One thing I don't get about hypergamy theory

toasterchild · 2022-10-28T15:24:15+00:00

I think most of us have dated someone who was a branch swinger at some point, nothing is ever good enough for them and they are always looking for an upgrade. I am a woman I know that I have dated a few. I think much of the AWALT shit is just people who have been burned and instead of wanting to admit they just made a bad choice in partner they would rather claim everyone of the opposite sex is terrible. Its just a lazy way of dealing with personal failure.

It's not a personal failure to have chosen a bad partner once or even a handful of times, life is about learning not about being perfect. I wish there wasn't so much talk of "failure" when it comes to relationships, that would make a bid difference I think.

Life_Level_6280 · 2022-10-28T13:37:35+00:00

I think you added a lot of assumptions and words that hypergamy doesnt entail.

Hypergamy just means that woman typically want to go for the best option they have available and want to date ‘up’. Thats it, nothing to do with ‘mean’, ‘honest’, ‘Always on the look out’ and the rest of your post.

Using hypergamy to explain all womens behaviour and not take into account 10293739202 other things going on in her brain....makes zero sense. Thats the problem most ‘hypergamy’ red pillers have.

social_mule · 2022-10-28T21:10:20+00:00

As usual lots of folks take a theory with some basis in reality then stretch, distort and overuse it to the point of absurdity. The Pareto Principle (the much quoted 80/20"rule") is a prime example.

What the Pareto Principle actually states: 20% of causes are responsible for 80% of outcomes.

What people with IQs around room temperature think the Pareto Principle states: Women will only consider 20% of men for relationships.

This is dumb and they do the same with hypergamy.

What hypergamy actually is: The theory that a woman will mate with the most fit man that she can attract. Fit can encompass many things including physical attractiveness, resources etc.

What people with IQs around room temperature think hypergamy is: the theory that any woman in any relationship, even committed relationships, will leave the man she's with at the drop of a hat for a man even marginally more fit the milliseconds the opportunity presents itself.

My advice: don't put much stock in the ramblings of people whose IQs are around room temperature.

insertcredit2 · 2022-10-28T08:07:13+00:00

You're confusing willing to leave immediately if anything better comes along and leaving if something much better comes along.

Look at it like a job. Lets say you have a job which is pretty good and you're on a temporary contract. You would probably want a permanent contract that means you can't be fired without a good reason and you get holidays and maybe parental leave etc. If you get head hunted by another company then you're not going to just leave because they offer you $10 more a month because you like your job, you like your co-workers and your comfortable. But what if that other job starts offering you more? What if it's an extra $1000 a month what about an extra $5000 a month? You might start resenting your work place because you feel they don't value you. You start to work less hard because you feel under valued and then your manager starts being critical and then you start feeling unhappy even going. Then you decide fuck it I'll go work at the other place.

Does that mean there's no such thing as a loyal employee? If you change that to relationship dynamics does that mean there's no such thing as a loyal women?

domdomdom333 · 2022-10-28T10:23:16+00:00

Because this theory is based on a grouping beliefs and perceptions, and this belief is that women are free to have their cake and eat it too without consequence.

Reason this theory is so popular is because it's easy to recite and any counter argument requires perspective as the opposite sex, which many supporters of this theory are either mentally incapable of or simply don't want to.

stereoroid · 2022-10-28T07:40:21+00:00

Let me get this straight: you are confused because women behave in contradictory ways, and can completely change their minds about their relationships over time? You’ll figure it out eventually.

The wedding is a performance, a display of conspicuous consumption. It doesn’t tell you much about the relationship at all.

mrmudzi · 2022-10-28T07:55:14+00:00

Because the theory is shit and not based on actual empirical data from measured human interactions.

CimZim · 2022-10-28T09:07:24+00:00

Hypergamy is a thing, but it is not something all women have. It is also not exclusive to women, as some men will monkey branch too if given the opportunity.

Basically, what I understood is, mean women always are on a look-out for new higher/better partners, and honest good men can never rest easy that their committed relationship will last until death does them apart.

Eh, most redpill people will not say that hypergamous women are "mean". They typically say it's "in female nature" and thus is not something one can be very upset about. This isn't true since not all women are hypergamous, but even if we were it's absolutely acceptable to be upset regarding shitty behavior from a partner.

But wouldn't that mean women have no interest in being jealous, possessive, willing to settle down, hell some bros even call marriage being "tied down"!

This doesn't help your argument much, since the emotions of jealousy and discontent are what would cause a woman to begin looking around in the first place.

If women were so prompt to "monkey branch", why would they be so head over heels for becoming a wife. Like still in our times, weddings are still celebrated and girls look forward to it as soon as they can watch disney movies.

To be fair, a growing percentage of us have no interest in ever tying the knot. I knew from the time I was in my late teens that marriage wasn't for me, and there's a decent amount of women on this sub alone who reached the same conclusion. By the time one is 10 or 11, hopefully there's no belief that Disney movies indicate anything about real life lol.

