Confused about date invite

SunshineSundress · 2022-01-14T10:05:09+00:00

You have a lot of concern about being an “afterthought” to him, as if this is a red flag on his part. But you’ve literally only hung out with this man ONCE. There is no commitment here yet and you’re just getting to know each other, which is perfectly normal.

A fundamental of RPW theory is that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and women are the gatekeepers of sex. Just as it’s his job to inspire your attraction and respect enough to make you want to have sex with him, it’s your job to inspire his attraction and protective instincts enough to make him want to commit in you. That means it’s your responsibility to be interesting, fun, warm, and feminine enough to make him want to come back for more. If you don’t want to be an afterthought, work on dazzling him so much that he’ll eagerly want and crave to see you more.

IMO, he hasn’t shown any signs of being lukewarm about you, so your concerns about being an afterthought are unfounded, for now. His actions (letting you choose what to do and pick the venue) seem more indicative of how he personally operates and his overall lifestyle, rather than a reflection of how he feels about you specifically. If you like him, why not pull out the big guns and give it your best shot? The worst thing that could happen is that it fizzles out and you move on 🤷‍♀️

chowchowfluff · 2022-01-14T09:55:02+00:00

In my experience, the high status startup/CEO/entrepreneur types are like this. He lives a busy life. You mentioned in a comment that you felt like him asking for a date 2 days before was a bit last minute but most likely he didn’t even know if he would for sure be free on Saturday until he text you and asked if you wanted to do something today. Guys like this typically aren’t the flake types so he would most likely have wanted to be absolutely sure he was free before committing to a date.

Him asking you to choose the date and place is also a fun way of getting to know you and the types of things you like. I think it’s sweet he asked you to choose and that he wants to share something you like with you on your first date.

I’m sure if you guys decide to continue going on dates in the future there will be plenty of times that he will make decisions for date nights.

I’ve been in a relationship with a man like this for 15 years. He often asks me what I want to do and then will tell me to go ahead and make arrangements for the thing that I respond with. I’m totally ok with this though. I LOVE planning things and I love it when he ends up really enjoying the thing I planned - it’s a weird feeling of accomplishment lol. I think most of all he enjoys seeing me enjoy something and also really likes to share the enjoyment with me.

Not every relationship has to have a phase where the man plans every single thing and the woman just sits out and waits for him to do all the work when it comes to planning dates. In fact, it’s probably better if that’s not the case.

Luscious-Grass · 2022-01-14T11:37:04+00:00

You're asking the wrong questions (i.e. does he only want sex?)

Here is the only thing you need to ask yourself: "Would I be happy with this behavior if I married this guy?" Because this is what you would get (at BEST).

Different men "show up" in different ways.

The way you "dazzle" a man (as another commenter mentioned) is not by strategizing or trying to impress him. That is MASCULINE.

The way you "dazzle" a man is by naturally liking the way he shows up and being softly confident enough to show your pleasure without self consciousness.

My advice: Go on this date, and keep asking yourself if you enjoy his company and way of "showing up." He might be really engaging on the date, and that might offset feeling disappointed that he didn't take more planning initiative. It might not.

Go and see. And don't worry about if he wants sex. You don't have to give it to him until it feels completely right. As others said, you are the gatekeeper of sex.

-Raksu- · 2022-01-15T06:22:02+00:00

You met him once, and the next communication is relatively late at night, asking you if you want to "do something" on Saturday.....if it was me, I'd feel like he was testing me to see if I'd be a willing booty call.

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2022-01-14T08:43:31+00:00

Sounds like a busy man trying to be considerate to me.

sicrm · 2022-01-14T08:30:19+00:00

maybe he wants to hear what time/day works for you then he’ll see if he can make it work his schedule or not.

WeWearMirrors · 2022-01-15T00:06:23+00:00

This post is interesting- it made me realize that I've never really planned a date in this way. When I was dating, things got planned in one of two ways:

We were talking and an idea spontaneously came up, so one of us suggested going.
The guy planned the date.

I kind of think #1 is ideal. It means you're both talking about your interests, taking risks (in the sense of admitting embarrassing stuff that you like), and looking for connections.

I happen to like #2 also; I find it relaxing and fun to go along with my husband's plans. Luckily he likes it too.

I think that I, at least, would be unhappy in a relationship where the man expected me to plan the dates without his input. I'd feel put on the spot and insecure. I'm not saying you should feel that way, OP. I know my sister in law loves to plan outings, and so do loads of women. But it's a good idea to make sure that your style and preferences mesh with your man's.

Anyhow, I still think you should plan a great date and enjoy yourself!

Those_Lingerers · 2022-01-14T14:14:13+00:00

As a rule, I do not respond to a man who texts that late until the next morning. As others have said, if you're okay with this behavior long term, then go for it. It just means you'll probably do more "planning." Be careful not to do the chasing here. If the only effort he expends is texting you late at night and making sure he's free on a weekend, for me, that wouldn't be enough. I'd need him to demonstrate his interest further than that, and I'd look for his willingness and ability to plan a date.

