:

-Bragging (a LOT) about his abilities, looks, sexual ability, achievements. Most times, his claims were grossly exaggerated.

-Showed early signs of becoming a control freak (i.e. upset about a trip I was taking with a girlfriend. Telling me if I went to certain destinations, like Cancun, with friends, that he'd dump me on the spot).

-Extremely critical. Of my singing voice (which is above average. His singing was something he always bragged about), of my best friend (calling her an attention whore because she had a lot of selfies on her IG...but so did he. They'd met a couple times and she was always helping me take care of him, since he's physically disabled. Making fun of her and her husband, who he never met). At times, even the way I dressed, and my makeup...during Halloween, I wore heavy makeup for my costume, and he complained about it, saying he hated it when girls wore a lot of makeup.

-Had convinced himself I was untrustworthy because of a misunderstanding we had (which I cleared up immediately), and because I had a boyfriend when we first started seeing each other. Never mind he was the one that pursued me heavily, knowing that fact, and my then-bf and I broke up shortly after. I was always 100% honest with him. He later used it against me as a reason he couldn't continue seeing me.

-I'm sure he tried to make me jealous. Talked up his female "friends" a lot and would comment on other girls' looks in front of me, while putting down good-looking men.

-Talked himself up a lot but failed to follow through on most aspects. Came off as extremely confident...until you got to actually know him.

There were other aspects of him, like being extremely entitled, but I'm not sure if it stems from insecurity. So, basically yeah, being with an insecure man sucks. Especially if they're not taking any steps to work through it.

passionplayground · 2020-02-17T01:57:40+00:00

My ex was very insecure.

He constantly asked how he measured up to guys from my past (penis size)

When another girl found him attractive, he would constantly mention it and bring it up.

Happy that relationship is long over and he’s someone else’s problem now.

Title	IMO insecurity is the biggest thing you should avoid in a man. What are some signs of insecurity that youve noticed???
Author	Thecthectheopenc
Upvotes	63
Comments	41
Date	February 16, 2020 12:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f4q6em/imo_insecurity_is_the_biggest_thing_you_should/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/imo-insecurity-is-the-biggest-thing-you-should.682348 https://theredarchive.com/post/682348

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