Is a zero N count desirable?

CalvinRichland · 2018-08-09T05:37:12+00:00

I don't see any negatives. You will have people self filter out that aren't interested in marriage... oooh well

Theflowerswillbloom · 2018-08-09T07:15:12+00:00

My husband and I were both virgins when we got married (age 20 and 22), due to our faith. I would have still chosen my husband even if he wasn't a virgin, but he said it probably would have put him off me if I wasn't, as it was something he really valued in his future wife. I think that you can absolutely find a man who doesn't mind that you are a virgin, but it has to be important to him too (even if he isn't one).

Before we got married, we looked into our love languages to help us discover how we like to express/receive love best which helped.

I am always so thankful that we both valued waiting until marriage, and that it was something we both shared together for the first time too.

Banincoming · 2018-08-09T13:15:32+00:00

For someone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with, I'd prefer a virgin. No fancy reason why, just how I feel in my heart.

Mrganack · 2018-08-09T08:38:19+00:00

Are you kidding ?

Men value innocence above all.

Geishas in japan sold their virginity for fortunes to the most powerful men.

In fact, virginity is so desirable that when a girl "brags" about her sexual experiences, she only devalues herself . The only reason a man would date an "experienced" girl is because the male sex drive can be stronger than the natural feeling towards her past.

kennethalan932 · 2018-08-09T17:13:58+00:00

My high school girlfriend wanted to wait until marriage and I’m so glad she did. Back then I didn’t truly understand what love was. If a man truly loves you (and himself) he will be willing to wait.

md8716 · 2018-08-09T16:39:28+00:00

Sexual compatibility is such a central part of a healthy long-lasting marriage that there's no way I'd risk it on a girl whom I had no idea if I was compatible with her.

No way in hell I'm giving the keys to the castle to a girl like that unless there's massive upside or potential.

reiko57 · 2018-08-11T12:55:31+00:00

Please stick to your guns, don't let anyone convince you to sleep with them. I have tremendous admiration for what you're doing in a world of women who've slept with 20+ guys (and are therefore unacceptable). I promise you will find the guy that will accept this and love you even more for it, just don't give in.

GettingMyShitInOrder · 2018-08-09T05:28:15+00:00

Yes, I grew up religious and left my faith at age 20 and decided it was a waste to hold onto my virginity so I fucked my boyfriend when I was 21 who I had dated for 4 years so far. My logic was he wasn't going to leave me and definitely going to marry me, especially since he was still deep in his faith even went to a very liberal Christian college. No fucking joke I got dumped a year later. I was the one wanting sex actually he was hesitant actually so it wasn't even that. Hold on until you are at least engaged. Your virginity is such a bargaining power.

I might be the most atheist/agnostic liberal here but seriously keep your legs closed it's the one thing I can say the Bible was certainly right about.

[deleted] · 2018-08-11T03:35:31+00:00

I'm a Muslim guy, so I'm a virgin who has turned down girls, but I've been over at r/RPChristians. Stay a virgin: the amount of Christian men that value it is high. You're automatically a step above other women. That's ironic, but true: your SMV to a future husband is higher when you don't have sex

Whisper · 2018-08-09T05:24:54+00:00

This discussion has been rehashed many, many times.

There are those that say you should, at all times, demand that the man assume all of the risk, because then you have less risk. And there are those that roll their eyes and say, "do you want to be with any man who would go for that deal?".

There's no point in rehashing this debate. It's basically submissive women (who believe in male-led relationships) vs. tradcons (who believe that both men and women should be submissive to a fixed set of rules). The tradcon viewpoint was the ruling paradigm for a long time, until the feminist movement came along and kicked its butt, by recruiting male help using the largely unfulfilled promise of a bit of hairy free-love snatch.

Today, we live in slutworld.

Like it or deplore it, you must compete with women who offer sex. And you have the choice to either not offer sex, and hope that whatever else you bring to the table is enough, or offer it, and hope that you don't fail repeatedly to the point where you end up being indistinguishable from the sluts.

