Why is it that whenever men try to open up about serious issues mental health, loneliness, systemic struggles the conversation always gets hijacked or derailed with blame, deflection, or “women have it worse”? Where are the spaces for honest, empathetic discussion?

StrangeRaccoon281 · 2025-05-28T07:08:57+00:00

Men taking up any emotional space at all violates traditional gender norms and that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, even self-discribed feminists.

Rare-Discipline3774 · 2025-05-28T08:02:05+00:00

Because you're seen as the bourgeoisie to the proletariat women according to the institution that is the feminist theory of patriarchy.

You are being dismissed as an oppressor according to them, you cannot be discriminated against.

Main-Tiger8537 · 2025-05-28T07:46:39+00:00

feminists claim men just do this to silence women and to hide their issues... opposing a fair gender neutral society with their actions is pretty ironic...

Acousmetre78 · 2025-05-28T08:55:44+00:00

I always thought women would be more understanding and was hurt to find out I’d be treated with aggression

rump_truck · 2025-05-28T13:52:34+00:00

This is why I blanket-ignore all of the "If you only bring up men's issues in response to women's issues, then you don't care about helping male victims, only shutting down female victims." If men bring up men's issues in men's spaces (ie: what they would consider the appropriate context), then they would never see it because they have men's spaces blocked from their feeds. If men bring up men's issues by starting their own posts in neutral spaces, without belittling women in any way, then they're all over the comments saying "What about women?" You know, the exact thing that they're telling men not to do.

There's no way to address men's problems that is possible for them to see that they would deem appropriate. If it shows up in their feed, then it's automatically appropriate. Men should automagically solve their own problems out of sight, these should never have to know about it. Because obviously the other 50% of the population contributes 0% to men's problems.

soggy_sock1931 · 2025-05-28T14:48:28+00:00

They claim to care about male victims of abuse, but then suspect men when they open up about an abusive wife/gf. ‘We’re not getting the whole story’, ‘this sounds fake’, ‘I want to hear her side’, etc., lets not forget the armchair diagnoses in order to garner sympathy for the abuser.

These same people say men bottle things up. Like no shit these guys aren’t going to open up if they don’t feel safe to do so.

YetAgain67 · 2025-05-28T11:41:45+00:00

Nobody cares about men. It's that simple.

CertainTragedy87 · 2025-05-28T15:45:54+00:00

It’s a struggle. I’m trying to be vulnerable and open up with my wife during marriage counseling and it’s pushing her away despite this being what she told me she wanted. Our therapist even pulled me aside and said being open and honest about my anxiety is pushing her away and killing my marriage. I’m trying to present a strong front but it’s tough when you are struggling internally and you can’t open up to your partner

8iAxW4mXaX · 2025-05-28T09:14:37+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism

It's a tactic used to distract from the original conversation.

Even if they aren't aware of what they are doing, they still agree that their issues take precedence over yours.

If you believe someone cares about you and your issues because you share the same political stance, you will be disappointed often.

This goes for women and men.

We need to be heard not silenced.

Complaining about the issue won't fix it... and we don't need another hugbox.

We as men need to be there for each other, whether that's sport/gym/gaming, or just catching up at a pub after work.

I think fostering these relationships helps with loneliness, and to some extent prevents the ensuing mental health issues, drug abuse and suicides.

I do believe in traditional gender roles, and that the game is stacked against us (e.g. family courts, police), but we are not doing ourselves any favour by finding other people to commiserate with, rather than finding people we can grow with.

I also think you'll be at odds with the collectivists on the left (and there are many). Beware of what they argue, like most people they will side with what sounds best for them.

Good luck.

eldred2 · 2025-05-28T19:32:37+00:00

Admitting that society harms men too goes against the feminist narrative that men make the rules to benefit men.

Ok-Acanthisitta-8145 · 2025-05-28T13:05:46+00:00

It’s not specifically focused on gender, however, I attend a support group for people with adverse childhoods (emotional neglect, trauma, substance addicted parents, etc) and we have mens meetings that have been a great opportunity for me to explore things like my terrible relationship with my mom, my hate of my dad for being a drunk, etc.

