[Noob] shit tests in the kitchen

wanderer779 · 2015-09-03T12:55:01+00:00

Maybe I am doing this wrong but one or two comments in I would have thrown those eggs in the trash. After serving myself of course :)

The_Litz · 2015-09-03T12:16:50+00:00

You held frame.

Was the breakfast good? Everything else is irrelevant!

The small shit test become ammusing when you maintain frame.

Edit: I am assuming you use an App to track her cycles. If not start.

stonepimpletilists · 2015-09-03T12:59:35+00:00

Anything that doesn't fit your frame is either funny, amusing, or intriguing.

having said that, if no good deed goes unpunished, then no good deed gets done. I've enforced this in my house. If I go out of my way to do something (just because, no contract) and get flack for it, thats fine, but you won't be getting another one for a while.

In the past 6 months, I've had the SO talk herself out of breakfasts, back massages, cuddles... all manner of stuff.

And the funny part? She isn't any less happy, it's amazing how little you need to do.

As for cleaning specifically... I used to wonder why her requirments were so exacting. It wasn't because she's a detail person, it's because if she isn't doing it, then it's not done right. I don't do it in that case, even if I matched her requirements, she'd just move the goalposts.

The egg pan is on you babe, I know you'll get it done perfectly

abdada · 2015-09-03T11:26:45+00:00

Keep smiling.

Her teenage tantrums are funny. It isn't condescending at all to smile at someone losing their shit over replaceable consumer goods.

rocknrollchuck · 2015-09-03T12:18:07+00:00

Sounds like she sees the kitchen and cooking as her turf. Mine gets confrontational if anyone else tries to cook a full meal. She derives part of her worth from cooking for the family and seeing how much everyone appreciates her effort. In my situation, if I were to cook something like that my wife would get all butthurt. She would be thinking "Oh, so my cooking isn't good enough. I guess my efforts are not appreciated, so therefore I am not valuable or even necessary." This may be the message you are sending your wife without even realizing it.

Redneck001 · 2015-09-03T12:48:11+00:00

First, I sense a covert contract right off the bat. Do you see it? "Tried to do something nice and got shit in return." You cook because you're hungry and you want to, who gives a fuck if no one pats you on the back or not.

Second, she's teeing these up for you. Step up and drive 'em right down the middle of the fairway. In 6 months, you'll long for slow pitch like these. If you can pull off cocky/funny, these are like a wet dream.

can barely stop myself from grinning like an idiot. :)

Don't contain yourself, laugh out loud at that bullshit.

Keep reading and improving. And cook more.

Countpudyoola · 2015-09-03T12:54:32+00:00

An ungrateful gift recipient receives no gifts.

Next time cook those eggs for yourself.

Her insides recoiled at you doing something nice for her. Set off all of her beta anti-tingles.

Also, she may equate food prep as demonstrating her womanly worth. You were like a rival female coming in to do her job.

I also think you're way more likely to get a negative reaction coupled with beta behaviors around shark week. I know I've seen it bandied about mrp that women want alpha during ovulation and beta during pms. But really all I experience is the following with beta during pms: you get the same results but you're doing more work. Nope.

soskrood · 2015-09-03T12:26:57+00:00

Your wife sounds like a real treat.

For shit test 1 I would respond to her with what she should be saying to you... something like "thank you wonderful hubby for making this delectable breakfast". That would point out to her that she is being a bitch instead of showing gratitude... hopefully changing the tone for the rest of the morning. The more overblown your compliment to yourself the better.

Water on my counter = wet fingertips and flick at her, or say something like "Gordon Ramsey says a wet counter is necessary for this dish", or "no one likes a backseat cook". She ain't making it so she don't get to complain about how you make it.

Rule of thumb, shark week = anal / bj week. To me all this sounds like you just rewarded the "hard no". In your mind it might be because of sex over the last month, but that is a covert contract. I gaurentee she didn't put 2 and 2 together.

Jessie_James · 2015-09-03T13:49:47+00:00

I make those eggs for my wife and kids. They are awesome.

