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[–]sorshiiFDS Newbie227 points228 points229 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Plus if you do this and you manage to work a miracle and "fix" him, he'll get right up and leave you for another girl and treat her better than he ever treated you.
[–]Thestral-glow6FDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This.
[–]chimkencrimpiesFDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah totally. Well I’m hoping this is the case, I truly hope my ex doesn’t put another woman through what he put me through. No one deserves that.
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a loving and generous mindset. A lot of us get trapped into the competitive mindset of "I did all this work to make him better, how DARE he be a decent person to another woman!" when this is closer to what we should really be hoping.
[–]LieberAalFDS Apprentice55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Do they really treat the next one better though or is it just window-dressing for social media? I feel like a leopard doesn't change its spots and if he truly did and became a better person, he would have stayed with the woman who dedicated her life to him. Since he didn't, he clearly is still a LVM and thus won't treat another girl better than the first one.
[–]gothoneybonesFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For LVM, it's all about the image. They aren't actually treating the next woman better, they just learn to fake it better.
[–]PoeticINFPFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They don’t trust me, they just get better at hiding it. I’ve seen this with my brother. People think him and his new fiancee are so in love and everything. But after living with them, and seeing the stark difference between their social media pages and the abusive nonsense the gf told me — I don’t take anything on social media seriously. I don’t care how in love they look online. That’s why I don’t like some of the feedback telling women that “he just doesn’t think you’re worth it, he just doesn’t want you, he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material” — it makes the women hearing it feel like something is wrong with them, how you treat people says a lot about you. Each of my brothers gfs have been literal clones of each other, so just because he’s marrying this one doesn’t mean she’s somehow better. She just refuses to leave no matter how much she complains about the abuse, he probably loves that she doesn’t complain to him about the abuse (instead she complains to everyone else and does nothing when people try to defend her and face abuse themselves). Don’t feel bad for her, feel bad for their children, these type of women have no problem throwing other women and children under the bus to be chosen
[–]FabulousGrandFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The only thing I fix these days is houses which at least provide me with some return on my efforts!
[–]marasloveFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup!!!!
[–]plutonian_princessFDS Newbie122 points123 points124 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
When I was younger I thought that insecure men are just more sensitive and have kind hearts.. until i got involved with one. He verbally abused me, negged me, and sexually assaulted me. He was studying philosophy too 🙄 Once when I proved him wrong in a discussion he got so angry he started calling me idiot, wh*re etc. God, he was the biggest piece of shit ive ever encountered. And he was ugly as heck too. Hes now severely depressed, addicted to opiates and looks like gross scrote in his 50s (hes 27) I dont feel bad for him at all. You reap what you sow. If I had FDS back then he would be blocked within first days
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Ah, philosophy...this is not untypical
[–]Incredible_AlligatorFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I came to say... philosophy major, HUGE red flag. Never date a man who's studying philosophy. They all seem to be LV. They like to play "devil's advocate", neg, and think they're smarter than everyone else to compensate for their insecurity issues.
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I came to say... philosophy major, HUGE red flag. Never date a man who's studying philosophy.
Maybe it is the difference in education culture but coming from an engineering field, philosophy major men are my least favorite. They always talk endlessly and don't mind spending the entire damn day in heated debates, and a lot of them often get into political altercations. I am always like "you all don't have work to do?"
[–]LieberAalFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The "philosophers" that I dated all were highly manipulative and some straight out abusive without ever laying their hands on me. In a way, I find them much scarier than a physical abuser, because that one you easily recognize once he begins shouting and threatening with violence. In that case, I walk away, always did, because I'm not attracted to brutes like that. With the philosophers it's different, they have the ability to gaslight and tear you down at your very core without you even realising that they are destroying you, because you believe them when they tell you that your pain is your problem, not theirs, that you are the toxic one, not them, that you need to change, not them, that you shouldn't leave them because they are the best thing that will ever happen to you, undeserving toxic girl. They are psychopathic and sadistic and have caused me far more damage than physical abusers.
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a female philosopher I feel so sad for my profession as I can't say that any of this is a lie. Imagine being surrounded by this all the time!
[–]bootyandthebeetFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lollll sounds like my ex. I also thought insecure men would be kinder.
Too bad he’s tall and has a decent job so he doesn’t have a problem finding new girls within weeks 🙄 hope he treats them better but doubt it. At least he apparently never wants to get married.
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex left me a hollowed out shell but it's like I've been broken down so that I can build myself back up even stronger. It's also clued me in as to who among my family and friends actually care about me, who among them are really there for me. Now I know who I can discard just like I discarded my abusive ex. If you're not adding as much value to my life as I am to yours, bye!
