The problem with how men perceive rape | Professional victim explains how her saying "yes" to sex and regretting it later is all men's fault because she has no agency and can't make decisions for herself. Thanks feminism.

fengpi · 2017-09-20T09:11:30+00:00

Women get socialized to put their needs second and make other people happy

My god. Why did these flawless light-beings of angelic purity ever leave their higher, ethereal dimension of unalloyed goodness and cloak themselves in human flesh upon this shit-stained mudball full of wild beasts called Earth? Is this divine punishment for some kind of sin that we mere Homo Sapiens cannot comprehend, like the fall of Lucifer from paradise?

dadibom · 2017-09-20T10:38:05+00:00

well what's the solution? to view all women as minors, unable to make their own decisions and therefore unable to give consent?

number4ty7 · 2017-09-20T12:24:34+00:00

Oh my.

This is top drawer mental gymnastics here. This one should make the olympics.

Oh my giddy aunt, I'm overcome with the mirth.

HeForeverBleeds · 2017-09-20T14:26:10+00:00

This whole thing is a bunch of one-sided hypocrisy. The fact that she mentions Dennis’s “implication” and not Dee’s from the same series (basically, if a guy says “no” to sex, blackmail him into it by threatening to cry rape) makes her hypocrisy very clear

In general everything she’s saying falls apart when it’s applied equally, because how often are men also pressured into unwanted sex by women or have sex with a woman while drunk and later regret it? Women do all the same crap to men that she’s accusing men of doing to women, so if people started applying such a broad definition to rape, there would also be vastly more women being arrested for the crime and vastly more men being victims of it as well

“Many of the most traumatic and damaging sexual experiences, particularly ones faced by women who have sex with men, don’t even meet the legal definition of rape.”

‘Particularly ones faced by women who have sex with men’ according to what? In most places, a woman literally forcing a man into sexual intercourse isn’t charged with rape unless she penetrates him with an object because rape is defined as the rapist penetrating a victim

She’s making it sound as if women sexually violated by men have a harder time getting taken seriously in the CJS than men sexually violated by women. What alternate universe does this author live in?

DRU-ZOD1980 · 2017-09-20T13:12:01+00:00

In other news, the word microagressions pisses me off.

mrwhibbley · 2017-09-20T15:06:53+00:00

Good news! She wasn't raped. She had multiple consensual sexual activities that she may have regretted later or maybe would have preferred not to have done but did willingly anyway. Seems like she is also bad a asserting herself and picking men to meet. And to think that some guy invites you over to share his bed is a joke. I'm not saying anyone ever has to guarantee sex, but to almost act surprised that you were only going there to sleep is literally retarded. What's wrong with your bed? Were you there from out of town? Come on, grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

viper12a1a · 2017-09-20T11:27:40+00:00

Before you ask for consent, ask if she's a feminist. If she is, bail. She'll probably decide you raped her later.

letsgetfunkymonkey · 2017-09-20T17:15:01+00:00

The author repeatedly uses various versions of the phrase "sex you don't particularly want". That has nothing to do with rape or consent.

Sex with someone who doesn't want that sex isn't rape, or even morally wrong. Sex with someone who doesn't consent to sex is rape (and wrong). Having sex with someone who doesn't consent is on the rapist. But CONSENTING TO SEX THAT YOU DON'T PARTICULARLY WANT IS ON YOU!. That isn't your partner's fault, that's YOUR fault. If you don't particularly want sex, don't freaking consent to it!

And once you have consented to it, recognize that the subsequent feelings stem from regret and anxiety, not because you were any sort of a victim. It is the exact same feeling a guy has when he bangs a fat chick on after a drunken night. It's regret and anxiety over people knowing you banged a fat chick. She didn't fucking rape you or do anything wrong.

fengpi · 2017-09-20T09:15:35+00:00

There’s a scene from a sixth season episode of the FX sitcom It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia where Dennis Reynolds—a pretty-boy sociopath with a cavalier attitude toward women—launches into a description of a seduction technique he refers to as “the implication.”

Whoah, slow down there cow-girl! Is Dennis a sociopath or is he a completely normal man doing completely normal man-things that any other man would do? I confuse! Are men 99% sociopaths?

Warod0 · 2017-09-20T17:07:49+00:00

No means no. Yes also means no sometimes. Most of the time Yes means yes but sometimes I say no in a manner that means i say yes.

God why can't you understand its so simple.

