The First Date Debate

purasangria · 2021-05-19T17:43:55+00:00

Not apologizing, you mean!

I love masculine men. The ones complaining about this sub are broke. I don't date broke men; I have my own money, and so should he.

growing_flower_ · 2021-05-19T17:55:20+00:00

Men that offer low effort dates are vetting to find more low maintenance, easy going women

This part right here. I was thinking about it and many of these guys don't offer a dinner date or something nice. For men in their mid-late 20s, you'd think they would offer a nice date, but nope lets just go DriVe AroUnD oR pUlL uP sOmeWheRe aNd ChiLl..we know what happens with these low effort dates and it is disgusting. I am so tired of this and shame on me with ever thinking it was okay. Even some would lie about it and its like oh this is the best I can do. I want someone who I can have real, educational conversations with.

londochig · 2021-05-19T18:03:04+00:00

100 percent agree. I don't know how paying for dates or even paying for coffee makes women gold diggers??? Like when did the bar for the word golddigger fall well below the depths of hell?? Wouldn't a gold digger be someone going for billionaires in this day and age? And even if they do, more power to them (provided they have a fuck off fund to leave if the man starts acting up).

It's always poor and middle class men who are worried about gold diggers. One of my ex male friends seethed about how he would never pay for the first date because he couldn't afford it as he went on 5-6 dates every week ( even though he makes around 150k per year). He also seethed at how women use men for free meals and coffee. A man not paying for the first date or any date helps filter these type of LVMs out faster. We don't want to be in their weekly rotation.

Honestly we can afford to buy ourselves nice meals. So it's literally the bare minimum for a guy to pay for a date. I cringe everytime I see young Pickmeishas pulling out their cards at the end of a first date just to prove to some scrote that they're not a GoLdDiGeR. My brother who introduced me to FDS warned me that men know exactly what they're doing and call women golddiggers. It's to be manipulative. They know Pickmeishas will jump through hoops and disrespect themselves to prove that they are not golddiggers. He also said NVM always enjoy a free meal from a Pickmeisha. He told me they use that term to manipulate women because a lot of men A) are stringy B) bitter and insecure that they can't afford to date. C) can't afford to add you to their rotational harem. So they feel the need to bring women down, make her feel insecure, weild the term goldigger like a weapon to manipulate Pickmeishas so that they can get free meals, drinks, sex , emotional labor, coffee etc. They add you to their harem and also make you do all the work and drain your resources.

Men are the real goldiggers and leeches. It's best to ignore them and treat them like they don't exist so that you protect your energy, time, financial resources and above all your happiness.

Ironically, These scrotes calling women gold diggers will spend their money on cam girls, only fans etc. If they did have money they'd definitely be spending it on women who would otherwise be unobtainable.

We might as well all be GoLdDigErS to filter out poor and stringy scrotes.

QueenAlice3 · 2021-05-19T17:59:55+00:00

Yes! I wish that men would straight up says what they want when they imply they’d like any “easy going woman”. What they mean is they want an Omni women. A women that makes everything “easy” for them. Then they can be a “low functioning human”.

Hell, I’d love to be able to take a day off being fully capable too. Men have dropped the bar so far that asking for someone to be equal is greedy. So tired of it.

gingerandlime · 2021-05-19T18:34:54+00:00

Something that occurred to me recently: in my experience, men are happier when they're paying for the date. It makes them feel confident and caring. It's a way that they can very easily show those qualities.

I'm not that excited about someone else's money. I am excited to see demonstrations that they can manage their money and their time, and that they want to me to be comfortable and content around them. If they want to go on a thirty minute date and not do anything to make sure I'm comfortable and content, they've shown me how much of a priority dating is to them, whether it's about me or about dating in general.

purasangria · 2021-05-19T19:01:26+00:00

These men are nuts. Why should I bother to get dressed up and go out, just to pay for my meal? If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't do it with a stranger; I'd go out with a friend, or alone, and enjoy the peace. If he, a stranger, wants me to make time for him, then he has to offer me something, like an invitation to a nice dinner. Otherwise, I'm staying home. I have other things to do.

amhran_oiche · 2021-05-19T19:06:34+00:00

AAHHH the line about men being masculine gives us room to be feminine

That is totally it.

Men really want you to act like men then wonder why we're not attracted to them. Because wearing two hats is exhausting? Because you want feminine girlfriends without having to be a masculine boyfriend? Men insisting on anything less is just blatantly asking for a bangmommy.

I already pay for my food, get the door for myself, pull out my own chair. If you don't do that for me on a date what is even the point of entertaining a relationship with you? What do you add?

haunted_vcr · 2021-05-19T17:48:49+00:00

It's not a debate, they are just salty and entitled. "How dare you have standards?"

spinsterchachkies · 2021-05-19T17:42:10+00:00

[deleted]

ThrowawayKITTY777 · 2021-05-19T22:28:24+00:00

I was instantly physically and mentally attracted to my dude the first night I met him. He's the relative of a nice old man that's a bar acquaintance of my 3 Besties and I and the minute I got introduced I was all "wow he's good-looking" it took 10 minutes of conversation and I was all "oh wow he's got a brain too". Definitely caught my interest.

