Email from wife

jeeohnjones · 2016-05-04T16:25:59+00:00

"you need to be nice to me"

"Because you're my little beta orbiter"

tease me by flashing boobs, denies me in the initiation.

"Because I enjoy the validation of being found desirable, I just don't want to actually have sex with you because you're gross and creepy. Dont touch me. Just tell me I'm pretty. OK you can fuck off now. Thank God I pulled a new excuse not to have sex with you, out of my ass. You're a stranger. LOL"

nodoxsavefreespeech · 2016-05-04T16:07:53+00:00

If she wasn't married to you she wouldn't date you? She teases but doesn't put out? She belittles you on purpose?

That sounds miserable. Up the dread and start talking to a lawyer.

Get in the gym, start going out, dressing nicely, and flirting with other women.

Navigate the self destructive behavior as best possible but it sounds like you may have married a cunt.

Edit: Read this https://web.archive.org/web/20160504161158/https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3kw43o/female_duties_vs_male_duties_in_committed/

il-est-ressuscite · 2016-05-04T16:20:24+00:00

I remember now, you built the deck but she thinks you're a dick cuz you didn't want to fetch her wallet from the car. Just so you know with absolute certainty, let me tell you that her behavior is total bullshit.

What are you getting from this relationship with a woman so lacking in sincerity and decency that she keeps you on a starvation diet and then openly tries to torment you?

If it's not already, get your shit together so you can find something better. You can hardly do worse.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-05-04T16:52:40+00:00

My wife also tries to degrade me(which I ignore) and occasionally tease me by flashing boobs, rubs dick, flashes ass but denies me in the initiation.

Oh, she's a pill isn't she. As far as I'm concerned, you have a rather simple gal on your hands. She "claims" to want all this soft goopy stuff but those type of actions means she's dying to be your little slut assuming you can prove you're worth it. Once you break through the main event and prove you're her Chad, I think you'll be in for a wild ride.

Ignore the email.

ReddJive · 2016-05-04T16:37:14+00:00

The one who cares less wins.

On this journey you have to be willing to let it all blow up. She's pulling you back in.

Chump_No_More · 2016-05-04T16:23:41+00:00

Been looking at your previous posts... there's a lot going on here.

What level of dread do you think you're at?

Well, you dote on them. You smile when they talk. You act interested in the things they are interested in. You take time to be around them. You do things for them just because. Those are the things that I am missing.

Is this true? If so, then you're doing it wrong. You need to inject some fun, positive energy and emotional connection into the marriage... at least until you get to a high dread level and you're not there yet. You, won't be until you kill the butt hurt and start actually passing the shit/comfort tests. Of course, you keep 'doing you' and living your life, that doesn't change, but you have to give her some reason to not go back to her affair partner to get the passion and excitement that she craves. Women want the 'rollercoaster'... if she's not getting it from you, she'll go elsewhere.

Does she initiate any affection/attention independently, on her own accord? If not, then she's still trying to control the relationship and pull you back into her frame with guilt... this is their 'goto' form of manipulation.

There must be some reciprocity in attention or affection, otherwise you've got a vicious cycle of tit-for-tat and negative energy that's swirling straight down the abyss.

I have done everything I can do to become better and correct the things you saw wrong.

Any truth to this?

They only thing I have not done is sex, but I don't have sex with strangers and that is what you are to me.

Ok, we all know this is bullshit. You weren't getting sex before you started setting boundaries and you're still not getting any now. But she was giving her attention (maybe more?) to her emotional affair partner. WTF? This is just hamstering... move along.

My wife also tries to degrade me(which I ignore) and occasionally tease me by flashing boobs, rubs dick, flashes ass but denies me in the initiation.

Look, I may not be the best guy here to give advise for your circumstance because of similar personal experience and my hard line on cheating but this would be my bottom-line on your situation...

What you do know is she was inappropriate and unfaithful, has not fully committed to the marriage and putting real effort into it even though she begged you to keep her, her actions show no remorse, and she's an entitled, manipulative, and malicious bitch.

I would cut your losses, dump her, become fucking awesome, and then (in due time) find a woman who is worthy of that awesomeness.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-05-04T16:04:33+00:00

Ooh, sounds like someone has a main event coming up! Take this next part as my experience, use at your own discretion.

Mine was very similar, though it was a text, not an email. (well, several actually)

But do you see that shit? That's emotional engagement. She overloaded with the feels right now, and cannot process. If you have your shit together, and are leading your life, she'll blow up, youll throw a little validation out there, and a lifeline.

They always say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. The one thing you can guarantee is that there is no apathy here.

Honey, this is what good couples do. [insert your expectations, and what you can deliver]. It's an old PUA idea, where you are creating an 'us vs the world' narrative. Which is true, under the CO/XO model. I think of this like LMR for a married couple.

I borrow heavily from TEMPO on this one. You are creating a narrative from which she can anchor all future decisions on. You are building a world with a strong man, a sexually available and feminine woman, and their 'perfect couple' dynamic that other couples can be jealous of. Now those shit and comfort tests she is flinging have the backdrop of a girl fucking up... not a woman with a deadbeat husband she can't respect. What, is she going to argue with you when you tell her you have the perfect relationship? Telling people you see the best in them has the ability to have them step up to your expectations.

