What are your true “red flags”?

anon018274031 · 2022-11-16T23:46:12+00:00

True red flags: violent, short temper, history of SA/domestic abuse, druggy/smoker, criminal record, morbidly obese, lazy, misogynist, makes me feel like an object/vagina, has cheated as an adult, talks badly about multiple ex’s and calls them crazy (usually means they drove them crazy, mostly heard this out of the mouth of serial cheaters and manipulators), not truthful

Red flags that would require a very good explanation to be overlooked: unemployed, poor family relationships, lack of stable friendships, obese, high N count (20 ish would probably be a limit for me)

Wow your ‘true red flags’ leave you with about 2% of the population. I hope you are also a 2% kinda man otherwise you are fucked.

saraimarsena · 2022-11-16T23:46:51+00:00

my red flags:

5’8 or under
pressing for sex off first link, not respecting my physical boundaries
jail time
recreational hard drug usage (not weed or alcohol)
unemployed
andrew tate follower
nonchalant
no traditional values, low interest in providing
no religious background
overly self deprecating to the point of indicating no self esteem, pathetic “woe is me” mindset

yellow flags: - vape usage - no athletic background - n count above 10 - little sexual experience, vanilla

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2022-11-16T23:29:45+00:00

Look up "drewafualo" , definetly not my type, and the most curious thing is that she actually has boyfriend who isnt particulary ugly, he is fit, yet she has him by the balls, which shows pretty well that a woman doesnt needs to be particulary attractive nor have any reedeming quality to land a guy, to put you in perspective, if drewafualo was a man and said the same stuff she says about men but about women instead of men, she would definetly be labelled an incel, a mysoginist, her sexuality would be attacked and she would probably beat the banned from tiktok speedrun glitchless record which is why we should stop this ridiculous mentality that having a partner somehow validates your views and makes you morally superior at least for women, but even serial killers have fangirls so.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-11-17T01:28:00+00:00

True Red Flags: Traditional Man, values body count, short temper, superficial conversation that leads to something sexual, unemployed, lacks empathy, Christian, can't hold a conversation, obese, unwashed, dirty roach house, misogyny of any kind , spends too much time online bigoted in any sort of way. No sense of style, not affectionate, introvert. Criminal background, cheater

Red flags I can deal with: Gamer as long as it doesn't get in the way of us time I don't care, marijuana usage. Lives at home, makes dirty jokes if they are timed right I am for it. Quiet but once they are in their element come out of their shell. Ex drama if the situation is justified.

bunnakay · 2022-11-17T02:17:22+00:00

So many of mine can be summed up as: no conservatives. Woke soy boys only.

Khabeni412 · 2022-11-17T03:26:09+00:00

Some red flags from women for me include

--being lazy --not offering to pay their way on a date --being a height snob (only dating tall men) --constantly worrying/blaming people for lying even when they're not --being too skinny --not having/liking kids --constantly worried about how they look --being overly religious --talking constantly about ex-boyfriends --wanting me to be athletic when she's not --being unclear/covert about their needs and wants --talks about God all the time --not liking my kids and family

I'm sure there are more...

BadSpanglish2 · 2022-11-17T00:55:35+00:00

Absolute Deal Breakers (Red):
- Single Mother or Pregnant
- N-Count of 10+
- Obese - Not seeking to change
- Significant debt (this is measured against income)
- Children (in adoptive care)
- 5'10 or taller (I'm tall so I don't want children that are too tall, to prevent any medical issues they may get such as back problems)
- Smoking
- Drug use (even marijuana)
- Bad manners
- Excessive drinking
- Unacceptable clothing (dressing like a slut or like some sort of freak)
- Unacceptable fetish
- Too demanding and/or put in too little in return
- Poor character traits (low self-confidence)
- Treats/thinks of me as disposable (probably very difficult to find a woman that doesn't but I like to think they're out there)
- Political views
- Refuses to shave (I do it and I don't see why she cant)
- Age gap 10+ years (I'm 25, so it's either a prison sentence or a geriatric haha)
- Small ass or boobies (this list is practically a wish list, forgive me lmao)
- Physically deformed
- Mentally challenged
- Refuses traditional elements to life
- Whatever I forgot to add to the list
Possible Deal Breakers (Yellow/Orange):
- Children (Father with custody)
- N-Count of 5+
- Obese - Seeking to change.
- Moderate debt (this is measured against income)
- Odd fetish (can't think of an example, but it's possible)
- Political views
- Medium ass or boobies
- Whatever I forgot to add to the list