Adult Children of Alcoholic And Dysfunctional Families

Specific to your concern is the “rule against crosstalk”- basically, you get your time to talk about what you need to talk about, and no one is allowed to judge/fix/opine on/critique etc what you’ve said. I will also say that the women I meet in the general meetings are very much not like what you describe. I really think so much internet “feminism” is actually just justified resentment and those people are actually pretty emotionally immature.

Adventurous_Design73 · 2025-05-29T00:35:52+00:00

Women must always be prioritized and talked about an oppressor deserves no sympathy you can't help good men or listen to them because bad men exist and those good men are also just bad for being men.

You are taking attention away from women by focusing on men and their issues we can't allow men to have their own spaces because we need to control them.

No_Turn5018 · 2025-05-29T05:11:30+00:00

THEY HATE MEN. It's not complicated, you've just been conditioned not to say it.

Imakemyownnamereddit · 2025-05-29T06:56:42+00:00

The politically incorrect truth? It is all down to sex.

Women and feminists can talk till they are blue in the face about feminism liberating men from gender norms. What matters is what people do, not what they say.

When you look at the men women are drawn to, the men they sleep with it; those men tend to fit the old fashioned gender stereotype. If patriarchy exists, it is enforced by women, including feminists.

So any sign of weakness from a man is met with cries of man up or such men are dismissed as creeps/toxic/entitled. To justify feminists being massive hypocrites.

Sleeksnail · 2025-05-28T20:33:27+00:00

"Accuse the other of what you yourself do."

beowulves · 2025-05-29T01:06:45+00:00

Probably because they know a lot of feminism will be undone with that conversation if the prevailing narrative looks at actual male suffering

Femi_gnatzee_hunter · 2025-05-29T14:48:24+00:00

Because women hate men. Period

Agaeon · 2025-05-29T21:04:58+00:00

People view attention to mental health issues as a zero sum game where attention to one side amounts to ignoring another

This isn't true, but it is how many people feel

That, and people often feel that men speaking out about their issues is a direct attack on women's issues, or blaming women for men's issues

This is also generally not true, but it is how many people feel

You could say things are a bit fucked up right now !

Previous_Art245 · 2025-05-28T16:58:30+00:00

Probably the same reason that despite this being a "male" advocate forum it's steadily becoming another feminist discussion corner. They just have an intrinsic need to infiltrate male spaces.

Holiday_Jeweler_4819 · 2025-05-30T13:02:07+00:00

This bleeds into the topic where so many “progressive” people feel the need to qualify the suffering of some demographics with the fact that others have it worse “I know I’ll never understand what women go through but as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse” are words I’ve actually heard come out of a dudes mouth in one of these spaces, I wanted to say to him “you know you don’t have to point out that other people suffer in order to deal with your own out have meaningful conversations about the topic.

Calrabjohns · 2025-05-31T19:05:53+00:00

Welcome to the blame drain game. Find as comfortable a seat as you possibly can and just try to quietly figure out messaging that does not take away from the genuine struggles of women while also giving the space for men to figure out:

A. What does it mean to be a man? And not in that facetious way that that "What Is A Woman?" movie tried to pose in its title: Because there's confusion at this point around what it is to be either a man or a woman, to me.

The "gender is a social construct/biological differences are the only tangible differentiators paradigm is just another form of prejudice/bigotry" -- whatever words can be used that don't end in -ism because those are always conversation enders -- that's "problematic."

I think conflating the two and blending them into an indistinguishable whole has been destructive, and at that point I start to wonder what the use is for labels like non-binary or gender queer or any of that.

If gender is a social construct, then gender roles (and any gradation between the two to find whatever particular balance you think are) can be tested. The laboratory could be schools and life: wear a dress or pants, put fingernail polish on however many fingers you want, work on cars --- what the fuck ever. The goal is to eliminate those types of distinctions so we can be whatever we want, right?

I am seeing the literal opposite as a result of the blending as people try to explain things. The only truth seems to be whatever/whoever you aspire to be, and no one can tell you different. Not man (or woman, or any in between), not biology, not history or herstory or theirstory or xirstory or zirstory or anything.

And this is just one tiny, tiny, tiny piece of all of this in isolation of anything that tries to tackle complexity, with tools of understanding like intersectionality.

On top of all of that, if you do end up having questions, there is usually a self-terminating process of thought - "Do the work," "Google it," "It's not that hard. Maybe don't be an asshole and just listen without trying to speak..."

