Can it be done?

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-10-03T21:24:16+00:00

No.

You have no hope.

This isn’t the lottery and there is no winning ticket to hope for.

You will get out of this exactly what you put in, and not all at once.

Sometimes you will work for days, weeks, even months, without any tangible reward or feedback. It is a path you walk, alone, and wonder while you wander, if you are still on the right path.

There is no hope, for you.

You will falter, fail, get lost, get hurt, and question almost every step you take in the beginning if it’s the right one.

There is a guidebook, with maps and tips and tricks and instructions and all the shit you need to get to the other side of your valley in the shadow of death.

And yet, so few actually use it. They ignore some of the most basic tenets, and then wonder why they wander, in circles, lost, unable to make real progress.

That guidebook is the sidebar.

Use it, you will succeed.

Ignore it, and you will fail.

No one, not even one, has proven the sidebar wrong. But thousands of men have proved it right.

So no, there is no hope.

You don’t hope to climb a mountain.

You do it, or you don’t.

There is only one guarantee in life;

YOU.

WILL.

DIE.

EVERYTHING else is up to you.

So now you have choices.

You can hope.

Or,

You can get off your pussy-whipped, beta pegged ass and,

GET TO FUCKING WORK.

Let us know if you want help getting started.

hystericalbonding · 2018-10-03T21:08:46+00:00

You are not a special snowflake. Nothing you said here is unique.

Apply NMMNG. Read and apply WISNIFG. Read the classic post on maintaining boundaries during your transition.

Scrap the victim mentality.

6TimesDown7TimesUp · 2018-10-03T21:45:26+00:00

I notice a plethora of new posters talking about being red-pilled immediately upon subscribing to the sub and how they are probably going to leave their wives soon or should leave right away.

Fix yourself first before “fixing” your marriage.

Compared to where I was a couple of years ago I know there’s no way I’d want that version of me to make any real decisions about my future other than reading, lifting, and unfucking myself.

[deleted] · 2018-10-04T04:24:37+00:00

Your grandfathers beat the nazis. You're getting beat by a pair of tits and an attitude. Whatever your grandfather had in him, you can also find.

RandomlyChosenTitle · 2018-10-03T23:50:55+00:00

I estimate its a greater chance i have to leave my wife as a part of this journey, than for it to turn to the better. Being less nice guy will probably anyway be good for me.

This is a good start. You're fixing yourself, not your marriage. Fixing the former may fix the latter, it may not, or may help you realize that you'd rather be single. Same plan forward no matter what.

I have almost no contact with friends because she hates my friends and gets angry if i want to spend time with them.

This is bullshit. You have no contact with friends because you're afraid of your wife. YOU are the reason you're isolated, not your wife.

She nags all day about her problems and does a good job making her problems mine

You mean that your inner nice guy voluntarily accepts her problems as your own. Again, YOU are the reason this has happened.

She uses anger, shouting, treaths etc to Get What she wants. I remember one of the first times i saw these traits were when she was studying. I wanted to go out with a friend, but she wanted me to help her with an assignment. She trough a glass truough the appartment and screamed to Get me to help her. Unfortunately i did help her

Why wouldn't she use anger and shouting when you reward her for doing so?

There is always hope to fix yourself if you're willing to do the work. NNMNG is almost tailor made for you. Finish reading it, then go back to the beginning and read it again (and make sure you're doing all the exercises). The rest of the sidebar is important, but you have to get a handle on these Nice Guy tendencies or else you'll just be wasting your time with the rest.

RedPillCoach · 2018-10-04T00:21:09+00:00

i am stuck many years later

Nope, try again. You are not "stuck." You can move in several directions but you choose to stay in this place and you can choose to move to another place.

Right now i feel really trapped within her frame and emotionally abused.

Nobody cares how you feel.

I have almost no contact with friends because she hates my friends and gets angry if i want to spend time with them. A bit the same with my family.

Blame shifting and failure to own your shit. This is 100% your fault and 100% in your control. She is going to bitch anyway so your first step is to reconnect with your friends and family.