2017-09-20T13:52:09+00:00

I must be getting old. Used to be if you were a floozy and promiscuous it was all your own fault ffs!

HappyHound · 2017-09-20T13:39:58+00:00

I give it less than two years before a woman makes the same or similar enough stringent regarding drunk driving and gets acquitted.

heisenberg747 · 2017-09-20T14:29:19+00:00

Thanks for not linking the actual site.

Lrellok · 2017-09-20T16:27:39+00:00

in settings both professional and personal, I am often afraid that my boundaries will not be respected, that I will be expected, once again, to comply with someone else’s desires rather than my own.

I work as a class A truckdriver. The reason we now have PAGES of legislation regarding how lon truckers can drive, how may hours of sleep they have to have, what condition the equipment has to be in, is this right here. Men have had to deal with this situation in work, home, life for generations, but the instant one single female realizes this is going on, OH MY GOD ITS A CRISIS!

I am going to say something very radical here. The reason men do not respect your bodily autonomy is that MENS bodily autonomy is NEVER respected. We have no more obligation to extend to you something you are completely and totally willing to extend to us.

And to those reading this comment cynically, no i am not advocating rape. I am saying YOU must start respecting the bodily autonomy of others as much as you expect them to recognize yours.

Lets take an example from the article itself.

A few years ago, in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, I met up with a boy from Philly at a fancy doughnut shop in Chelsea.

I am going to assume that Chelsea is somewhere in new york and not in boston. Philly to New York is 100 miles, 2 hours drive on a good day (which are few). My company would have to pay me $50 to make that run, and $50 for the run back. In addition, assuming there was a movie and some dinner involved here, my company would have to pay me $15 an hour for sitting around waiting for some one else to finish what they where doing. That comes to about $150 for the drive and the detention. SO, why did you not pay him $150 for his time?

Because you could care less about his bodily autonomy, that's why.

Ninjetik · 2017-09-20T14:01:24+00:00

"...and we teach men that they can get away with violating women" Thanks for all the insightful sourcing; seriously, once the author used the phrase 'sexual micro-aggressions', I checked out.

ansonslady · 2017-09-20T16:53:05+00:00

It is ridiculous for any individual, man or women, to put blame on someone else for a decision that they have made. Women often do this as a way to not have to look at themselves as something they don't want to see and society now doesn't force it on women like it does men. We are placated to. When we don't look at ourselves self improvement never happens and emotional growth is stunted.

Fly_U2_the_sunset · 2017-09-20T14:35:26+00:00

My favorite part of it is

“sexual microaggressions”

These women are so out of touch with themselves its absurd. 95% of the western single female population dress themselves up and try wait'n'bait “sexual microaggressions” on the regular in what is practically a genetically encoded mating ritual at this point.

If it weren't for “sexual microaggressions” the population would probably shrivel up in die in a culture of obesity and self hatred within a generation. Although I'm not surprised because the writer of this garbage is probably a globalist fuckwit or the pawn of one.

Deliberate attempt to create dissonance among the genders and confuse the shit out of young idiots.

boringcarpets · 2017-09-20T12:54:59+00:00

If anything it seems it's a problem with women who perceive rape

Proteus_Marius · 2017-09-20T16:29:44+00:00

Your post title seemed likely to be over the top on first glance. It wasn't.

2017-09-20T22:50:46+00:00

I absolutely have NOT been conditioned to put a man's needs before mine. In fact, in my experience it's been the exact opposite. I've been inundated since pre-pubescence that my body is my own and no means no. I've told my boyfriend no when I don't feel like sex and he has ALWAYS respected that boundary because he (along with 96% of the human population) in not a sociopath. They key is saying "No". How do so many other women not get that? Men can't read minds sweetheart. And yes, I've consented to sex on a few occasions when I didn't particularly want to for the sole reason that I love my boyfriend and I get a lot of enjoyment from watching him cum even when I don't get any sexual fulfillment out of it, and knowing that I can do that for him. He does it for me too.

2017-09-20T15:12:11+00:00

"I didn't want to sleep with the guy, but I got piss drunk and let him have his way with me"

No, that's not rape.

mariox19 · 2017-09-20T17:43:06+00:00

This is a perfect illustration of why college campuses need to refer rape allegations to the police, rather than adjudicating all such claims in kangaroo courts using testimony given by neurotics. What is discussed in this essay is wrong on so many levels, but not in any way the author imagines.