If I'm not going into spaces for women and asking questions that are agenda driven or endeavor to remove as much possibility of misunderstanding as possible, do not answer any replies with "Not all men" or whatever conversation enders men say that are indicators of bad faith acting...

Why can't we talk about stuff like this? I don't know anymore. Go ask Smokey/Winnie/Berenstain/Yogi(or Boo Boo) Bear. They're safer than you or I can ever be.

I don't know. I don't have the energy to find a B. Maybe there's a bunch of points in there already.

I gotta just watch TV. I keep doing this.

Many-Can4828 · 2025-06-01T04:25:25+00:00

Because you’re opening up with women. Stop it.

HeterosaurusRex · 2025-06-04T01:06:10+00:00

I have been a vocal and active ally of the LGBTQ community my entire life. I recently opened up to several very close friends of mine that are LGBTQ members, one of which was my best friend, about the ways my parents abuse me. I have been supporting them and their cause for decades now. I have been a rock for them to rely on and go to when they need support. I have been there to give them a space to break down completely, and they have praised me for it. I go to their family's holidays.

Their response when I opened up was absolutely appalling. Victim blaming, invalidation, sexism, gaslighting. They were so awful about what I shared that I ended a 3-year friendship with my best friend on the spot. I cannot understate how deeply disappointed I am in their community right now, especially with the overlap of pride month and men's mental health month. Of all the people who should understand what abuse and trauma is all about, I feel so deeply let down. I'm really struggling with this.

