Why do people take issue with being in a relationship?

reformedorbiter · 2018-01-12T18:43:07+00:00

As a guy, I know a lot of guys (women too) who think the idea of being in a relationship is terrible and that they are better off without a significant other.

There is a segment of the male population and a segment of the female population that are in a race to the bottom of trying to demonstrate how little they need or want the opposite sex for anything.

notworthmuch20xx · 2018-01-12T18:15:23+00:00

If you only value casual sex and are in a position to get it with less effort than you would need for a relationship then it can be a downside

mistercheeez-o____O- · 2018-01-12T18:34:55+00:00

4) I don't understand this whole thing about swinging or having threesomes personally, but I may be wired in an odd way. To me it's no different if my SO would wish to be with another woman or another man, I wouldn't enjoy seeing her with either. It's not romantic to me. I'm a dude so I get that my opinion isn't very popular, but I remember when my ex suggested that we find a girl to be intimate with, I tried my best to hide it, but I was deeply crushed.

Nephilim8 · 2018-01-12T18:43:30+00:00

As a guy, I know a lot of guys (women too) who think the idea of being in a relationship is terrible and that they are better off without a significant other. Personally, I don't see much of a problem with being in a relationship, especially if you connect with the person you're dating. It's possible I have more anxiety than a lot of other guys, but here's why I think this: [list of reasons]

I was confused reading your post, because at first I thought you were listing reasons why guys might not want a relationship, not a list of reasons why you think relationships are better. I was super confused. I'd recommend amending your post - e.g. "here's why I think relationships are better:"

EsauTheRed · 2018-01-12T18:39:20+00:00

1, 2, and 4 sound like laziness and faggotry

Women are a drain as much as they are pleasant to be and keep around

I hypothesize that having regular, frequent but not daily (as that time could be better put to use doing man stuff) sex with multiple women is the best sexual scenario for a man seeking excellence and self improvement

Women IME can't help but monopolize a man's time and attention and resources so are often a detriment to this individualistic self improvement

MyPasswordisPutin · 2018-01-12T20:40:31+00:00

They say that because they haven’t been in a satisfying relationship. Now wether or not their definition of satisfying is reasonable, that’s a separate matter.

Il128 · 2018-01-12T19:49:43+00:00

Because, people have no idea what a relationship or loyalty or commitment is.

Today's woman, "I'm single, he's in a committed relationship!".

That's it in a nutshell. She's always looking for a better man and in the meantime he'd better know he's taken.

quicklogaccount · 2018-01-12T19:07:56+00:00

Brooooooo, what the fuck. Either you never really had a long relationship or you got INCREDIBLY lucky.

1-) This is CRAZY wrong. Coming from a shy guy that had to undergo effort to overcome approach anxiety, getting laid as a single man is a LOT easier. There's no need to find a matching window in both your agendas, there's no worry about turning her on and setting a sexual mood when you meet if you expect sex: When you go out at night chicks already have that in their minds. If you got her number on the bank line, called, and she agreed to meet, there's already sexual tension.
Habit and intimacy also lower attraction as they remove mystery from the equation.
As you start to date, non exclusively, more women, you don't even need to go out and game. If you have three plates you can get laid more often than you actually can without compromising your career or other things in life. And you can have as many as you want.
Male wise, as an uncommitted man you can exert your polygamy, your optimal and hardwired sexual strategy. Being committed means a loss in that front.

2-) Bah, no, you just need a bunch of dudes that like the shit you like. Bunches of dudes are often SHAMELESS in doing what they want when they flock together. "But I like doing girly/couple shit": So do I. I like good food, I like good restaurants. It was never a challenge to find a female friend that would gladly join me. Yep, they thought we were a couple, but who gives a shit?

3-) You have twice as many obligatory social meetings, so, of course, you meet more people and get more social. But it just means you're being forced into tagging along new people, you'll meet a LOT more people if you WANT to. Just start hanging with your CLOSEST friend's friends and in a year you'll have met 100 new people. (Closest friends as in, those guys you have NO ISSUE WITH saying "bro, I need to meet more people, invite me when you hang out with those folks, will ya") Honestly, you can't really count "being forced to do something I want to do either way but am shy or lazy to do" as an advantage.

4-) This might be the only "real" advantage you pointed out, but it only goes to a point. With experience both men and women (men faster and more easily than women) also get pretty at ease when it comes to sex. And when you get past that, it'll turn out that you will be more guarded IN the relationship: You don't want to scare your partner, but you won't worry about the one night stand.

