Thoughts on matchmaking services?

ilovesanddollars · 2021-05-31T18:14:10+00:00

I had a matchmaker target me based on my OLD profile that her client had taken a liking to me. He was a super rich elite businessman kind of guy. But I didn’t find him attractive so I didnt pursue it. He was also quite a bit older than me as I remember.

My point to this story is the client pool to a matchmaker may be super rich but that’s about the only distinction. Maybe there are even bad qualities that you find specifically in those pools, like super rich guys wanting to ‘buy’ a younger trophy wife like the other poster said.

Men are men. Matchmakers, while seeming to offer a service to women, are still drawing from the same gender, just those that are richer than the others.

Additionally, as you can see from my experience, and the other poster, matchmakers look for matches for their clients from OLD. So you can get ‘scouted’ into a match with a matchmaker without actually employing them. While this seems more random than employing one, given the dynamics of dating men, I doubt it would make much of a difference.

penelopekitty · 2021-05-31T20:04:38+00:00

It's a scam. HVM do not need to use this type of service. They charge women a lot of money and set them up with 3 or 4 dates, mostly losers. I've heard horror stories.

cinderella_rising · 2021-05-31T18:22:47+00:00

I was recruited into one so I didn’t have to pay —because they have a plethora of men and I’m attractive.

The men they matched me with were all duds. Like either really short (that by itself I could get over but he was also no fun), too old, unattractive, alcoholic...I only went on a date with one because they tell you not to exchange pictures or look at social media beforehand. I’m convinced it’s because no women would date any of these guys if they saw them beforehand. Meanwhile, I found out through chatting with the men I was matched with that they chose me based on my pictures that the company had shown them! My time is precious, so after that I started having them send me pics before meeting—which contributed to me never meeting another one!

My advice is—don’t pay $ to date the same dudes that are on online dating apps.

purasangria · 2021-05-31T17:33:30+00:00

My friends who have hired matchmakers have spent much more (think $50k, up front) and gotten the same results that they got on OLD.

My friend hired Kelleh*r, they matched her up with their non-client men (because the client men want women in their 20s) who were schlumphy and cheap. They do this to meet their obligation to provide you with a certain number of dates per the contract.

She dated one guy for a while, but he was cheap, like 10 years older than her, and he wouldn't commit to anything. She finally dumped him.

I vote that you skip it. Like OLD, matchmaking is built around the desires of men. They treated her as if she should be grateful for whatever crumbs of male attention that they set her up with, even though the men were total ugly losers.

It was really a service for men; the women are just used to make money. Kind of like OLD...

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-05-31T18:22:14+00:00

They cater to men, so be careful. I'd stay away.

FDS_elderGoth · 2021-05-31T23:41:19+00:00

As others have mentioned, men are men and matchmaking services are just OLD in a Gucci belt. One difference is that they tend to be used by men with money rather than the hobosexuals that litter the apps, but in my experience a lot of men with money use it as a crutch to cover for shitty personalities and/or shitty social skills and try to buy a woman way the fuck out of their league to use as a badge in the eternal masculinity competition with other men. Matchmaking services also tend to be run by pickmeishas who enable the lvm.

Post-divorce I signed up for a $1200 matchmaking service thinking that throwing a reasonable amount of coin at dating would get me access to a higher quality of dude than the free apps.

Lol.

I got paired with a guy who was okay enough for me to go on a second date with, but then after the second date he let drop that he was in therapy three times a week. That freaked me out because that seems like an excessive amount of therapy for someone who's trying to market themselves as a stable life partner, and because the second date is way the hell too early to drop a bomb like that. I suspect he was looking for a woman who could ease his therapist's burden.

The pickmeisha/lvm enabler who was our date coordinator launched a MASSIVE campaign to change my mind when I told her I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him, and why. Her campaign was all about talking me out of my gut reaction and getting me to lower my standards. It turned me off like you wouldn't believe that she was not into helping ME find a connection that was right for me, she was into helping HIM coerce a firm no into a lukewarm maybe. And this wasn't even a situation where I was the product and he was the wallet because I had also ponied up a decent chunk of change.

Never. The fuck. Again.

If you do decide to try it, don't spend too much money, keep your boundaries healthy and advocate for yourself, and vet vet vet and then vet some more. I'm not saying it's impossible to find a cherry in the bowl of pits--miracles do sometimes happen.