From Pew Research Center:

"Relatively small shares of U.S. adults say being married is essential for a man (16%) or a woman (17%) to live a fulfilling life; 54% say being married is important but not essential for each, while about three-in-ten say being married is not important for a man (29%) or a woman (28%) to live a fulfilling life. When asked more generally about the importance of being in a committed romantic relationship, 26% say this is essential for a man and 30% say it is essential for a woman to live a fulfilling life."

And it is also known that men more often cheat than not, especially after a few years into married life have passed.

It used to be this way, but most sources I've seen say that both sexes are at 20%.

I find it hard to conciliate that, any girl next-door I've chosen to marry is ready to leave me for another in a split second, but at the same time will want to tie me down and avoid being cheated on, sometimes in very toxic manner.

I mean...women are human just like men, and humans are quite capable of changing their minds or holding contradictory beliefs. This is why vetting over a long period of time is important before getting into a legal romantic relationship like marriage, if you decide to at all.

Just remember that while not all women are hypergamous, it's not as if you can easily vet for it and you may find out later on that the woman you thought would never monkey branch, will. It's the same way as with men, because we're all people, and people are far from perfect.

Five_Decades · 2022-10-30T04:54:31+00:00

Monogamy and polygamy are not binary. Humans are somewhere in the middle, we do both mating strategies. Women who branch swing are probably deep down inside looking to share an elite man with other women because most women don't bring enough value to the table to get monogamy from an elite man.

I think the confusion comes from women who want the best of both monogamy and polygamy, which isn't realistic unless you're an elite woman.

For women, both monogamy and polygamy have benefits and drawbacks. Benefits of monogamy is you get commitment, investment and protection from a man, but hes average. Benefits from polygamy is you get good genes and/or resources from an elite man, but he doesn't commit to or invest in you.

DestroGamaDx · 2022-11-02T04:40:45+00:00

You've mixed up the order of things safety vs hypergamy, a woman needs to feel safe pursuing hypergamy to actually do it, that's why she needs a huge leap in status. Any man wjo knows how to play the game can replace the safety with tension and toxic advice.

Jf a woman doesn't mention her SO while with you, she's just having fun, if she does she'll start considering an upgrade, so all you have to do is get her to talk about him.

Equal_Ad_3805 · 2022-10-28T10:39:13+00:00

Easy answer - while women are hypergamous to some extent, they also aren’t perfectly rational beings. We’re not computers, we’re more complex. Hypergamy isn’t just some program that God surgically inserted into their brains before birth. It’s a theory to explain a tendency. Mind you, what the RP DOESN’T tell you, is that EVERYONE does this. Men date up in terms of looks, while women date up in terms of status. Things are a lot more nuanced than this though, which is why hypergamy, while being a noble attempt by a younger and stupider Rollo Tomassi, is an incomplete theory.

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-10-28T08:11:52+00:00

Because being a wife and getting married is a status symbol for women, not so much for men, because marriage is objectively a bad deal for men.

abaxeron · 2022-10-28T10:11:16+00:00

why would they be so head over heels for becoming a wife

First. Have you seen the numbers recently?

Second. Money.

As one wonderful person has put it some time ago (and got banned from Youtube), "the moment a man says "I do", he enters economic competition against the divorced version of himself".

P-o-o-b · 2022-10-28T15:27:51+00:00

It's cause women jump in to other people's frames and (for lack of better term) don't think for themselves. Women will get with a man who she THINKS is the best at that moment, and then will shit test him and throw him curveballs and if he lets up then she thinks less of him and starts to look for something better.

This also depends on the man himself though. We all are raised and brought up on different standards, some men are only confident because they're tall or rich, or because they have a big house or something. Some guys are perfectly content and live like bums. Women want men at their INDIVIDUAL best so to speak, and unless you're naturally gifted and your entire life is just one big come up, there are going to be highs/lows and ups/downs in your life. Women will flock to you during the highs and the come ups.

Patrice O'Neal explained that bums bring women down to their level basically. A bum, in their mind, never was going to be shit and therefore holds the "frame" of being at their peak so to speak, because they probably expected to be dead or homeless by now. Some women will legitimately jump into that frame despite the man not really being a net positive to society in any way. So in a way, a bum who is happy with his place in life and a 22 year old with a growing business but not a lot of disposable income are in 2 different places mentally. I cannot say for sure that women would be more attracted to the bum over the 22 year old, but I will say that women would find the bum more exciting and thus open for more possibilities to be sexually exciting.

Women also subconsciously know that men who live riskier/exciting/fast-lane lives will not be around for long and have probably done things society deems immoral. That combination allows for women to act without worrying about being judges and it also gives her an excuse to do things that she wouldn't so with a "normal" guy. The perfect set up for sex tbh. It's like every man has a candle that represents his life but women are attracted to the guys that are burning the most intensely, despite what that might do to his life expectancy

The reason women fight over men and get jealous is because there exists a hierarchy of men amongst women in a community. Realistically it's everyone in the city but as you get up in socioeconomic classes it can start to broaden. Women have a "best" guy in mind for who will be a short term partner and a "best" guy in mind for who will be a long term partner.

