Reminder: Don’t be Barb the Builder (on a thread asking men what made them “settle down”

DunRuther · 2020-07-15T20:24:40+00:00

Also shows why you shouldn’t date a guy who talks in detail about his ex—he’s clearly not over her.

Thank you u/Kimpractical for your post referring to another response on this thread, it’s what brought it to my attention.

foxybreath · 2020-07-15T21:47:30+00:00

I don't doubt that I come across as jaded, however, I feel like this is why we need to stop looking back and keeping in contact with people from failed relationships.

There's always going to be this narrative that he was better for the next one. And it's always from his perspective. You don't know what the woman is going through, and guys who brag about changing usually try to control the narrative. You'll never get the full story.

Speaking as someone who has fought my own demons, there has never been a person, regardless of gender, who changed me for the better while I was with them. We all need to do the work with someone we can't hurt, like a therapist or a group.

And if a man is claiming he was healed otherwise, take his words with enough salt to fill the dead sea.

2020-07-15T20:27:24+00:00

This still makes me angry but I'm glad she levelled tf up and clearly got much better than him. If I was his wife I'd be horrified idk how she does it.

applestorm · 2020-07-15T21:05:15+00:00

This story disgusts me.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-15T21:12:13+00:00

My ex-husband wasn’t nearly as bad as that shitbag, but is also a better man after me. It makes me angry that I wasted nearly 8 years of my life and the next woman will be the one getting the better version of him, but he waited so long to change his ways that I have no respect nor attraction for him anymore. I love him as a friend and only wish him the best, but I’m still bitter about the years I wasted on a “project” of a man. 😐

kaoutanu · 2020-07-16T00:24:50+00:00

I don't think she's upset anymore about how it all worked out

Yeah dude, I'm sure she's ecstatic about wasting years of her youth, energy and money, trying to make it work with your useless ass 🙄

They never let the next bangmaid get away.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-07-16T00:25:46+00:00

THIS is why you don't build men. If he ain't shit, he knows it and won't stay with you bc he's staying with someone who will tolerate an ain't shit dude. Men want to believe they "conquered" a challenge. Even THEY don't believe in the ride or die chick.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-07-15T20:35:52+00:00

This is what I’m prob most scared of

manisfestationqueen · 2020-07-15T23:47:26+00:00

Why do some guys realize that women were worthy after the relationship ends? Seriously, it's been my experience so many times.

FodderFigureIllushun · 2020-07-16T00:13:31+00:00

Imagine being the wife of guy #1 and learning that his ex gf married a super rich dude. I would feel SO GYPPED

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-16T00:22:51+00:00

I used to wonder if my ex husband, someone I dedicated age 20-26 to, turned into Mr Wonderful for his current wife. I looked him up on Twitter the other day and lo and behold.... still addicted to video games... still living with his brother in the same land fill, I mean home, his parents own. Probably still an on again off again extreme alcoholic too, like he was our whole marriage.

We are divorced because I couldn’t stand it there and got my own place, and he wasn’t man enough to move out with me and have to pay rent. At the age of 30, mind you.

Enjoy, new wife! I wouldn’t trade places with you for all the gold in China.

MagnoliaMirage · 2020-07-15T23:58:27+00:00

Good for her. Glad she leveled up with her new man.

heythere360 · 2020-07-16T03:01:24+00:00

Don’t be fooled he’s cheated on this current and would smash his ex if she looked his way.

JaneIsaPain · 2020-07-15T23:37:41+00:00

Lol my exes still stayed shit

Deep-Blackberry · 2020-07-16T01:50:30+00:00

I'm going to find that thread, just interested in the comments.

Shit, like this makes me side eye a man who tells me they've cheated in the past. I know it doesn't mean they'll cheat in the current relationship, but it does show a certain lack of character sort to speak.

Maleficent_Youth_175 · 2020-07-16T09:07:45+00:00

My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. He was in debt when we met, not much but he has only recently paid it off. We met on a video game so I guess I can't complain that he was more concerned with gaming than planning dates for us. I look after myself, go to the gym, watch what I eat. He didn't even groom his beard.

Now however, he knows I'm one foot out the door so he's started working out, he is gaming less, he is going to plan dates after lockdown, he's looking for a better job. I'm so pissed off because I'm losing my attraction to him. I asked him to plan dates but he "forgot" or blamed a lack of money.

The woman who comes after me will be so lucky because he's a loyal and committed guy who doesn't watch porn. Now he's in better shape and actually shaves, he will plan dates for the next one. It's so annoying!

RadarFemef · 2020-07-16T20:58:54+00:00

I doubt very much he’s magically a great partner now

2020-07-16T18:12:00+00:00

Yaaaaas @ her leveling up to a fantastic rich guy while her ex posts about her guiltily lmao. I feel bad for his current wife.

Title	Reminder: Don’t be Barb the Builder (on a thread asking men what made them “settle down”
Author	DunRuther
Upvotes	296
Comments	43
Date	July 15, 2020 8:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hrv9sz/reminder_dont_be_barb_the_builder_on_a_thread/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/reminder-dont-be-barb-the-builder-on-a-thread.713803 https://theredarchive.com/post/713803

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