Second fiddle

sublimemongrel · 2019-03-13T20:58:24+00:00

Fuck no I think that gross and would never willingly do that. I know a lot of people say there’s no moral duty or whatever since you’re not the one making the commitment but me personally I would feel totally gross about myself doing that knowingly.

Edit: I’m assuming in this scenario the first woman doesn’t know and he’s deceptively cheating on her?

_anothergumnut_ · 2019-03-13T20:43:16+00:00

Hah yes sort of in my "poly phase". I met this guy I was mad about, we hung out a few times then he drops the "oh my gf is going to LOVE you" and I'm all wtf. He explains how they're just too evolved for monogamy and poly is the future and no she doesn't have other bfs right now because she's just not feeling it. Surprise.

I was 19 and not looking for forever so I carried on seeing him and had my fun. Lots of strange three way dates and sleepovers and it was like oh so bohemian. She was very obviously the head gf, but I wasn't fussed. I could never do it in a serious sense, but for some teenage fun it was fine.

LeaneGenova · 2019-03-13T21:37:01+00:00

I'd never do that. One, I'm too selfish, and two, I don't share well.

I think in order to actually respect fidelity, it means that you have to respect other people's fidelity as well. I judge the hell out of people who hang around cheaters, have been the "other woman" or help a friend cheat. If I had a partner who had ever been in one of those situations, I'd definitely re-evaluate my relationship.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-13T20:24:04+00:00

Kind of. when I 1st started sleeping with the 1st man I lived with he went through several girlfriends, allof whom I knew, before he was my official boyfriend

goatismycopilot · 2019-03-13T20:03:27+00:00

Do you mean back up chick or second choice chick?

LobsterOmelette · 2019-03-13T20:05:14+00:00

Hell no I would run away from that dude screaming even if he was some handsome multi millionaire super Chad.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-03-13T22:02:08+00:00

Never knowingly

But there were points in my life where I didn't want a relationship, and I knew he was seeing other girls (as I was seeing other guys). I was ok with that situation, because everyone was honest with everyone

darudeboysandstorm · 2019-03-13T20:05:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CreightonWAbrams · 2019-03-13T20:10:50+00:00

Ew. No.

I don't share.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-03-13T20:56:00+00:00

Technically my SO was still married to his ex when we started dating, but they had been separated for a while so I'm not sure if that counts.

Other than that, not to my knowledge... But there was a guy I strongly suspect was married.

I probably wouldn't hang around with a married man for too long. Just long enough to see how invested he is in that relationship and gauge the chances of him leaving her for me. And if the odds weren't good, till I found something else to branch swing too.

Edit: Oh! On my walk home I remembered three guys that had girlfriend's when we hooked up. And just as I predicted I would do, they were short lived flings/ONSs. Two of those guys I never knew or met the main girl so they didn't actually exist as far as I'm concerned. The third was a girl in one of my social groups and they went on to get married, it never occurred to me to tell her because I considered the guy my friend and I wouldn't screw a friend over like that. There's a pun in there somewhere but I can't find the words for it.

GridReXX · 2019-03-13T22:01:48+00:00

I’m glad I read the comments.

By second fiddle I thought you meant “you’re not his first choice as a mate.”

But it seems you mean “side chick.”

Or “the weekend” as SZA would say.

I’m going to say no. I did have a week long backtrack with an ex once and found out at the end of that week he was apparently dating some chick in another city he had met 6 weeks prior. Her friend spotted myself and him at dinner and since the world is small I got a string of texts by the end of the night lol. I was like damn how did this drama span the entire I-95 corridor.

All that situation taught me was to never start a relationship long distance.

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GradualDecomp · 2019-03-13T20:57:27+00:00

Never knowingly. I did find out that a guy I had been seeing for about 6 months had another girlfriend. I'm not sure who between us was the "second fiddle". I did dump the guy and tell the other woman.

pngmafia97 · 2019-03-13T21:11:41+00:00

I cheated on my boyfriend at the time with my supervisor at work who was also cheating on his girlfriend at the time.

That we were both cheating was a testament to both our shady moral codes and the doomed status of our respective relationships. After I left the job (3 month internship) our little romance ended, as did our respective relationships — primarily because we realized we weren't satisfied with our existing relationships, not necessarily because our SOs found out...although they both did. Neither of us were in contact with the other SO; that we both had primary partners was very much "don't ask, don't tell."

I've since gone through a lot of personal growth and don't think I would ever cheat again, but the whole experience was an overall NPV positive one. I don't regret it.

planejane · 2019-03-13T23:15:48+00:00

Once. I found out from a mutual acquaintance that he had a long term GF who was doing a semester abroad. I stopped texting, which was fine cause he wasn't putting much effort into it anyways.

I was inexperienced and naively thought when we went out a few times it was headed somewhere serious, but after the fact I realized he was just looking for a lay while his GF was unavailable.

I considered trying to dig to find out her information to inform her, but after a few days to cool off, I decided to just put it behind me and move on with my life.

Edit: I also hooked up with a married-but-separated guy once. He was an ok friend, but his life was in a messy place and I regretted involving myself in it right after. We still check in on each other sometimes (he got a divorce not long after we hooked up and is seeing someone new now).

a_vanillae · 2019-03-13T23:04:12+00:00

There was one guy when I was 19, a coworker who I was head over heels infatuated with. He had literally just gotten married and it was my last day on the job. We had a few minutes to speak alone and he asked me if I thought he married the right woman. I told him I couldn't answer that question for him. I'm still proud of myself for that level of clarity at such a stupid age, even though it lead to a lot of pain afterward.

So the short answer is no, I've never willingly been a side piece.

CatchPhraze · 2019-03-14T04:16:56+00:00

No. I would never.

doctor_trucks · 2019-03-14T13:05:45+00:00

No. That would be gross and dishonest.

LifterofThings · 2019-03-15T05:18:12+00:00

Nah. Integrity's a big thing for me, both mine and his.

One time when I was 18 I went on a few dates with a dude and then got an angry email about a homewrecking little whore I was from his wife whom I didn't know existed, but that was about the closest I ever got.

DXBrigade · 2019-03-15T14:16:48+00:00

Nope. I have morals and it seems like trouble. I hate troubles. That said, I can understand why a woman who is not a bitch would sleep with a married man, sometimes you fall in love with the wrong person.

hshsvdhsiabs · 2019-03-16T03:58:32+00:00

Yes, in high school. I wasn’t physical with him but I was flirty and eventually convinced him to leave her. I never thought much about it until I was in a serious relationship with my current boyfriend and I felt real love and I realized how ashamed I am for what I did. She knew of me. She saw pictures of me saved on his phone ( selfies, never sent him nudes) and she hated me, rightfully so. Luckily I found a really great guy. But if for whatever reason We don’t stay together, I’d never be a side chick again. And I would never date a guy who cheated on a previous girlfriend.

Title	Second fiddle
Author	darudeboysandstorm
Upvotes	3
Comments	95
Date	March 13, 2019 6:54 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b0pqgs/second_fiddle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/second-fiddle.256773 https://theredarchive.com/post/256773

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