I would have told her at some point she was being rude, and she needed to stop and apologize. Plain and simple.

kosmiciatakuja · 2015-09-03T19:35:15+00:00

Stop doing nice things for her! Do these three things obsessively from now on (if you don't do them already):

Lift heavy ass weights at least 3 times a week
Dress sharp
Dread game

Actually 3 is a good side effect of 1 and 2. Never explain this behavior other than that you do it to improve yourself. Don't do it for her or the marriage, it will not work. Your main goal must be the improvement of yourself, not your marriage. This is the only way to succeed.

If she ever disrespects you again, walk away without a word (you may warn her before). Go to a bar, have some fun, sleep somewhere away from home. You don't have to fuck other women if you don't want to. Maintain radio silence during that time. This usually works wonders and she will be 100% certain that you went to see another woman, which is good because number 3. Afterwards tell her that you didn't but always leave a slight bit of doubt in her. This drives the hamster crazy!

Ad 1. Take supplements after lifting, read up on this. Especially magnesium and zinc (chelated, e.g. ZMA) as most people are deficient and it kills testosterone. Been there, ZMA worked wonders on my confidence, voice, frame, everything.

Actually there is one more thing that is of crucial importance here. You absolutely must stop thinking that sex is something you want and she gives you. Or that if you do well and do nice things for her (like that breakfast) she will give you sex. Thoughts like this can destroy every marriage and make every vagina dry as a desert. You improve yourself and become a man every woman wants to fuck. And she will beg you to fuck her. And if it went too far already and she will not change her opinion of you - you will have dozens of more beautiful women lined up and begging you to fuck them. Your happiness (in bed and otherwise) may never, never depend on her and her mood! Excuse me if you already know this and have this internalized, maybe it will help other noobs!

Source: 10 years LTR, 6 years married. Crazy sex 3+ times a week, 0 disrespect. The only "nice" thing I do for her is a good pounding in the bedroom. Shit described above works!

TL;DR: Lift, Dress, Dread. If you do these things already, disregard this message.

Cis_Masogynist · 2015-09-03T13:50:06+00:00

Usually when my wife is on shark week I ask her if her mouth has it's period to. More often then not it results in a BJ.

cholomite · 2015-09-03T14:16:38+00:00

"I got your creme fraiche right here baby" grabs dick

Put that shit eating grin you get to good use by making crude or stupid jokes that show you don't give a fuck about her feelings.

Sounds like you handled it well. Never let her make you upset. I'd say your biggest mistake was trying to do something for her. A woman wants to support an awesome man, not be supported by an ok man. I like cooking and good food, but whenever I have tried to do anything "special" with my gf in mind, it has always backfired. If you ever do anything with the overt or covert intention of getting your SO's approval or validation, it will end badly. She will not give it to you, she does not want to have to give it to you. Make food that you like. I've gotten better results making a meal that I know my gf hates but I love as opposed to making her favorite meal. Also remember that you're a smart logical man. Anything your wife can do, including cleaning pots and pans, you can also do just as well, if not better. Don't ever let her convince you that you're some bumbling oaf of a man like on some TV sitcom. My GF likes to think of me like that sometimes, despite the fact that 99% of the carpet stains, burnt or scratched pans, broken glass..etc was caused by her. Just smile and pat her on the head when she begins to question you abilities and keep on doing your thing.

jerry_rigger · 2015-09-03T14:58:39+00:00

Keep on smiling.

Beware of covert contracts.

Starfish sex sucks.

If you step up enough BJ's happen.

You're off to a decent start. You'll stumble but keep it going v

BluepillProfessor · 2015-09-03T15:07:19+00:00

You recognize Shit Tests just fine.

Now work on recognizing your covert contracts.

dandar4600 · 2015-09-03T16:31:04+00:00

Shark week is 3 days, 5 days max. Usually after the first day or two of heavy bleeding day 3 is light enough that a towel will take care of it. Never the less, yes blow jobs do happen on shark week. You will get there eventually.

First mistake was making something nice for HER. You do it for yourself and she's welcome to join. IE. I'm making eggs, you want some? Also in my house, usually the person cooking the breakfast is not the one doing the cleanup.

Scrubbing the dishes you could have burst out laughing. Actually I'm a little surprised you found it funny. Behavior like that would have pissed me off, but if you find it funny don't keep it in. Remember to be sure of yourself. They say they hate it when we're cocky but somehow when I became more cocky I started getting more pussy. Look at what they do, not what they say.

