Would you encourage men to ''date down''?

Blitted_Master · 2022-11-16T01:11:55+00:00

I’d encourage men to deal with cooperative women who treat them right and meet their physical attraction requirements.

JournalistOld · 2022-11-16T00:12:40+00:00

I wouldn't in most cases because if you're not already dating down you don't really have it in you.

People who date down don't do it out of desperation most of the time. They simply don't see it as a biggie.

People who go outside their dating comfort and date down learn the hard way that love or infatuation comes before learning to love someone.

northernlights190 · 2022-11-16T00:16:26+00:00

I think if you’re unhappy about your dating life and the options you have and want that to change, then you should be open to at least trying a new approach. That can include changing your physical environment (worked wonders for me) or being open to matching with / dating people you might not usually, and seeing how it goes.

But if you don’t want to change those things up, then don’t. And you shouldn’t date people who you actively consider unattractive and can’t ever see yourself finding attractive, not fair to either you or them.

Basically — be open to thinking about how your dating patterns aren’t serving you, but if you see changes to it only as “lowering your standards” rather than expanding your horizons then you’ll probably be unhappy with the result.

BewareNecessity · 2022-11-16T00:23:35+00:00

Men dont need encouragement to "date down". Very few women dont get attention from men.

Reasonable-Software2 · 2022-11-16T01:55:09+00:00

Men already date down. Is there anyone that knows a man that dated "up?"

Should he entertain dating women who are unattractive?

Maybe. A lot of men seem to forget that there is more to life than having a hot bitch by your side. Attractiveness might be the most useless indicator of a successful relationship.

toasterchild · 2022-11-16T00:48:44+00:00

It's only dating down if you would look down on the person, if you would do that then no that would be shitty.

NOTSM · 2022-11-16T00:10:47+00:00

I'd advise him that if he has to "date down" to get a girl he's not actually dating down. He's dating at his level while suffering delusions of his own value.

So either improve or accept his current level

bunnakay · 2022-11-16T00:41:31+00:00

Nope, they should learn to stick to their standards and not be so desperate.

MyLastBestChance · 2022-11-16T01:10:03+00:00

Nope. If someone (man or woman) cannot find success with people who meet their preferences, they have a few choices, none of which is necessarily better than the other.

They can keep looking and stop complaining.

They can work on improving themselves in order to attract those people and stop complaining.

They can revise their priorities and stop complaining.

They can give up and stop complaining.

All are valid options and no one should be compelled / encouraged to choose any specific option that they don’t feel comfortable with.

_EndlessWinter_ · 2022-11-16T00:18:48+00:00

No one needs to encourage men to date down. Most men already do date down

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-11-16T01:24:29+00:00

I mean a lot of men already do🤣, if he has some ridiculously high standard that not even a top-tier guy would get then sure but overall probably not

And if we're talking about a top-tier guy who has a good education a good job and all the physical requirements, generally they've never had a problem dating down, it's primarily women who have the college degrees who look at that as "dating down"

Solid-City-3798 · 2022-11-16T01:14:42+00:00

No, dont do someone you arent attracted to a "favor". Thats really a horrible thing to do to that peron.

Silent_Confession15 · 2022-11-16T00:26:54+00:00

Women tend to date up, which means men will generally date down. Asking whether men should date down is asking whether men should date at all.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-11-16T00:09:03+00:00

I'd encourage men to date at their level.

It's not dating down if those are the women you can get.

AdditionalPrice7336 · 2022-11-16T00:52:49+00:00

date down?

I'm not hitting on homeless women

usernamesarestupid77 · 2022-11-16T03:23:49+00:00

I think the root of the issue is that men think they deserve a type of woman who meets certain requirements but they sometimes don’t deliver on their end of the bargain either.

Also the beauty standard has shifted over time. Go back even ten years ago or look at magazines etc from decades ago and the body types, beauty standards were different even the weight requirements were different. At one point being overweight was actually considered attractive because it meant you were able to afford to eat food, unlike the thinner woman. It was a social status that infiltrated the beauty standard. So men don’t realize that the woman they follow on social media who have tons of money to get work done are raising their standards unknowingly while regular natural women sometimes are considered less attractive (within reason because too much surgery looks fake and stupid).

