Interesting interaction with the feminine imperative while out with a date...

HeadingRed · 2013-11-01T15:02:29+00:00

Ran into a similar situation "women need affirmation" a while ago. Told them they have been brainwashed into thinking they are worthless unless everyone around them reminds them often that they have worth. And that I love a woman who has the self-confidence not to need other to constantly remind her she is valuable. Added "children need this, adult shouldn't".

Shut that conversation down, and pointed out how child like those who need this are.

Stayinghereforreal · 2013-11-01T15:16:51+00:00

good work.

I am still trying to figure out the entire strategy here

None, really, Interloper Fat Mouth friend was just trying to assert the customary social dominance she is used to wielding over most clueless males. She has likely very rarely encountered guys who just don't give a shit what her opinion is. She will get used to it when she has decades of post-wall invisibility. But for now, Interloper Fat Mouth is used to saying inane things like that and then having guys give her high-fives. You didn't. It caused her an awkward moment as she realized you might even consider her beneath you, not above.

I think she got what she wanted

Nope, she got nothing close to it. She failed.

Was she regretting her boyfriend's betaness and wanted to give her own ego a few extra pumps?

More likely the scenario is she had heard from your gal that you didn't do the normal beta routine. So Interloper Fat Mouth wanted to assure herself that you are not a dominant male after all, and that the real issue was your gal was simply not Rioooot Guuuurl enough to put you in your place.

Why does IFM woman care? The idea that your gal might have snagged some bad boy aloof Ram McStudfuck dark triad bothered her, even if she could not put it into words that way. Women are competitive about such things. So she shit-tested you to see if your gal had been talking you up too much, which IFM firmly believed...right up until you started talking.

ItsYourHandInMine · 2013-11-01T16:37:55+00:00

Chick: "Women need affirmation"

Patrice O'Neal: "When a woman is being an irrational bitch it only takes one word to end her: "Why?"

frequentlywrong · 2013-11-01T14:46:58+00:00

Was she regretting her boyfriend's betaness and wanted to give her own ego a few extra pumps?

Maybe she pushed her boyfriend into beta, now she is regretting it and can't face the truth. So she does what women do and double down on a dumb idea by convincing everybody else it's a good idea.

pirateundies · 2013-11-01T14:53:50+00:00

I think putting intent into it is giving her too much credit. To me, it sounds like good old fashioned ego centrism. Her boyfriend complimenting her makes her feel good so she can't fathom how there might be negative repercussions to that, or that others might prefer something else.

Even in the case of her boyfriend. Maybe she's noticed he's different now and a little defeated but it doesn't occur to her why. She probably thinks something like, "He started complimenting me and it feels great! But what's up with him? Why is he acting so weird lately?" Without any recognition of the emotional abuse she probably engaged in to get him to do that.

I can't read minds but it is entirely possible that nothing passed through her mind other than spreading the "good word". If it were me, I might just refocus the conversation back to her emotions whenever it came to us.

"You should compliment her more!"

"It sounds like your boyfriend makes you pretty happy."

"Yeah blah blah-"

[Edit: added a paragraph]

alt30313 · 2013-11-01T16:26:32+00:00

"oh don't you love her? She's the best! You have the best lady here!"

"She then proceeded to tell me that I.. "better show my appreciation for having such a wonderful woman" and that I'm "lucky to have her."

"it was saying out of the two of you, one of you has value"

"It's an interesting insinuation, .., since ...she ... just met me."

I've experienced this crap before. I smiled rolled my eyes and turned it into a joke. I made some facetious compliments and established that I believed I had value and couldn't give a fuck what the gaggle of women thought. When it happened to me I felt like it was a relationship cockblock from a bitch that was unhappy with her beta bf (Found out later she did in fact cheat on him and resent that he let her use him). Ultimately, I decided my girlfriends two best friends were poison and cut her lose.

Thank god we have Team Wymn reminding us that they're better than us at everything and we're lucky they let us hang around and pay tribute to them. If they didn't you boys might forget your place. Don't wan't yall to start getting uppity and put on airs.

cockayass · 2013-11-01T17:06:04+00:00

My response to her: "Need" is an interesting choice of words. Is she going to wilt like an unwatered flower without my compliments? In my opinion that is the worst insult you can give a woman. This woman here has an inner beauty and confidence that doesn't depend on my showering her with compliments. That's part of what makes her so beautiful to me. I say what I say because it comes from my heart. I am of the opinion that saying something for any other reason is a lie or a manipulation.

Invite the same confidence in your woman that you have a a red piller by leading the way.

