“sUB dROp” 🤦🏾‍♀️

Ok_Meringue9724 · 2021-04-18T17:41:12+00:00

I felt these too, and it's definitely your brain telling you no. Please never engage in kink friendly communities, they are very toxic as they will find any way to pull you back and label you judgemental if don't comply. Take care of yourself ❤️

Thesseli · 2021-04-18T19:52:13+00:00

A healthy relationship shouldn't require "aftercare".

_differentmentality_ · 2021-04-18T17:55:39+00:00

I agree with your interpretation of the “sub drop”. What the “sub drop” seems like to me is just the reality of what has happened dawning upon you once the intensity of sex has decimated. Those feelings of worthlessness and emptiness should not be present after what’s supposed to be the most intimate physical experience you can have with another person, there’s nothing healthy about them. They definitely make sense though, they are a normal reaction to being treated disrespectfully. It breaks my heart to see women be sucked into bdsm and then have such awful experiences, even I almost became one of them out of fear of being seen as boring even though I had no interest in kink whatsoever. I just hope more women will wake up and see bdsm for what it really is, a breeding ground for abuse and degradation towards women.

AnniaT · 2021-04-18T18:22:23+00:00

I'm so glad that more and more women who were in the kink community have realized the damage it was causing them, recovering from the abuse and coming here to share their experiences and enlighten other women to the damage this stuff causes to women.

Yes, calling it the "sub drop" seems like a justification to keep women in this cycle of abuse and intelectualize their post traumatic stress and gut feeling that something is wrong in a way that benefits the abusers.

I know this is not the same thing, but years ago before I came to terms with how disgusting and damaging the porn industry is, I had a period where I'd watch porn sometimes. After watching it I'd feel sad and sometimes even cry, when I came down from the edge and I didn't understand why. I felt so bad about myself. I think our body and brains knows when we're doing something that damages us to our core and try to tell us through these signals.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-04-18T20:54:09+00:00

Wow, that's a new low. Back then when I was in the kink scene the "sub drop" was something that a sub experiences when the dom fails to give them proper aftercare. It was the doms responsability to console the sub to prevent "sub drop". I did notice a shift towards "we are progressive now, the sub can get their aftercare elsewhere. If they do, they are 'good subs'/'better to pLaY with'. Just think of the poor doms." yadda yadda.... I experienced sub drop only once after an intense spanking session. It first felt like being stoned and euphoric. In the following hours it turned into depression. The next day I couldn't stop crying on the couch. I babbled something along the line of being worthless and begged my partner (same person who spanked me) for a huggs&cuddles which he refused to provide. The effect lasted for about 18 hours.

Still not sure if experiencing a sub drop or being brainwashed with "aftercare" instead would have been worse.

companyofwolves · 2021-04-18T18:45:43+00:00

It's revolting to me that the "kink community" (whatever the fuck that is; considering that literally everyone calls themselves ~kinky~ these days, there's not really a community) comes up with all these cutesy terms for abuse and PTSD. It sincerely reminds me of the grooming tactics of pedophiles. I think doms and pedos are the exact same type of people, just with a variation in their tastes.

Less-Weekend5123 · 2021-04-18T17:46:55+00:00

I feel like sub drop is really wow there doing this to me do they even love me and then to compensate for the spanking and calling u names there "nice" to u-

Hostileovaries · 2021-04-18T19:47:03+00:00

"Top drop" makes me sick. Much like "sub drop" it's supposed to be totally normal but one of the things recommended is that the SUB THEY JUST ABUSED should comfort them for feeling guilty and depressed.

BDSM seems like forcing trauma bonding in a relationship.

jasmine-blossom · 2021-04-18T20:42:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, it takes a lot of courage to admit when we were wrong about something, and even more courage to talk about our experience openly.

One thing that I’ve noticed when talking to people who are in the BDSM community, those particular types of interactions are addictive, rather similar to people who are addicted to drugs or adrenaline junkies. They Artificially elevate adrenaline and dopamine levels to create addictive pattern of highs (elevated) and lows (withdrawal). When that low happens, the reality sets in, and the depression is part of that. Your description of women reaching out when going through that depression, only to be told to fix their dopamine levels to normal and then resume the violence, is so scary because that’s exactly how this behavior becomes addictive.

A person experiencing that roller coaster of high high adrenaline and dopamine and then low low levels/depression is going to want to very quickly move back into the high adrenaline and dopamine because the low levels feel so awful. People ask all the time why do women stay in abusive relationships, and this cycle of highs and lows is part of the answer. If a person gets trapped in that cycle, it’s very difficult to break out of it, and even more so if you’re told it’s normal, and part of the sexual experience.

savedempath · 2021-04-19T00:54:26+00:00

I equate it to being on drugs. The high might actually be blissful, but ultimately its unnatural. While you might have genuinely enjoyed what you thought were consensual events with your dom, your mental state when back to normal told you otherwise. That should really tell you all you need to know. If your regular state is feeling even lower than usual, than that's not a good sign of anything. You are right to look back at that time as abuse, but also be kind to yourself. Nobody is perfect and we have all had to grow from situations we have been in. It sounds like you are confronting your past in a emotional way, if i were you I would find a therapist that maybe you can work with to find coping mechanisms to actively work through your emotions from when you would participate in that kink. Those kind of emotions can do a number on your ability to cope with new situations. Heal and give yourself grace. 🥰

savagecarebear2 · 2021-04-19T11:26:19+00:00

Wow, I had no idea that was even a thing. I’m glad you’re feeling better OP.

TheExtras · 2021-04-20T01:51:39+00:00

I'll admit to be a bit of a kink pickme--part of it stemmed from my first partner being emotionally abusive and my subsequent partner being apathetic and non-participatory. I'd beg him for intimacy, focused attention, and he was unable to give me that. He actually hardly had sex with me. I was the one who initiated kink, because I saw that he was more focused on me when he was slapping me, choking me, was obligated to hold me and cuddle me afterwards. How f'ed up is that? And this did not ultimately improve our sexual relationship. He became more selfish. Despite never wanting sex, he coerced me into sex when I tried to leave the relationship.

And I replayed the same events with partner after partner. I degraded myself to lower lows, became concerned I was past my prime (I was 24!!) because so many of these "kinky" men clearly were sexually attracted to younger women (even though I was already younger than them).

I have boundaries now and more self-confidence, but I still worry sometimes I'm not fully out of that cycle. Part of it is just luck I found someone with basic decency, because I realize how screwed up I was previously. Even if I don't end up with this specific person I am grateful for the change to rewire how my brain is.

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Title	“sUB dROp” 🤦🏾‍♀️
Author	puffysugar
Upvotes	475
Comments	31
Date	April 18, 2021 4:49 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mtghw6/sub_drop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/sub-drop.777748 https://theredarchive.com/post/777748

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