We ended up having beers and playing darts together all night and because he and I were the only smokers we got some alone time while out smoking. ( We're 2 weeks, 4 days cigarette free now though we quit together )

But I was prepared to blow all that interest and him off as nothing more than "met a cool guy at the bar" because I wasn't dating then and had been taking a total break from dating after my shitty ex and a disaster of a year of attempting to date. My mindset was "men and dating are a hassle, no thanks"

He showed interest, got my number and I just waited to see what he'd do next.

He did all the right things.

I was waiting for him to get lazy, or push for sex before I wanted it and then point out all the money he spent.... like dudes DO, y'know.

I kept my guard up waiting for the hammer to drop, for him to think he'd been on "good behavior" long enough and start acting bad.... the hammer never dropped though.

He's never shown me his "other side". Even during allergy season after a shitty day at work he's still the same loving, kind, fun great person.

He started with the bar raised pretty high and he's never lowered it, to be honest he kept jumping past the bar and raising us both up.

I had high standards before him....and to the outside world I know I must seem "high maintenance" because I've been buying myself the best and treating myself to the best for YEARS now and I expected the same from any man I let into my life. He jumped in with both feet treating me even better than I treat myself.

Previously I thought I'd be alone for life because I'd discovered through trial and a lot of ERROR that a man that could meet my standards was probably a myth.

And I was absolutely cool with that... my life was awesome, fun, productive.... I had my Besties, my god-daughter, my family and I had closeness and love, I traveled, I bought and restored and upgraded my dream house and , I had my hobbies and music scene to enjoy and I didn't NEED anything else. Although I got the itch from time to time attaching myself to someone who messed up my good life wasn't worth it to me just to get some dick, they do make toys for that and I had a nice one 😹

I got lucky finding my dude. But if, at any time he had failed to meet my expectations or failed ME, then I wouldn't have stuck around.

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2021-05-19T18:39:49+00:00

I see a lot of criticism about paying for first dates. "sHe CaN pAy HeR oWn WaY".

Yes, dumbass, I certainly can. Someone saying "you mean something to me. I see you, let me treat you!" - - that is SO hot! Idk about y'all but I make good money and treat myself to things all the time. Why would I want to split a happy meal with someone just to prove I'm not a gold digger? My shoes cost more than what's in your bank account, how bout that?

LonelyWineAunt · 2021-05-19T17:54:36+00:00

I agree with you.

I’m attracted to men who are secure in their own masculinity and define their masculinity around being a good, reliable person, a good provider, a good family man and a hard worker, not men who define their masculinity by how much they dominate others and have sex with women.

Men who are secure and positive in their masculinity absolutely don’t feel threatened by FDS women and/or women who exceed their talents and knowledge. Rather, they respect it and see it as an attribute.

Men who want us to lower our standards are heavily insecure and have can’t meet the standards of positive masculinity so they lower the standards for themselves and degenerate into misogyny.

That’s why poor men and homeless men are more misogynistic than financially stable men.

They can’t show the world they are masculine men because they can provide and have a variety of skills, rather they try to show their masculinity through controlling and degrading women, which includes watching porn, cheating, going to strip clubs, following IG models or OnlyFans and insulting disadvantaged groups of women like single moms, domestic abuse victims and prostitutes.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-05-19T22:35:19+00:00

Herman should be for everything. All the dates, a home, your future, your children. That's sexy.

frostedgemstone · 2021-05-20T07:20:15+00:00

I really can’t believe it’s a controversial thing for women to want men to pay for the first date. For all the dressing up we do and the safety risk we are taking the scrotes are still trying to (unsuccessfully) guilt trip into 50/50 which by the way is the most mechanical, un-romantic thing I could think of. On an old account I don’t use anymore I once commented on some random sub if men can’t even emotionally invest/commit and pay for dates, why do women owe them their sexual intimacy. I got flamed by both old and young scrotes, saying that sex is not a big deal and they either don’t have the money or don’t want to spend the money blah blah blah endless scrotespeak. Just because men are so willing to put out and be promiscuous and devalue their bodies, they expect women to be the same. Never, not even once.

M1nette · 2021-05-20T16:07:10+00:00

Actions are more effective than words. If the majority of women would reject cheap men, they would be forced to change or die lonely. No debate needed, you want a date? You better act your absolute best.

_electrafire · 2021-05-20T20:31:19+00:00

Lol scrotes scream that they don’t want to date “whales” but apparently our biological preference for men with resources isn’t valid? Seems like they selectively use bIoLoGy as an explanation only when it benefits them (and enables their porn addiction😂)

Title	The First Date Debate
Author	spinsterchachkies
Upvotes	318
Comments	61
Date	May 19, 2021 5:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ngbtt4/the_first_date_debate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-first-date-debate.754213 https://theredarchive.com/post/754213

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