Do you factor personality in dating?

jax006 · 2018-12-14T20:46:16+00:00

After I dated a couple girls it quickly became obvious that dating isnt even worth the sex of you dont have interesting things to have common/things you both find fun

GrumpyOldHistoricist · 2018-12-14T21:34:48+00:00

My dad gave me basically no dating advice, but he did give me a marriage tip: find the smartest girl you can stand and hold on to her. It worked for him. My mom’s extremely intelligent and they’ve had a happy 48 years so far.

I’ve taken his advice with my girlfriend. She’s whip-smart and fantastically creative. Her looks caught my eye, but her brain is what made her relationship material. She’s funny, contemplative, perceptive, resourceful, and kind. Looks fade. I’m enjoying hers while she has them, but I’ll get old with her personality. And yes, she’s one of those witchy girls. Black cats, pagan mom, and everything.

Is she perfect? No. Neither am I. We all have our flaws. Part of loving a person is giving him or her room to be human. Her depression and anxiety are part of what makes her complex. And frankly, I don’t trust anyone without a diagnosis. Being well-adjusted in a profoundly unjust and inhumane society isn’t a sign of good underlying psychological composition. So long as a person doesn’t have a personality disorder, puts in the work, and develops proper coping strategies, I’m good.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2018-12-14T20:43:33+00:00

I require a certain amount of goofiness and derp. I also generally like nerdy girls, but idk how much my SO has influenced that since I didn't date around a whole lot. Bonus points for introverted and quiet, and thoughtful.

petrichordium · 2018-12-14T20:47:59+00:00

First off i will admit to only really factoring in personality after a looks threshold. The looks threshold is a gating device, and only after that point do i begin thinking about personality. I think it’s important to note these things even from a “blue” perspective bc it’s truthful and there’s no sense blowing sunshine up people’s asses to make yourself look better. Women below a certain look are invisible to me as potential partners, even if i totally value their contributions to humanity.

I said it already this week, but i like women who have a good ratio of calculating cynicism to warm romanticism. An overly romantic person has puppy shit for brains and is likely to spin some self-excusing narrative if and when she fucks you over, because for mushy people, their heart is always just. An overly cynical person can be fun if you confine the relationship to money left on the dresser.

I like people who echo parts of me but also complement them. My longest running ex was an insanely competent and hyper organized alpha bitch who ran the house with the same rigor of her nightly billion step korean skincare regimen. I made the money and she oversaw the spending, which i liked bc it made us feel more equal and let me never think about banal details once i got off the clock. She was not as intellectually curious or prone to stoner bullshit thought experiments as i am, but she was every bit as mentally capable. She was also fine as hell and we had great sex.

PS: oh and depression is fine unless someone compulsively uses it as an excuse to be an asshole or bad partner. I can’t be as picky as I’ve been without being broad minded about certain things I’m willing to work with.

Unconfidence · 2018-12-14T22:22:56+00:00

It's pretty much the only factor. If I'm utterly physically unattracted to a girl, then it might be hard for her personality to eclipse that, but I feel like if a girl checks enough personality boxes that I'll probably end up finding her physically attractive too.

TheBookOfSeil · 2018-12-14T22:33:43+00:00

Of course I do.

I don’t see myself with anyone I can’t have a conversation with about shared commonalities or new interests. No matter how attractive she is.

Edit: I’d take someone that is “cool” and that I’m comfortable with over some bimbo that wants to change me into “the ideal boyfriend” any day.

Tedesche · 2018-12-14T22:37:02+00:00

In the past, I’ve been attracted to girls who find me funny. I still am, but now I look for women who c an make me laugh. I haven’t found very many, sadly.

Other personality traits...has to be able to hold my interest in an intellectual conversation and be able to challenge my views in ways I at least find cogent and novel. We have to share a decent number of interests, obviously, but not all. She also has have a decent capacity to empathize with others; I wouldn’t have the patience to date someone who didn’t.

I also look out for a variety of red flags: any “cluster B” personality traits set off alarm bells for me, as they should for all men. These include self-centeredness, poor emotion regulation, emotional reactivity and lability, tendency to be emotionally manipulative, and poor ability to identify emotions being felt in the moment.

SAC-Lawn_Gnome · 2018-12-14T20:38:57+00:00

I don't think most men have enough options to factor in personality.

CatchPhraze · 2018-12-14T20:42:00+00:00

Well aren't you just asking for a friend?

Yeah if a dude hangs out with you without trying to shove his dick in your mouth to get you to shut up he probably likes your personality. Or is a good fake. You can kinda tell when someone is interested in what your saying they lean in and engage. Find u a man's like that.

Looks get you through the door but long-term commitment is based on many more things then just face and body.

decoy88 · 2018-12-14T20:46:39+00:00

Absolutely. What idiot doesn’t?

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hammerhaunts · 2018-12-14T20:42:42+00:00

I like women who are nice

blackedoutfast · 2018-12-14T22:32:36+00:00

What personality traits are you looking for?

generally pleasant to be around, caring, outgoing and fun but not a total hoe

DO YOU like deep conversations and girls who get philosophical ?

maybe. if it's a decent conversation that's fine, but if it's some dumb chick just saying bullshit to try to seem deep and philosophical, that's just annoying.