Archwinger · 2013-11-01T18:57:19+00:00

You, and a lot of the people here, are really over-thinking this.

Your plate's friend was just talking her mouth off because, like many women with inflated senses of self-worth, she likes the sound of her own voice, can't fathom that others wouldn't, and withers in silence.

She has a certain kind of relationship she runs a certain way, and can't fathom how anybody else could like anything different, live differently, act differently, or think differently. She doesn't even think you and your plate are "wrong" -- her mind can't get there. She just plain can't understand how anybody could be different than she is. It doesn't compute. In her mind, anybody who's not like her is just in the process of trying to get there.

She rides her boyfriend (and everyone else) that way, so she just assumes you're a chump who should complement his girl more (because that's what she's been told and what she tells everybody), assumes your plate agrees, assumes you're a loser who agrees, and assumes the whole world is like her and thinks what she thinks. Because she can't possibly fathom that a different point of view or preference could exist.

www777com · 2013-11-01T18:25:12+00:00

The entire story might not be so much what this lady was doing to you and her boyfriend, as much as it was what she was doing to your date--possibly making your date look bad or putting your date in her place in the female hierarchy.

whiskey_bearfist · 2013-11-01T19:48:43+00:00

she doesnt feel at all ashamed to make demands of a person she doesnt know. she is used to weak men caving to her boldness. she has been brought up in a culture that reveres the female at all costs, and cant see why a person wouldnt hold those views.

GaiusScaevolus · 2013-11-01T16:58:57+00:00

In reading this, I am reminded of this scene from Family Guy.

My guess from reading this (and personal experience) is that your plate is a solid 1-2 points above her "friend" in terms of SMV. Maybe younger, maybe aged better, or maybe hits the gym while her friend hits the double mocha frappuccinos. In any case, the important characteristic here is this woman was, at one point, either equal to or hotter than your plate. Maybe they were both 19 y.o 8s, but as time has gone by, one of them has kept her 8, while the other traded it in for a shiny new 7, or maybe a compact 6.

The SMV plummet of this woman has effects that surprise no one who has been here a day. She freaks, because no alpha will pay the price of admission, so she scrambles and locks in the first acceptable beta.

Enter your plate and you. In essence, a reminder of what was lost. Seeing her once equal with a better man (by SMV metrics) sends the hamster spinning. She comes up to you guys and intends to prove to your plate that 'hers is better' because he 'gives her lots of compliments.'

The main point of this was to make your plate as jealous of her as she is vice versa. Ideally, even cause strife between you two, that way, she wins the relationship game. Secondarily, she pushed you to surrender your value by supplicating your plate, thus becoming the same devalued beta male as her pet beta, albeit with better hair.

Post-script: Your plate's friend

bsutansalt · 2013-11-01T16:03:09+00:00

Treat it as a shit-test, handle it as we will, and move along. She gave a few chances to get logical and fight it out, but who wants that? She'd just clam up and get indignant and hamster it as you being an dick to her for blowing up her faulty logic. As for her statements:

her bf is henpecked and defeated
she's guilty of solipsism and projection
her self-worth is fragile and dominated by her ego, hence the need for a constant stream of compliments

All three of these points disqualify her as relationship material as far as I'm concerned.

leftajar · 2013-11-01T19:24:47+00:00

She wishes her boyfriend wasn't beta, but he is. Since she can't have you, the next best thing is to change you into something she doesn't want. Thus she can resolve her jealousy.

Classic female, making her emotions your problem.

[deleted] · 2013-11-01T18:56:32+00:00

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[deleted] · 2013-11-01T17:45:14+00:00

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dbabbitt · 2013-11-02T01:50:49+00:00

I belong to a close-knit religious community where the men seem to play this verbal version of the game of spoons. If one man compliments his wife, all the rest, one by one, will say something complimentary about their wives also. I ended up being the guy without the "spoon" once of twice - with everybody at the table looking expectantly at me while tried to figure out what just happened. Anyway, the wives love it, and its clear that these are not beta males.

This is obviously a group effort on the part of the whole community - maybe this women is just trying to spread the dynamics across her extended community. This is not a game for rogues or incels to play, so that probably explains her assuming you two were exclusively seeing each other.

FatHat · 2013-11-02T22:55:50+00:00

I think this is about trying to one-up her friend. She was showing that she had dominance in her relationship, while illustrating that her friend didn't. Basically she was using you as a pawn to say to her friend "see how I can put a guy in his place, but you can't?" (I guess in her estimation, she thinks that having dominance over her guy demonstrates her own social value)

jacobman · 2013-11-05T03:02:27+00:00

Cheating destroys trust which is fundamental in a relationship, but the fact that she realized she was in the wrong, stopped it from escalating, and called immediately, makes me think it would leave just enough trust for me to stay.