MentalMonkey16 · 2018-08-09T05:29:55+00:00

That's really admirable, I'm a 24 yo M virgin and female virgins are hard to come by! Don't give it up! You've likely come a long way and what you're holding onto can be more valuable than any small moment of temporary happiness. It's hard AF I know firsthand, you're not the only one. Waiting till marriage is the absolute right way of doing it imo, it's the way society used to be

lespetiteschoses · 2018-08-09T07:51:05+00:00

How old are you?

skullbender · 2018-08-09T14:11:07+00:00

FOMO can cause a lot of people do things that they later regret. And sometimes make poor choices. I have heard plenty of stories of people regretting that they didn’t save it for marriage. Then you have stories of those that wish that they had more experience before entering marriage. Generally speaking, men prefer women with zero N count (if possible). In a world where everyone is shaking it up, to remain pure and stand your ground is one of the signs of strength.

I’m male, in my 30s, virgin, with no plan for marriage. But if I were to marry, I would definitely go with a virgin.

smirk_addict · 2018-08-09T18:05:24+00:00

I dont know if someone mentioned this, but how do you define virgin? I'm asking because a lot of women say that but still perform oral sex or do other sexual activities.

Tom_Bryantkobe_Brady · 2018-08-09T23:02:25+00:00

Heres my most realistic answer for you: Almost anyone I know would prefer a lower vs higher N count, including myself. With that said some guys prefer a girl whos a little experienced because they quote " do not want to feel like they have to teach her everything or are simply uncomfortable with that. As others have said this will automatically self filter away men who are not going to be right for you.

Keep in mind however unless you meet an equally religious guy, you have next to zero chance of him actually waiting until marriage, harsh but true. Its a very strong form of religious commitment to wait until marriage and personally i do not find it practical, do not let my views change yours, just keep in mind that sexual compatibility matters, and its not so easy to just compromise and settle with what you've got after marriage (this is assuming sex is important and seen as a necessity in your relationship together).

Dont worry too much about N count, its clear your morals are intact and that matters much more, as guys get older they will be able to assess for that over other things. Dont listen to people saying being a virgin is highly desirable and blah blah, thats subjective based on their own opinions. From my entire friend group for example, we would all prefer a girl below 5 n count, but not 0. However im still young, at 21 ill accept 0, Im still learning too and over time it often gets better. Cant say the same for any of my older friends though, whats desirable to someone may not be to others.

Regardless of your N count, its just one thing, assuming its not ridiculous compared to what your partners ideal is, a quality personality and core values that align will be much more important driving factors towards relationship success.

Don't try to overcompensate with other affection to "make up" for not having sex with your partner until marriage, its futile and will most likely not matter in the end. Just as guys cannot control if a girl simply is not attracted to us, you wont be able to force someone who is not comfortable with waiting until marriage to do so, and thats ok, he may not be the right guy for you if you are cold hard set on waiting.

I guess for tips to express yourself..just show up, be there for the guy if hes having a hard time, be there when hes not having a hard time. simply express your desire to be in his presence, people naturally take a liking to individuals who genuinely express interest and enjoy them. you dont need to go overboard but find qualities or things he does that you find attractive and build him up around those. physical touch does goes a long way, it doesn't have to be sexual but thats playing a dangerous game TBH, yes alot of guys will love cuddling, but cuddling is very easy to turn into...not cuddling.

One last note, I grew up catholic, I understand the stigma that more serious believers can place on sex. Trust me, at the end of the day its not a huge deal if you still consider your safety, wants and needs ect. It can even be a real bonding moment after the fact that you could not achieve by any other means. And no, just because you can bond well and attach to one person does not make it wrong to eventually give yourself to another when the circumstances have changed for you. Be true to yourself, If you feel like you want to have sex because you genuinely want to to advance your feelings for him, not because your afraid of losing him, you should be ok. If your worried that your religion says its wrong, well if ive learned anything in my life its that while religion can give us a solid direction and values to follow, it often puts a dampening on our lives with restrictions and rules that are incredibly outdated and conservative, (coming from a very conservative guy) Granted I dont believe in god anymore due to personal experiences, Id like to believe that he would want us to live our life to the fullest instead of waiting and losing out on experiences we can never get back. All in all though, I am biased here if you cant tell lol, simply be true to yourself and you should be ok.

nananaNate8 · 2018-08-09T19:18:42+00:00

Guy speaking, the majority of guys, including me find a virgin very exciting. The thought of being her 1st experience is very very powerful. The waiting til marriage depends on the guy, some men who don't want to get married will most likely only want to be your 1st. If you make them wait too long they will lose interest unless he's a desperate beta, which you probably don't want. If the man of your desire is open to settling down and getting married then once again the zero n count works in your favor. Virgins are appealing to almost every guy regardless if their intentions are to get married, hookup, or become FWB.

granollabarsss · 2018-08-10T12:48:33+00:00

It’s very desirable to good men. If he can’t wait till marriage then he’s probably morally impaired.