Is depression a turn off

yes if she's one of those people who make it part of their identity and are always talking about how they're so depressed and how their life is so terrible, etc.

girls who are into weird and paranormal stuff (not doing anything only reading and being interested)

it would be annoying if she was really into it or talked about it all the time or was constantly making important decisions based on astrology or reading people's auras. if it was just a silly interest that she wasn't very serious about then it might be ok or even cute in a way.

gasparddelanuit · 2018-12-14T22:44:17+00:00

Of course, personality is very important, taking for granted that the girl is physically attractive. Ideally, a low maintenance, emotionally independent, understated, quiet, sensible, thoughtful, supportive, genuine, humble and kind personality is best. I value my freedom and autonomy, so the less that is encroached upon the better. I don't like cloying emotional intimacy or intrusiveness.

I would not be particularly interested in having deep conversations with her, though I would not necessarily have anything against them if they arose, provided she was a rational person and it was not too often. Her being into weird stuff ought not to be an issue, provided it did not adversely affect the relationship and she did not expect me to be interested. I sympathize with people who have depression, but I would avoid entering relationships with them.

In a sentence, the personality would have to be one that allowed me to relax and be free.

[deleted] · 2018-12-14T22:53:03+00:00

You can't spend a lot of time with someone that you don't particularly get on with.

stats135 · 2018-12-14T22:59:30+00:00

Low maintenance is the one of the most important thing to me, second only to being able to satisfy my lust. When a woman is high maintenance it genuinely feels worse than just hiring an escort. At least with an escort you just give her the money, and she can plan her own vacation or whatever she's into herself. With someone high maintenance, not only are you dishing out the money, you're also planning to trips, booking the tickets, reserving the hotels, renting the cars, scheduling... well, you get the point.

Salty-Bastard · 2018-12-15T03:57:36+00:00

What stage of life are we talking about?

Workaholico · 2018-12-15T07:44:46+00:00

Of course we factor personality. We factor everything.

The thing is the weight of each trait in the fator. Beauty generally has one of the highest weights but there is way more factors.

What personality traits are you looking for?

Changes depending on the person, I myself prefer a quiet woman. I am a quiet man myself and hate loud people.

DO YOU like deep conversations and girls who get philosophical?

Yes. But they are rare. As women normally do not talk anything like that. I talk about this a lot with my lesbian friends. Except for ideolog and religious women, I never met a heterosexual woman who does it for fun.

Is depression a turn off

Not much. Only if it is a chronic depression. Being depressed because your father died is acceptable. Not so much if it was your goldfish.

girls who are into weird and paranormal stuff

A slight turn off. As I am a heavy critic of unrealistic or supernatural views. I am a scientist/atheist to the bone. But this would not affect much if it was just an interest that did not affect me. I come from a religious background after all.

JustForPPD · 2018-12-15T09:58:53+00:00

If the looks threshold is met and the chemistry in sex is there, then it's all that matters. Not just how she is, but also how I feel around her. Intelligence and self-reflection are two traits that I really value and those are a requirement for deep and philosophical conversations.

Also, define weird and paranormal as I tend to not mind those, unless we're starting to talk about healing crystals and anti-vaccine rhetoric.

Noxin__Nixon · 2018-12-15T17:51:35+00:00

Of course. I find it impossible not to factor personality into dating.

Of course if some random fuck buddy situation arose without needing to know a girls personality, that isn't necessarily bad either. But in normal interactions its unavoidable.

SyrusDrake · 2018-12-15T18:04:05+00:00

Theoretically, yes. Physical appearance is a factor too but personality is what makes or breaks it. But I have never dated and if someone e ever chose me, it would be terribly presumptuous of me to have demands. Beggars can't be choosers.

LeJacquelope · 2018-12-16T02:08:52+00:00

Not just yes but HELL YES.

[deleted] · 2018-12-19T15:09:58+00:00

Personality is everything in dating; or at least a huge part.

DO YOU like deep conversations and girls who get philosophical ?

Sure, depending on the context and whether she's a good conversationalist.

Is depression a turn off

Well, depression is an illness; and just like any other illness it needs to be treated. If she's actively in treatment ... maybe. But generally speaking it's a NO for me.

or girls who are into weird and paranormal stuff (not doing anything only reading and being interested)

Yeah, that's a no for me, I am more a science type of guy; I can do psychology and philosophy too, but paranormal stuff is not my thing, so that would be a no.

But that's me. We all need to find our own compatible match.

rosacanina_ · 2019-01-11T14:18:19+00:00

Yes. Next silly question please.

darudeboysandstorm · 2018-12-14T21:12:21+00:00

Whats ya star sign sweety.

whitetrashcarl · 2018-12-14T21:22:36+00:00

I look for women who are adventurous, low maintenance, loyal, smart, and artsy/crafty

Any kind of mental illness is obviously a negative

TriadFamilyTimes · 2018-12-14T23:00:59+00:00

Sarcastic bisexual progressive nonreligious slutty pothead girls and boys. As smart as I can find. Personality is important. Appearance might be why you start fucking, personality is why you don't stop.

Ihateyouandeveryone · 2018-12-14T21:22:01+00:00

depression is generally a turnoff because it indicates that you are mentally unwell. if you arent learning about someones personality while on a date tf are you doing but trying to scam your way into their pants or just free shit? If being into paranormal stuff is an instant write-off you just wrote off more than half of humanity.

the things you talk about aren't personality traits they are likes and dislikes. Depression isn't a trait.

Title	Do you factor personality in dating?
Author	darkangelsorrow
Upvotes	2
Comments	64
Date	December 14, 2018 8:32 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a68kk7/do_you_factor_personality_in_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-factor-personality-in-dating.258547 https://theredarchive.com/post/258547

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