Can a sensitive guy become less sensitive?

barbodelli · 2019-07-23T05:54:18+00:00

I think its like a secret of sorts that guys get emotionally invested as well. Particularly if they dont have a lot of options and place a high value on the person they somehow involved with.

Everyone tends to think that guys are automatically in "I dont give a shit" mode. From personal experience that is really only true for the guys who know they can easily get with women. And even they fall from time to time.

There is no simple answer to your question. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is one potential option. Figure out whats causing you to become emotionally attached so quickly. Then more importantly figure out feasible ways to get around it. Keyword feasible because lots of people give out terrible advice like "just dont fall in love so fast". Yeah no fucking shit sherlock you act like I consciously choose to fuck myself this way. Its a subconscious process that can definitely be reworked but requires effort. Lots of it.

xlptu · 2019-07-23T15:13:52+00:00

So you want to close your heart to achieve a dream that society told you is the only think that will make you a bit less depressed in this life: having lots of casual sex with no intimacy.

Just putting it in honest words so you can take an honest look at it.

[deleted] · 2019-07-23T09:44:07+00:00

Perspective is everything. When you get overly emotional about one thing start to zoom out your focus and think about all the other things in your life. Career, spouse, kids if you have em, friends, family, hobbies... no one thing defines you or determines your worth. Everything is temporary, you will not have it forever, nor die if its taken away. When you care about any one aspect of your life too much and hinge your self worth and emotional state on it, you enter a kind of voluntary slavery. Try to stay balanced and judge/feel based on how all the “life status bars” are doing, never just one. Ups and downs are normal thats why you dont stress so much over one single area of life.

RadChadswell · 2019-07-23T15:19:06+00:00

Why are you trying to be a plate-spinning player if that's not who you are? Because some internet forum told you to and the internet speaks nothing but truth?

If you're a sensitive guy who gets attached, prefers deeper emotional connections, and feels heartbroken letting go of someone, why would you ever try to run through 30-50 women? That's just setting yourself up for heartbreak and pain. Know thyself and embrace it. If that's who you are, factor that into your sexual strategy. Don't go on dates so easily. Be more selective of women. Only invest if she passes all your requirements.

guy_24601 · 2019-07-23T09:56:14+00:00

You probably are more lonely and desperate than you are sensitive.

Also a good chance lack of experience makes you fantasize about a relationship few people have.

v3r1 · 2019-07-23T09:59:39+00:00

Well. I don't think the answer is something you will like. At least for me it happened when I got fucked over because of it. Eventually it wasn't an effort to be less sensitive, I just didn't care much.

Let me tell you, it's worse.

Find someone who accepts you for the sensitive guy you are. That's the best version of yourself. And going back after being desensitized is a million times harder

darudeboysandstorm · 2019-07-23T15:56:44+00:00

I think theres a lot of guys here who are or were sensitive but now are jaded.

WhatIsTheMeaningHere · 2019-07-23T07:07:24+00:00

I became less sensitive by not giving a fuck about anybody and vowing to never "fall in love" again. If you're actually dating and fucking women you find attractive then you're in a different situation from me. I had one "girlfriend" who I didn't even get to fuck and I just wanted to marry her and be done with all this complicated relationship bullshit. She ghosted me and broke my heart irreparably. To lose my virginity I had to use a prostitute because idk how the fuck to get laid. Then after I fucked the prostitute I got with a fat chick. The giant chip on my shoulder I have from my life experience pretty much cuts out any sensitivity. I wish I was never born and just stayed in oblivion forever. I feel like I'm already dead, so that makes me not feel as much as I used to.

brian_bore_u · 2019-07-23T13:54:51+00:00

Have you tried meditation?

pnadlerlaw · 2019-07-23T16:17:25+00:00

I used to be like that. You just need to expose yourself to a lot of bad and negative examples of women and female thinking and self-interest ... without going on the opposite end of the spectrum and hating women.

When I was 18, my father took me to a strip club. We must have been there for five hours. He gave me a whole bunch of singles, and was like, “Go make her dance. You remember the fish in the aquarium, how they would go when you would drop the food flakes for them? Go see if you can draw an analogy. Drop some dance flakes.”