NorthernOracle · 2018-08-13T06:06:34+00:00

100% percent desirable. Stay strong. If a woman makes me wait (but makes it clear there is romantic interest and I'm not just being used for dates) then it does nothing but raise her higher and higher in the wife material category. The longer she makes me wait before sex the more wife material she becomes. If she said not until marriage (and was a virgin) I'd probably be shopping for wedding rings the next day.

This works for women with higher partner counts also. Don't try to 'hook' a guy with sex and then think you can use tricks to make him commit. If it only took me a date or two to get you in bed, that's exactly how long it will take some other guy if we have a rough spot in our marriage. You've just instantly DQ'd yourself from being wife material in my eyes.

Also men have short term relationship standards and long term relationship (wife) standards; we demand a much higher quality woman for marriage than we do for a few weeks or months of throw away sex and having a warm body around. If you want to make sure you fall into a guys long term standards, make him wait -- if he was just going to use you for sex he'll move on, if you're genuinely interesting he won't. Win win. Another sign you're long term material is meeting his family

thatbadlarry · 2018-08-09T05:39:03+00:00

Honestly, I regret getting married with so little experience. Turns out sexual compatibility is actually pretty damn important. My husband and I (soon to be ex) are not sexually compatible and our kinks don’t match at all. I had no idea at the time because he was my only. I’m not saying ride the carousel, but I don’t believe marrying as a virgin is a good idea. Sex is too important to me to just “buy sight unseen” so to speak.

UnbreakableFrame · 2018-08-09T12:40:22+00:00

I don't care what all the feminists in society shriek at the top of their lungs. I wouldn't have even considered marrying a girl who wasn't a virgin. It made a huge difference to me when I was deciding to marry the girl I'm with.

CleburnCO · 2018-08-12T05:52:13+00:00

Are unicorn's desirable?

[deleted] · 2018-08-14T02:33:36+00:00

I’ve read from TRP that some men prefer a girl with a low N count but many would like a virgin. If a man had to choose, he would DEFINITELY choose virgin over CC rider!

There is a reason why virgins are held with such status historically. I was one when I graduated high school. My husband is my one and only partner I’ve ever been intimate with. I didn’t wait until marriage but I waited for a year because I wanted to make sure he was very very very committed due to his player history.

Don’t just lose it because you want to, there’s consequences and some ladies even became alpha widows. I know several in my circles like this.

loneliness-inc · 2018-08-09T14:58:32+00:00

Being a virgin is highly desirable from a RMV standpoint. Being that you're looking for marriage - yes, it's very desirable.

Sexual experience is unnecessary for a good sex life. Desire and enthusiasm are what make sex good.

Unless you plan on being a prostitute, sexual experience adds no value to marriage.

RubyWooToo · 2018-08-09T13:44:47+00:00

If you’re religious, or from an ethnic or social group that prized virginity, and you plan to marry young to someone from your religion or group, then yes, I think staying a virgin is prudent and practical.

But if you’re ideal mate is “secular” and you don’t plan on getting married until your mid to late 20s at the earliest, then remaining a virgin until marriage isn’t realistic or desirable to the type of person you want to attract. Men who do not share cultural or religious preferences for virginity are not going to legally bind themselves to a woman they aren’t sure they’re compatible with and past a certain age, many will assume that sex simply isn’t important to you at all.

freew33zy · 2018-08-09T13:20:52+00:00

RP and RPW are kind of exclusive communities--as in, the opinions here exclude and contradict the opinions of the majority of people out there.

So, you want relationship success? And you're 20? Honestly, I doubt very many people at all would bat an eye if your N-count was 3 or less (blowjobs count.) People have sex today--that's reality.

Meanwhile, if a guy wants to date you, he's going to want to fuck you too. Very few men who actually have SMV are content to date a girl for years and not have sex because, for us, if we don't end up marrying you--well, we just lost a lot of time invested into you.