EulenWatcher · 2022-11-17T03:15:43+00:00

Addict or history of addictions
Bad criminal record
Mental issues that make them dangerous for themselves and others or mental issues they refuse to treat
Known history of being a cheater or abuser
Cruel to animals, service workers, kids
Pro-lifer/misogynistic/misandrist/homophobe/racist/deeply religious/conservative
Bad financial habits
Known player, brags about their past, have n-count much higher than I do
Asian fetishist
Sex worker/client
Low communication skills, can't make compromises
Wants casual/open relationship
Smoker or drinks a lot
Much older than I am
Doesn't respect my boundaries
I don't like their smell
They can't be vulnerable with me or bear my vulnerability and there's no emotional connection between us
Suffers from FOMO
Poor health due to their own habits

Vallanno · 2022-11-18T03:07:18+00:00

fat, being slightly overweight is fine. But if you're visibly fat it's an immediate no.
Never had a relationship before but have been in numerous "situationships".
Considers themselves feminist (especially if white)
Addict
Sex worker
Heavily influenced by the opinions of others
More masculine than feminine in basically any area
Promiscuous
has a child
Ratchet/ghetto
Bad mouths other men she deems as "less than" to me
Can't maintain a conversation or contribute any unique thoughts of her own
Bad listener
Struggles to apologize/lacks accountability
Extremely leftist
Extremely right wing

ICtruthcity · 2022-11-17T05:31:35+00:00

A plural Body count

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kellydayscruff · 2022-11-16T23:41:30+00:00

Prudes and elitists

Luciansleep · 2022-11-16T23:42:54+00:00

I hate being vented to or someone crying around me. I also build disgust in my head in relationships quickly for some reason.

northernlights190 · 2022-11-16T23:56:12+00:00

Overweight or obese is my first physical hard no red flag, for sure. Will never be attracted ever.

Also: a very dominant or aggressive personality. Lack of empathy, lack of intellectual curiosity. Men who complain about or criticize minor things a lot, that’s one thing I learned to treat as a massive red flag. Rude to service staff. Socially conservative values.

Alcoholism and certain heavy drug use, though I’m open to healthy recreational use of most substances so drug use itself isn’t a red flag to me. Compulsive self-destructive behaviour. Owns a motorcycle, a flashy car, or a big truck for non-work purposes (I live in a city). Owns or wants to own a firearm, that’s a hard no for me.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-11-17T01:11:32+00:00

Drinking regularly, drugs ever, tattoos, antitheism

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-17T02:55:22+00:00

Abusive. Unemployed or underemployed, expects me to pay for everything. Alcoholic or hard drug abuser (social drinking and weed okay). Poor hygiene, in particular poor dental hygiene. Conservative, tradcon, Republican, and/or fundie. Doesn’t know how to adult. Homophobic. Racist. Misogynistic.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-11-17T03:10:41+00:00

For me the biggest, reddest, most if-you-ignore-this-you’re-willfully-ignorant flag is physical abuse.

And yet I’ve given thought to what I would do if out of no where, like a pitbull who’s “never done this before” (because people on this sub get really fired up about pitbulls) my husband became physically violent with me. And the truth is, since I’ve toed the line with that situation before in a previous relationship, I know that it would be difficult to draw a hard line and leave. Because you don’t stop loving someone in their best moments just because you fear them at their worst moments.