Might I add that filters etc add to the delusion that woman are more attractive than they really are and that it’s not black and white. Not all unattractive females will have better personalities while attractive females will have worst ones. Lol

Diddy_1978 · 2022-11-16T09:42:42+00:00

If a guy can’t find the woman he’s looking for, maybe he should have a hard look at himself and consider whether he’s really the prize he consider himself to be.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-11-16T12:27:52+00:00

No. I would not encourage anyone to “date down,” you will not be content in the long run and will be doing yourself and the other person a disservice.

If you feel you must date down in order to date, either you’re overestimating your own value, or you’re not meeting enough people and need to get out more and expand your social circle.

DarmakJalad · 2022-11-16T17:32:42+00:00

If he still finds her adequately attractive and likes her, then sure. If he finds her actively unattractive or dislikes her, then no— it would be a disservice to both parties.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-16T01:12:26+00:00

I think it is sleazy and misleading for someone to look for or ask someone out when they aren't that interested in them just to get a date or get laid.

It also leads to resentment and both people being unhappy. Nobody can control who they are attracted to. Do not date someone you don't actually desire just to get fucked or have a gf, that's fucked up.

trail22 · 2022-11-16T02:04:36+00:00

I cant really understand how a guy can pursue a women or be with a women he isnt attractive to. Seems like a big cruel lie.

briiiana1122 · 2022-11-16T00:26:52+00:00

I’d encourage men to stop dating down if they are going to complain about dating someone they have to support.

Ramzabeo · 2022-11-16T01:28:09+00:00

Define “date down” because my wife is not the best looking girl ive been with, not even close. But her personality, values and attitude? They are pure gold and are worth much more.

TrailWraith · 2022-11-16T01:44:50+00:00

Men have no problem dating down financially. That’s the traditional arrangement after all.

I don’t think we necessarily mind dating down in attractiveness either as long as she’s reasonably fit, but she’d need to be bringing a good personality to the table. That’s a lot rarer than a pretty face though.

LosingMyFocus · 2022-11-16T01:46:20+00:00

It depends on which aspect of the woman he’s lowering his standards for. I’d gladly lower my standards (in terms of looks) for a 7/10 girl who has a great personality and morals, rather than date a 10/10 narcissistic brat.

I don’t think men should lower their standards when it comes to promiscuity. Sad to say I’ve personally done it. Was down bad enough to date a girl who was widely known as a hoe. It was hell, and I’d never do it again.

Rebelosity · 2022-11-16T02:24:21+00:00

Yes.

It is not only advisable to "date down" but absolutely necessary for long term relationship. A woman must look up to her man for her to feel safe and satisfied in a relationship.

Briffaults law: the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.

So basically if you want her to stay she cannot be above you, either in fantasy or reality.

M_LaSalle · 2022-11-16T05:00:33+00:00

Men are constantky encouraged to date down since any man who doesn't want to date a land whale is accused of having impossibly high standards. I would not encourage men to "date down", but someone always will.

Suzcval · 2022-11-16T11:24:04+00:00

Depends on the level they're at and who they're after.

If you're ugly and just want to date a normal cute guy/girl it's probably better to self-improve up to that standard to the best of your ability.

If you're decently attractive but want to date supermodels or other head-turningly gorgeous people then it might be time for a reality check.

OppositeBeautiful601 · 2022-11-16T14:47:17+00:00

I think everyone should reevaluate their standards if they are not able to partner up. If a man or woman is constantly facing rejection in the context of a set of standards, it's very possible those standards are too high.

BrickedHampster · 2022-11-16T18:18:56+00:00

As far as physical attraction goes, it might be a positive, but I wouldn’t encourage men to date women that they find unattractive.

Intentionally dating a poor woman is a terrible idea.

sabazurc · 2022-11-16T21:10:03+00:00

"Dating down" is not a phrase men use...it's women's phrase.

Educational-Ad6210 · 2022-11-16T22:52:19+00:00

If he is complaining being lonely and sexsless, yes. If he is willing to be alone, no. It’s that simple.