She nags all day about her problems

Let her. Ignore when she is annoying. Leave to be with your friends and family if she gets really annoying. Reward good behavior. Punish bad behavior.

does a good job making her problems mine

100% your fault. You choose to let her make her problems yours. Why?

in general telling me when and what to do. «Get me my bag from the car, i forgot it». «Now we are going to clean; you do downstairs, i do upstairs». Shit i am such a pussy.

Yes, I agree. These are BASIC compliance tests. If you can't be bothered to learn the bare basics we are not going to be able to help you.

Cant talk to anyone about it either,

You can talk to us. What's the problem?

i mean «my Wife is not nice to me» isnt very manly.

Nobody cares.

How cant i stand up to my Wife?

Why the double negative. Say it. I am a pussy who does not stand up to his wife. Now that is out in the open, how about we work on doing something about it. Start small. Build small. Build slowly. Plan your campaign from beginning to end.

If only somebody wrote like a 12 Step Plan that guys could follow to slowly ratchet up the pressure to a better marriage or a final separation!

I guess it didnt happen over night. But slowly Step by Step over years. In the end i went along with so much of her shit that i lost myself.

Yep. Good analysis. You fucked yourself slowly, one fuck up at a time and you need to unfuck yourself slowly. One GOOD DECISION at a time.

She uses anger, shouting, treaths etc to Get What she wants. I remember one of the first times i saw these traits were when she was studying. I wanted to go out with a friend, but she wanted me to help her with an assignment. She trough a glass truough the appartment and screamed to Get me to help her. Unfortunately i did help her instead of going out with my friend

Nobody cares how you feel. What are you going to DO? Are you going to map out a winning strategy and change your behavior incrementally over the next several months or are you going to continue to suck?

Is there hope

Where there is life there is hope. That is not the real question: This is the real question- How much of my hope is sunken cost fallacy and how much is based on the present?

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-10-03T21:31:06+00:00

Lift

IRunYourRiver · 2018-10-03T21:57:16+00:00

I keep a journal. Keep it short and to the point. You can flesh it out a bit with the OYS posts, but mostly you want some mileposts. These come in handy when you have your inevitable setbacks. It's nice to be able to look back and realize that even after a nasty setback, you're still so much further ahead. And, just in case no one else has said it yet - lift, sidebar, Dread.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-10-03T22:38:35+00:00

Is there hope?

You get your gym membership yet?

simbarlion · 2018-10-03T23:22:30+00:00

Is there hope?

Here is your hope...

Whether or not this works out, you will be better off for applying MRP. Either your doormat status will disappear and you will be on the road to a happy marriage, OR you will realise you can't lose the doormat status with this one and you will be better off alone.

As per others itis not about hope for this shit show of a butlers doormat existence you live, it is about a better future life.

TLDR: grow some balls.

Final note: SHE will be happier when you get some balls, act like a man, and say no (without feeling guilty)

Brickles09 · 2018-10-04T03:40:31+00:00

If your wife are not throwing dishes/glasses on the walls yet, there’s still hope. When you change, your wife changes too. And LIFT, women don’t respect men their size.

justpickanyusername · 2018-10-03T22:47:58+00:00

Sounds like my wife about 2 years ago.

The good news is you have more control than you think. Yes, it is true your wife may not play along. But, many of the times she will and is craving someone that will call out her bullshit yet be there for her when she needs the support.

If you're not all in then I say, no it can't be done. If you are done being a pussy then, yes.

2ndal · 2018-10-04T00:12:23+00:00

She nags all day about her problems and does a good job making her problems mine

Yes, she nags all day about her problems but YOU do a good job making her problems yours. Not her. She is just doing her thing. YOU make her problems yours. Stop doing that.

Aditya77-scorpio · 2018-10-04T01:17:42+00:00

Whether you need to leave your wife or not should not be the question. The question should not be if your marriage can be turned around or not either.