Overall I think you're doing it right and have a good attitude about it. Eventually you won't have to put up with such a shitty behavior from your wife. Either she will stop or your tolerance for it will evaporate and you'll scold her. Don't ever put up with her trying to be your mother. That will just dry up that pussy.

enfier · 2015-09-03T17:32:10+00:00

You might just change the subject. If she starts getting nitpicky, ask her about something unrelated or give her a job to do.

What would you do if your 4 year old was complaining about water on the counter? Maybe hand her a towel?

jcrpta · 2015-09-03T20:13:38+00:00

There are many ways to deal with every shit test.

Here's the important point: Choose the wrong way, and you fail the test. Choose the same way every time, and you fail the test. There is, however, little harm in switching tactic if the first one you try doesn't work.

The basic stock responses are:

Agree and amplify to absurdity.
- This might work quite well here. "Oh, my dear princess. How will you ever manage when your husband cannot even be trusted to scrub a pan?! Oh, woe woe woe!"
Change the subject.
- I suspect this wouldn't have worked here. She'd have harped on and on until you snapped - and you shouldn't underestimate the power of the hamster. She will push you until you snap, and then she'll spin it so it's your fault. She will honestly believe that it's your fault, and there is nothing you can do to change this belief. If she's playing this game, the only winning move is not to play.
Ignore.
- This requires some strength. "Ignore", IMV, means "ignore". Go completely radio silent. Don't even acknowledge she exists. This can be remarkably effective, but must not be overused.
Pressure flip.
- This is basically what you did with "so what can I use to scrub this?"; I think it's a fairly advanced technique because it can come across as butthurt.
Nuclear option.
- In this case, I think this would be a firm "Do you, or do you not, want dinner?". Then go radio silent. One peep out of her after that, you serve yourself then throw the rest out in complete silence.
- Again, don't over-use this. Once in a while, you're a man who takes no shit. All the time, you're a tetchy insecure little bitch. Walk this line carefully.

Sadbeary · 2015-09-04T01:02:14+00:00

"Ooh, let me take a picture of this HISTORICAL moment!"

I would have walked over picked it up and calmly scraped it into the bin. That scenario is beyond my acceptance limit.

RPAlternate42 · 2015-09-05T16:50:08+00:00

All of this is white noise beyond the real issue here:

You are new. New guy stick with basics; learn the rules... Then learn how to break the rules.

It doesn't matter if you had sex 5 times or 10 times... A hard no is to be met with aloofness, coolness, and a lack of attention.

She gave you a hard no and you made her fucking breakfast. Her hamster is telling her: things or sort of getting back on track... He had his moment and felt like he was in charge, but I'm in the saddle now so he needs to kowtow... Especially in my kitchen.

Reward breakfasts are for good sex. Hard nos get whatever the opposite is.

And shark week means nothing. You want sex, go for it. You want a bj? Go for it. She gives a hard no... Shark week is no different.

She will learn that having regular sex with you not only makes you "nicer" but ultimately makes her "nicer" too.

spexer · 2015-09-07T13:28:19+00:00

one of the big realizations from MRP for me was to learn that shit tests are not bad things that you want to have go away.

Instead they are wonderful invitations for you to prove your worthiness for mating.

Next time she shit tests you, say to yourself "great - she is wanting to know if am good enough for her" and then knock it out of the park.

there are plenty of tools here to learn- lots of techniques. It starts with confidence and IDGAF. - and knowing the game.

good luck.

RPMahoutsukai · 2015-09-08T11:55:24+00:00

This phenomena goes on something like this:

You suck as a man, so you're getting no sex
You change, she starts getting attracted to you, you start getting sex
She realises she's fucking you, and goes "WTF? I shouldn't be fucking him, he sucks!" and starts bullshitting you harder than before

That's where you're at. She's going EXTREMELY crazy because she can't understand why she's suddenly fucking you infinitely more frequently than before (5 vs 0).

Hold fucking frame. Command respect, pass shit tests.

She says some BS when you come back from the shop? A&A, fogging, choose what you like and pass it! Just stare at her disapprovingly, remain silent, and go on with your business. Tell her in a most sarcastic way possible "Oh, darling, how could I forget I should ask you about every step I make, lest I dare earn your disapproval?".

