Body count

Taters0290 · 2019-11-10T18:29:53+00:00

I can’t address the count issue, but my advice is to reconsider the guys you’re choosing to date. Is it possible you’re subconsciously sabotaging yourself by choosing unavailable men? I say this from personal experience. Up until I was 22 I had the worst taste in men. I went through a disastrous one-year marriage and came out of it with a changed attitude. I very carefully made a mental list of the kind of man I wanted (and did NOT want) and worked hard on rearranging my head space. Within a year I’d married a wonderfully sweet and sensitive and mature ten-years-older alpha who had a home and a career. We’ve been happily married for 30 years. I didn’t change overnight, but I worked hard and he was mature enough to help me mature into a good wife.

stay_positive_always · 2019-11-10T16:16:19+00:00

If it bothers you first and foremost, that's what's most important. Don't sleep with guys until they show commitment, if that's what you're seeking. A guy that doesn't respect your values and what you want in a relationship isn't worth the effort, you can't change that about a man. He has to be on the same page as you from the start. Some guys care about body count and some do not. Although, consider how you view a man that has slept with many women, what does that make you think? There is a reason that body count can be seen as a negative and it's because it creates a red flag that this person is unable to commit. The only thing you can do is be more selective of who you sleep with and reserve your body as a something given only to the right person. Trust me, there are men that value a reserved woman and will make the effort to respect your values.

janeaustenfan99 · 2019-11-10T21:38:25+00:00

Don’t waste time on men who don’t want a relationship with you. They tend to know early on if they want only sex or if something more is possible. You can use the resources here to be able to quickly discern that within the first few times spent together if he’s just going through the motions to get laid. If you sense it’s not going anywhere after a few dates just move on, you don’t have to have sex with everyone you date or hang out with but also don’t try to arbitrarily make them wait either.

szsunshine · 2019-11-11T18:17:27+00:00

You are 24 - you are allowed to raise the standards for yourself at any time. No time like now!

If you can do it honestly / truthfully, try to reframe your past in a positive way / a way that doesn't seem low value - such as "I've been monogamous with every partner I've had," or "I've never had a one night stand." (not sure if either of these statements are true for you, but they might help you). I think part of your problem is that you didn't value yourself enough, and because of that you chose low value "relationships." Don't self-talk yourself into thinking that because you one didn't appreciate your own worth, you are doomed from a good relationship.

In the future, don't get involved in "situationships" where there is no commitment, no dates, no "relationship." If you run into someone who remembers that "you weren't in a committed relationship with (insert guys name here) and you slept with him," let him know that YOU are not looking for a situationship right now. Just because you did XYZ with (insert guys name here), you do not owe every guy you meet after that guy the same thing! Focus on what YOU want, and hold out for it. That might mean that guys weed themselves out of your life, but you don't want them anyway!

In real life, most men do not ask how many people you have slept with. It's immature. They will take their cues from the way you carry yourself. If you don't get drunk and "wild" and show off every inch of your skin to get attention (in real life or on social media), have nice manners and are kind.....they will assume you are a lady and treat you accordingly.

Remainselusive · 2019-11-10T20:42:16+00:00

More sexual partners is proven to correlate with less successful and happy marriage. There's a reason you are feeling insecure, your gut knows what reddit and woke women refuse to admit.

Almcoding · 2019-11-10T16:44:13+00:00

Yes it does reduce your value in most mens eyes who are looking for a wife, but how much, depends also on your age and where the ncount comes from (relationships or hookups). Reducing value doesn't mean low value because you certainly have other things to offer which add value. My advice would be to reflect on reasons why your bfs didn't stick around and look for things to increase your value like being feminine, become fit, learn how to cook ... I also suggest to avoid the conversation about ncount at the beginning of your next relationship. Good luck!