Now that you have realized that you have not been a man, will you slowly and steadily work on yourself? Consciously, patiently, for as long as it takes?

wkndatbernardus · 2018-10-04T03:50:49+00:00

Step #1: Stop obeying her...especially in the bedroom when she cavemans you and tells you to take her vibrating strap-on up your butt. Life pro tip: that's definitely not a way to earn her respect.

Sepean · 2018-10-04T15:29:50+00:00

I estimate its a greater chance i have to leave my wife as a part of this journey, than for it to turn to the better.

If you don’t have the balls for it, sure.

If you get your shit together and stop caring what she says and does, if you become a masculine, attractive man, she’ll respond just like any other girl will.

becoming_alpha · 2018-10-04T18:07:12+00:00

u/matrixospartanatLV and u/RedPillCoach both nailed it, but I'm going to give you some baby steps because there is a ton of material here and it can be overwhelming to know what to do next.

Finish NMMNG and then read WISNIFG, and internalize both books. Continue though the sidebar.
Start identifying shit tests (your wife is being shitty to you) and passing them (STFU, joke with her about it and stand your ground). E.g. "get me my bag from the car, I forgot it" your response is "are your legs broken?" and don't get the bag. This is also referred to as retireving your balls from her purse.
Get to the gym and start 5x5 stronglifts today. Do it 3 times a week, no excuses.
Start dialing in your nutrition.
Post weekly on the OYS thread to track your own progress, ask us questions, and get feedback.

You are at the start of a long, hard road. These are the first steps, nobody will do them for you. Get to work.

Also, don't talk with your wife about these changes. Don't tell her you're lifting and eating better because some internet strangers told you to. Say you want to be healthier. She'll notice when you start passing shit tests and being more assertive. She might get mad about it. That's normal, don't worry about her feelings. Worry about improving yourself.

runnowxxx · 2018-10-04T08:44:02+00:00

hi bro, there”s no short cut to this. u need to lift/sidebar, read books, hold frame, then review ur process on OYS with ppl torching you week after week after week. then gradually u”ll become stronger. and u”ll start to have the strength to do whatever the fuck u want, to go on ur own mission.

redwall92 · 2018-10-04T11:47:05+00:00

From your first post (5 days ago), somebody commented ...

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9jvq3i/first_post/e6urowj/

StrongLifts 5x5 is your most important step. Everything else is secondary. Next post in askMRP put up your numbers.

First step for success in your life is the gym. Gym stats or GTFO.

nastynickdr · 2018-10-04T16:31:33+00:00

Wow, if you could just say "no" to all this shit ehh??? hmmmmm

> She trough a glass truough the appartment and screamed to Get me to help her.

Classic stuff here. Psycho entitled bitch marries beta mr nice guy. Any guy who has a little bit of self esteem would have nexted the bitch when she did this.

No kids? Just leave. She is low quality, you are low quality. Read the sidebar and lift. Be single, get some plates, screw up, travel, get new outside hobbies, grow a backbone, meet new people. Stop being a faggot. Its a slow process of unfucking yourself. Start with NMMNG and WISNIFG.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2018-10-04T21:27:52+00:00

Isolating you from friends is a red flag that your partner is abusive.

innominating · 2018-10-04T23:44:12+00:00

She can’t make you do anything. She can’t make her problems your problems unless you allow it.

jakethesnake5000 · 2018-10-05T00:01:28+00:00

The stay plan is the same as the go plan, don’t forget that. When you do the work, your wife is going to react and how you control your responses is what’s important... expect anything!

For me, my wife went nuts and tried to stab me. What was my response to that? Papers for divorce.

I don’t regret the marriage but I sure as hell wouldn’t do it all over again. I stayed the path and the go plan won.

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-10-03T21:17:16+00:00

Hope for you, yeah. She may or may not follow along. What a waste of a victim puke... get to work.

Title	Can it be done?
Author	envanligmann
Upvotes	5
Comments	53
Date	October 3, 2018 9:00 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9l5avn/can_it_be_done/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/can-it-be-done.203944 https://theredarchive.com/post/203944

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