Just think, you tell a woman that you just met for a first date that you drove too long a way to not get a blowjob, and her reaction is that it would just be easier to get drunk and let you have your way with her—and somehow that's the fault of The Patriarchy.

josiasx · 2017-09-20T09:56:57+00:00

“My body language was telegraphing pain/discomfort/disinterest, since I stopped showing enthusiasm or reciprocation,” Anna says. But her partner didn’t seem to notice or particularly care

You know, this article really is something that should be supported by MRAs.

And this,

If I say no, someone getting upset, acting hurt, being disappointed, and asking again can easily make me say yes”—a personality quirk that both male and female partners have used against her

While the focus of the article was on male semi-aggression against females. It does mention females behave the same.

Really, this is a good article. I'm not sure I can agree 100% with this, but it does give me something to think about.

omegaphallic · 2017-09-20T22:17:43+00:00

Wow, just wow, this makes me feel sad, I just pity her for having such a disempowering perpective.

magicalraven · 2017-09-20T22:41:37+00:00

dubious consent

Take note of this term as I have a feeling its about to take off in the SJW world

heimdahl81 · 2017-09-21T00:34:04+00:00

Whenever something like this comes up, I mention two quick experiences with women from the past.

My first girlfriend wanted to wait until after marriage for sex. Still, we would make out, get excited, and beg me to fuck her in the heat of the moment. I always refused. I told her she would have to ask me to have sex with a clear head. Eventually we did and it was fine. No regrets by either party.

Another young woman was a friend I was flirty with. She laid down in my bed for a nap and I joined her. She snuggled up to me in a spooning position. She said to me "Whatever you do, don't bite the back of my neck." I replied "Like this?" and then bit her neck. That got this started and we fooled around for the first time. We dated for several years after that.

In the first case I had enthusiastic consent, but it would have been a shitty move to go along with it, though not illegal. In the second case, I was explicitly denied consent for what I did, but I did it anyway because I knew it was something we both wanted. In the real world, stuff like religious beliefs, social pressure, intoxication, mental state, and other things all affect the decision to have sex or not to. The real world can't be simplified into a yes or no answer.

Jammersault · 2017-09-21T01:56:26+00:00

When a woman experiences regret it's a major affront to her dignity. It's very very very serious, it cuts soooooo very very deeply. And someone needs to be held responsible, somebody other than her. Of course there isn't a man on the planet that hasn't had to chew the arm off and back door it and live with the regret of a consensual night of debauchery with the last fatty at the local. But of the responsibility for a blokes' regret was to fall at the feet of someone other than the bloke himself it would be fat unattractive women, and their crime would be being so desperate and easy to have sex with. Of course the lefties would attack this logic as bigoted and discriminatory.........oh the irony !

SJW_Skeptic · 2017-09-21T04:03:49+00:00

Seems the article divides rape incorrectly it is "R" rape and unsatisfying voluntary sex that I later define as rape without a thought of the consequences to the poor Schmuck that failed to measure up to the standards of today's romance novels and women's magazines.

2017-09-21T04:53:11+00:00

A common trope in feminism is this:

I feel this way. That's the patriarchy's fault and my own views on issues are evidence of my oppression.

Anyway, I know that sex under duress, even if it's not forced, is rape. A friend of mine was on a date with a guy who picked her up. After going to a restaurant, they got back in his car and he suddenly drove her to his cabin on the outskirts of town, ignoring her protests. He asked if she wanted sex, and she refused. He then said that she didn't have to, but he wouldn't drive her home until they banged. She had no cell phone reception due to the location, and it was the middle of a snowy winter where it would have been impossible to walk home through the middle of an unknown area.

I think this is a clear-cut case of duress. But when you have examples like the one written in the article ("I felt uncomfortable because he drove a long way to see me"), it's just stupid.

Aivias · 2017-09-21T13:13:54+00:00

Soon bad sex will be rape.

someguymartin · 2017-09-20T15:46:31+00:00

No one is going to go to jail for putting ice against their girlfriend’s vulva or for badgering someone into sex they don’t particularly want, or for not using a condom with someone who’s otherwise consented to sex. But the fact that these aren’t criminal acts doesn’t mean that they’re not violating or traumatic or wrong.

The author is not advocating to put you all in jail. They're trying to show you perspective, in the hope that the next time a girl says no to you. That it is a resounding no.

Ill probably get down voted in this retarded echo chamber, but remember boys, if she says no, that's where it should stop. Regardless of what other motives are behind that no, (playing hard to get, secret rape fantasy, etc)

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