EDIT I think there is a bug in this app, accidentally posted my comment a thousand times.

smirk_addict · 2019-11-10T19:57:31+00:00

I hate to admit it but it definitely holds a massive impact on how i feel about a woman apparently. I like to think im open minded and non judgmental when it comes to peoples pasts, BUT...i was inlove with this girl for years, like years and years, i thought nothing would ever free me from wanting to be with her, i really would of done anything and made her a priority without even thinking about it, she was always interested but played hard to get but i thought the long game was worth a shot. then i found out her bodycount....im ashamed to admit just like that i stopped thinking about her when i woke up and stopped checking for her texts or calls, i just felt like one in a bunch of men and the idea i was the weak one out of them was enough for me to wake up out of whatever trance i thought i was in. I went from feeling like someone who was just letting things happen to someone who hadnt passed a test yet. Plus doubts started setting in, she cant be that great, so many other men have passed through without stopping so what exactly am i caught up on? I consider myself a man with good taste and i take pride in the way i carry myself so for me to settle with something such a high number of men has passed up on me makes me wonder what im missing. I couldnt believe it had happened but she was nothing sacred to me anymore. Instead of this illusive glow, she had this annoying hard to get fuzz and it felt like everytime she played hard to get or came across abit stiff i was somehow missing something a whole bunch of other guys didn’t. She didnt make anyone else wait, infact she probably bent over backwards at times and explored parts of herself with another man she barely knew, so what am i being made to wait for? Obviously im a very low prioritised option for her and the bodycount put things in a perspective i couldn’t ignore. Suddenly the insecurities become annoying, they feel like someone else’s mess and therefore not my problem to deal with. Its a shame. However i think if anyones to blame for it not working out its me for not being able to work past something thats behind her in the past. Me being put off by the bodycount is probably as off putting as the bodycount. She also found someone else she’s happy with so it obviously didn’t bother him. Don’t stress about things you cant change, we learn from our experiences and they make us who we are. At the end of the day lifes so short we only get one of them theres no guide or rule book so nobody should be able to make you feel bad about choices you’ve made

Banincoming · 2019-11-10T18:26:52+00:00

Good men with low counts will probably care, good men with high counts won't. Bad men with high counts will also care.

merlinsmoon · 2019-11-12T22:08:20+00:00

A guy has never once asked me my "#." Literally not once, and if he did, it would be a red flag, personally. Don't stress yourself out about it -- just take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. You are NOT low value, do not let men treat you like you are, and don't treat yourself like you are.

ManguZa · 2019-11-10T16:49:51+00:00

It affect less what the guy think of you than the way you think and act with men.

pearlsandstilettos · 2019-11-10T19:47:41+00:00

[removed]

everydaygreyman · 2019-11-10T17:17:38+00:00

A man's advice, with daughters, if you care:

It most certainly does affect how I would have viewed you when I was looking for a marriage partner. Double digits before marriage is a huge red flag. You're rapidly approaching the "fun only" category, or, to be cruder, "pump and dump."

It's also affecting you physiologically. Sex hormones are like a drug. The more you dose, the lower the high, the quicker it wares off. Theres a powerful inverse correlation between number of previous partners and marital stability. Look it up. It's statistics 101.

I'll readily admit that I've had sex with enough women that none of them matter to me at all anymore, in fact I think it's impossible for me to pair bond now. Sex with a new woman is now akin to a nice meal at a nice restaurant: pleasurable any maybe I'll remember it but in the end nothing much at all. Don't be like that.

If you were my kid I'd advise you to knock that off stat if you hope to have any kind of family. Women now days have this idiotic notion that you can have it all: An exciting and rewarding career, sexual escapades when young, a loving marriage to a great man who wont care about your past, perfect children, leisure time, etc. Life doesn't work that way.

If you want commitment, be someone a decent man will want to commit to. The kind a man you want won't want a slut. Life isn't like Hollywood would have you believe.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-11-10T19:48:09+00:00

Some guys wont care, some will. Its less about the count and more about the mindset that results in the count. Some men make a big deal out of it. But most probably wont/don't. Many of the men who were interested in me did not care. Either way those who do are already most likely "incompatible" with you.

EDIT : my husband has an N of 2 incl, and my ex was a Virgin before me. So its not necessarily that low count men will care. Again its all values based.

Fact131 · 2019-11-10T19:28:12+00:00

It honestly all depends on a guy. But you should know that even if guy doesnt mind it. It will always bother him. Whatever most guys say they all want pure girlfriend/wife its how it is.

thesillymachine · 2019-11-10T22:20:30+00:00

There was a post recently on r/sex about a woman having a large number in a single year. On this post there were men saying how they weren't as happy with their number because of the fact that those who seek numbers are lacking intimacy.

Furthermore, there's a study that was done on this topic, which found that married women found the most happiness and pleasure with their sex lives.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-11-10T16:12:36+00:00

My body count is high. 15 if you only count penetration. I'm also not counting women because I had an interesting few years and I'm not sure what counts as sex there. If I count all the fooling around it's definitely like 20-something people.