No-Rough-7390 · 2022-11-16T23:48:34+00:00

If a guy is new to dating non-exclusively with women, then I’d 100% recommend it to kill the natural approach anxiety and nervousness around women that they will likely have. Short term only, though.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-11-16T00:10:15+00:00

I mean I think all guys have went through a dry spell and fucked a girl they wouldn't be proud to tell their mates about

nCRedditor-21 · 2022-11-16T00:49:01+00:00

Men are constantly rebuked by women and told to date down. If you’re not tall and white, you’re constantly told to do so. If you’re a black man, you’re not as heavily impacted but deffo won’t do as well as a white man. And God forbid you’re Asian or brown, because in today’s world that may as well be the death knell for our dating lives.

I myself am told to “lower my standards” even though I hold women to the same. And while I live in Australia and may not be the stereotypical tall, white muscle-bod that women want, I’m constantly pushing myself with self-improvement these days - whether it’s at the gym, picking up a new hobby (started playing piano again) or going out to singles events.

I’d probably find over 50% of women decently attractive enough to want to be with them, and I swipe the same way on OLD. I think at some point we’re just going to have to admit that no matter what women look like, they’re always going to be chasing the man who looks like they’ve been casted on The Bachelor.

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2022-11-16T00:39:19+00:00

Its pretty clear women have high standards. And they aren't willing to forego those high standards. Which is fair. If men would be competing for all the unattractive women. Bad for business

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-11-16T00:22:53+00:00

Most men don't have an abundance of options the way most women do.

If you can't get the kind of woman you want, don't date the single mom. Go to the gym, get money, get hobbies, read, expand your life. Quality women will then appear.

filthyburrows · 2022-11-16T00:29:56+00:00

Date down untill you feel comfortable with women then date where ever you please

wtknight · 2022-11-16T01:45:35+00:00

Nobody should date someone that they're not attracted to, so no, I wouldn't encourage men to do that.

With that being said, I think that people in general "learn" to be attracted to people who are less attractive when they can't attract their ideal people.

AnonymouslyFlustered · 2022-11-16T02:11:21+00:00

I have better idea. Don’t date down. Date Philippines, Brazil, Thailand, Argentina etc It’s a large world, there are amazing options everywhere. Don’t suffer for what you are or aren’t being offered in the west. Don’t play their game.

Edit: etc

N_Count_Council · 2022-11-16T00:44:41+00:00

Most men already date down

viperman1111 · 2022-11-16T01:08:19+00:00

Actually men don’t think like this at all. Men fall in love. Men don’t think of it in terms of up or down. They are whisked away. It is hard to describe.

Men are driven. Men are driven by love. It is irrational. It makes no sense. Men don’t understand why. They are very irrational when it comes to women.

You just feel compelled to perform for her. To make her happy. You don’t know why. It has nothing to do with up or down. She could be homeless with no job and some level of blindness. And a handsome man will fall in love.

Men don’t look for love. They have no purpose. They just sort of wander around and love happens. Men do a lot of wandering around.

Men cannot answer the question of “what are you looking for?” Because they are not looking for anything. They are just looking to bump around a little bit and see what happens. That’s how men think about dating.

NoPidgeonChess · 2022-11-16T05:25:10+00:00

If you see your partner as “below you” you’re a sack of shit and should definitely not date her.

AGalWithThoughts · 2022-11-16T00:29:05+00:00

Let’s say the guy is flagrantly unattractive and low income. Would you tell him to date a flagrantly unattractive women with issues?

WilliamWyattD · 2022-11-16T01:17:02+00:00

On an individual level, the answers are always the same: be better, lower standards, or accept what you get. So for some men, I might encourage them to lower certain standards even more. Entirely contextual.

But the macro level issue is more interesting. Greater female hypergamy and sexual selectivity is a given. It is natural and should be expected. But the extent of it is the issue. If a 50th percentile woman by mate value rank typically matches with a 55th or even 60th percentile man by mate value rank, no problem. Yes, that leaves some men at the bottom of the male hierarchy without mates--but that is normal. Maybe even a feature and not a bug.

But if that 50th percentile woman is walking away from any man below 80th percentile, and would rather just be single, then that is a problem. I wouldn't just encourage men to accept that in aggregate and all date down. Something would be fucked up with the market, or the situation.

NthKnife · 2022-11-16T02:58:41+00:00

I would encourage people to do whatever makes them happiest. If you want a relationship more than you enjoy being alone, that's an individual's call. Personally I think being alone is better than settling for most people regardless of sex.

Due-Lie-8710 · 2022-11-16T06:45:59+00:00

Men already date down

The_Thrymm_of_Profit · 2022-11-16T02:37:20+00:00

Men dating down is just dating. We always date chicks who make less money and are less valuable to society than us.