Stopped it from escalating? Is that what we call stopping it from escalating nowadays?

RedSunBlue · 2013-11-01T17:50:56+00:00

Since this would just be a run of the mill shit test if it came from your plate, I am tempted to think that this is just some kind of tag team version. Women helping each other to beta-filter doesn't sound too far fetched.

fragglemook · 2013-11-01T22:22:31+00:00

Case A:

Your "plate" (or woman for the non douche knuckles) has been bitching to her friend as an emotional dump and is not as emotionally secure and cool as how she presents herself to you.

Case B:

This other bitch is just one of these annoying cunts who assume the mother-duck role between friends because the only way she knows how to bond with her peers is to open herself up to everyone else's emotional baggage and act as a dumping ground for bad mood swings.

Case C:

The crazy bitch was displaying a deference to your woman's perceived alpha female status to an embarrassing level of sycophancy.

I kind of liked how you handled it, however I would probably have just looked at this retarded socially inept object and asked her "What the fuck are you talking about? Is any of this your business?"

The beta might have piped up initially until he realises his wailing banshee of a fuck hole has just opened her fat mouth one too many times and dragged him into it too, before dragging her stage left for a dressing down.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2013-11-02T13:24:43+00:00

Women don't NEED affirmation; women CRAVE affirmation.

And I crave my grandmother's chocolate chip cookies. But if you give me unrestricted 24/7 access to them, shit ain't gonna end well.

Petrarch1603 · 2013-11-01T16:36:57+00:00

Hopefully you can avoid ever having to see her friend again.

Kurnath · 2013-11-01T16:54:29+00:00

I've been confronted with situation countless times as well. I usually respond with the following. It's kind of a catchphrase of mine.

"I speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. If people do something worth complimenting, I will compliment them. I will not compliment simply to give someone validation."

Generally, it works pretty well. It gives me power over the situation and gives me a chance to show my eloquence.

McMurphyCrazy · 2013-11-01T17:17:32+00:00

Reading this reminded me of Patrice's words from TBPS - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3y6bOXPm6JE

How bitches just take and take and take if you give them an inch, never happy. So don't inflate their egos.

[deleted] · 2013-11-01T18:08:26+00:00

Tell her the opportunity to spend time with you is all the affirmation she needs.

mrust · 2013-11-01T18:09:42+00:00

Interesting, I've had a similar experience where I met up with my gf's friend and the three of us had dinner. She wanted us to stay and meet some new guy she was seeing. Keep in mind I was just meeting her for the first time as well.

So we decide to go for one drink and my gf asks me to carry her bag. As a rule, I don't do this -- though it's been an endless source of shit tests and I still haven't found the perfect solution. But what caught me off guard was her friend chiming in with her opinion indicating that I should carry the bag.

I just gave her the look that says "who the fuck are you to be giving me advice on what to do" and she shut up about it.

Anyway, I don't like this kind of behavior from women, so when they act up I know it's time to undermine their egos.

Instead of reaffirming your own position (defence), have you thought about going on the offense?

Something along the lines of: "Oh, yeah I can see how some women are needy like that and need affirmations to keep them happy. You don't look like that kind of girl, but I can tell your man is going to be complimenting you for a long time to come."

Heuristics · 2013-11-01T20:27:23+00:00

Good first comeback. For the second (missed one) I would recommend: "Thank you for your suggestion but I like my way better."

darklogic420 · 2013-11-01T22:15:56+00:00

Actually after reading this I realized that I ran into this years ago. I'm a married man, happily so. My wife understands that I don't say something unless I mean it, and doesn't dig into me for false accolades.

Interestingly, when I'm out buying a piece of jewelry or something nice for her, and she isn't around, women tell me that she is lucky to have me, and that they wish their man spoiled them like I do my wife. They're reinforcing my behavior.

By sheer contrast, I work out and my hands have gotten much bigger since our wedding day. I cannot wear my wedding band. I've even had it stretched three times, still not going to fit anymore. One of my friends has a wife who is up in arms over the fact that I do not wear my wedding ring. She, not my wife, tells me to put it on. She, not my wife, doesn't accept the size changes my body and hands have undergone as a viable excuse.

