There's a reason financial independence has been kept from women so long in this country. By owning assets, a woman has options and can choose to leave abusers. Practice caution before giving up your career/money/stability for a man.

jmaydizzle · 2020-06-16T12:50:10+00:00

How bizarre! I was in the shower this morning having EXACTLY the same thought, and wondering if any man would agree to that.

I thought it would be highly unlikely and reaffirmed my belief that all men suck.

boringcatwrangler · 2020-06-16T13:37:17+00:00

This is why it’s important to never marry without an ironclad pre- and postnuptial agreement in place.

Also keep a squirrel fund. Preferably 6-12 months’ expenses at a comfort level higher than you’re used to so you’ll have at least some cushion.

Muffy217 · 2020-06-16T12:52:39+00:00

If at all possible, don’t give up your financial independence. It’s nearly impossible to come back to the same level job you were at if you’ve taken 5+ years off to take care of babies. I’ve had so many friends who were at director and VP levels who took a few years off to have kids and ended up having to go back to work, usually because they were getting divorced, and ending up either finding nothing because of the gap in work history or having to take a major step down. If you are in a job making $100k+ a year, you can afford childcare. Consult or do something to keep your resume up to date.

Capable_Okra · 2020-06-16T14:12:56+00:00

And do NOT give up those assets for a man!! I dated a guy who's choice of "career" (aka not having one) would mean I would need to financially support the first 5-10 years of our marriage. House, kids would all be on me. I felt obligated to do it "for love" (Yay ingrained female martyrdom) but that would have put me in a position of such risk because what if we divorced before he could start earning a living, and then I've poured all of my income into a dead end? Now I'm celebrating my singledom by spending a lot more money on myself lol

favoritesound · 2020-06-16T15:34:40+00:00

The woman is STILL at a disadvantage by having to leave her career. Gap years don’t look good on a resume.

I’d want the woman to be paid more than 50% of the couple’s income because if anything goes south, it’s now harder for her to re-enter the work force. She’s doing the riskier job. And her pay should account for that.

Myplummms · 2020-06-16T13:25:41+00:00

Preach! My mom and dad both agreed on my mom being a stay at home mom. He gave her 100% of his paycheck. Still does now that they’ve been retired for a while. She’s better at finances, he’s better at taxes. It was good to grow up without my mom in a financially abusive situation and if he dies first she’s set for the rest of her life because he married her and she’ll get his insurance and pension.

I never found the same, but my mom taught me to be financially independent so at this point in my life I’m fine without a man and he better make a lot more than me and be marriage minded if he wants to get my attention.

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-06-16T14:43:26+00:00

Keep credit instruments (ie., credit cards) solely in your name. You need to have a credit history and often joint cards will ONLY be reported under whoever's name gets listed first. Also, you don't want someone having access to a credit card and running it up only to leave you stuck holding the bill.

It's okay to have a joint chequing account but you MUST have separate savings and investment accounts that he has zero access to.

Save and invest equally, regardless of your relative financial commitment. My husband makes about 65% of the income in our family but we invest equally in both of our accounts.

lival42 · 2020-06-16T16:45:48+00:00

In every company I’ve ever worked for, the Chief Operations Officer - which defines what a full-time homemaker is in terms of duties and responsibilities - has an operations budget and a salary and a retirement plan. And in some cases a bonus plan. Why would it be any different in an commercial vs private enterprise?? Operations staff are not slaves - SAH parents are not either.

rinabean · 2020-06-16T19:40:59+00:00

I don't think this is actually a good idea if he's a shithead. Now your half has to pay for all the house stuff, the baby - because that's your responsibility. But his just pays for his work lunches and leisure. I've heard of so many men who act like having a baby is a hobby for a woman, so she has to pay for it, and she doesn't need any "more" free time apart from that... all that kind of nonsense. The funniest one I ever saw was here on reddit, where a man was saying that mothers get loads of free time fathers don't, like breastfeeding! He said it was a "break"!

The principle is totally correct though. Whatever discretionary income he has, you should have. Whatever savings he might be putting away, you should be. I don't know what the pension situation is in other countries, but that might be a consideration, too.

But you know, if you are buying all the pregnancy and post partum kit, even treating the baby itself as a totally shared expense, that's still you shouldering more than 50% of the costs. So it should be that he's covering all your costs without complaint. Because that's what having a stay at home wife means, if you're not an abuser.

But if he's annoyed by this idea because he thinks it's unfair to him, massive red flag.

kaitybubbly · 2020-06-16T17:55:17+00:00

Wow what a fantastic take, thank you for sharing OP! I guarantee suggesting this to the majority of men and they would be aghast. Just goes to show they don't really consider us as equal.

Flufferly · 2020-06-16T12:21:53+00:00

For real though, my parents. Swedish parental leave is pretty long and pays a percentage of your salary. Women also tend(ed, this was a while ago...) to work part time and in lower-paying jobs to a greater extent. As a result, most women in my mom's age bracket have considerably lower pensions than men the same age.

When my mom took most of the leave, my dad stepped up and put the amount she lost into her pension plan. When they decided she would work part time while my brother and I were little he paid the difference too. Shit like this is why they've been married 34 years.

leilaa29 · 2020-06-16T20:37:38+00:00

Gonna send this to my extended family group chat lool

HorrorConfusion · 2020-06-16T18:25:31+00:00

My ex would've laughed in my face, like he does now during our seperation. He's trash

Animalcrossing4eva · 2020-06-16T19:51:28+00:00

I thought everyone did this....

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