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]RivenRoyceFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s a heck of a lot of us in this sub for real. Also not sure what the current vernacular is
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Incredible_AlligatorFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep, couldn't have worded it any better. My mom is a codependent pickme, and so were both my grandmothers. It's what a lot of women are taught growing up.
[–]RivenRoyceFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m codependent still but just sad about it. At least I’m aware of my shite behaviour I guess ... gunna keep doing these therapy exercises sigh.
[–]smilodon91Throwaway Account2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My mother was a classic codependent with my alcoholic father. Even at his memorial service she was still deep in denial about all the horrible things he did to her and others. (serious crimes including pedophilia). It was sickening how everyone lauded and loved him at the memorial service.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wonder if they’re actually just narcissists, they use their perceived flaws to gain attention and make you feel bad for them
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't ever enter a relationship with a man with low self-esteem, as by the time the relationship ends, YOU'LL be the one with low self esteem.
[–]temptressinateacupFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm thankful that I ended a 4-year relationship and feel better than ever. Dating someone who is very insecure and refuses to get help feels like a permanent babysitting gig.
[–]ElturtleoFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Being friends with super insecure people can have similar issues I’ve noticed. Not necessarily the building up but just dealing with people like that is exhausting.
Dating insecure people is a whole other mess. I had an ex fake a coma once. I think it was to “test” me since it was about to be long distance. I told his “sister” that I was thinking of dumping him when I was contacted about the fake drunk driving accident that apparently killed 5 other people. Very easy googling and seeing his trade school grad pic a month later proved that was a lie. 🙄
[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Signs of an insecure person when they ask you on a first date:
"I've gone out with some really *WeIrD* women." "Are you sure you want to go out with me?" "Wow, I can't believe you said yes!" "I'm so glad you're so *chill*" "My ex never wanted to go to/do (insert place or activity here) with me."
Any others people can think to add?
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And the old favorite, "I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship due to all the crazy shit that happened with my ex... (change my mind)"
[–]LieberAalFDS Apprentice21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Got told that right after sex for the first time. His devious ex had cheated on him 10 (TEN!!!) years ago and he was so damaged from that still that he couldn't trust any woman. Luckily, it was a pure hookup situation for me, no feelings for that guy. He didn't seem to believe me and told me he would reconsider offering me a relationship if I let him do anal, would wear only strings from now on and shave down there.
I told him that I wouldn't change anything about me and do nothing that made me uncomfortable. He told me he'd probably lose interest in me because he had lots of girls interested in him, who would do these sorts of things.
So I responded "That's fine, I don't want a relationship with you". I really didn't, as that guy's behaviour and attitude to cleanliness had turned me off quickly and completely.
This lack of care on my part caused a complete 180 in him: He insisted to introduce me to his family and friends after just 3 weeks, corrected me whenever I said "I" to "us" in a cheesy creepy way, love-bombed me with gifts and got angry and aggressive when I just thanked him politely, but didn't fawn over him trying to win him as a boyfriend.
Once, he ordered a book from Amazon for me and had it delivered to my address. A rather thoughtless gesture, since he knew that I had huge ethical misgivings about Amazon and don't buy from them. Also I had given him a small gift before, that I had picked and carefully wrapped myself, which is slightly different than receiving an unwrapped Amazon cardboard box from a courier. But he thought he was the most generous person ever and that I would lick his feet after receiving that book. So he saw that the book had been delivered to my post box and kept texting me to go downstairs and check my postbox. I discovered the book and this convo ensued:
Me: "Hey, thanks for the book, you really shouldn't have but thank you"
Scrote: "Do you like it?? Did any guy ever do that for you before?"
Me: "It was a pleasant surprise. No, can't think of anyone ordering a book to my address before. Thanks again"
Scrote, passive aggressively: "So you don't seem very happy about it?"
Me, not letting him provoke me: "I am, thank you again :-)"
Scrote, pouting: "Doesn't seem like it, but whatever. Enjoy your evening"
Me: "What do you mean? I thanked you and said I like it."
Scrote: "You have that attitude, whatever, guess I won't bother again"
Me, still not giving in to his provocation and secretly enjoying how much that enrages him: "What attitude? I'm so sorry I'm confused. :-) Again, thank you so much for the book, a very pleasant surprise. Have a nice evening too :-)"
Scrote, fuming: "Whatever"
Me not responding.
Scrote: "Now you ignore me?"
Me: "You wished me a nice evening and I wanted to respect your choice to end the conversation, I'm so sorry if I misunderstood. :-)"
Scrote: "Don't understand why you behave that way"
Me: "What way? :("
Scrote: "YOU AREN'T THANKFUL ENOUGH"
Me: "Seems like you only made me this gift to get a particular reaction from me :("
Scrote: "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT TO CREATE ARGUMENTS, THIS IS BAD BEHAVIOUR"
No response from me.