Blackhawk2479 · 2022-01-14T09:36:54+00:00

“Bewildered” is a bit much don’t you think?

If he’s as high value as you suggest, he’ll not be short of options and this is probably part of his quick vetting process to find out early on what you might bring to the table.

If you quit at the first hurdle the answer is “nothing” and he moves on.

MinkeeMonkey · 2022-01-14T08:39:16+00:00

Maybe he's super busy. So will probably be what to expect in future. But maybe he'd rather make sure you pick it so you have a good time.

Catesa · 2022-01-14T09:44:13+00:00

There are people who do not know what they want. The only things that they want are things they feel obligated to want. Like be successful, have a good experience, take care of themselves and their family, have status, improve.

Beyond that he might not know.

I would try to meet the effort and ask what is acceptable to him and what is not. But you will have to make that judgment for yourself.

tomowudi · 2022-01-14T14:31:51+00:00

If you want to be in a relationship with someone, communication is key. As is honesty.

Why aren't you asking him why he is putting the decision on you? Why not tell him that you would prefer he surprise you with his choice?

Relationships aren't about "romantic effort". Planning dates isn't some magical indicator of the rest of the relationship. I used to plan very romantic outings for my now wife/then girlfriend - and I did it because I was dating. Now I am married and I don't. Neither does she, really.

But we do things that let each other know how much we care about each other that are the product of many, many, many honest conversations. She writes me little notes... about what she wants for Christmas. I now get her those things instead of being clever. Because while it is the "thought that counts" the truth is that she would rather have gotten that bottle of Chanel Chance than the picture of us with the poem I wrote about how much I love her.

Yes, the poem was sweet, she appreciates it...

But she really loves that perfume. And getting her what she actually wants is always going to be better.

She does the same with me.

And as a dude, most of the time I am just content with what I have. I don't really know what I want because I am already happy with what I have. And honestly she's the fussy one.

So I love it when she makes choices about eating out, when we go out for movies, or to theme parks, because I am ALWAYS ready to do these things, but she "has to be in the mood" for them.

Maybe this guy is the same. Maybe he is more interested in doing something he knows you will enjoy because you picked it rather than guessing at what you might enjoy. Because if he wanted to do something, he would do it and he wouldn't need you to do it with him.

He is doing this FOR you, paying for the date of your choice. That's my guess.

But if you have this complicated idea that it signals something deeper... Just ask.

Because look, you will either relate to this or another guy by reading the "tea leaves" regarding what he is doing and why...

Or you can just ask him directly, and tell him what you want directly. Hell, you can even both laugh over the fact that neither of you really knows what you want to do, because at least you will not know together.

Being in a relationship is about being together with someone. In good times and bad.

Cut the shit and don't worry about how you "seem". It is better to BE than to seem. Don't hold back your questions, and don't take how you present yourself so seriously. The end goal of dating is a partnership, and you don't want to spend the rest of your life holding back farts because of the carefully crafted image of yourself that hides the fact that you are a human.

And I doubt you really want to be with someone who you only see 1 side of either. You want a human connection with someone who has normal, healthy emotions.

And you likely both want to feel comfortable making mistakes around each other because I gaurandamntee you that if you spend long enough together, you are both going to make stupid, shameful, and even regrettable mistakes.

We are human. We all fuck up, eventually, and more often than sometimes. Do you really want to be on edge the rest of your life when you can just be yourself?

Submersiv · 2022-01-14T20:12:08+00:00

Before taking any advice you need to understand what your own value is. Most advice like "wait/play hard to get" is useless garbage if you're a 5 and he's a 9. Unfortunately most women severely overvalue themselves and it's likely the case here since you didn't say anything about your own value.

So if the guy is real high status, you're going to have to put in all the effort, as those are the top 10% of guys that all women are after who have no real interest in anything below an 8 unless actively worked. Otherwise there's plenty of smarter girls who will do what it takes to woo a man. Literally nothing else matters if you don't have an accurate idea of your own charm beyond what irrelevant simps show you.

TheBunk_TB · 2022-01-14T12:23:18+00:00

He was trying to find someone to do something with first and then make the concrete plans so he wasn’t the one guy by his lonesome.

Yes, he needs to learn to do something without someone else but he was trying to avoid getting stuck with tickets and/or avoiding having to cancel a reservation.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-01-16T00:46:24+00:00

Some men who are busy with work etc want a woman to organise things for them in their personal life and that is quite normal. Just be careful it’s not a dynamic that you fall into all the time, and make sure you give him opportunities to demonstrate he’s actually interested xo

nadasurfingusa · 2022-01-14T13:55:53+00:00

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nadasurfingusa · 2022-01-14T19:31:42+00:00

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ThrownAwayAcc1407 · 2022-01-15T21:46:37+00:00

Wow, you have extremely high expectations when you don't even know him that much + your pettiness is alarming.

Title	Confused about date invite
Author	nadasurfingusa
Upvotes	35
Comments	79
Date	January 14, 2022 8:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/s3ncdi/confused_about_date_invite/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/confused-about-date-invite.1096293 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096293

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