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BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-11-16T01:16:46+00:00

Ewwww absolutely not. This is just in the case some guy asked me if he should or not. He can do what he wants honey, but I wouldn't encourage him to turn a healthy woman twisted. It's like removing strong limbs. Have you ever seen Black Alien Project? What kind of hell of life is that?

WittyComparison76 · 2022-11-16T01:17:00+00:00

Hmm, this makes me keen to think about what defines someone as picky.

caption291 · 2022-11-16T01:48:20+00:00

It depends on what you want. If you're just trying to treat the symptoms, encouraging men to continue dating down is the only reasonable thing to do.

If you want to help men, you should encourage them to not date down under any circumstances.

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-11-16T01:58:49+00:00

I completely disagree with this line of logic. He shouldn't be doing any of that. What he should be doing is working on himself. Improving himself. Bettering than himself. Working towards making himself as extremely sexually attractive and desirable as possible so that he could match his preferred standards. If he was to entertain women who are unattractive he would only be wasting his own time and energy.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2022-11-16T02:19:14+00:00

Maybe he should, maybe he shouldn't.

If he's unable to find, then date down to minimal attractiveness (save) while also building himself up via gym/food/sleep/socializing (build income).

See? It's the economy, stupid

Lowkeymexican · 2022-11-16T02:34:41+00:00

GGMcThroway · 2022-11-16T02:41:14+00:00

No. It's better to be single than to date someone for the sake of saying you're dating someone.

Barely-moral · 2022-11-16T02:45:53+00:00

Would you encourage men to ''date down''?

Yes.

If a man is unable to find a suitable romantic companion, should he lower his standards considerably?

It dependson his priorities. If having a romantic companion is his priority then yes, of course. Treat your priority as a priority. It comes first. Every single decision should am towards your priority.

Should he entertain dating women who are unattractive?

See above. Yes.

Should he move to a low income area?

Yes. This is a good solution so the man in question can date someone he finds attractive while dating down. Go outside your country and never come back.

shadowofdoubt13 · 2022-11-16T02:52:57+00:00

They already do lol

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-11-16T03:18:14+00:00

Yes. Guys should delay any ratings about looks until a few months into the relationship.

InfoVariety-8842 · 2022-11-16T03:18:49+00:00

I would fuck down

warramite · 2022-11-16T03:20:24+00:00

Date down for a man would be dating a super masculine woman.. but nothing says that woman would be interested in him in the first place.

Average guy don't have enough options to give him this advice cause he's just shooting shots in the dark and doesn't know what will hit

Neptune-Jr · 2022-11-16T03:22:37+00:00

If he had stupid and vapid standards then yes.

Clean_Mastodon5285 · 2022-11-16T03:30:15+00:00

Men usually date down

w1se_old_tree · 2022-11-16T03:48:10+00:00

The only thing that matters is if whether he's happier being or happier with a less desirable woman.

AndyBrown65 · 2022-11-16T04:29:48+00:00

I think most men do think already. Women date up, they tend not to date down. We will date whatever girl finds us attractive, asks, and then go from there.

When I was 21 I was at a party sitting on a sofa. Some great heffalump plops herself on my lap. "Do you have a girlfriend?" "why, no" "well you do now" as she starts pashing me.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-11-16T05:23:16+00:00

I'd rather date abroad than date down.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-16T05:26:39+00:00

Why not? If he wants a partner and that would be the only way to get one.

Mindless-Spare-2454 · 2022-11-16T05:39:02+00:00

Since the Industrial Revolution men have always “dated down” women are the ones who date upwards or at their level. No man is worries about whether a woman he’s dating is making the same money as him.

Individual_Guitar595 · 2022-11-16T06:57:19+00:00

Men do it all the time anyway.

TravisScottNL · 2022-11-16T07:18:42+00:00

Men already date down lmao. It can’t get lower. “Just lower your standards” Is for women who struggle not men

Honest_Cranberry_313 · 2022-11-16T07:23:43+00:00

I kinda think everyone could afford to “date down” a bit or to aim for “diamond in the rough” instead of “miraculous once in a lifetime chance meeting” partner

Even more specific, I love weird hot guys. My BF is a tall hot programmer with long hair. He’s super smart, extremely artistic, and internet funny <3

I’m super offline and an IRL musician. Hard for everyone (myself included sometimes) to acknowledge that I don’t wanna fuck the cool music bro w leather jacket and cigs in his rolled up sleeves… I want to BE him! Sometimes. Not all the time.