Truth is, relationships were necessary for sex and sex itself was a taboo. Now sex is pretty mainstream and the loss of this monopoly made relationships unappealing, they ARE hard work.

In a relationship:

Men can't be polygamous, women have a restraint to their hypergamy (unless they're immoral or in an open relationship): Neither side can enact their optimal strategy, there's a loss for both sides when it comes to experiencing the most out of their sexuality. This bit is worse on men;
There's pressure on the lower drive partner to cope with the higher drive, there's little incentive for the higher drive partner to learn how to turn the lower drive partner on. Often worse on women;
Twice as many social obligations.

We're antipathetic to relationships now because it became INCREDIBLY HARD for them to be worth it. And the more sexual the people involved in it are, the worst it is. For men and women that dedicate over 30% of their time to seeking or having sex I dare to say, no relationship makes the cut, they NEED to optimize sexuality for their lives to be worth it. But man, there are good sides:

For those considering children, it is an extra safety against being a cuck. It is safety against having to be a single mother;
Some people add a lot. Some people don't add a lot but require so little they easily make up for the loss on the sexual side;
Bonding is a powerful thing, even if its formed out of scarcity. It helps a LOT in making up for the loss in the sexual side. Bonding makes you vulnerable though, no matter how tough you are, so, pick well your partner. Some RPillers advise avoiding it altogether, but I read it as cowardice.

TheBookOfSeil · 2018-01-12T22:55:34+00:00

There are #SOME# people that take issue with being in a relationship, but there are others who happily pursue it. It's mostly the TRP and Feminism ideologies that take issue with it because one side is trying to control the other, and with control, you get all of the benefits with zero drawbacks.

The people that happily pursue it know that there's going to be give and take. There will be some hard times, potential stagnation or lulls as well as the possibility of a breakup but they do it because they feel it to be a worthy endeavor. A lot of people seek relationships for stability (even if some of them, including the people, are unstable). Using people as tools for your pleasure and amusement is fairly egotistical and self-centered, and people seeking relationships find it hard to see what joy could be wrought from "spinning plates." It sounds like a fairly empty and cheap life to lead.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-01-13T00:20:01+00:00

Relationships can be a lot of work and they ain't for everyone. To each their own.

Whisper · 2018-01-13T10:21:31+00:00

Men who think relationships are universally to be avoided have had shitty relationships.

Men who think relationships are desirable at all costs have shitty seduction skills.

LewisCross · 2018-01-12T18:15:39+00:00

SEveral reasons.

1) Lots of men shouldn't be in relationships. Too young. Not enough time. Don't have their shit together. Don't know what they want. Don't understand women or how attraction works. Don't know how to handle a woman when she gets out of line, or how to place a relationship in its proper priority.

2) Lots of women shouldn't be in a relationship. Too young. Too stupid. Don't have their shit together. Don't know what they want. Dont' know who they are. Can't or won't prioritize a man in their lives. Can't deal with following a man they're sexually attracted to. Can't find a man they're sexually attracted enough to, to follow. Can't get a sufficiently attractive man to commit. Don't have their mental/emotional issues sorted. Don't have their daddy issues sorted.

3) No real benefit to a committed relationship (exclusive LTR or marriage) for men.

4) For women: exclusive LTR or marriage means she can't have sex with anyone else.

5) Relationships tie you down, limit you, force you to put down roots, and are extremely expensive in time, money, labor, resources, and emotional/mental effort.

6) and after all that enormous expenditure, after you dump everything you are into that relationship, she will break up with you/divorce you and leave you high and dry.

despisedlove2 · 2018-01-12T18:27:52+00:00

Just like there are feminists ("a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle), there are also PUA, who fancy their chances with fish.

Of course there are MGTOW, and a few RP Tradcons, whose lives have been ruined by marriage or long term relationships. But those aren't the ones giving out casual advice.

wub1234 · 2018-01-12T19:42:11+00:00

Why do people take issue with being in a relationship?

Many people on here have a completely warped view of virtually everything. For example, LewisCross has obviously had an unfortunate experience at one point, and now thinks that this is representative of every person and relationship on the planet. I'm sorry for singling him out, but he is so vociferous that he stands out. Many other people are exactly the same.

I have had my fair share of unfortunate experiences, but I don't therefore assume that all people experience these things, or all relationships are this way, or that I'm broadly representative of all other people, or blame others, or society, or feminism, or anything else for what has happened to me. To believe any of these things would be to close my eyes to what I actually see around me on a daily basis.

They are my unique experiences that I have manifested, and my experience is entirely my doing.

