TL;DR

The experience of one night provides an example of how mate guarding is an indicator of relationship power.

Body

Sexual relationships are male/female power struggles and if the woman holds the balance of power, watch out! She won’t respect her man and her hypergamous instincts will eventually lead her to someone else.

How can one tell who has the power in a relationship? Mate guarding is a great indicator. The one doing the guarding definitely does not have the power.

I thought about this because of something that happened with my GF at the time and me at her 10th high school reunion party last year. She went to a high school almost a thousand miles away. She’s hot and judging from her yearbook, was popular in high school.

So I’m going to a reunion where I don’t know anyone from the high school or even in the area. I have no idea if any of her exes will be there and I don’t ask because I didn’t want to appear to be an insecure bitch. She certainly didn’t volunteer any competitive intelligence before our trip.

When I get there, I’m anxious and have this overwhelming urge to stay attached to her hip the whole night. My mate guarding instincts kick in hard because, in this situation, she controls the power and I feel the pressure of unknown threats.

The night progresses, alcohol is flowing and we’re having a good time chatting up a few couples at a table near the dance floor. My GF excuses herself and says she has to go to the restroom. 5 minutes pass and I’m still sitting there by myself. No GF. Another 10 minutes pass and she still doesn’t come back.

I stand up, walk around and see a group of guys and women talking and laughing in the hallway by the entrance and she’s in the group. They’re having a great time and she’s right in the middle of it. There’s a specific guy, tall, good looking, who’s next to her and they are clearly into each other. Strong eye contact, kino. Could this be an ex or former fling? At that moment, my mate guarding instinct is in the red zone.

My first impulse is to go over and insert myself into the conversation and introduce myself as her BF. I don’t do that though. I take a deep breath, collect myself and figure out my next move. It’s a good thing I didn’t follow my first impulse, because that would have been a display of low value, conceded power to her in that situation and would have wrecked that night and probably the whole weekend.

Instead, I surveyed the room, took off my badge and walked to the other side where my GF couldn’t see me and started introducing myself and chatting up other people. One was a woman in a tight, leather mini-skirt and low cut blouse. My guess is she was one of the class sluts. She invited me to the dance floor and I accepted her offer. After we started dancing, she motioned to one of her friends to join us and before you know it we had a grind sandwich going on the dance floor, having a good time enjoying the music and the moment.

Someone must have sent an APB to my GF, because after a couple of minutes on the dance floor I see her making a beeline towards me. She gets to the dance floor, stops for a second to make eye contact, then makes her way to our group. She gives my dance partners a dirty look, they get the message and clear out. She didn't leave my side from that moment until the end of the party a couple of hours later, even for a second. If I had to go to the restroom, she walked with me. She sat on my lap, insisted on slow dancing when nobody else was on the floor. She was now in hyper mate guarding mode.

The drive back to the hotel was quiet. We didn’t say much to each other until we got on the elevator and started making out. We got back to the hotel room and had the most intense sex of our entire time together.

Lesson Learned

  • Mate-guarding instincts are natural and provide insight into who has power in a male/female sexual relationship.

  • Strong mate guarding impulse in men is the result of relationship insecurity, primarily created by low abundance and trust.

  • Reactive mate-guarding is usually a display of low value. Rather than engage in it, men should fix the root problem and shift the balance of power in a relationship their way. If she starts guarding you, then you're in good shape.