Why is that in a relationship, going 50/50 (splitting bills, chores and work) is considered bad or 'feminine'?

Dudequality · 2024-10-07T12:04:47+00:00

This is nonsense. The people complaining about men asking for equal distribution of burden - either in bills or in chores - are not ones you want to date. Be grateful that the trash sorts itself out

MegaLAG · 2024-10-07T12:16:02+00:00

Always split the bills. I was in an abusive relationship where I had to pay for everything, including her own bills, I worked and took care of all the chores, while she deliberately did nearly nothing and did her utmost to break me and destroy my life.

Splitting the bills at every occasion, and kicking them out after a while if they do not do their part of the chores (or more if they don't work) protects you a bit from these individuals.

disayle32 · 2024-10-07T12:40:57+00:00

Because doing that requires women to put actual effort into relationships, instead of just sitting on their asses being pampered. To entitled spoiled princesses, of which there are way too many these days, this is a Bad Thing (TM).

Shdwfalcon · 2024-10-07T12:20:33+00:00

No. I say let them continue to openly demand to have their cake and eat it. This way, you get to see the trash that they are right upfront on the spot. Figuring out the real trash (like them) and the real gems is so much easier with them doing their nonsense openly.

New-Distribution6033 · 2024-10-07T13:18:48+00:00

Because the women want him to pay 100%, do all the yard/handyman work AND do half the house chores.

AbysmalDescent · 2024-10-07T15:08:07+00:00

It's just manipulation. The reality is that you still have a lot of women out there who want to pick and choose equality whenever it suits them, or want to infantilize themselves instead of taking an active participation in their dating lives. It is weaponized incompetence being labelled as femininity, because a lot of women believe that calling it feminine nature gives their child-like, low-effort and sexist desires legitimacy.

walterwallcarpet · 2024-10-07T13:00:20+00:00

'Courtship' involved a man spending money to 'woo' a female, demonstrating how much resource he had, in comparison to other suitors, so that he might gain access to her fertility, via marriage. But, those days are gone. This is how it formerly operated:

1. The female should have a modest sexual history. Prior to DNA testing, a woman's 'modesty' was the best possible predictor of future faithfulness and loyalty. And, who, in their right mind, would wife up someone who already had three kids by three different fathers?

2. Marriage, a legally binding contract whereby property & goods are transferred to a female, in exchange for her fertility, required monogamy... that same faithfulness and loyalty. Good luck with that one, these days.

3. Prior to women having the widespread ability to earn their own money, men would be expected to spend all his money on courtship and then marriage, until the female produced a child. Then, he's expected to earn money for his family. His wife disposes of most of his income, of course. Producing the child is the first positive input she's made. And her emotional bond is to that child.

4. Even in the 'traditional' set-up described, women often view their 'contractual obligations' as one-way. For example, after a child has been produced, she no longer sees it as her 'duty' to have sex with her husband. But, she'll sure see it as her 'duty' to fleece him of his assets under contractual obligations. https://mgtowsolution.wordpress.com/briffaults-law/

As women now earn their own money, and can easily out-earn men, they have an unappealing tendency to treat most men with thinly-disguised contempt. The solution is simple. They can go f*ck themselves. Which I believe they do, in ever-increasing numbers.

aigars2 · 2024-10-07T14:52:18+00:00

It's not bad or feminine obviously. Men shaming for wanting something will never end probably, especially in female dominated environment. Stop using Instagram. Live your life as you think you should and what suits you better.

UbiquitousWobbegong · 2024-10-07T13:24:00+00:00

Because women want the benefits of equality, but their biological instincts haven't changed. They still want men who are providers. Their animal brain is judging us based on traditional criteria, the same way men still want healthy, young, fertile women. We instinctually find morbidly obese women unattractive the same way they find men who can't provide for them unattractive.

There's a social element perpetuating these values consciously, that exists. But those cultural values are downstream from biology.

DaddyBarista · 2024-10-07T15:37:53+00:00

It was a masculine thing to pay, hold the door open, etc. Chivalry as the term was used back then. Everything masculine has to be torn down as toxic. Plus, women are strong and independent and don't need no man. There is no way women want to get rid of having their shit paid for though, so I guess they've decided to try to shame men into doing it now. Lovely.

IllEntertainment1931 · 2024-10-07T15:01:37+00:00

Its one of those double standards that can never be explained away with logic, so don't even try.

Jake0024 · 2024-10-07T15:22:38+00:00

Who is calling splitting bills and housework "feminine"?

AntiFeminismAU · 2024-10-07T15:29:37+00:00

Feminism was never about equality. If it was, women would insist on paying their own way on a date.

