Just because a man looks good on paper doesn't mean he is HV

scrappymap · 2021-10-29T13:22:18+00:00

Yup, I’m glad I learned this lesson young. One of my ex’s checked off every single box of what the ideal man should have. The problems? His sense of humor was almost non existent. I tried to compensate and be the funny one in our relationship, but he just made me feel stupid for acting silly. Yuck. He would throw small jabs at me by saying I didn’t look good when we were literally just going for a walk or something. His true self was fully exposed when he cheated on me whilst traveling for work. Didn’t stay after that but no doubt it would have gotten worse.

plomerst · 2021-10-29T14:13:38+00:00

My ex had all those traits: 6 feet, handsome, 6 figs, good samaritan…worse guy I ever dated.

electroloop · 2021-10-29T13:51:06+00:00

Unfortunately the number of true HV men is incredibly small, and we're inundated with LV men who try to appear HV with specific traits. From personal experience, the men who looked amazing on paper (great career, successful, attractive) were the LOWEST value of all time.

These men were extreme narcissists who kept harems of women, were actively cheating on their partners, were exceptionally controlling, one dimensional views on the world, the list goes on. A lot of men strive to be successful JUST to try and lure women into toxic situations, not because they're actually passionate enough about what they're doing.

So many pickmeishas and lurkers get it wrong. We don't think a HV man is someone who's only attractive and successful. What's the point in being in a relationship with someone who's attractive and successful but always cheats on us? Abuses us? Gaslights us?

Watch out for the men who look "great on paper" and haven't been in a serious committed relationship at all, and now they're in their 40s. If this man is such a catch, wouldn't women be lining to be with him for something serious? No, because the smart ones know he's probably building a harem.

nzsmbgm · 2021-10-29T14:55:12+00:00

The most toxic relationship I've been in was with a (porn addicted, narcissistic) 6'3" middle class Oxford grad' lawyer from a loving home with a great social circle who went on to pursue a Masters in Environmentalism or some shit ... yeah, this stuff means fuck all, there are turds from all walks of life.

ClassicDai · 2021-10-29T14:30:43+00:00

THIS. Some of these men think they get access to things automatically and passes on other shitty behavior because they aren't doing obviously shitty things like hit their partners, say misgynistic things, or outwardly discriminate against women in the workplace.

This one dude I dated seemed perfect, but I realized he was almost too sexually forward way too fast. Even with his text messages and stuff. He expected me to just lower my guard because he's supposedly "a great guy on paper". Turns out he was messaging random girls he saw on instagram and he had a 1000 following to 300 follower ration. A TOTAL CREEP.

fudirtbagjon · 2021-10-29T11:27:55+00:00

Check ou the movie Good On Paper written by Iliza Shlesinger. Sums up the last decade of my life. Lessons learned.

firegirl110 · 2021-10-29T11:25:38+00:00

I second this. Oh my goodness. I personally find these type of men the absolute worst because it takes some time until you start to piece things together and what they offer at surface level tends to fall apart. This was predominantly one of the reasons why I fell for my LVM ex.

He was SO great on paper, check marked everything I supposedly wanted in a man at the time: had a good degree, worked at a reputable organization, made a great income, incredibly financial aware, had a good group of friends, family oriented, so good looking, sex was amazing, had his own hobbies and interests. What could be wrong?

Unfortunately he was so so so incredibly selfish, so emotionally unaware, so insecure that he would put me down in areas that weren’t my strengths, started problems and had me problem solve, didn’t take care of me, told little white lies, wasn’t empathetic, an absolute momma’s boy and was so manipulative in the smallest of ways.

These guys are LVMs in hiding. They’re not aggressive by any means but they have the power to put you through a path of emotional turmoil, make you second guess yourself and your own confidence/sense of self and worth.

seadragon6 · 2021-10-29T11:32:01+00:00

I have to repeat myself about this to my girlfriends, and I’m tired. It’s honestly easy for men to make six figures by thirty—it’s far more common for them to get jobs coming out of college, and many don’t even have student loans. If you slowly climb in your twenties, yes, you’ll probably make six figures rather quickly. I dated a 23-year-old who was making $96k with a bachelor’s. So, when a man who makes this much pays for a $150 dinner, it should be NOTHING to him.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2021-10-29T13:12:14+00:00

100% true, and I'd add to that there are men out there who put on a show of being pro-women, equal rights, #metoo, rah rah rah -- but who are absolutely disgusting, porn-addicted misogynists in their private lives. Never trust what a man says he cares about. Only trust what he clearly demonstrates that he cares about.

dkwantsdk · 2021-10-29T18:44:51+00:00

This is why it's so important to cultivate your own HV qualities and surround yourself with HV people. Being good on paper is the norm rather than a special case waiting to dazzle you. It's especially critical to surround yourself with and focus your energy on relationships with HV women. I know tons of gorgeous women who have their shit together, have advanced degrees, make good money, make the world a better place, and are generous and engaged friends. If THAT is the base standard in your mind, a man will have to go above and beyond that, not in accolades but in action, to impress. Let him meet the standards you put to your women friends.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-10-29T20:49:36+00:00

Does anyone here actually think that a six figure salary is an indicator of a HVM? Sisters. That’s an indication of someone who knows how to make money, and money =/= good character.

dating-adventures · 2021-10-30T14:06:45+00:00

I wish I could upvote this a million times.

Examples:

Guy on OLD was bilingual, had three degrees, worked as a lawyer: ended up admitting, unashamedly, a few dates in, that he once hit a woman he was on a date with
Recent NVX: everything checked out on paper and in theory was great. He turned out to be a manipulative person with little to no empathy and character

Title	Just because a man looks good on paper doesn't mean he is HV
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	392
Comments	31
Date	October 29, 2021 10:52 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qia3sn/just_because_a_man_looks_good_on_paper_doesnt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/just-because-a-man-looks-good-on-paper-doesnt-mean.1081158 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081158

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