possible equivalent?

prizefighterstudent · 2022-09-06T04:06:57+00:00

Plays into how women gatekeep sex and men gatekeep relationships.

Had a friend I hooked up with a couple times -- pretty hot, sweet girl, but a little crazy. She had two serious, multi-year relationships. When they both broke off, those exes got engaged within six months of meeting their new girlfriends. She was definitely feeling the heat.

A similar example you can give to girls who don't get it is imagine if your boyfriend showered his ex with gifts, attention, and lavish vacations right off the bat, and only wants to watch Netflix, split the bill, and bone you. They obviously see something wrong with that.

EnoughObligation164 · 2022-09-06T04:24:05+00:00

Just a random recent realization. I've seen a good bit of discussion here something along the lines of men jealous when they find that their SOs either made them wait more or did things with other men they don't do with them.

Hold on a second. It's not that these men are jealous, it's that they feel betrayed/lied to/used

My children's mother first brought up the topic because several friends were pregnant and I wasn't trying with her.

I have many examples in life and of course media. Seems often a coexisting theme when it comes to baby fever.

Is this sort of thinking as common as it seems?

Extremely fucking common, yes. I'm not too confident on numbers, but I'd guess >40% of women will do shit like this, and I feel like I'm lowballing that by a good bit

Are these the female version of former partner jealousy?

I think "envy" is a better word than "jealousy" here, but that's just semantic bullshit. I know what you mean regardless

I do think these women are being envious in these cases. I don't think that the men are being envious in their situations. So no, I wouldn't say this is "possible equivalent"

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-06T06:00:45+00:00

The issue here doesn't seem to be that when it happens later, they're jealous. The problem is that while they're waiting and your previous behaviour has indicated what you see as an acceptable amount of time to wait which has already passed, they're wondering if it's actually going to happen.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-09-06T12:45:11+00:00

They’re somewhat similar but not equivalent. Marriage and kids are major life events, and you will probably know with certainty, if and when your ex did them with past partners. A lot of men here are simply imagining what and when their exes may have done with past partners sexually and making themselves upset over a hypothetical.

There’s also typically a difference in significance over what is being quibbled about. Getting upset about your girlfriend having sex with a previous guy on the second date and you on the fourth, is like her being upset you proposed to your ex exactly two years in and her, two years and one week. A bit crazy. Now yes, if you somehow know for a fact that she was always eager to jump in bed with every guy she dated and made you wait six months, I can see being wary. But the short timelines and sometimes specific sex acts men are getting jealous about here, usually with zero basis, are petty in light of the big picture. Being upset about this stuff is more equivalent to a girl being mad because she thinks maybe her boyfriend spent more on a first date in the past or won’t buy her a specific necklace. It’s childish.

All that being said, I personally understand exactly why a guy would want to wait a bit for marriage and kids if it didn’t work out in the past. And imo if you can’t understand that with those things, or with sex, you lack empathy and maturity. Goes for both genders.

Tl;dr, women would be seen as petty and crazy for acting like men here do about sex, about other things. “I bet you asked your last gf out sooner and with more enthusiasm than me! And spent $5 more!”

2022-09-06T15:47:41+00:00

Bro I’ve known women who won’t eat at a restaurant I’ve taken other girls to. Won’t watch any old movies because there’s a chance I watched it with other girls. “This where you take all your bitches huh?” Type energy

justfukinwitchu · 2022-09-06T04:00:44+00:00

I would say so to a certain extent. Men are just as competitive as women.

RedditsOlderBrah · 2022-09-06T10:39:42+00:00

Some of my long term partners would compare how long into my relationship I had my children with how long they'd been with me and not. Even if we had no intention of having children this brought up questions of why I didn't want children with them yet.

This is insane. In future, at the beginning of the relationship it's useful to have a broad, but sufficient understanding of each others expectations with regards to cohabitation, children, and marriage. That will stop this bullshit or at least be a basis to end your relationship immediately when your partner pulls absurd shit like this.

That said, yes, it is equivalent, because both concerns are fucking stupid and not usually present in functional relationships and non-existent in happy and egalitarian ones.

Psych_FI · 2022-09-06T11:11:56+00:00

It’s common with marriage I’ve seen people compare how quickly did someone propose or how much someone spent on the ring etc.

I think it’s a very immature way of thinking ultimately as you recognise often jealousy and insecurity are at the root of the comparison. You’ve got to do what works for you in dating and life.

I won’t sleep with a guy until I am ready and feel comfortable. Not a day sooner. This insures the experience is positive, safe and not stressful. Ultimately, if someone doesn’t like it they can leave.

EulenWatcher · 2022-09-06T04:01:51+00:00

Tbh I've never heard about situations you're taking about. Also you can disagree with me, but I'd say that having kids is more important than "how long she made me wait". Women have shorter timeframe to have kids and you should figure out whether you really have similar plans or not, so if you don't want to have any kids and she does, you break up without wasting too much time.

fizeekfriday · 2022-09-06T04:15:33+00:00

Female version of former partner jealously is when she realizes she's not getting as many material things as his last girlfriend.

Regardless of how many deny it, a lot of women look at themselves, look at how other women are being treated in their relationships, rate her looks, and then think that determines how she should be treated by men.

I literally had a conversation today with a woman who rated herself as a 8/9/10 (she's probably a high 6 or a low 7) and told me that every guy she's with "has been better than her in some way" and I instantly cleared it up by asking if she meant material things, and she said yes.

Hypergamy. You have to just be better than her in every way. But she thinks her looks = Material things/Vacations/Dinners so in her eyes your spending isn't enough for someone like HER.

ruboyuri · 2022-09-06T04:17:09+00:00

Reproduction isn’t a competitive sport to most women

It’s a big fucking deal

bunnakay · 2022-09-06T04:29:34+00:00

I don't think either form is good for a relationship. And I don't have much sympathy for someone who only gets mad about not having X when they find out other people got it.

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Title	possible equivalent?
Author	Fun_Push7168
Upvotes	15
Comments	96
Date	September 6, 2022 3:55 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x70cgp/possible_equivalent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/possible-equivalent.1129915 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129915

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