If women want equality then they should have no issue with the man wanting to split the bill. Instead, they tried to their best to shame men for doing so, by calling them "cheap" or "broke" etc. Don't fall for it guys. Stand your ground and never pay for a woman.

mrkpxx · 2024-10-07T12:10:31+00:00

You can't and don't want to split everything 50% and halve every task that comes up in a partnership. Everyone should concentrate on what they are better at and enjoy doing.

chortle-guffaw · 2024-10-07T14:56:05+00:00

whenever a man wants to split the bills or chores with his partner, he is mocked and regarded as "unmanly" or feminine.

It's because there is no logical argument against this, so the only thing left is emotional.

Lorn84 · 2024-10-07T15:41:25+00:00

Its not bad.. I mean for the last 30 or 40 years we have been pushing for the egalitarian utopia have we not? In doing so we left boys behind this is not a rant or a complaint there are several peer reviewed studied and bodies of work published on this very topic. My point being that in several sectors of our economy men are making the same or less than females, now men are also not graduating from college any more or I should in smaller quantities but that's actually okay because there are still several professions that are more labor related where you can make a great wage without a degree. The problem being that those professions are either being outsourced or automated. So what I am getting at is that men don't have the capital to pay for everything anymore that's just the plain truth. Women said for years they were independent and didn't need your money anyway bro soooo whats the problem? Sure yes this phenomena doesn't jive well with most of recoded history and sure this also contributes to this severe image issue among young males making them more reclusive less active less likely to get married not because they don't want to but society still tells men they need 3 months pay for a ring and need to be able to provide so its a financial reason so no bro you splitting bills is just being practical and pragmatic. Now how you do chores etc that's on you but you cant get away from economics

Delicious-Ice-7464 · 2024-10-07T15:56:27+00:00

Simple. Almost like everything it traces back to the past.

Women didn't work and were expected to be stay at home mums with the dads being breadwinners, to prove he can afford her he would show her he can pay for his dinner.

Similar but almost opposite thinking regarding chores. Chores used to be a women's thing except the big ones such as farming, mowing grass etc. Thus doing half is considered feminine to certain individuals.

SeedsOfDoubt · 2024-10-07T19:51:33+00:00

Shame is a tool of oppression. Whether it is used to get you to do something or not do something. Ignore it a move on.

Illadrex2 · 2024-10-07T22:37:29+00:00

Because women are lazy. It's funny, I have a vasectomy, and you still see them trying to use this logic. In theory, the reason they don't believe they should be contributing equally is because they can have babies and rear them up, but when you take babies out of the equation, and they still have that logic...it's clear how lazy they are

randonumero · 2024-10-07T13:55:33+00:00

Have you ever noticed that when women and to a lesser degree men, question a man's manlyness it's to belittle him for not sacrificing himself for them or for independent thought? The reality is that social media is driven by people trying to live or show a lifestyle they can't afford. While you do you have guys on social media showing expensive things, I feel like it's largely women and those women largely are doing it on some guy's dime. As the number of people struggling financially increase so do some of the expectations of desirable guys. That leaves the average woman needing to convince the average guy to do things they shouldn't. I'm man enough to admit that in my youth a woman challenging my manliness led to me doing a lot of dumb shit especially financially.

You're never going to get women to stop saying you're not a man if you make them pay because it'll never be in their benefit to not have that. What you can do is stop caring. Or at least start expecting something in return. And based on my experience the overwhelming majority of women who pull this don't really like you anyway. So don't waste your time with them.

chaosandturmoil · 2024-10-07T15:22:29+00:00

guess who it is that say this? i see it on tv and sm a fair bit and it's never a guy calling out other guys

Hunter0429 · 2024-10-07T18:24:52+00:00

I think this is kinda ridiculous. My fiancé and I split bills (close to 60/40 since my job pays a little more) and we both have different chores to do. It's a team effort to have a house.

SymphonicAnarchy · 2024-10-07T18:57:26+00:00

If you’re in a healthy relationship, it’s not. When we were low on funds and I couldn’t cover everything anymore, my wife helped out a LOT more with the bills, sacrificing almost everything she made. You make it work when it’s hard, and thrive together when things are good.

Anyone who says “50/50 is bad”, do not have any kind of emotional relationship with them. Purely transactional, if you have to. They will not help you when things get tough, and that’s what a real partner does.

dudester3 · 2024-10-07T19:21:05+00:00

Trad man expectations, trad woman expectations. Buy her a couple nights out contingent on her AT LEAST making 1 home cooked meal. Maybe show off her needlework, etc. Otherwise no deal.