I had a gf in high school tell me that the reason she started dating me for the first few dates was because I was taking her to nice places and got her an iPod for her birthday.

Sooner or later, you start to realize that men are the more emotionally sensitive and romantic sex. And you also realize that women do NOT appreciate or respect it AT ALL. To women, they will absolutely confuse male love and kindness with weakness that they instinctively look to exploit, manipulate and take advantage of.

So, it’s really just self-preservation on your part. The beautiful thing about being a man is that you can be a completely cold and dispassionate rock. You’re built for war. You’re built for hard times.

You can turn off your feelings. You can turn off your sex drive. You can control, suppress and say no to your hunger much easier than women can (because your reproductive system is less sensitive to kisspeptin). So, if women want to go to war, that’s not a game they can actually win with men. Which is why they never fight overtly. A woman’s weapons of choice are not a spear or sword and shield, but poison, cloak and dagger.

You need to know the kind of enemy you’re dealing with. You need to protect yourself against poison, cloak and dagger. You need to challenge her, dominate her, and force her to submit and admit defeat to herself. You need to see her pride leave her eyes. You need to see her become nothing, a nobody, in her own eyes, as she looks in the mirror to see herself. When she’s no longer a “woman,” only then can you begin to have a relationship with a “person.” It’s like breaking a horse or a dog.

You can’t be soft and caring with women. You need to be hard and tough. My dog is a fucking princess today. It’s because I didn’t take her shit when she was little. When she barked, she spent the night in her crate in the garage. When she pooped in the home, she had to eat her food right next to where she pooped (or else wait 6 hours for me to clean it up before she ate again). When she didn’t listen, she got the horn. When she would not stay next to me when walking, I would tug the leash and stop walking. Eventually, she learned ... how to behave.

Was it difficult for me? Absolutely. I don’t want to be a strict Nazi hardass to a cute adorable puppy. But what is the alternative? Spending a lifetime with bad behavior, or going through a one year academy to get a confident well-behaved dog that both other dog owners and dogs are jealous of?

It’s not a cute female puppy. It’s a bitch who needs training. It’s not your job to be nice to anyone. You’ll respect people as people when they’re are not a part of your intimate life. But when they are part of your intimate life, the respect they get is only the same token respect they show you. You are training them to behave. Not as a pet, but as a partner. Because otherwise, you will not have a partner, and you will be left with having the responsibilities of an owner and the power and authority of a pet.

So, self-preservation, because unfortunately, unless a woman is bisexual, heterosexual women have a very different understanding of genuine interpersonal respect between two people (especially within the context of a male/female relationship).

Your heart is the LAST thing you give to a woman, not the FIRST thing.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-07-23T05:35:26+00:00

I’m a filthy hippy artist so I have all sorts of tender spots. You don’t exactly “get over” sensitivity so much as you learn how to turn it on and off. But you have to really want to. Getting worked up is as addictive as jerking off, except you never get any release from it.

It helps to realize you actually don’t have to care, like ever. We’re all just killing time between here and the grave. There’s no reason to waste your precious time and energy thinking about what other people do or think. Eat steak. Go on road trips. Learn new skills. Seek new stimulation. Sensitivity is combated with exposure to new things.

JustRuss79 · 2019-07-23T07:05:22+00:00

They can learn to hide it better.

Or possibly become numb to it; but thats a dark path.

PM_Happy_Puppy_Pics · 2019-07-23T07:50:01+00:00

I am a sensitive guy, read my post history over the years to understand.

I went from fully supporting (monetarily, emotionally, and with all my sympathy and empathy to) a girl I adored in the third world. I gave her everything, a place to live, I paid for her higher education, food, support, clothes, medical bills for family, etc. and on and on.

I went from BB giver to a guy who women respect and respond to.

How did I do this?

I demanded respect for myself.