She disapproves of you putting water on her steel counter? Take a glass, fill it, and pour more water on it with a jerk smile. Worst case she's going to freak out over some water on STEEL. Water on STEEL, really? It's not like you're ruining your priceless aged wooden floor with it! It's STEEL, it gives no fucks about water.

She goes on about this "HISTORICAL" moment? If you definetly feel like she's honestly trying to hurt you (and you have to trust your intuition and judgement here), then what you were advised by the other posters, however crazy, is a viable action. Dump her eggs in the bin, eat yours, and go on with your day.

You cooked? SHE'S DOING THE DISHES THEN, WTF!? Tell her "Okay woman, I made you good breakfast, now help me clean up". She goes like "WTF" you go "What you don't know how to wash dishes?". Have fun with her. Worst case she will freak out over nothing (you asking her to do her share of cleaning up after a meal).

Even if you're washing, after she starts criticising (her first line), don't go defensive and ask what to use. She's not trying to convey information to you (you're usingthe wrong scrub), she's bullshitting you. React accordingly. Tell her to come to you, wait for her to do it, then give her the dishes and tell her to wash it. Tell her she's clearly more competent and therefore she should do it.

Improve. Work on it. You're on the right track but you still have a long way to go. Don't give up. Go on.

I get it you were trying to reward her for fucking with you 5 times, but... the moment has passed, now you're rewarding her not fucking you for 10 days straight, no reason whatsoever (she can still blow you or at least handjob you even if she's bleeding and PIV is uncomfortable for her).

You should learn to avoid covert contracts, or basically, any expectations. You cook for her because YOU want to COOK a breakfast, and see no reason not to share. I very much endorse cooking Gordon Ramsay's recepies, I am learning cooking the same way. Start cooking stuff because you enjoy cooking, you're passionate about cooking. She whines? Well fuck her! She doesn't respect you cooking for her? You cook for yourself only, problem solved! You wasted her scrub? Buy yourself your own scrubs and use them, problem solved! Whatever you do, you do it for yourself, by yourself, and don't care about her. You don't want to impress her, you don't need her opinion.

That's what she's waiting for, from you. IDGAF attitude. She needs confirmation she's not making a mistake suddenly fucking you infinitely more than she was before. She needs a concrete, firm confirmation, that's why her shit tests are so out of order. Give it to her by remaining IDGAF.

RBuddDwyer · 2015-09-06T22:53:39+00:00

Jesus what a solipsistic bitch.

On another note, why are you making her eggs now? First off, she only started fucking you again, and it was only five times. You want to be rewarding better behavior, not the bare minimum behavior to keep the marriage in-tact. (Sex less than once per week triggers the "fuck me or fuck you" sequence in my book.)

Second, the reward needs to come immediately after the act. I'd get her some nice chocolates or a bag of skittles and have it ready to give her immediately after the fuck. The timing of your reward tends to reinforce the shitty, bitchy behavior that accompanies Shark Week. You do not want to be reinforcing that behavior. You want to be holding frame and taking every opportunity to show her who is boss during Shark Week. The first sign of disrespect gets met with, "who the hell do you think you're talking to?!" And just walk out right there.

dca_member · 2015-09-03T19:14:44+00:00

I guess it was funny for her to see you trying to cook and she took the oportunity to mock you. I get that too. She obviously knows that shit better than you and she had some fun :).

RedWagonChronicles · 2015-09-09T15:28:38+00:00

I would have made two plates. Ate both in front of her and left. On my way out tell her the kitchen is dirty and needs cleaned.

About scrubbing pans. I would have went out and grabbed a grinder and/ or a sander from my toolbox and and fired them up. Laughing as as I ruin her damn frying pan.

You need to employ some a&a or fogging when you get rapid fire shit tests like that. Sometimes a simple "yup". Is all that's needed.

Hey, you're doing that wrong!

Yup. Then smile

Title	[Noob] shit tests in the kitchen
Author	it_is_not_the_spoon
Upvotes	12
Comments	69
Date	September 3, 2015 11:07 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3jh3ze/noob_shit_tests_in_the_kitchen/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/noob-shit-tests-in-the-kitchen.201104 https://theredarchive.com/post/201104

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