Specialist_Proof3207 · 2024-10-07T19:56:17+00:00

It’s not unless your friends are douchebags

Global-Entry9335 · 2024-10-07T22:59:44+00:00

Because women b's themselves that they want equility, but only when and how they choose. Women are not ready for equity, or to be equitable. And that is why they will always look for the guy that will pay the bills, and if the guy resorts to an equitable relationship foundation, women can only belitte, humiliate, or call names.

pvgvg · 2024-10-07T15:50:12+00:00

Ok, as a traditional woman I can look at it in two different ways. If you are a 50/50 man then you have to look for a woman that is more feminist, more like a friend. If you want a feminine woman that is traditional in the way she is with you and you with her, then you must be a protector and provider. But what is wrong is for women to want to have the best of both scenarios and taking advantage of men.

jamiejagaimo · 2024-10-07T17:57:04+00:00

If you split them, people complain. If you don't do any, people complain.

I do none of the chores and I refuse to be shamed for it.

jack_avram · 2024-10-07T15:43:51+00:00

It's extremely inconsistent to frankly not support equality in these department when the rest of society pushes for equality between the genders in everything else. So...can it make up its mind? Equality or gender specific specialization and the necessary societal respect of such specialization? Realistically nature is not equal and think that's more humane to acknowledge than deny. We need to recognize what genuine instinctual / nature advantages are present in each sex and align society with them. To not do so is possibly reckless and disregarding any real hope for a longterm prospect, which seems apparent today with things like "men are simple" which is of course dismissive and patronizing of a more nuanced humanity when we need to make sure the conventional wisdom takes ourselves more serious than that. Many of the conventional dehumanizing misnomers today are a lack of confidence as a species. I believe this recent lack of accountability (or stripping of accountability) in modern Western women and trans M2F goes deeper than favoritism but rather something dismantling potential to prosper, to disincentivize the honor and meaning of life and of families. It's much deeper than just oblivious arbitrary comforts and propaganda, it's intelligent and highly orchestrated to remain so pervasive. It's take a massive level of penetrating the subconscious to get to where we're at now in my opinion, to suddenly, after what... half a million years of homo sapiens evolution and a few thousand documented... to not aspire to procreation anymore. But then you notice it's only in the most developed worlds with the most exposure to this propaganda. It's ironic we civilize past a lot of the human barbarism of all ancestries, of a species, yet have much more of a fabricated psychological and often more intellectual barbarism reintroduced.

swm412 · 2024-10-08T17:45:50+00:00

Women want men to provide for them.

Character_Display945 · 2024-10-08T17:51:38+00:00

Not all women are feminists and there are still a lot of women who advocate for old fashioned traditional/patriarchal relationships. 50/50 can be very rewarding, and more common among open minded and liberal women.

RevolutionaryDrive5 · 2024-10-17T12:30:35+00:00

Out of curiosity what was the gender split of the men and women 'who should pay for the date' crowd, i'm guessing it was more men suggesting this then the reverse?

Less-Requirement8641 · 2024-10-07T15:53:37+00:00

Simple. Almost like everything it traces back to the past.

Women didn't work and were expected to be stay at home mums with the dads being breadwinners, to prove he can afford her he would show her he can pay for his dinner.

Similar but almost opposite thinking regarding chores. Chores used to be a women's thing except the big ones such as farming, mowing grass etc. Thus doing half is considered feminine to certain individuals.

Extreme_Spread9636 · 2024-10-07T18:29:06+00:00

My issue with 50/50 has always been that 50/50 only takes into the account the things that women don't want to do. There are plenty of things men do that men don't want to do. Paying the bill is only of the many examples. The issue here is that it would kill romance as well as make women do the work that we don't want to do.
That's why 50/50 is pretty much Cakeism.

corporate_robot_dude · 2024-10-07T15:06:20+00:00

I don't consider myself wealthy, but I am a low single digit millionaire. I'm at the point where I've already put in the work and made the sacrifices such that my (and whoever my partner may be) financial future is secure.

That being said, I'm wondering in this situation what is acceptable for distribution of work. l'd still expect my partner to work, but if I'm the one with alot of free time (which I've earned) I'd somewhat be expected to take on more of the housework. Then, ontop of that since I'm wealthier, I am ALSO expected to chip in more of expenses. Feels a bit of a rip off.

How would you guys approach this sort of dynamics?

Title	Why is that in a relationship, going 50/50 (splitting bills, chores and work) is considered bad or 'feminine'?
Author	Mister_3177
Upvotes	240
Comments	62
Date	October 7, 2024 11:56 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1fy5svp/why_is_that_in_a_relationship_going_5050/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-is-that-in-a-relationship-going-5050-splitting.1532343 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532343

Comments

1. The female should have a modest sexual history. Prior to DNA testing, a woman's 'modesty' was the best possible predictor of future faithfulness and loyalty. And, who, in their right mind, would wife up someone who already had three kids by three different fathers?

2. Marriage, a legally binding contract whereby property & goods are transferred to a female, in exchange for her fertility, required monogamy... that same faithfulness and loyalty. Good luck with that one, these days.