It sounds absurd but please listen to this, as a guy I think I relate to, from reading your OP, I want you to know, that I adore women and I have respect for the hardship they face and (especially respect 10x) women in 3rd world countries. So as a sensitive guy I had to realize that for every kindness I give, I deserve respect or something else in return. If I give and give and get nothing in return I am not just being a compassionate, kind, sweet guy. I am being a doormat, a place for women to wipe their feet and move on to a new place. No matter what you give? Time, money, empathy, or even modest consideration, you should receive in reciprocity. It doesn't have to be exact, but don't mistake a cute girl's kindness for reciprocity.

If someone cares about you, they will show it properly and through ways you understand. Because they will bend over backward to understand how you want to be shown gratitude. If someone takes, takes, and then takes more, without showing you they appreciate it in the way you want, then you are the sucker and a BB provider and frankly a loser.

Let me try to frame this in a way, a sensitive guy can understand.

Let's say you meet this girl, she isn't a model or super hot, or even moderately hot, she is average. You show a little interest, but then lose interest and pursue other girls, and she is a "friend."

Let's say she, has a huge mole on her nose or she has huge love handles, or her teeth are missing, or she thinks jews own the world, or she thinks Muslims are the devil, or something that you just don't find attractive and you can't see yourself with her for something she can't change.

This girl could be average looking but something about her just doesn't do it for you.

She is into you, she likes you, she tries to show you she cares about you, even though you know you can't support her racist views or you always get distracted by that mole on her face (that has a long weird hair growing out of it) and you just can't bring yourself to love her.

Not the same way she loves you.

When you see this, you can see, that you can be "insensitive" for whatever reason you justify.

And this is the answer to your OP. You can become insensitive if you are aware enough and discerning enough to find things you don't like.

This doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger.

If you meet a perfect 10.0 chick, and she thinks all Asians are evil, then you can reject her, even though she's literally the hottest woman you have ever met, has a good family, is rich as fuck, has legs, boobs, hair, eyes, and a butt you just wanna grab for days, and she wants you like desperately. You know she is wrong so you can reject her. That is what is to be less sensitive. You have to know your standards and stick to them, not fall for any chick with a sad story, which is what I suspect has happened to you. Because you are sensitive.

And listen, friend, I did this same thing.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2019-07-23T09:53:27+00:00

Yaa..

Scarsallovermybody · 2019-07-23T11:35:39+00:00

Of course he can if people will beat it out him. Literally or figuratively

OfSpock · 2019-07-23T12:22:14+00:00

No matter how hard I try to disconnect emotionally, I just end up being too emotionally invested too soon.

When you say this, I'm hearing that you are falling in love before you even know the woman. You're falling in love with who you want her to be, not who she is. That isn't 'sensitivity', it's a different problem, and it's cured by actually paying attention.

MarkBoabaca · 2019-07-23T12:27:45+00:00

Time.

Experience.

Maturity.

Acknowledge that life is not some Disney movie and you should never live your life trying to please other people.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-07-23T13:35:23+00:00

Yes, guys can become less sensitive. Sensitivity mostly is caused by inexperience to harsher environments, though it can also be caused by an internal inability to adapt. If the problem is the former, then those people will have to gain more experience by getting hurt or enduring physical stress. If it’s the latter, then some significant lifestyle changes are in order.

Million-Suns · 2019-07-23T14:12:12+00:00

I used to get emotionally attach fast as well.

Now really don't give a damn.

It was due to training.

Finding small flaws in the woman you have a crush on and mentally exaggerate them, until you reach the point of "what I am even doing thinking about that person".

Also, exercising oneself to brush or/and shut down emotions, either by thinking about something else, or minimizing their impact in the grand scheme of things.

example: news report something awful happening in the world. "well there is nothing I can do about it, but now I need ice cream".

Educating oneself about the risks of being involved with a woman, even a nice one, helped as well.

Witnessing a lot of my friends and acquaintances getting screwed over by women, helped as well.