Be avant-garde weirdo hot. They literally use the “plainest” looking models and turn them into gods. Hire a makeup artist for a session, maybe plastic surgery in the future, and definitely a therapist to help w the internal stuff no one else sees

2022-11-16T08:00:25+00:00

No? I wouldn’t encourage anyone to do that unless I was seriously drunk, high, and wanted them off my back because they kept asking for advice and not doing anything (I have said it before under those circumstances.) But like…seriously? I think it’s cruel to date someone who you don’t find attractive knowingly. I’ve done it before and unless you’re a world-class fibber, I don’t think it’s possible to really keep the fact that you find a significant other unattractive completely to yourself. It makes them feel bad and it makes you feel bad-it’s a lose lose situation. And about the “should he move to a low income area” thing…unless you’re trying to save money or find a sugar baby, no? Just go on dating apps or go to bars in all parts of your town and see who you come across is what I say. Be normal, my guy

Moolg86 · 2022-11-16T08:04:12+00:00

Nah. Improve and prove the naysayers wrong. Nothing stings more.

Ok_Scene_1799 · 2022-11-16T08:53:13+00:00

men always date down

because women are incapable of dating down, they always do equal or more.

therefore the guys must date down if they want a relationship.

and now a days that a girl think she is +2 points more because she works and is strong independent woman, they think they are dating equal, but for a guy is dating down all the time.

Arrathall · 2022-11-16T08:54:41+00:00

Men should raise their standards not lower them further

deznue · 2022-11-16T12:01:57+00:00

Men always date down lol

deznue · 2022-11-16T12:04:59+00:00

Men always date down lol women can be broke and have no education and men will still marry her … all women need is to be and look good. Women on the other hand won’t date down.

Bats_are_cuter · 2022-11-16T12:05:15+00:00

The concept of 'dating down' only works if you're applying market theory to dating. Therefore market forces would dictate someone's 'level' through brute supply/demand. Therefore he wouldn't be lowering himself, he'd be being honest about his actual value.

Personally I don't go in for all of that, but it seems more logically consistent to me.

mib732 · 2022-11-16T13:19:39+00:00

Depends on what you mean date down means….you can never date own if someone’s personality is great AND you have compatibility with them.

hybridcbu · 2022-11-16T14:11:50+00:00

It's illegal to fuck corpses ain't it? Only way to date down any more for men.

zerofeetpersecond · 2022-11-16T15:36:10+00:00

Most men don’t date, most men who do date will date down at some point out of necessity or boredom.

violet4everr · 2022-11-16T17:29:52+00:00

Depends what you file under dating down. I have no issue dating down looks wise, but I will not compromise on anything besides that. But also I can do that, I can love the appearance of almost anyone even if they are deemed physically unnatractive by many people. I’ve had very odd crushes lol. But the one time I decided to comprise on personality/intelligence I had a super bad time. I would encourage anyone to not be too hung up on looks, but not everyone can. And I don’t think it’s fair to tell someone to date someone they can’t get it up for just bc desperate times. It’s also not fair for the other person.

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-16T17:30:04+00:00

I would encourage men to stop thinking of things in terms of up and down and start thinking of them in terms of "what makes me happy in the long-run".

snsjsthrowj · 2022-11-17T11:40:19+00:00

Hell nah. Somebody's going to get their heart broken and there will be general unhappiness in the relationship. Find someone on your level and keep it pushin

Warm_Gur8832 · 2022-11-20T17:46:26+00:00

I’d strongly question your perceptions of what dating up and down for you actually are vs. what your reality is, if you keep having issues finding someone.

I.e. if you look great but are an asshole and keep wondering why you keep missing out, maybe your perception of how important your looks are is simply off

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-11-21T05:18:18+00:00

No, its not fair to the women he dates.

Title	Would you encourage men to ''date down''?
Author	LebaneseImperfection
Upvotes	31
Comments	289
Date	November 16, 2022 12:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ywdyle/would_you_encourage_men_to_date_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-encourage-men-to-date-down.1140168 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140168

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