The Difference Between SMV and MMV

theScarlettWoman · 2017-04-04T04:38:10+00:00

OP, you have now asked your SMV/RMV questions in two different posts and received comments and answers that range from hilarious to helpful but have only proved to be argumentative in return. This is what our community has for you, whether you find it helpful or not.

umeme · 2017-04-03T11:05:21+00:00

You sound nice and attractive and humble and whatever other perfect traits you have, but you're annoying. That's what's wrong with you. You're just annoying.

It's also 4am in LA time right now and you've been replying constantly for the past hour or so. You sound bat shit crazy. Get some sleep and go live your life. Stop obsessing.

teaandtalk · 2017-04-03T10:02:29+00:00

Girl, I looked through your post history and whew, it sounds hard to be you. I'd strongly suggest you stop arguing, start listening, stop having sex, and start seeing a therapist. You sound like you have a personality disorder.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-04-03T09:55:28+00:00

MMV/RMV is your value to the other person that keeps them around long term. Usually you cannot get it from friends.

That includes qualities like loyalty/support when things aren't going well, willingness to grow together, life goals, an intimate comfort together (seeing each other's flaws and bad moods), good sex, respect and admiration for each other.

Friends can be pleasant and fun to be with. Hobbies are done with friends. You can cook with friends and have sex with other people easily. What keeps them around is knowing they will always be there for you and think the world of you no matter what happens.

teaandtalk · 2017-04-03T22:04:17+00:00

Alright, you know what, I'm on my computer now and feeling generous. You've asked in the comments what MMV traits are. Let me list some.

Being polite and non-argumentative in public and in private. No one wants to feel like they're being argued at. This is especially important for MMV because you need to be a strong team if you're considering having children.
Attitude towards children/skills appropriate for motherhood. Many men, even the ones who don't want children now, watch women for signs of good mother skills. That means kindness, honesty, consideration of other people's needs, as well as actually being interested in having kids.
Ability to maintain close relationships with friends and family. This doesn't mean having 15 acquaintances you see each week for drinks, it means having a couple of close friends that you can turn to when you need tough love (for example, when you're having trouble dating) and who you're there for in their time of need. Family is obviously more tricky, but most men will understand if you don't have a relationship with your family (if it's for a good reason) as long as you've demonstrated the ability to maintain close friendships.
Being considerate of other people's needs. This means their ACTUAL needs, not 'oh let me bake for you because i like feeling like a housewife'. Sometimes a man needs quiet, alone time. Sometimes he needs to feel like a king in his own home. Sometimes (often) he needs a steak and a BJ (maybe the BJ is important because she can't argue while giving head - I know my husband appreciates that haha)
Being aware in social situations. (You've commented elsewhere that you think you probably have aspergers traits, so this sounds like one to consider carefully). This means watching everyone's reactions, and smoothing things over if they're getting stressed. A man doesn't get shamed when his FWB is obnoxious at a party, but a husband will absolutely be ashamed if his wife is playing up and making people bored/uncomfortable.
Ability to listen and change your view when new information appears. This one is coming up a lot, because you've posted a variety of times over the last year and haven't seemed to change your approach at all. Example: my husband wanted a particular breed of dog. I was worried because everything I read on the internet indicated that this breed of dog is high exercise - and we don't exercise that much, especially not in dog-friendly ways. BUT: after talking to a huge number of dog owners of this breed, going to dog shows, etc, I realised that yes, he was right, and we're getting the dog :) by being open to change and learning, you show that you're a good partner and team-mate.
Linked to the above: ability to self-analyse and self-improve. This doesn't just mean 'lose two points of BMI' or 'be better at baking', this means honestly watching how the people around you respond to you, and using that to better yourself. If you've got ASD, you might find this one difficult, so it's worth talking to a therapist to find out if that's something you need help with.
Humor: just a bit, but enough that he doesn't have to be serious around you. Men want to be relaxed around women, not on guard.
[[IMPORTANT]] Being interested in HIM, not just wanting a relationship. Men can tell when you're just trying to find someone to marry, rather than being interested in them as a human. Are you interested in HIS opinions, HIS activities, HIS life? It's not about you wanting a relationship, it's about you wanting HIM, and he can damn well tell if you're just playing the field.

In conclusion: the traits that people consider when talking about exclusivity are often the ones that relate to forming strong family bonds, and supporting one's partner during hard times and good times. They include being adaptable, flexible, and considerate. But no matter how many traits you have, if you're just looking for A Husband or A Boyfriend, the man you're seeing will be able to tell and will pass you over for someone with lower MV but who has stars in their eyes for him in particular. They don't want a 10 who's not that interested in them, they want a 7-8 who thinks they're the sexiest, smartest, funniest man alive.

I hope you can take what I've said in the spirit it's intended. As I said below, and above, I think you need to speak to a good therapist (one who won't just say 'Oh, it's LA' - I know lots of high value women in LA in relationships) and possibly get assessed for ASD. It might really help you develop more social skills.

RedPillWonder · 2017-04-03T15:18:55+00:00

Are you submissive? Do you want to (and are going to) follow your man's leadership?

Or if he makes a decision are you going to say things like "I'm just stating the facts" as you declare him wrong or "No, you see..." and point out where he's incorrect, and "But that's not how it is, because...." or similar responses.

