Is there a difference between who a female thinks she is attracted to, and who she really is attracted to?

RedZucchina · 2015-03-28T21:38:48+00:00

I always thought I would be attracted to that sarcastic, mischievous guy everybody hangs out with. I've met a few, but I never felt "butterflies in the stomach". I ended up falling for a shy and sweet man. So there's that.

There are certain characteristics, however, that no matter how "desirable" the man is, if he lacks them it's game over for me. No integrity, for instance. Blaming others, fishing for pity... Those are people I can't take seriously enough to date them.

So I suppose it's a mix. I'm willing to be flexible over stuff that is not so important, but I absolutely can't stand certain traits.

Vornnash · 2015-03-28T21:27:04+00:00

I think a fantasy a lot of women have is to tame an alpha, in other words be so desirable to him that the alpha wants to be beta for her (or romantic). Then she gets the best of both worlds, but this is impractical because most men are not alpha, and those that are cannot be tamed easily. So such an ambitious sexual strategy usually ends in tears, frustration, and endless promiscuity.

taiboworks · 2015-03-28T21:51:06+00:00

if red pillers had a choice between a 5/10 that was nice to them and an 8/10 that was mean to them, which do you think they would choose (if both would have sex with them)? doesn't mean they like mean women. doesn't mean they lied when they said they are attracted to women that are nice to them.

forbiddenone · 2015-03-29T03:21:50+00:00

As much as I hate to fall back on this type of explanation: this really is a pretty universal human trait.

What we THINK motivates us is not always what ACTUALLY motivates us. And that goes double for what we SAY motivates us.

This has been studied many, many times.

TRPACC · 2015-03-28T22:27:29+00:00

They aren't saying nice is what makes attractive.

They are saying they would like the attractive men who can afford to "act like jerks" to be nicer and more respectful.

gavinok · 2015-03-28T21:32:33+00:00

I once heard a girl say that the only thing Tom Brady had going for him is his looks, and that because she didn't like his team she wouldn't date him. Do you think this bitch is serious or do you think she's putting up a front?

rumo_itaki · 2015-03-28T22:15:17+00:00

As always, it depends. As for me, usually unattractive people get "hotter" as soon as I get to know them and they have a nice personality. Attractive people get to be a "uuuhm" when they are just plain stupid (I still might fuck them, though, but no LTR).

When it comes to Justin Bieber - I don't really know, I'm not impressed by sports cars, but he might actually be a nice guy or something, how should I know, after all he's a celebrity so all the public sees is his "public persona".

As far as I'm concerned, driving with people in their sports cars hasn't improved my impression of them, though. In general I think it's a typical fallacy to assume life is an RPG where you can just equip yourself with nice items and get an increased stamina or perception or whatnot.

lbspredh · 2015-03-29T10:29:55+00:00

It's not that they are wrong, but when they can't have confidence and sensitivity they will tend to settle for just confidence

yasee · 2015-03-28T21:37:48+00:00

in contrast to a male that can decide if he is attracted to a female by looking at her

Just to pull at the thread of that logic a little, my guess is that despite their professed disgust for the phenomenon of "landwhales" many guys in TRP could get it up for a pretty-faced fat chick...something to think about.

I do think that looks play a different role in attraction for men than for women generally, though. Also lol at Bieber being called a bad boy; I feel old :(

Lola_K · 2015-03-28T21:51:04+00:00

Initial attraction exists for me. I'm not attracted to bulky, overly muscular men. I typically prefer the nerdy-looking, glasses-wearing type. Partly because I think glasses are sexy and partly because I've always gotten along best with nerds, so I guess it makes me think the guy will have certain personality traits. Recently, a guy I found very attractive at work and who initially had the geek vibe going for him turned out to be a complete jerk. Very arrogant and very blunt, with little care or empathy for others. It killed the small crush I'd had on him and I no longer find him attractive. So, yes attraction can change, but I think it would be the same for men as well as women. Like, if you thought a potential LTR had certain qualities only to find out further down the road that she did not, you would be less attracted to her, right?

rulenumber303 · 2015-03-29T01:01:48+00:00

I've got a list of questions a mile long, not all of which get asked directly, before I decide I'm attracted enough to have sex. And that's what you're really asking isn't it... not whether a woman is attracted enough to talk to you but whether she is attracted enough to have sex.

I've heard plenty of stories from friends and workmates about being attracted and then the man they are feeling attracted to does or says something not-nice that throws them off so bad that they nope on out immediately despite having started the night with the intent to find an attractive guy for a ONS or to start a FWB relationship with.

I mean feel free to put together a strategy that assumes women will just drop little issues like bad behavior and vile beliefs real quick if you've done enough curls and deadlifts or got yourself a well paid career. If you put all the work in and make that strategy happen I think you'll find yourself wiping your dick repeatedly each weekend on the same sodden quims the rest of the guys who use that strategy are accessing. If you're happy with that then you're happy with that and I have no intention of spoiling things for those particular girls who are also happy with that.

OfSpock · 2015-03-29T00:20:04+00:00

I have a type but it took me a while to realise that. For one thing, society tells women that personality is more important than looks and that love can grow on you. So I would date a guy I wasn't that interested in as long as there was no pressing reason not to. Waste of both our time, really.

In reality, looks are the first pass, then you filter for personality.

Aspiring_Hobo · 2015-03-30T05:09:16+00:00

Short answer...yes. Girls can like those aforementioned qualities in a guy, but those qualities aren't what attract them to a guy in the first place.

kick6 · 2015-03-30T18:59:47+00:00

Women have a hard time reconciling the two modes of their mating strategy. Couple that with the social unacceptability of admitting you want the bad boys (though this is, sadly, dissappearing with time) and yes girls explicitly speak towards the fulfillment of betabux, and then when they have a chance with alpha fux they rationalize away their attraction.

RELTIH88 · 2015-03-29T06:59:42+00:00

If you strip the outside shell that society has formed on women and you get down to the primal level, all women are the same. You see a woman's true nature in the slutty narcissistic bimbo. These women were raised without fathers or any authority figures, just beta regulars.

Using your bieber question. I recently asked a self described belieber who is a cheerleader at my college if she would date him without the money. At first she shit tested me, by saying she would, but I pressed her and she admitted the truth that she woudln't. This is because she is the typical slutty narcissitic bimbo who are the most honest, surprisingly. AWALT.

RandallWho · 2015-03-28T21:52:54+00:00

Yes.

i think that goes with out saying for any one though, male or female.

We think we are have the potential to have and idea of what we like or dont like in our mind only to have that idea shattered when we are faced with in in real life.

TheCreepero · 2015-03-29T17:36:44+00:00

There is no answer to this since you are talking about 4 billion people who all are different from each other.

Title	Is there a difference between who a female thinks she is attracted to, and who she really is attracted to?
Author	gavinok
Upvotes	8
Comments	132
Date	March 28, 2015 9:19 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/30mxho/is_there_a_difference_between_who_a_female_thinks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-there-a-difference-between-who-a-female-thinks.282936 https://theredarchive.com/post/282936

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