[deleted] · 2019-07-23T14:14:24+00:00

Yeah that description seems particularly sensitive. Spend more time around tough guys. I recommend taking up a martial art.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-07-23T16:14:36+00:00

Works the same as any other desensitization

Just go out and expose yourself to whatever over and over again, over time it becomes routine

zerg_khan · 2019-07-23T16:25:42+00:00

It's kinda... natural and comes with practice. There has to be some success involved to reinforce the learning process, so you can't set your bar too high in the beginning, like an idea to date 9+/10 girls only might lead to frustration lol.

Other than that, stop reading/listening to/hanging out with whiners, cucks and lowlifes, improve your physique if you can - in general, anything that leads to increased self confidence, because when you write "being emotional" you actually most usually mean "being insecure", and being insecure is the direct opposite of being confident.

There is no problem in being somewhat emotional when you are confident. Most girls like some drama in their lives ;)

Depression and anxiety, if it's severe, should be dealt with medically, with the help of a therapist and/or shrink. If it's moderate - practice makes perfect.

DrTushfinger · 2019-07-23T17:07:45+00:00

Workout a lot

oneprettycoolcat · 2019-07-23T18:39:18+00:00

Sure. It's like any other sort of sensation. You have to inure yourself to it by exposing yourself to it. That's how it worked for me, at least. Now I don't really feel anything anymore which is nice.

blackedoutfast · 2019-07-23T18:44:51+00:00

it doesn't sound like you are "sensitive" as much as ypu have a tendency to catch oneitis.

every time you get your heartbroken, it sucks but it makes you tougher (and more jaded). you will (hopefully) be less likely to go all in and start thinking some random chick yoi barely know is "the one" or whatever.

also, it really helps to not focus too much on any particular girl. i'm not saying you have to be a total plate spinner, but don't focus 100% on any one girl, especially when you have just met her. i know a lot of dudes that as soon as they first start talking to a girl and maybe set up. a first date or whatever, they focus entirely on that girl. they stop talking to other girls, they stop using tinder or whatever, etc. that's a mistake. first dates mean nothing. random hookups mean nothing. unless you are actually married to a chick, you should always be prepared for her dumping you at any random moment for any reason at all (and you should be able to walk on her at any time too). keep your options open. i'm not saying you need to fuck other girls behind your girlfriends back, but at least keep talking to girls and keep your self in good condition so you're not starting from zero without any options if things go bad

jessicaannpin · 2019-07-23T18:49:43+00:00

Just logically think through your feelings.

Take a step back, ask yourself why you feel how you feel, ask yourself if it makes sense based on the data, ask yourself if it’s useful.

Try not allowing yourself any feelings that don’t make sense. If ever there is an equally valid (based on the data) but more useful feeling, feel that instead.

That said, also recognize that your sensitivity is a strength. It probably means you are more empathetic. This will make you more appealing to women.

Learn when expressing your feelings is useful and appropriate. Every woman likes to feel loved, understood, and appreciated. You can use your sensitivity to make the women you care about feel that way.

That said, I’ve been there, and it has caused me to avoid relationships for many years. The biggest thing for me has been being secure in myself so that no one I date can impact that.

skystar86 · 2019-07-23T18:55:48+00:00

Or get with a sensitive and needy woman. If both partners are clingy and sensitive it means they are both afraid to leave each other and both give to each other more. If someone vows not to fall in love, whether a man or a woman that's a warning sign that they won't be with you in hard times. Relationships are made for both people helping one another. If both people are independent it takes away the entire point of being in a relationship because then it's just empty social obligations you're forced to attend to.

[deleted] · 2019-07-23T19:01:15+00:00

Can a sensitive guy become less sensitive?

Yes.

How did you become more in control of your emotions in the dating world?

How did you become less emotional over girls?

Practice.

Is the only cure to this is to have multiple women in rotation?

No. But it is certainly one of the easiest and quickest.

were you able to become less sensitive?

Most people are born sensitive. Every single one you see who isn't learned to be that way or is mentally disturbed.

And if so, how did you go about achieving that?

A lot of practice. The more you fail, the more the lesson is ingrained in your brain.

