Besides high standards, feminism, or something else that is women's fault, why do some young men struggle to ask women out these days?

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-04-15T00:10:49+00:00

If you aren't physically attractive, asking women out will get you the same results as never asking women out

Fan_Service_3703 · 2025-04-14T19:30:24+00:00

The demise of community social spaces making it so that the only real places to meet someone are bars/clubs, where it's pitch black, packed full of people, and the music is so loud you have to shout into a person's ear to talk to them. Not exactly conducive.

Also, the (very rightful) pushback against sexual harassment has led to genuinely well-intentioned guys being frightened to approach for fear of being creeps.

Peeloin · 2025-04-14T20:25:43+00:00

I'm shy.

ButFirstMyCoffee · 2025-04-14T20:03:04+00:00

I highly recommend "The Anxious Generation".

We're starting to see the devastating outcomes of raising kids on iPads.

https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&geo=US&q=%2Fm%2F01_4_n&hl=en

If you look closely, these problems are zoomer problems.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2025-04-15T02:12:30+00:00

For me, it's more about vibes than just her looks. If a woman really piques my interest or curiosity, I may approach if the vibes are neutral. I used to do this somewhat frequently on the DC metro. Not as much on the subway here in NYC. If the vibes are poppin, I'm gonna shoot my shot but that doesn't happen as often as it did pre-covid

BrainMarshal · 2025-04-15T00:31:37+00:00

They don't struggle. They've found that

1) the juice isn't worth the squeeze; and

2) the whole paradigm is sexist to begin with.

she'd never been asked out. Not even once.

This! Is! Progress! Amen.

She could of course get a spine and approach men and deal with rejection like the Approach Br0z do.

BaldieMonkey · 2025-04-14T21:45:53+00:00

Admitting all of this is true, including her not getting approached by ANY MAN whatsoever while being objectively attractive. Here are a few reasons :

-After getting rejected a lot of times, most men actually stop "cold approaching"

-They wait to have unambiguous, unmissable signals to go, in order to avoid awkwardness and brutal rejection ; but this kind of signals don't come often so yeah, not gonna work well

-After seeing a majority of women having high shallow requirements in men, they simply abandon with a certain type of conventional women, I know guys that only talks to alt/goth/tomboy/gamer/nerdy girls, this even became a wide trend amongst men

-Considering the fact that she was in a 90% men uni, I would assume this is the kind of uni where you find a lot of anxious, not so attractive men (computer science for example), therefore, they can't work up the nerve to approach her or simply would not bother considering their chances of sucess are really low for a high risk

-Her general attitude towards men that are not you may be insufferable or not so welcoming

-She may not be objectively attractive and only attractive to you

But now I have other questions :

-You say she is flirty, does she try to flirt with other men or just with you ?

-She was never asked out, but did she still manage to get relations or did she herself asked people out ?

-Does she hangout in socializing places or does she goes straight home ?

Remarkable-Strain157 · 2025-04-15T23:32:40+00:00

Lack of confidence, literally

jinny_winny · 2025-04-14T20:57:32+00:00

As a dude in the same age range as the girl in your post, I can see a few reasons for this:

Men are more shy and have more social anxiety these days. Fear of rejection. With social media these days it's very easy to avoid having to socialize in real life if you don't want to.
Women generally don't hang out in the same spaces as men (obviously there are exceptions to this). I feel like men and women are pretty segregated when it comes to their hobbies so there is less mixing between the genders happening. Perhaps the environments where the girl in your post frequents are just not really places where men tend to approach.
I can't speak for any other man on this one, but personally I wouldn't bother approaching a girl if I thought she was much more attractive than me. The chance for success is just too small.
Finally, she could just be extremely unlucky. Just existing as an attractive woman in society doesn't mean that you're guaranteed to have men approaching you.

None of this is meant to blame women for anything in any capacity. I acknowledge that women are free to choose whoever they want to date or if they want to date at all.

In general, I don't think this is as big of a problem as some of the other guys on here might make it out to be. Society is just trending towards a point where men don't like approaching and women don't like being approached, why force the issue?

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-04-14T22:30:14+00:00

Lack of social places and them never coming back due to the pandemic. Cold approaching being very frowned upon on. The increased potential of facing more than a polite rejection if they ask them out. People like Tate saying that women don’t find most of them attractive therefore they’ll only face rejection.

Knight-Bishop · 2025-04-14T20:33:44+00:00

Some guys are terrified of legit full package stunners. Legit dime pieces.

***even most guys.

Plus- false accusations + less socialization of the youth + lack of humility in wanting to learn how to cold approach from subject matter experts like me + MGTOW + women’s attitudes towards men/insufferable + stacking cash to go overseas + the red pill info being disbursed. Etc etc

Andrew Tate & other NON manosphere social influences that are Generation Z (like Sneako) really made the RP go more mainstream.

A lot of men (because of the RP) know a lot of women don’t see most men as physically attractive. So— young men don’t want to be tricks to delusional broads, who seek attention on social media

Substantial_Video560 · 2025-04-15T12:18:28+00:00

Most of the time it's a waste of time. I've more worthwhile things to be doing.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-13T21:11:30+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

lovelesslibertine · 2025-04-16T15:20:33+00:00

Most people don't ask people out. That isn't how things work. They just talk, and things evolve. At least, that's how things work in my world, and with everyone I've known.

Also, she's free to ask men out.

You should have asked her how many men she's had sex with.

petellapain · 2025-04-16T21:07:22+00:00

It irreversibly ruins social dynamics. For most men in most circumstances the answer will be no. This hurts and is not a simple matter to shrug off. In situations where the man will see the woman again, there will forever be the underlying fact that she rejected him floating around them.

Jiburonotsu · 2025-04-19T03:43:19+00:00

Boo hoo for her I guess. Consequences of men not caring about female validation or interaction.

I also think she's lying. But hey, what do I know, I think they all lie.

Kaisern · 2025-04-15T06:38:26+00:00

Believe it or not, men are pretty good at reading signals. She hasn’t been asked out because she’s been giving men ”please don’t ask me out, I don’t find you attractive” signals in conversation. One word answers, disinterest, rudeness. Naturally men notice this and don’t pull the trigger. This is the root of any somewhat attractive woman claiming she’s ”never been asked out” - she doesn’t want to be asked out by 99% of men and makes it quite clear

A more pertinent question would have been to ask her ”have there been any single guys that you wish had asked you out, that you would have said yes to, who didn’t? And what did you do/say/act towards them”

Fly on the wall scenario those guys were probably either way out of her league and thus not interested, or she continued giving disinterest signals making them disengage

Major_Staff_655 · 2025-04-15T17:17:53+00:00

because she can instantly ruin your reputation by making a tik tok about it

DGenerationMC · 2025-04-14T20:57:37+00:00

Because they like the idea of them more than the real individual themselves?

That's my wild guess.

Comments