Just reading everyone’s posts for the last month I want to point out some qualities I believe are pick me qualities. They are ones I had before that I can now identify in others. Something clicked for me with FDS and I was able to shift mentally into a way better headspace. I see a lot of women who are right there and about to jump over to the correct side but still doing some things that I believe are part of a pick me mindset.

  1. Caring about a LVM. Whether it is caring about why he is constantly hurting you, why he is hot/cold, about him as a person, about his texts, or about his opinion of you, this is placing value on the LVM. He doesn’t matter. What he thinks doesn’t matter. Nothing related to him or the situation with him matters. He is not going to be in your future thoughts, heart, life as a high value woman. Holding onto him is like holding onto a false idea that has been proven wrong a million times but you want it to be right. Accept it already and stop giving him any value in your mind. You can’t really level up to a queen when you are still wasting your time caring about some peasant who treats you like a peasant.

  2. Caring about texting times and text frequency. I used to love texting. I would get so excited every time a man I liked texted me. It’s really just a text and no big deal. Getting overly excited and having your brain release feel good chemicals from random texts or deep chats with a man is a pick me trait in my opinion. You do not want to constantly have feel good chemicals released in your brain from him. That is you getting addicted to him. What’s worse is those feel good chemicals only sometimes because he doesn’t text often and now you are on a high / low cycle with him. Do not even get on the rollercoaster. Texting is not important. Pick me ladies live for the highs. HVW do not think texting is that important at all and because of that don’t even have to worry about how often he texts and if her texts / texting times are okay.

  3. Wanting him to commit. I get it. But no. Just no. Unless he is begging for you to commit you shouldn’t even be considering it. Don’t even consider it until he brings it up. Then you can start considering it. It benefits you to stay single. We all know men have zero issues with cheating. Him committing does not mean he will be faithful to you, that you will get to see him more, or that he will treat you better. All it means is that now YOU are stuck only seeing him. A man who wants to commit to you will be committed regardless of the title. He should be begging you for YOUR commitment. Don’t worry about locking him down in a relationship because a boyfriend / girlfriend title will not prevent him from seeing other women or leaving you for someone else. The bf / gf title pretty much only traps you so he better be worth it.

4 a. Giving a man chances. A HVM doesn’t need chances. A HVM is not going to make you cry or feel crazy when you aren’t with him. He will not need a second chance to prove he is a HVM.

4 b. Hoping a man who isn’t treating you like a queen will see your worth and start treating you like a queen if you act like xyz, set boundaries, tell him your worth, or text him a specific way. It’s possible the HVM just doesn’t like you... what is way more likely is he is a LVM. A LVM is not going to change into a HVM permanently. Even if he were to change... you would be looking at YEARS and YEARS of him learning a new behavior pattern. He would have to be so dedicated and even then it would take years. Acting a certain way and seeing him improve his behavior does not make him a HVM. It makes him a LVM dating a HVW and behaving properly. He is still a LVM if he was before.

4 c. Giving a man online the benefit of the doubt. No. Just no. He says he wants to meet midway? Don’t respond. He says he wants you to come over and watch a movie? Don’t respond. He wants nude pics? Don’t respond. Anything that you feel is below you or not how he should be acting, don’t respond. Do not correct him. He can correct himself. You are not his mother. Do not guide him with your perfect response. He can figure it out. Silence is your best friend.

5 a. Assuming a man is high value when you have known him less than 6 months. YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY KNOW. Even worse, less than 3 months. Even worse, 3 dates. Even worse, 1 date and he never set up a decent second date but you think he is HV. I’m blown away by my past self and see this everyday on posts here. Ladies wake up!!!! Here is some cold water for your face 💕 splash splash. You can’t know in less than 6 months.

5 b. Assuming a man is HV based on surface level things. This could be going based off of his OLD profile. Just because he says looking for a relationship it does not mean he is HV lol. Just because he has a good job, seems normal, and is attractive does not mean he is HV. LVM seem to either be awful in person or very charming. If he is charming, don’t assume he is a HVM! He most likely is a charming LVM is about to destroy your life, consume your mind about why he doesn’t like you for the next year, and make you depressed. Assume LVM always until he shows you for 6 months consistently he might be a HVM.

  1. Going with his flow and thinking everything is great. You need to see what happens if you disagree with him, state a preference, ask him a hard question to see his character (like what do you think about the porn industry), and see how he reacts to stress. You need to judge his character. You can’t do that when everything is in his control and you are doing everything he wants. If you go with his flow, you might not know he is LVM or abusive until after marriage. I’m not saying you need to argue with him. You just need to see him in a variety of situations, assess his character accurately based on his morals/values/actions, and see if he respects you as an equal. You need to be in control as the queen.

  2. Blaming yourself for how your relationship turned out with a LVM. The truth is that if you had a HVM who treated you amazing you would still be with him. You cannot blame yourself for the abuse you suffered, how things ended, or think if you had been better things would be different. You are not responsible for his LV behavior no matter what you did. You are not to blame because you ignored red flags. As women we have been trained by society to accept dirt and believe we need men. You were almost 100% manipulated the entire time. Whether it was a dating strategy he used like PU / hot cold or actually was just a crazy narcissist or was just manipulating you with his charm, you were manipulated. Especially if you think of this LVM still, he manipulated you in some way even if you couldn’t see it. Something was off for you to like him and then be destroyed. Maybe it was all these lies and then never following through. Whatever it was, it was not your fault no matter what your role was. He simply wasn’t a HVM. You have to forgive yourself and trust that the issue was him. Sure we can reflect and improve but at the end of the day you were never going to have the relationship of your dreams with a LVM.

  3. Thinking you need to be perfect. You don’t. A HVM does not need you to be perfect and isn’t going to stop caring about you when you mess up. It’s not about being the perfect HVW, it’s about only being with the right HVM and cutting ties with all LVM emotionally, physically, spiritually. You need to be free of them and their toxic energy. You don’t need to be perfect, you need to get rid of any man who doesn’t make you feel like a total goddess.

  4. Following a dating strategy other than FDS. Most women like a LVM and cannot figure out how to make him treat her the way she wants. So she gets on Google, YouTube, or finds her way down the self help aisle at the book store. You do not need a strategy to make a man like you. I followed “The Rules” for years! It took my dating life from normal bad to horrific bad. The Rules are amazing for teaching women how to not chase men and sometimes getting men totally obsessed with you! However, there is a lot of incorrect information in the book. For example.. not talking, accepting strip clubs / porn (Rules for Marriage), being quiet to please the man, not bothering the man, dressing to please the man like you are an object, and NOT asking men questions/ vetting them (hello dangerous situation). Queens might be quiet by choice but you should never stay quiet for a man. In my opinion, changing your personality to be liked by a man is trying to get a man to pick you. We can always learn things and better ourselves but doing it to be liked by a man is the definition of pick me. No woman is going to stop being herself in order to be liked by a man unless she is still trapped in that brainwashed by society / pick me mindset. I do think the Rules has a lot of good information but I am seeing lots of women following the destructive advice parts and doing it for the wrong reasons.

  5. Doing anything that doesn’t turn you on sexually. Doing anything sexually on his timeframe instead of your own. Thinking you have to be xyz sexually to be liked by him. When you have sex it is about him rather than you.

  6. I could keep going but I’m going to stop now. I hope this helps someone 💕