For example, some guys who otherwise seem suitable or appealing might - in the initial stages of dating or even before a date - say something rude or sarcastic. Even if I had been into them, just one passive-aggressive comment is enough to end his chance as a prospective partner for me.

I can both feel empathy at how hard dating can be for anyone, and also be strong and clear in knowing a guy who’s so in the habit of being rude he’d show that side early on even to a woman he’s interested in is so not someone I’d be happy with. I never let me empathy for his feelings override enforcing my boundaries with something so important for my peace of mind. I don’t make excuses for why it’s understandable to be acting disrespectfully.

*What are some other dealbreakers you have especially early on, when you haven’t had much time observing him? *

(Just to be perfectly clear, I strongly feel we really have to know how a man behaves over an extended period of time to get an accurate sense of what kind of man he is. Some of the most abusive men can start off acting like the nicest guy you’ve ever met, and maintain that act for awhile before his true colors are revealed. This post is about filtering out things we know we can’t be happy with, so we don’t waste our time. It’s not - on it’s own - a reliable strategy for ensuring we’re safe from scary jerks, unfortunately ... but it may help.)