Interesting_Day1188 · 2021-06-01T00:18:25+00:00

Don't do it. All the men that use those things are men who are basically paying to find a young wife and have someone else do the vetting/work for them.

I signed up for this once, years ago. The only guys I ever got were Indian guys who were gross, frumpy, maybe had decent jobs, but were definitely right off the boat and looking for a classic pure white chick. Also, they don't go with what your preferences are. I'm really active, and this guy looked like he'd never stepped into a gym a day in his life.

It is not worth it. You are a to them commodity, not a human being.

WittyImprovement · 2021-06-01T00:47:46+00:00

I come from a culture where matchmaking is common as well (Indian). I haven't gone through it nor do I ever intend to. But I can speak based on observation of my extended family members. Matchmaking is just as bad as OLD in my opinion but the area where matchmaking has an edge over OLD is that you're more likely to match with someone well educated and financially stable. But this doesn't men that the men themselves are more HV than men on OLD so that's why I say they're both just as bad. In indian culture matchmaking is done with the intent of the matches getting married in the near future (aka arranged marriage) and everyone in the family, both immediate and extended is in the know about it. I personally don't like that many people knowing my business and I can't handle being pressured to marry someone within a few months of knowing them.

If you're just being introduced to men and there's not pressure to get married anytime soon then it doesn't seem like the worst thing but I still believe it's better to meet someone 'more' organically. Best of luck to you!

theterminatress · 2021-06-01T03:43:11+00:00

I’m too old to be matchmade, but younger friends of mine have been approached.

In every case they were unable to get clear information about the men they were being “matched” with. ESPECIALLY age, which leads me to believe that the men were a LOT older than my friends. All of my friends declined to continue with the match process after they realized they would not be given basics about the man - age, level of fitness, whether he had kids.

It’s reasonable to assume that the men using these services have a lot of money. Most of them are looking for a woman 15-25 years younger and many want kids. They are not vetted for maturity, relationship skills, or given realistic feedback about what they are looking for in most cases. A time or two, I’ve done a consult for a man in this category. Overall, not men I would recommend as partners as they had extremely unrealistic views of their overall attractiveness as well as of what marriage and family really takes. Money can’t buy you out of everything.

KarensSmokeShop · 2021-05-31T18:51:56+00:00

They're all scams. Never worth it.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-06-01T00:06:52+00:00

They can’t weed out the narcissists so I’d be super leery, personally.

restlessGal · 2021-06-01T08:40:33+00:00

I personally don’t think such services nor online apps will give you good results. Generally people that are of a healthy mindset don’t go to those places because they’re fine being single and if a relationship happens it happens. People who desperately need a relationship are most times the ones that should stay single

Kellianny · 2021-05-31T19:41:32+00:00

I think matchmaking can be a good idea for a few maybe unexpected reasons:

It really pushes you to define who you want, your standards and your boundaries.
It is safer! You have someone between you and the person you date. There are background checks and if they do ANYTHING inappropriate they get banned.
Men who use a matchmaking service are not looking for hookups usually.
You choose people with your brain and based on set criteria. This is very helpful if you tend to go for attractive charming guys that are not compatible with you or are actually NVM. It is pickmeisha rehab.
It is an opportunity to meet different types of men you wouldn't normally cross paths with.

I think it is worth a try just to learn more about what you are looking for.

fireforestfairy · 2021-06-01T16:53:58+00:00

I've heard of men who actually have an SO signing up for matchmaking services. These men want to cheat.

Mella_20 · 2021-06-01T21:12:05+00:00

Idk. I feel like "matchmaking" is better done by someone who knows you personally. Not a service. Like a good friend or family member who has your best interest.

From what I've seen, many matchmaking services gaslight women into lowering their standards.

Travelcat78 · 2021-06-01T23:12:48+00:00

I dont know if id even recommend something like speed dating tbh, i tried that once and found it was good to see people straight away rather than text first, but ultimately didnt meet anyone. Made two matches but they were both a bit strange too i realised after going on proper dates.

Title	Thoughts on matchmaking services?
Author	laffytaggy
Upvotes	115
Comments	47
Date	May 31, 2021 4:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/np7vd4/thoughts_on_matchmaking_services/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/thoughts-on-matchmaking-services.773898 https://theredarchive.com/post/773898

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