Why do people(YOU) ghosts?

Feyra · 2020-03-09T19:02:54+00:00

What are the possible reasons for it?

Every time I've done the ghosting: I wasn't interested anymore, got distracted with other things, later remembered that we hadn't been in contact for a while, and said "meh, it's been so long there's no point connecting again just to call it quits".

Iamthegirliam · 2020-03-09T19:22:12+00:00

Some guys don't take no for an answer. Or they can be very rude or frightening when they get rejected. They don't even care when I tell them that I'm in a relationship, especially when i'm in a pub with my friends.

I started ghosting every guy that approaches me on the street, because it's safer this way. Once I refused to give my number and the guy started screaming at me, calling me stupid whore etc. And he seemed normal, regular young man. So now I just give them my number and then block them as soon as they text me.

abond0082 · 2020-03-09T18:57:32+00:00

Once when I got a bad vibes of someone.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-03-09T19:33:34+00:00

The few times I've done it was because the guy was ringing alarm bells.

There was one guy that started adding all my friends and family on FB (and still contacts my dad from time to time to ask about me). He also was a dick pic sender. And contacted me a couple of years after I got with Mr. Paisley to let me know that he was older and more mature and was going to church now and was looking for a wife. This, after not having spoken in 2 years. He also tried showed up at my old house, where I no longer lived, with flowers. Another guy posted inappropriate comments on all my FB pictures after one date. These are the types of guys that I blocked and ghosted.

LilzHr0 · 2020-03-09T19:58:35+00:00

I've ghosted a couple of guys because after I showed a bit of interest they were relentless with phoning and texting (like calling me between 5 and 10 times a day and sending over 20 texts)

flamingoinghome · 2020-03-09T19:28:33+00:00

Honestly? Golden Rule. If I've been out once or twice with someone, and they're no longer interested in me, I'd rather they just go quiet, allowing me to save face, than embarrass me by flat-out saying "I don't want you."

I've never ghosted someone I've been on more than two dates with, because at that point there's something more established that they have a certain right to expect things from.

abond0082 · 2020-03-09T20:55:13+00:00

Ghost Before Sex, lots of reasons - lied about his age, huge Trump fan, came on way too strong and my instincts suspected love bombing attempt, too stupid, too ugly and didn’t have enough swagger to make up for it, etc.

Ghost After Sex - dick was trash

abond0082 · 2020-03-09T23:09:11+00:00

[deleted]

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41013 · 2020-03-09T22:06:25+00:00

Not interested in being argued with or insulted

mangolover97 · 2020-03-09T22:18:51+00:00

If I tried to turn them down politely but they keep pushing it then I’ll block them on everything and ghost.

WicGoingAnonymous · 2020-03-09T23:37:46+00:00

Polite brush off nr.1 (ignored)

Politie brush off nr.2 (ignored)

Uncomfterable brush off nr.3 (ignored)

Awkward brush off nr.4 (ignored)

Irritated brush off nr.5 and blocked.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-03-09T18:57:57+00:00

Why shouldnt people ghost. What do you owe anyone you just dated or talked to a few times?

yasee · 2020-03-09T19:30:36+00:00

I did it years ago with someone I had gone out with once and wasn't interested in. I made some polite excuses to get out of a second date but he kept asking. It felt like the kinder and easier option at the time but I feel bad about it now and wish I'd been more direct

2020-03-09T19:49:19+00:00

i usually just stop caring

Iluvalmonds83 · 2020-03-09T20:21:47+00:00

I define ghosting as having already met in person and intimately touching each other or having dated several times without any indication of stopping; anything beforehand there’s no expectations IMO.

I’m a fan of discussing intentions up front to try to prevent it, but I’ve been ghosted then zombied on more than a few times. I’ve “ghosted” someone after a bad lay (zero sexual compatibility) and by his apologetic behavior, he knew I probably wasn’t coming back for seconds.

2020-03-09T20:56:07+00:00

I don’t like them enough to want to see them again and I get busy. Rejecting people is an unattractive task so I put it off.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-03-09T18:58:50+00:00

[removed]

ontherailstoday · 2020-03-09T23:23:53+00:00

Well... I've never ghosted in my personal life (have done when say, looking to maybe buy or sell something... just stopped talking to that real estate agent or car yard and not answered their calls. I've ghosted a dentist who was crap, and a veterinary whose manner I really disliked... still get postcards on that one plaintively asking me to bring the cat in for shots, lol)... but if I was to do it these would be the factors that could be part of sending me down that path.