Now, those aren't your words, but that's how a lot of your responses come across. Which I think is exactly what your missing. How you come across.

It's possible you are completely different in person than how you are here on this sub-reddit. But your words carry a certain something that people are picking up on.

It's like the person at a get-together who others in the room were put off by, but the off-putting person can go through their every statement or action and prove they were right, point out this or that, explain away every constructive criticism, etc. but they don't understand people's perceptions of them.

Are you like this in dating?

To use an old adage, do you want to win or do you want to be right?

If you want to "win" in dating/marriage, consider that it may be you and that you're coming across the wrong way. That doesn't mean you say you're wrong when you're right or always agree to bad decisions, etc.

But even in disagreeing, you can come across as disagreeable.

Cultivate the ability to not correct someone at times, even if they're wrong, or answer "yes" or "no" with a simple smile and how it comes across, or disagreeing in a pleasant manner and using your femininity to influence and shape events while working within the parameters of your (future?) husband's headship/leadership.

Some women simply navigate these waters much better than others. They're not pushovers. But they know when to STFU, when to gently influence, how to shape events while encouraging their man's leadership and more.

Focus on this.

MsSadieDunham · 2017-04-03T09:24:51+00:00

SMV is your physical attractiveness, how you present and take care of yourself. MMV is how much of marriage material you are. This can include your SMV but also includes your domestic skills, whether you do or don't want kids, personality and anything else that someone holds important when looking for a mate.

They go hand in hand which is why I think some people get them confused. Your SMV will get a guy to sleep with you, your MMV will get him to marry you.

testmypatience · 2017-04-04T00:43:34+00:00

Let's skype. You're an interesting case. Like to see what the real situation and problems are.

loneliness-inc · 2017-04-03T12:07:22+00:00

Have a look at this post which explains the difference between SMV and RMV.

NoFaceNoPlace · 2017-04-03T13:59:33+00:00

I just wanted to say I think it's ridiculous how all these commenters are shitting on you. I swear there is an obsession here.

I think it's hilarious "RPW" are trying to diagnose you with mental disorders in an attempt to explain your objectivity. You just sound very analytical and educated.

Being in LA sounds really hard just because of the competition and I can't even pretend to understand the dating culture. If what you say is true and you are as cool as you say you are, do you have any way of getting invited to inner social things (like higher in socioeconomic status)?

I think you might just need to be seen more maybe?

I'd wager you have higher MMR than a lot of other people here and I don't think that's the problem, but I'm no expert. I think the problem is your location and maybe the pool you're fishing from.

For example, if you found a man who works a manly trade (like welding) and makes a family-wage I bet he would want to commit. Or on the opposite end, it's not uncommon for the "higher ups" to want to find someone to commit to because there's a lot of familial pressure and new women who enter always peak interests.

kokoroutasan · 2017-04-03T18:20:22+00:00

Why on earth are you sleeping with guys during the non-exclusive dating stage? I'm poly, and I still wouldn't sleep with someone until after developing an established relationship, with our boundaries and expectations laid out up front when discussing that relationship. And if I'm in another relationship discussing it with my other partner(s) first.

By sleeping with guys while still "dating" and not "exclusive" they then are left wondering "well why does it have to change now? She'll sleep with me and I could get other girls too and none of the responsibility and commitment of a relationship. Score!"

faerie87 · 2017-04-03T12:07:53+00:00

I think a lot of people here really don't know how LA is like First of all, how old are you? From my LA experience, most eligible bachelors don't want to settle down until at least their earlier thirties. Unless you locked him down in uni. Otherwise your best bet is to date someone in their mid thirties.

If you are willing to date nerdier guys though, you won't have as much of a problem.

Also LA guys love fun upbeat girls, are you positive and down? Have a life of your own?

teammeli · 2017-04-03T14:06:09+00:00

someone needs to read the sidebar until they understand.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-04-03T15:00:17+00:00

I think I discussed this with you before. It's because you don't have a close knit immediate family and the men you are dating do. I have had the same issue in regards to dating. I thought I would never find a normal, sensible man but I did. I think you should try a different approach to dating if I am honest. Making men wait 3 months for sex nowadays also isn't realistic. I had sex with my husband the day I met him, which most people would say is far too early, but that didn't stop me from obtaining his commitment. I am not suggesting you do what I did but it's just an example of how things don't always work out the way that you think they should or will. As for all the people on here attacking you, they need to stop already and they need to be giving you more helpful advice. It seems like they feel threatened by the fact that your high SMV and pleasant personality is not enough, so it makes them feel like they may lack control themselves, and your life isn't going how they think it should, so they are bullying you, which is not OK.

testmypatience · 2017-04-03T11:55:18+00:00

What are these acronyms?

glitterchild · 2017-04-03T13:25:55+00:00

Pardon my ignorance but is MMV like RMV?

pinkdrawings · 2017-04-04T03:26:13+00:00

What is MMW?

Title	The Difference Between SMV and MMV
Author	wonderlandgirl111
Upvotes	2
Comments	94
Date	April 3, 2017 8:52 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/635kh2/the_difference_between_smv_and_mmv/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/the-difference-between-smv-and-mmv.87139 https://theredarchive.com/post/87139

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