Only now after all these years and reading this post can I put a label on what this behavior is. It's all starting to make sense now.

phaseonx11 · 2013-11-01T22:23:00+00:00

This shit makes me feel like vomiting.

deepthrill · 2013-11-01T22:41:21+00:00

To me, this is the difference between an internal and external locust of control. In fact, her friend is in fact insulting your plate, because her friend is implying that your plate needs external validation to fuel her self esteem. Healthy self esteem should come from within, and from our own accomplishments.

Her friend is, in fact, perpetuating an unhealthy view of self esteem by women since her friend is implying that external validation is necessary for your plate to feel good about herself. If I was your plate, I'd feel insulted at my "friend".

PaulRivers10 · 2013-11-01T23:58:17+00:00

I had a number of thoughts, but there's a few that haven't been shared yet that I find likely -

I've women behave like this when the other women isn't secure in her relationship with you. Obviously if she's a plate - she's not. And she might not even like being in a secure relationship. But it might be that she told or her friend, or that her friend can sense it and is thinking she's helping her out.

I've seen this when a couple isn't stable - her friends are always trying to "help" her.

She's negging you. Seriously. Women have the same ability as douche sales guys to look at you, make you feel like she's being nice, and be totally undermining you or trying to sell you a line of b.s.

She's trying to demonstrate to the other woman that you're not valuable like a boyfriend would be. (I mean she honestly believes she's happier when she gets more compliments, whether it's true or not). She's pointing out what she thinks your flaws are and why she thinks the other girl is wasting her time with you.

Women operate as a Cartel when it comes to sex. They try to fix "prices" to men getting laid, and reduce "availability" to make men pay a higher and higher price in order to have sex with a woman.

This works when they all demand the same things, so women believe they need to require those gives and men believe they need to give those things before he can have sex with her. If all women required frequent compliments from men in order to feel special and have sex, all men would start giving them.

If this woman can get all other women to require compliments, then she'll always get complimented by guys.

This can also relate to #2 - on some level she knows that you won't actually date this girl, and so her idea that you're not "spending" enough on her by committing to a relationship leads to her negging you.

(By negging I don't mean she's trying to sleep with you, but that she's trying to pass an insult as a compliment. It's aimed at making someone feel bad about your value - whether it's you, or the girl you're with).

FortunateBum · 2013-11-02T02:59:35+00:00

What drives this feminine imperative, what causes this to happen?

It's pure biological instinct and completely subconscious.

General_Fear · 2013-11-02T04:32:24+00:00

A woman needs a firm hand and shot leash. Thru reward and punishment and Machiavellian dating techniques, you train your dog, I mean woman. What has she down to deserve praise?

Based on the example above, seems to me that she was trying to train you. Had you given in, you become less than a man. She demands you respond. That the beginning of the end. Don't fall for that game. Hot chicks like to see how far they can take it and what they can get away with.

MahlerNinth · 2013-11-02T13:20:04+00:00

Her friend clearly wanted to fuck you.

thrownaway_MGTOW · 2013-11-01T20:21:28+00:00

"well I don't think that works.. women need affirmation.."

Ah, but it's true for the vast majority of them.

They ARE indeed like little children, dogs and even cats in that way; requiring nearly constant reinforcement -- and unable to discern (nor care) whether the praise is artificial or not.

So, those who say this are simply informing you that they themselves are NOT "adults".

Treat them accordingly.

ugdr6424 · 2013-11-03T21:51:18+00:00

What a bunch of over-dramatic bullshit. Did this even happen? Are you trying to give a Blue Pill example? Why didn't you just laugh at her and continue on? Did someone hack your account?

This post smells fishy as shit.

mordanus · 2013-11-02T05:14:06+00:00

A really interesting post. To me it sounds like you were being talked about by your plate to the other girl and it was mentioned that you don't act like the other boys. Her friend took it upon herself to be the fixer of the situation and attempt to confront you on the subject. I think that you plate doesn't know where she stands with you and that bled off into the conversation with her plate. I don't think anything malicious is coming from your plate personally, but her friend is a really manipulative one, although it is coming from a desire to see her friend more happy.

I wasn't there so my observation is just a stab in the dark. Also just wanted to say a thank you for starting this subreddit. You guys changed my life. Things are so much better now that I realized that im not the bad guy in life for thinking the same things you guys teach.

Title	Interesting interaction with the feminine imperative while out with a date...
Author	redpillschool
Upvotes	73
Comments	85
Date	November 1, 2013 2:35 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1poslc/interesting_interaction_with_the_feminine/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/interesting-interaction-with-the-feminine.7614 https://theredarchive.com/post/7614

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