Bats_are_cuter · 2022-11-17T12:05:44+00:00

Red flags for me; right-wing, alcoholic, has kids, is child free, indecisive, emotionally lazy, doesn't have friends, hasn't had a LTR, doesn't get on with my friends, no craic.

Non serious red flags; car enthusiast, golfer, rock climber (I would date a rock climber again but istg they are all off their rocker)

Common red flags I don't care too much about; doesn't need to be super tall or rich. I have my own money and I'm 5'2". I prefer career direction to pure assets because the latter is something I would like to do with someone.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-11-17T15:26:16+00:00

Obese, butch looking, social media obsessed, single mom, loaded with tatts and piercings (a few are cool, but when she starts to get freak status thats disgusting).

No drug addicts, if she dabbles a lil that's okay

Lost_Sand9666 · 2022-11-17T19:03:23+00:00

Stoners and other habitual drug users. I dont mind if people want to do recreational drugs, but I personally dont, and cant see myself with someone who is high all the time.
Fiscally irresponsible. You dont need to be Warren Buffet, but if you have thousands in credit card debt, or cant stick to a budget then it is gonna be an issue. Few things are more toxic to a relationship than one party asking another for money. I dont mean money for a date but more like "hey can you pay my rent so I can stay off the streets"
Clinginess. Nothing is more off putting to me than getting out of a one hour meeting only to see that I have 13 texts all asking where I am.
Self Harm/eating disorders. I have a lot of sympathy for people who suffer from these things, but watching someone you care about hurt themselves takes an extreme toll on your mental health, and can pigeon hole you into a weird and toxic 'care taker' role in the relationship. People who suffer from these things need a therapist to help them, not an SO
No "real world" experience. Maybe this isnt a red flag per say because it necessarily isnt bad (e.g. people who went straight from undergrad to grad school) but I dont think I would have much interest in someone who has never worked a real job or who has never lived independently just because I feel like that is a pretty big gap in lived experience. From my experience with room mates, people who spend a long time in gradschool full time tend not to be as good at "adulting" as other people their age, at least for a couple of years.

Ghostownfairy · 2022-11-18T07:26:58+00:00

Some of mine

🚩Being conservative politically (not like how they dress.)

🚩Does hard drugs (a bit of weed is fine.).

🚩 hates animals (like actuality hates them not just not wanting one)

🚩hates body modification ( it’s fine if they just don’t want it for themselves)

🚩 resent criminal history (within the last five years ,excluding very minor offenses)

🚩 drinking excessively ( alcohol not water ofc)

🚩 anti vaccine

🚩 any of the isms and phobics you know what I mean

🚩 dose not wash

🚩chaser

Feisty-Entertainer-7 · 2022-11-19T00:01:20+00:00

Won't date bi guys for [insert homophobic reason disguised as a justification]

Wouldn't ever date an [insert race]. Aesthetic preferences are fine.

Super religious.

Can't communicate disagreement without yelling/name calling.

Slut shames women or men with a high body count.

Shames men/women with a low body count.

Conservative

Communist (not an immediate dealbreaker, but a red flag; I'd much rather date someone less extreme in their political ideology -- i.e. a neoliberal, democratic socialist, etc)

Extremely beholden to traditional roles - (i.e. shames men for watching stereotypically 'women' shows, drinking 'women' drinks, etc., crying during the sad parts of movies/shows)

Smokes cigarettes

Likes Andrew Tate or Jordan Peterson and can't point out explicitly which parts of their teachings they like (i.e. Tate talking about the importance of discipline over motivation is fine.....his other stuff not so much).

Super combative in arguments instead of thinking of the disagreement as exploring an issue together.

Constantly talks shit about *all* of their past exes and past friends; it's always or almost always other people that are the problem

Overly materialistic

Anti-vax

Police officer

Constantly making fun of/bashing homeless and/or poor people

Title	What are your true “red flags”?
Author	LebaneseImperfection
Upvotes	7
Comments	49
Date	November 16, 2022 11:19 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yx9mkr/what_are_your_true_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-your-true-red-flags.1140026 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140026

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