If I believed I clearly was just one of many being canvassed at the same time I would feel ZERO obligation to put any particular effort into terminating discussions in a personalised way. I'd feel quite comfy just stopping. I mean if he's been talking to twenty girls this past week, why the fuck shouldn't I just stop? Will probably take him two weeks just to work out I've dropped off the radar, if he even works it out. Not my responsibility to put in individualised effort if he's not running his love life in a way where he also puts in similar individualised effort. Maybe he should get a fucking spreadsheet if he has trouble keeping track of things in a timely manner and knowing who is still with him and who has said "eh" and wandered off..

If I'dd been maltreated or dealt with in a foul manipulative way, I'd just stop because I would feel not the slightest obligation to help him refine his game. There's something real sweet about just stopping as a way of saying "hey genius, you work this one the fuck out I don't gotta help"

If I felt he'd cut up rough and I'd get given hours of arguing, whining and emotional blackmail for my efforts to be kind in how I ended it, I'd maybe just ghost.

If I felt he had a clear preferred prospect who wasn't me... and was going after her hard... I'd maybe ghost as the most elegant option.

I guess I might also ghost in a situation where there was no formal commitment to exclusivity and it had all been intuitive and freeform up to that point because it just felt intuitively right for the situation. No logic, just a feeling of "yes, this" Note to whiney dudes... having the talk about exclusivity and what you are to each other is a hard thing to do but if you don't want her just losing focus and wandering off then in a few weeks moving on to the next shiny new thing and you not having a single thing to reasonably reproach her with over doing that... maybe it is a good choice.

I might ghost a guy I had never been friends with, had only messed about with. Because well if it is just physical?

mimikyoou · 2020-03-09T23:47:02+00:00

Personally I don't like ghosting people as I believe they deserve an explanation if you're just not interested. I've only ever done it when I had serious concerns.

For example, had a guy who thought it would be really funny to try and do all of the things I listed as hard limits as a joke, got upset when he hurt me so bad I cried. Never talked to him again.

Second guy made comments about how he could "kinda understand serial killers that get off when they kill women, like I feel like the look of fear and the excitement could actually be kind of arousing, not saying I would ever do something like that but..." He was 100% deadpan serious and this was the second date.

2020-03-10T02:33:11+00:00

I ghost women who I kind of thought were attractive, but then later on realized that I wanted better.

GennyX · 2020-03-10T05:53:13+00:00

It’s due to not being interested. Nothing deeper than that.

NarniaFox · 2020-03-10T11:17:19+00:00

I haven't ghosted anyone, but I was ghosted once. I had a long-distance "relationship", we chatted almost a year and he suddenly lost his interest. He wasn't decent enough to admit that he got a girl who lived close to him and I had to figure it out myself. When I asked what the hell, he just said "well, you are a smart girl". I hate this phrase now.

DubsPackage · 2020-03-11T06:52:29+00:00

They're not that into you
They don't want conflict/arguments/begging
They found another guy
They didn't find another guy but they still don't want you
You're too needy and they don't want to deal with you
Even complaining about "ghosting" implies that you feel there is something there when there isn't.
If all you did was take her to the movies, why you complaining about ghosting? Yall wasn't even in a relationship. Even fucking someone doesn't necessarily mean you're in a relationship. Nothing means you're in a relationship until you actually discuss with her being in a relationship (and word of advice one man to another, DON'T try to discuss relationships too soon, let HER broach the topic FIRST.)

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-03-09T19:09:07+00:00

Honestly, I prolly just forgot. 🤷

Physiologist21 · 2020-03-10T01:11:52+00:00

I could never understand why anyone would ghost anyone else unless there is some real obvious reason that this person is some sort of legit danger.

Fucking grow up and use your words like an adult. The immaturity from people that do this shit and justify it as "no one is entitled to..." oh god the narcissism. Unsurprising the vast majority of people who do this can't figure out why they can't keep a relationship.

41013 · 2020-03-10T00:06:00+00:00

This post should be removed. You need to go to dating or datingadvice

You are misleading people into thinking you want broader discussion. It’s obvious from your responses that you just want to talk about your individual experience with a single person

Title	Why do people(YOU) ghosts?
Author	abond0082
Upvotes	6
Comments	122
Date	March 9, 2020 6:55 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ffzok0/why_do_peopleyou_ghosts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-peopleyou-ghosts.353968 https://theredarchive.com/post/353968

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