So, if you're not looking for a religious guy, you probably want to fuck your BF. Repercussions will be minimal, and you stand the best chance to keep him around. A good timeframe, if you're very concerned about N-count, may be 2-6 months, tending towards the latter--there are very few guys who would stick around at least 2 months only for casual sex. That's just desperate on their part at that point, if they had to invest two months just for casual sex.

ragnarockette · 2018-08-09T12:57:11+00:00

Outside of the religious community, and after a certain age, I think a virgin becomes weird and awkward rather than pure and desirable.

Keep sex for committed, meaningful relationships, and vet those really, really well.

Considering most women get married in their mid to late 20’s I think 2-4 sexual partners would be a totally fine number and unlikely to cause any red flags.

jduong219 · 2018-08-09T17:35:09+00:00

Aww! It’s completely possible!! My husband and I, our best friends are this couple who grew up super Christian so although they aren’t super Christian themselves, some of the values just stuck. They both stayed virgins until marriage. Although, I will say they practiced oral sex before marriage with each other which I think many wouldn’t agree with but it’s still super impressive! They’re the sweetest, most normal and awesome couple and idk, I just think that’s super cool of them!

TheTyke · 2018-08-09T22:53:52+00:00

Obligatory "As a man" comment.

Personally, I think it's great. Traditionally couples would be virgins when they got married and only know each other. I really like that and from anecdotal experience it seems that older couples who followed that pattern and younger couples who have/do are a lot stronger than couples where the partners have multiple past relationships or sexual partners.

Also, expressing love and affection in a non-sexual way is easy. So is intimacy. Everything from comfortable silence, to cuddling, talking about deep feelings, kissing and so on are affectionate and deeply intimate. Sex is a small part of a relationship, one of many aspects. The undue weight that sex has in modern relationships I honestly think is a negative.

Sex supplements affection and love that you feel for someone. But it isn't in any way the be all-end all of expressing intimacy and care. Far from it. There are many ways, arguably even better ways, to do so. Just nurturing and loving each other for example.

I find it desirable, too. Not just for the more obvious aspects listed above (sharing the first experience together etc) but also because it shows a serious intent to commit, willpower and strength of character, a sense of self worth and respect and would also, I imagine, mean she (or in this case you) would have hobbies and interests outside of sex that I find sadly lacking in many young people, especially women, today.

RainbowKitty77 · 2018-08-10T19:31:28+00:00

Probably more religious men wouldn't mind. I don't think most men want to wait as long as until marriage but a lot of men will wait some time. Not every one likes a one nighter.

JHNewman · 2018-08-30T03:35:37+00:00

Yes.

I'm against sex before marriage anyways. But I'm a little uncomfortable with waiting until marriage for a girl with a non-zero n count. As a guy there's almost a sense of "getting cucked," but in the past.

Ask a guy to wait, and the right guy will rise to the challenge. Don't give away your sex card until he gives away his commitment card.

SelfTaughtPiano · 2018-08-10T10:56:02+00:00

It is always desirable. Men who find it off-putting simply are concerned about if you're a puritan. Just tell them, when the time comes, that you're not

OfficerWade · 2018-08-11T02:56:39+00:00

I think so. I’m a guy and I will tell you if I know some of the guys you slept with I won’t usually sleep with you but if I get the feeling your just looking for a ONS I won’t make you feel guilty or shameful. It just depends on my needs.

always_sad12 · 2018-08-09T10:27:04+00:00

0-5 is good. Don’t hold out until marriage but definitely hold out until you’re in a committed relationship with a label. 0 is cool because he’s the first but also you might get FOMO and you’ll be shit at sex for a while. 3 is also great and not too much, you’re not a hoe at that point , but you’ll be great at sex and will probably appreciate your husband better if he’s better than those that came before.

So 0-5 is all pretty good. Around 6+ plus is when your value starts depreciating, unless it was all long term relationships.

Title	Is a zero N count desirable?
Author	lex716
Upvotes	36
Comments	67
Date	August 9, 2018 5:08 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/95tke5/is_a_zero_n_count_desirable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-a-zero-n-count-desirable.2922 https://theredarchive.com/post/2922

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