You will probably never be completely free (I am not) but it will surely reduce to manageable sizes.

skystar86 · 2019-07-23T19:11:12+00:00

Why would anyone want to date someone who is harsh on them, overly critical, and can't fall in love with them at all unless they were dating out of boredom? If someone is impossible to please or impossible to get close to I'd just give up and walk away. It's futile to try. I have a personality where if someone is too impossible to please or too impossible to meet their requirements I just walk away. I even apply this to friendships. If someone was too easily offended by everything or demanded too many changes in my language or too many changes in how "weird" I was I'd rather walk away. I prefer my own company to playing an impossible game. Why doesn't this red pill stuff work on me? I sense futility early.

angels-fan · 2019-07-23T19:22:46+00:00

I'm very high on the empathy chart and I've had to learn to take care of myself even if it means making someone else sad.

Gawernator · 2019-07-23T19:46:47+00:00

Yes. It happens over time naturally as you get older. Tough life situations well also change you. More experience with girls will help.

MyDogLovesCorn · 2019-07-23T19:51:25+00:00

Sensitive guys become jaded guys become angry guys.

Hennythepainaway · 2019-07-23T22:03:24+00:00

/r/stoicism

Lonny_zone · 2019-07-23T23:46:29+00:00

If you have been dumped so much you probably have them lose attraction due to being a sensitive supplicating beta. Try remembering their “love” is totally conditional.

Melthengylf · 2019-07-24T00:04:29+00:00

Gaining self-love. It's not about not being sensitive, it is about not being desperate for your feelings being validated.

trail22 · 2019-07-24T00:29:46+00:00

Having a good life helps a lot. That means friends of both sexes who emotionally support you and make you feel wanted. THat means goals that you actively pursuing and making good progress on.

Its not a panacea but the more positivity you have in your life to combat the negativity helps.

[deleted] · 2019-07-24T01:02:13+00:00

Life beat the sensitivity out of me by early 20s.

[deleted] · 2019-07-25T05:59:17+00:00

I suggest meditation. It allows you to control your emotions better and to know your self inside out. There lies the real power

Eastuss · 2019-07-23T07:08:02+00:00

IDK I was always flexible on how sensitive I am. Around 16 I was viscerally jealous and it was just toxic, one day I woke up and decided it wasn't worth it, and I stopped being jealous. All it took is when you have one of these toxic thought you remind yourself that you decided it didn't matter anymore. It's the same kinda exercise you do with mindful meditation, you acknowledge you have a thought, and you set yourself back on the right track.

Same thing for depressive thoughts and anxiety.... But I acknowledge that some people just do not work like that.

the-lone-squid · 2019-07-23T12:28:17+00:00

I'd get your hormones checked. Mood swings are a sign of excess estrogen.

This is discussed at times over at r/testosterone

HectoSexual · 2019-07-23T14:15:22+00:00

Benzos and beta blockers.

Autistic_Reeeeeeeeee · 2019-07-23T07:00:58+00:00

Cure your oneitis.

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decoy88 · 2019-07-23T10:57:29+00:00

Usually I find people have an unrealistic expectations of themselves, how they’re relationship should be, without taking into account the very human obstacles we face everyday.

You want to be the hottest most ripped guy? But forget that time constraints factor into being able to spend 4 hours working out and eating 6 times a day while being able to do other shit

You wanna be the best boyfriend/lover? But forget that everyone wants something different, noone is psychic and people lie about enjoying or not enjoying things. So it’s inevitable you will slip up.

Next explore where you got these expectations from? Parents or peers describing their “ideal state” as if it’s achievable to always be that thing.

Covert contracts with others is silly, but so are unrealistic covert contracts with yourself. If you don’t expect others to be more perfect why are you putting that pressure on your (very human) self?

BlindingTwilight · 2019-07-23T05:56:40+00:00

You need to learn to like yourself and take women off the pedestal. It is harming you and sabotaging your relationships.

Title	Can a sensitive guy become less sensitive?
Author	rddxl
Upvotes	51
Comments	69
Date	July 23, 2019 5:05 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cgo8rv/can_a_sensitive_guy_become_less_sensitive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-a-sensitive-guy-become-less-sensitive.254778 https://theredarchive.com/post/254778

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