PracticalSock5373 · 2025-06-02T15:12:23+00:00

The reason feminists who are staunch believers fight so hard to silence us is that their very identities and the validity of the cause they have devoted their lives to becomes utterly invalid if they allow us to speak our truth too. You must understand that after half a century of women being raised in a society in which propaganda has been fed into them that's as common as air telling them that MEN are bad and WOMEN are good, that after a lifetime of it, their very gender identity is now based strongly upon their core beliefs that their problems all stem from the doings of MEN (who are NEVER spoken of in a positive way by feminists, but only in destructive or dangerous ways, portrayed always as "Our Oppressors", as "The Ones Keeping us Down", as "The Enemy", and even masculinity itself is spoken of as "Toxic") thus they have been trained to have zero empathy for men, and the very IDEA that MEN are ALSO the VICTIMS of the sex roles imposed upon US ALL by society is a THREAT to their belief system which their morality and very identity is based upon. That MEN ALSO suffer pain, frustration, and are disadvantaged by society's imposed sex roles shatters their core beliefs that THEY are the ONLY ONES who suffer from this and it is ALWAYS MEN who are collectively, purposefully, the ONLY ONES RESPONSIBLE for "DOING THIS TO THEM". MEN are bad, evil, oppressive by their very nature while WOMEN are loving and good, This is a part of their basic core belief system in so many cases (half a century of propaganda from the feminist movement is unsurprisingly effective). Their coveted "Victimhood" which is a CORE of their identity, allows them to mistreat and devalue man with impunity without feeling guilty for their terrible behavior. Because guilt for their sexist behavior towards men is avoided by using this belief, maintaining this belief is ESSENTIAL! Relief from guilt over their behavior is at stake if they abandon this belief and many women will react very aggressively to having their coveted victimhood (and relief from guilt for doing what they do to man while being able to feel guiltless by telling themselves their actions are only "payback" to men) is challenged. If they accept that men AREN'T the SOLE reason things aren't as they'd wish them to be, it dissolves their freedom from responsibility and they then have to face the responsibility for wrongly, sexistly, victimizing men. Seeing men as evil enemies relieves them from feelings of remorse for being ruthlessly sexist to men. In their eyes, we deserve it because we are men and men are the enemy. Men are bad. Admitting men are suffering too, that WE, TOO bear our own DIFFERENT, BUT EQUALLY TOUGH burdon means admitting THEY have been behaving in an inexcusably heartless and cruel manner to men, and they will fight tooth and nail to avoid facing that reality. They can only continue to believe that are decent human beings by hanging onto the belief that MEN DESERVE SUCH TREATMENT, that MEN'S problems aren't valid like THEIR'S, that MEN'S pain isn't important like THEIR'S, that MEN'S suffering isn't as valid as THEIR'S, that MEN'S feelings aren't as strong or as deep as THEIR'S. Admitting otherwise would mean admitting they have been behaving ruthlessly, unfeelingly, cruelly, and wrongly towards men. Hanging onto their SOLE VICTIMHOOD, the belief that men ALL have it easy, that THEY are victimized SOLELY BY MEN (victimization is a actually part of the pride they feel in women hood by their overcoming of it), it is tied up with the pride they feel in their very existence. This, along with the sexist misandry of the "Men bad, women good" doctrine ("Believe all women" is just one symptom of this doctrine, a slogan which taken at face value unequivocally says that all men are liars and that no women ever lie--which we ALL know is utter bulsht) they have been taught that THEY are the ONLY ones with problems and difficult lives, that MEN all have it easy and MEN are ALWAYS the reason their life isn't what they want it to be (also utter bulshit). When was the last time you heard a women admit that ANY problem was caused by women? ANY PROBLEM? How many times have you heard that MEN ARE TO BLAME for their problems? The ration is AT LEAST a thousand to one! Women areaste4s at avoiding responsibility for ANYTHING, it's ALWAYS someone ELSE Men having feelings as deep as their own, men bearing the leaden weight or THEIR OWN gender stereotypes ALSO imposed upon THEM by society, is anathema to everything they believe about their precious SOLE VICTIMHOOD, supposedly imposed on them by us evil MEN. They have a powerful vested interest in believing the enemy, MEN, haven't unbearable problems like THEY have, that MEN haven't REAL feelings like THEY have, haven't REAL emotional needs like THEY do, and deserve no empathy or sympathy of ANY KIND from them because, after all, MEN ARE THE BAD GUYS, right? To them, THEY are the stars of the movie of life and MEN are only there to service their needs and to avenge themselves upon for the all evil they've been told our MALE ancestors did to their grandmothers. Thus the nasty behavior to us when we approach them. Thus the constant insults we men hear from them all around us every day that they use so often they aren't even conscious of the insults anymore (and we men are so used to hearing them every day we dismiss them without even thinking about them anymore), thus the impossible standards that no REAL human being can ever meet (these women who have the gall to constantly claim men "objectify" THEM! Like demanding men be over 6 feet, have a 6 pack, own a home, drive an expensive car, make 6 figures, and must (with never a comment or objections, remain ever silent as we're required to pay for everything) with some now demanding we pay for their clothes, makeup, hair, nails--and some now demanding we buy them tons of to-go dishes like it's our job to feed their entire family just to take them out--and insist all this taking abusive advantage of us MUST ONLY take place only at the most expensive of restaurants (clearly objectifying us as their human money machines) isn't "objectification". Can anyone say "Double Standard"? Can anyone say "bullsht! With this understanding, it's clear that accepting that men are ALSO discriminated against, that MEN are also disadvantaged by the sex roles imposed upon them by society as well as women, but in entirely DIFFERENT ways than women--this whole very idea is a dangerous threat to the world view their entire personal image, their personal identity, and that the motivation for so much of their behavior is built upon, and relief from accepting the responsibility and guilt of their own ruthlessly sexist behavior, is very expectedly treated as A THREAT to them! So, finding a woman who can find it on her heart to feel ANY empathy for ANY men, and admit her own cruelty towards men, is as difficult as a camel passing through the eye of a needle. Now you understand why the reactions so aggressively against men speaking about THEIR burden. Now you understand how threatened they are by it MEN speaking THEIR truth angers them so, and results in such sexistly derisive behavior from so many women today.

LeotheLiberator · 2025-06-01T20:10:08+00:00

See a therapist or talk to actually family and friends.

Stop seeking validation from random strangers on the internet.

Fickle_Friendship296 · 2025-05-28T16:42:52+00:00

R/askmen is a good place. Inevitably you’re gonna get the tuff love police shoved down your throat but you can easily ignore them.

aweSAM19 · 2025-05-29T01:26:35+00:00

Stop trying to think that Gender Theory and deconstruction applies to you. It's only for women, you should man up and deal with it. Unfortunate fact.

MuffinWuffinwuffypoo · 2025-05-31T20:43:30+00:00

That seems to happen to us actually, we talk about our issues then men talk about theirs being ignored. Yet on men’s mental health awareness day I never see men post about it. Women really aren’t trying to hijack your space, you’re just not using the space you do have in a productive way.

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