Scrote, after five minutes: "I'm still angry at your behaviour but fuck it, I miss you, let's meet and forget that this happened"
Me: "No, sorry"
Scrote: "Other girls would kill to have what I'm offering you and you are so stand-offish. Is this your revenge because I told you I don't want a relationship with you? I have told you so often now, you have changed my mind and I do want that."
Me: "I'm sorry, but I don't want a relationship, I always was honest about this from the beginning and you initially agreed with me. I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore"
Scrote: "You are a bad person anyway".
LOL ... you just need to give them a bit of rope and they are hanging themselves, hysterically raging and foaming from the mouth that their manipulation doesn't work.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“I don’t know what you see in me!” “You’re out of my league” Before you know it, you’re over there doing backflips to keep his wack ass happy
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[–]Queencake504FDS Apprentice64 points65 points66 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
"Or show him you're 1000% down for him". Oof,this made my damn stomach hurt🤦🏾 They DO NOT respect you for that s**t.You will look like a clown because you are a clown 🤡.My NV-ex told me to my face ,"i know you ride or die" and laughed.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s because most LVM know they trash, and they see you trying so hard to dress up that garbage and assume you’re worth even less
[–]heleninthealpsFDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oof, reminds me of my narc ex, where in the last argument we had before I left, where I said very calmly that it seemed clear to me that he had cheated on me while I was away months ago he literally looked down on me and smirked saying "Look at you...you're sooooo weak. I've never been so turned off by you as of now".
That broke me and it was the drop for me to leave and block and finally stop being a pickmeshia.
[–]Pinklepurr1FDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Wow this resonates with me. Can someone spell it out: What is an insecure man?
[–]jupiteroceanFDS Newbie47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
An insecure man is someone who needs constant validation. He has low self esteem and is either overly jealous, majorly codependent, or both. He lowkey is jealous of your personal successes, and will either minimize them or even go so far as to undermine them to keep you on his level. He also tends to undermine his own successes, usually due to laziness and a fear of failure.
An insecure man is an insatiable emotional leech that will suck you for all you’re worth, and when he doesn’t find it to be enough, will most likely seek even further validation through cheating or porn.
Ask me how I know. Never again.
[–]_enigma_08FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's like you've described my ex. Eww,
You described my ex to a T. He didn’t even like to tell me if I looked beautiful. It was always kind of negging “you look cute or whatever”.
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had to block my alcoholic ex of 4 years who dumped me mid pandemic but expected me to continue to live with and take care of him. I leveled up, got a new job, a new loft, and gained some weight in the right places.
Last week he called me crying about having depression and all the stuff that happened to him as a child. Telling me he heard I’ve “glowed up”.
I gave him my ear and heart. Answering his calls, etc. We started flirting again, typical stuff. But he’s also the last person I’ve been with (even though that was 6 months ago)
but then I noticed he was now talking to me as if I was some random person he’s sleeping with. “Hey big head” texts late night.. really sexually aggressive type comments towards me. I had to shut shit it down.
I blocked him.
[–]angelcake893FDS Apprentice13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This advice would have saved me 2 years!!
[–]nenindisFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The tweets that come from this person in particular are 🔥🔥🔥 . Always harsh and, yet, much needed reminders we owe it to ourselves to do better.
[–]deviantchipmunk1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Somehow I did "fix" him, and he thanks me for it cause I kind of helped him be more self-aware in general...it did cost me a lot though. But I guess it's at least good there's another human being out there that now tries to be considerate towards others.
[–]ThatOneRedditGirlFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve done this for 10 years. No more. Seriously don’t marry someone you think your can “help.” I lost myself completely and I’m just now finding myself. After a DECADE. Don’t let them waste your best years. (I’m almost 28 and saved everything for this man just to have him betray and lie over and over. So. F*king done).
[–]sorshiiFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Make his pockets hurt!😸❤
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[–]sorshiiFDS Newbie227 points228 points229 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thestral-glow6FDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chimkencrimpiesFDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LieberAalFDS Apprentice55 points56 points57 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]gothoneybonesFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PoeticINFPFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FabulousGrandFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marasloveFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]plutonian_princessFDS Newbie122 points123 points124 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Incredible_AlligatorFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LieberAalFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bootyandthebeetFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple40 points41 points42 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]RivenRoyceFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Incredible_AlligatorFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RivenRoyceFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]smilodon91Throwaway Account2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]PoeticINFPFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple32 points33 points34 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]temptressinateacupFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ElturtleoFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]LieberAalFDS Apprentice21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Queencake504FDS Apprentice64 points65 points66 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]heleninthealpsFDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pinklepurr1FDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]jupiteroceanFDS Newbie47 points48 points49 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]_enigma_08FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]angelcake893FDS Apprentice13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nenindisFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]deviantchipmunk1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatOneRedditGirlFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]sorshiiFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link