MoodyAres · 2018-01-12T19:49:22+00:00

People are very selfish and seek instant gratification through all avenues at all times now. The idea of having to sacrifice your wants for someone else's is pretty antithetical to everything modern American culture is.

passepar2t · 2018-01-12T20:45:52+00:00

The relationship might turn out badly. In terms of getting hurt/being happy:

Happy relationship > single > unhappy relationship.

People avoid the risk by foregoing the reward.

PieceBringer · 2018-01-13T00:33:55+00:00

1) I don't like the idea of cheating and since I'm not ready to settle down, I'd rather fuck around.

2) I'm not interested in those kind of movies at all. Almost all of my hobbies I'd rather do it with guys.

3) What's the point if I'm stucked in a relationship?

4) Last time I did that I ruined my relationship, opening up with a girl is one of the dumbest thigns men can do.

gasparddelanuit · 2018-01-13T03:23:26+00:00

People who want relationships should pursue them and people who don’t shouldn’t.

I think the main reason why men who don’t want relationships don’t want them is because they curtail their freedom. There have always been lifelong bachelors who preferred the single existence. At one stage during the Roman Empire they even had to force men to marry because too many were choosing to remain single. Bachelor taxes and other incentives have been used throughout history to try and get men to marry. The primary tool now is indoctrination, usually via religion. Although this doesn’t seem to be working for the herbivore men in Japan. I don’t believe men are as well adapted for relationships as women, due to their optimal, evolutionary, mating strategy being at odds with monogamous relationships.

As to your points:

I disagree that relationships are more convenient and fun than being single. I would say on balance they are more inconvenient and that more fun can be had as a single person.
A man doesn’t need an excuse to do something if he enjoys it. If he wants to watch a romantic movie, have brunch or attend the ballet, he can just do it without any issue. With the internet, it’s very easy these days to find likeminded people who share your interests, so you are not restricted to the friends or environment you may have grown up with. Casual relationships with sexual intimacy are also more easily accessible, if that takes your fancy.
Men have other and better avenues for achieving social status, if that’s what they want. Being in a relationship or being married does not give men social status. Being successful and wealthy does. An average man in a relationship is not going to have more social status than an above average single guy.
Having an awesome significant other who enables you to let your hair down and do weird shit is a big if. For men, such women are rare. Women generally impose a higher performance criteria than men. In any case, you can let your hair down and do weird shit as a single person much more freely.

Despite all the marriage propaganda saying otherwise, on closer inspection, the evidence shows that marriage does not make men happier. This would be even truer if there were not huge, artificial, institutional and cultural factors propping it up. There is more choice than ever for people today. For many, being single better enables them to make the most of those choices. A lot of men don't subscribe to or have grown out of our fairytale notions of romantic love and otherwise don't have any particular desire for emotional intimacy, particularly the cloying emotional intimacy advocated by Hollywood and most other media.

dicklord_airplane · 2018-01-14T16:51:18+00:00

Ive been hurt and betrayed in relationships. All of my committed relationships ended in years of emotional pain, so i decided that im better off not putting myself through that again. My mental health is a hell of a lot better now because of it. Non monogamy made my life happier. If you talk to people who eschew monogamy, i bet you'll find a lot of them have a similar history.

Its true that id have more frequent sex if i kept committed relationships. But relationships also require a lot more time, work, obligations, and fighting. Im happy to take less sex if i dont have to deal with all the annoying aspects of keeping women happy. Its also thrilling to fuck mutliple random women. I fucked two girls last weekend, and i do not have to deal with any of their bullshit today.

newName543456 · 2018-01-15T07:44:43+00:00

I don't have an inherent problem with being in a relationship as long as there is nice and easy exit strategy should things go really wrong. With the way many committed LTR play out, that is not the case.

Dubslav_von_Chekem · 2018-01-12T19:22:15+00:00

Game effort now has to become relationship maintenance effort.
I can go alone.
I don't give a shit about it being easier to talk to randos. I can talk to randos all day without a warm introduction. Just strike up a conversation.
Become Chad and get weka anal from everyone.

wtknight · 2018-01-12T19:14:36+00:00

The most important reason to be in a relationship is being able to experience an emotional connection with someone who you are also sexually attracted to.

Title	Why do people take issue with being in a relationship?
Author	NewToLife1995
Upvotes	7
Comments	86
Date	January 12, 2018 5:28 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7py4kl/why_do_people_take_issue_with_being_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-people-take-issue-with-being-in-a.264031 https://theredarchive.com/post/264031

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