But I'm happily married. I wouldn't want to be with somebody who viewed me as a used car with too many miles. While I do wish I'd have kept it in my pants a little and refrained from being so wild, I also wouldn't WANT to be with the sort of man who is put off by sexual history.

A dude sees me as "lower value" or a woman who spent her youth "riding the cock carousal"? Good. Didn't want a dickhead like that anyway.

As far as dudes only wanting sex, I had the same issue. I felt like it was the only way to keep them interested. Once I finally was like, "Screw it. If they aren't interested, then they aren't interested. I'm done having meaningless sex"-my dating life got a lot easier. The fuckboys and time wasters showed themselves the door.

throwaway64857 · 2019-11-10T19:47:17+00:00

Its more about how you feel about the body count. I am decently in double digits and dudes dont care. If you are feeling insecure in yourself about it, then find guys to date and be with who dont just want to fuck and chuck. I wouldnt let your perception of what men want change your life significantly though.

Edit: how old are you by the way? I just ask because of your last comment about not wanting you long term. I am 21 and dont date guys my age usually because they aren't looking long term, more for fun. Late twenties men usually are looking for long term since the social pressures of college and "having fun young days" are over.

Zegiknie · 2019-11-10T20:09:53+00:00

It's not your n-count, it's the schizo thing and the psychotic break and the alpha widowhood and all that.

I think nun-mode and therapy is a good start. Figure out what you want and why, and what you want to give.

If you're emotionally unstable, sex hormones just complicate things 100x more.

Oteshatori · 2019-11-10T22:56:55+00:00

[deleted]

jessica_3112 · 2019-11-10T16:09:42+00:00

I think your body count can affect men’s perception of you but I also thinks it’s maybe more how you approach them. If you give them the vibe of a one night stand girl, they will automatically categorize you in that box and you won’t get out of it. So it’s important for you to show your values, qualities, etc first. Also, you should give more information about that, so we can help you better😅

etucker546 · 2019-11-10T20:24:12+00:00

Keep in mind why you try and wait for that guy that wants you for things other then sex your age is going up up up. The older you get your value does decline.

dangernoodle88 · 2019-11-10T18:26:26+00:00

[removed]

pearlsandstilettos · 2019-11-13T21:11:43+00:00

[removed]

tommyetw · 2019-11-15T16:30:07+00:00

Yes, it does, especially if it’s just mindless. Makes me question your morals and judgement. And you even stated that you’re feeling the lowering of worth. You need to up your quality of men. Men who only see you for sex have no respect for you as a person. I would never do that to a woman just to get sex. I’d rather do...something else... instead of bringing in another human being with feelings and emotions just to get my sex needs filled. How stupid and immoral, and the worst way to use another person. Sex isn’t like exercise or some recreational fun—imagine going to the gym and groping and making out with someone and saying, Gee what a great exercise, I feel so energized! Yeah, not true. It’s intimate, and vulnerable where two people actually share bodily fluids.

You are worth someone else being patient, and waiting for the right moment to share this intimacy. Don’t cheapen yourself like this, but I think you’re already figuring that out.

Rejoice7 · 2019-11-10T16:14:34+00:00

[removed]

_your_cat_is_ugly · 2019-11-10T16:46:26+00:00

I think it's really hard to keep your body count low nowadays. Early sex is an almost universal expectation in a relationship. I don't think men expect women to have a low body count any more and they don't care nearly as much as they used to. I think this is where the red pill fails on things. Very few men are going to care about you having sex before you were with them unless you are dating a man from an isolated religious community. Men just want to know that you won't cheat on them and you are not comparing them to past lovers.

Pola_Lita · 2019-11-10T18:21:21+00:00

It has to be based on your own thinking. If you agree that acceptable sexual experience for a woman is as an indirect result of an "access-for-commitment" trade situation, then make yourself a promise to stop all sexual behavior now and instead, double down on improving your looks, homemaking skills, budgetary skills, anything that will raise your value as a partner in life.

If you don't agree, stop worrying about it. Still double down on all the skills I mentioned, they're important for any partnership. Just start vetting your dates more aggressively and invest your time accordingly. There's all sorts of opinions on this idea but it's way too basic to everything else to not join yourself to a man who shares yours.

Title	Body count
Author	Kissingstrangers-
Upvotes	37
Comments	118
Date	November 10, 2019 3:51 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dud305/body_count/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/body-count.294720 https://theredarchive.com/post/294720

Comments