I've been on both sides myself and I can tell you the short term guy gets to have more fun sexually and gets to hear juicer information but at the end of the day nobody really gives a shit about you because you're already living fast and reckless. You're attractive not only because you're exciting but because you're scarce. You're also usually a scapegoat if you happen to fit this role but not be an immoral person.

If you're the long term guy, you get less sexually but what you actually "build" matters more in the long run. If you meet the right woman you could have a family and children that have much more of a leg up on life than any of the short term guys children would. You can actually be an "alpha" long term dude and you'll meet good (and by good i mean in terms of her lifestyle) girls who put in the work like you do, but those girls usually want a perfect duality of the sexual intensity of a short term guy and the intellectualism and emotional intelligence of a long term partner. If you marry a woman like this you've gotta put in the proper work or she'll cheat on you and it won't even be her fault fr.

jesusforthejugular · 2022-10-28T08:41:28+00:00

They want to get married because the government has turned marriage into a tool for hypergamy.

She can leave you, take half, take your kids, and then force you to pay her for taking your kids.

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-10-28T09:59:48+00:00

If women are so prone to “monkey branch”

The misunderstanding occurs when a generalisation is taken literally. Do people want the best possible partner they can attract? For the majority the answer’s yes. Hypergamy is simply the term TRP uses. To help men better understand that dynamic.

Godspeed and good Iuck!

2022-10-28T07:43:53+00:00

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wtknight · 2022-10-28T12:15:54+00:00

I find it hard to conciliate that, any girl next-door I've chosen to marry is ready to leave me for another in a split second

Women develop emotional attachments. They are not as mercenary as Red Pill would like their followers to believe. But on the other hand, I think that if that emotional attachment is weakened somehow, many women will hypergamously branch swing fairly quickly if inclined to, just as a man will often take advantage of additional sexual opportunities quickly if he is not adequately emotionally attached to a woman.

I’ve read arguments that even if they are emotionally attached to a guy that a woman will purposely start to find things wrong with the current guy whom she is with just to give herself an opportunity to branch swing. I imagine that this could be the case, but it is dependent upon the individual woman and the morality of her personality rather than being some universal feminine quality.

Kman17 · 2022-10-28T15:27:37+00:00

if women are so prone to “monkey branch” as hypergamy says, why all the jealousy and interest in wedding and settling down

In any competitive hierarchy, you still need to defend your current position if you are trying to move up.
If you are using relationships to climb socioeconomic ladders, then marriage has some opportunity cost but is very low risk because terminating the marriage still puts you an advantaged position (entitling you to half). Marriage tends to suggest the women has claimed almost as far as she can, but it doesn’t really prevent more. Again, it’s about securing current position.
Remember, hypergamy is a super observable aggregate trend but it’s not an absolute at an individual level. Most women don’t approach relationships as pure analytical social ascension - it’s simply a weight in their decision making process. Sometimes they are acutely self aware of it, sometimes it’s more a subconscious social pressure.

CrackedAnus · 2022-10-28T21:57:56+00:00

Women are in it 100% till they aren’t.

StarWarsBoi51 · 2022-10-29T00:00:45+00:00

Hypergamy is basically that women that seek and will only settle for a guy that meets roughly 70%+ of her requirements, and if it’s less than that, after a certain amount of time, maybe a year or two or maybe more, she will move on and seek someone else. Obviously certain things come into play such as marriage in children, but in general for unmarried couples, that’s how Hypergamy works.

Bane_Of_Atlanta · 2022-10-29T00:14:29+00:00

If women were so prompt to "monkey branch", why would they be so head over heels for becoming a wife.

Because they don't have a better option at the moment and divorce is relatively straightforward if a better option comes along?

And it is also known that men more often cheat than not, especially after a few years into married life have passed.

Really? You're claiming that most husbands cheat? Do you have any evidence?

I find it hard to conciliate that, any girl next-door I've chosen to marry is ready to leave me for another in a split second, but at the same time will want to tie me down and avoid being cheated on

Why?

I have heard a horror story of a friend of mine, once her best (male) friend has cut ties with her because his own girlfriend made him choose between them two. Doesn't seem very hypergamous to me.

The idea is that she is willing to leave her boyfriend in a snap if a better option comes along. Not that she wants her boyfriend to leave her when it suits him.

Title	One thing I don't get about hypergamy theory
Author	eyewave
Upvotes	13
Comments	79
Date	October 28, 2022 7:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yfhcaq/one_thing_i_dont_get_about_hypergamy_theory/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/one-thing-i-dont-get-about-hypergamy-theory.1208297 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208297

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