What would you say the difference is between a man who doesn't want to date a promiscuous girl, and a woman who doesn't want to date a man who had paid for sex?

Mentathiel · 2024-02-20T16:38:22+00:00

Depends on a lot of factors.

Not wanting to date someone with a promiscuous sexual past because you're personally more reserved is ok, it's morally neutral. Maybe you want somebody who shares a similar view of sex and sexuality.

On the other hand, saying having a lower number of partners is objectively better, women who're promiscuous are [insert slur of choice], people who date promiscuous women will be cheated on or have their family fall apart or are cucks, etc. etc. is not ok. Spreading ideologies about oxytocin and bonding and this and that that are just misinformation is not ok.

So having the preference itself and not pursuing relationships with people who don't fit them - totally ok.

But putting down and insulting people who don't fit your preferences and spreading misinformation about them - not ok.

When it comes to women and not wanting to be with someone who has paid for sex, again on its surface it's ok and morally neutral. But it would depend a bit on her reasoning.

If she believes that trading sex is inherently immoral because it involves likely less than consensual sex and she wants to be with someone who shares her moral convictions, I think that's ok. Same again if it's a preference related to seeing sex as sacred and intimate and wanting someone who shares that view.

But if she doesn't care about the wellbeing of said prostitutes or the man's attitudes towards sex and is instead just disgusted by a man not being able to get sex for free, I don't like that. If she bullies men like that calling them unmasculine, incels, etc. that's not ok.

If she's morally outraged by thinking prostitution is rape and calls men who pay for it rapists, I think that's more justified. She's not demeaning their masculinity or bullying, but expressing a genuine belief based on her moral values and worldview. And I do think it's ok to call people out when we think they're harming others and she doesn't have to sugarcoat it. As long as it stays exclusively focused on what she perceives as the immoral action aka buying of sex, which is in her view rape. As soon as it starts seeping into insulting masculinity described in the paragraph before this one, I think that starts to be more using her moral outrage as an excuse to be vitriolic and also likely hypocritical.

All in all, I don't see the comparison between the two things, I don't see the analogy you're trying to draw, but both things would be OK if they're a personal preference and not a part of a wider ideology which causes them to mistreat people.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-02-20T13:28:40+00:00

Anyone can have a preference about anything in dating. Doesn’t mean everyone will agree with you or that having a preference won’t limit your dating pool. But that’s just how it goes in order to find someone who is compatible with you. I personally wouldn’t be with a man who paid for sex. If I were a man, I think I’d be uncomfortable being with a woman with a super high body count. (Like 20+ would be my cut off). I’m uncomfortable as a woman if the man has a super high body count similarly. Just my preference.

hey-momo · 2024-02-20T18:54:03+00:00

easy

a man who doesn't want to date a promiscuous girl is a positive quality, and a man who sleeps with prostitutes is a negative quality

more than a negative quality tbh, it physically revolts me.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-02-20T13:26:50+00:00

Both preferences are valid, though the two are not necessarily analogous. If the man and woman both just feel that a promiscuous woman or a man who paid for sex are “icky,” or they have concerns about cheating, then there’s a comparison.

But I think when we talk about paying for sex there’s a lot more issues involved since many people see it as morally wrong to pay for another human’s body for sex. I personally feel this way, and although I wouldn’t date a promiscuous man either, I don’t see promiscuity as morally wrong (assuming there is consent and honesty, which is sometimes questionable). Just an issue of compatibility and a red flag for cheating.

Safinated · 2024-02-20T15:29:54+00:00

One is about use, the other is about treatment of others

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-02-20T12:07:52+00:00

The man is out of his element and reaching for any crumb, because it’s unlikely a promiscuous woman had any interest in a reserved man.

As far as prostitution, the exchange may be ethical, but I’m disgusted by any man who would use another persons body for their sole pleasure, whether it’s coercing sex out of a reluctant wife or paying a woman to pretend to enjoy it.

It’s safe to assume the promiscuous woman had consensual sex which was fun for both, while the paying customer went to town on a woman who wouldn’t have otherwise touched him.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-02-20T16:24:31+00:00

Quite a lot, and I happen to not want to date someone who's promiscuous or someone who's paid for sex. Generally paying for sex covers the common reasons why someone wouldn't want to date promiscuous people (some iteration of they don't take sex very seriously and that's gross), but comes with the additional reason that they don't seem to care about consent and whether their partner is enjoying it.

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2024-02-20T14:23:22+00:00

The promiscuous girl has a 99% chance that she got enthusiastic consent from all of the dudes she slept with.

Unless the man who paid for sex went to a high end brothel in Nevada and happily paid a generous and high price for sex to a sex worker in a heavily guarded and safe environment. With a sex worker is a sex work advocate who enjoys her job and fights for rights (think Alice Little who went viral a while ago), then he most likely paid for sex in a situation that was questionable.

He may have paid for sex with a lady who is in poverty, being pimped out, or struggling with addiction but simply did not care. Or he may have gone to a country or place where he could get the lowest price possible with a woman in poverty.

sweetestpineapple · 2024-02-20T15:12:28+00:00

Not much of a difference because they’re both preferences, but both of these things are hard to prove. Plenty of people lie about their “body count,” and it’s commonly understood that paying for sex is a social taboo so it’s probably in people’s (with self awareness) to hide that, at least at the beginning. I personally don’t think either of these are a huge deal, within reason. Going through a ho phase at some point is expected. Cheating on every partner you have is not. A body count of 20-30 is high but not concerningly so. 100+ on the other hand would raise red flags. Paying for sex once out of curiosity or a few times on vacation (in places where it’s legal and regulated) and getting tested regularly is alright; I’m glad you’re being responsible. Making a habit out of seeing escorts is something I’d personally feel weird about. Doing it a few times for novelty, loneliness or boredom doesn’t reflect your character but if the majority of your sexual experiences are transactional, it can.

EDIT: why the downvotes?

apresonly · 2024-02-20T21:43:46+00:00

one is exploitative one has the potential to be consensual and healthy

krayon_kylie · 2024-02-20T12:29:26+00:00

the permiscuous girl gets laid on merit the man does not

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Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-02-20T13:40:58+00:00

Technically I don't see a difference. Motive would be the difference. Maybe she always fell in love and hoped that it's finaly the ONE but turned out they just used her for sex. Maybe she hoped that if she will agree to casual sex he will fall in love with her too. That's a good motive, I can understand and overlook it. But paying for sex can't be excused by motive. Motive matters more than action.

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