She gets everything a girl would want. An almost unattanable man, emotional validation and tingles, and to feel a love that she 'earned', as well as guidance on how to live well. Rollo has tons of articles on the nature of women, I assume you've done your homework, so you should be well prepared, and ready to let it go if need be, but not mad about it either way

You're playing the game, and you're playing for blood... Finally. I'd do some research into the main event on here. Just be ready with your expectations, or the 'come to jesus' speech.

full disclosure. On mine. I went on our 'date' by myself when she had a temper tantrum, went to our terrace and drank in the hottub with a bunch of french girls who were staying in the building

She walked into that scene, and you couldn't make the dread any more palpable. She was a stick in the mud, and I was moving on, having a great time doing it. Luckily for me frame was easy. I had that glow of a man who had the world by the balls. Her yelling and screaming was turned down to 1...

My narrative was clear. Honey, I'm leaving the military in a few months. No one gets to tell me what to do anymore, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I get you're mad, just come along, you'll like it. If you can't live with that, I understand. (paraphrased, can't remember exactly, but I remember the sentiment)

Woke up the next morning to a killer mexican breakfast, a nasty headache, and she looked happy as fuck. Lots of paternal gestures that day too. I suggest holding close, and kissing on the forehead. I didn't care that her mom may have been a narcissist, or that she had 'had enough'. I was already uprooting most of my life, it was just one more thing.

then I remembered how great she can cook Mexican, and we took it from there.

3 more 'aftershocks' later and it's been pretty damned smooth since then.

7Fig · 2016-05-04T20:50:47+00:00

I see her email as one of the nastiest power plays I have seen in some time. She drew a hard line here in attempt to pull you back into her frame and control.

I am sorry that you are in this situation but I hope you have the courage to always be willing to walk away. She says she can't live like this anymore, why should you?

If it were me I would only respond to her last line (in person) and calmly tell her she can go live however she would like(pointing to the door).

BluepillProfessor · 2016-05-04T16:34:22+00:00

initiating and she says something similar to "you need to be nice to me"

[while pulling off her panties]..."I can be nice."

Hard no. "OK, bye."

"This is what I mean, you need to be nice to me.....[hamster...hamster].

"I agree we should be nicer to each other. You tell me your definition of "nice" and I show you mine."

[hamster...hamster...hamster...while hugging her tightly]....Then escalate....

At the hard no, smile and get up and leave the room/house.

"Where are you going.....hamster...hamster."

"I have to go sweetheart, you need to be nice to me."

(Note: This IS passive aggressive. Own it).

TLDR: Don't accept her definition of "nice" but reframe it to yours.

bogeyd6 · 2016-05-04T16:03:14+00:00

This is a ploy to gaslight and by extension manipulate you. Disregard and when she asks tonight why you didn't reply. Simply respond that communication like that is not acceptable to be done over email.

Trekneck · 2016-05-04T18:15:57+00:00

hey only thing I have not done is sex, but I don't have sex with strangers and that is what you are to me.

So... she doesn't have sex with strangers, and that's what you are to her now... And she won't have sex with the guy you were 6 months ago either.

Main event is coming man. Seconded on /u/stonepimpletilists thoughts, it's time to move up to MRP

PurpleVeteran · 2016-05-04T20:29:12+00:00

STPs right that this is a precursor to the Main Event. Her hamster is spinning fast and furious, and she's trying to restore her frame on this relationship. Her email is pretty clear about what she expects from you, and you need to be just as clear on what you expect from her.

And it's not just about sex, or an exchange of validation and affections, but presence.

Wife and I have fun, but no sex. [...] You have no desire to be around me and when you are it feels forced.

See, I think this is the disconnect. Are you really OI, or are you checked out? I wouldn't want to be with someone who listened to my shit once in a while, and only because they had to.

I believe she's a narcissist

Her message doesn't read like a hard narcissist, just someone focused on her feelz. This is the reason she had the EA, for extra validation. Now, I'm not saying that you have to be her emotional sponge, but she's pretty clear that this is her deal breaker. What's yours?

She knows you're punishing her, and she's finally communicating about it overtly. You don't have to court her like you're dating, but you should be present and aware of what's going on in her life. When it was my turn, I made it clear to my wife that it wasn't the sex itself that was important (I could take care of those needs myself) but the intimacy. And I think that's the way to frame this -- she needs to let down her guard, and you will too.

occasionally tease me by flashing boobs, rubs dick, flashes ass but denies me in the initiation.

She knows sex is her superpower, and she's willing to trade it for your attention. As the old joke goes... "What kind of woman do you think I am?" "We’ve already established that. Now we’re just haggling over the price."

KyfhoMyoba · 2016-05-05T00:02:14+00:00

OP I've read the (so far) 42 comments. All of them are fairly sound advice, but I will give you something to frame all of it in:

Women talk, men do. Demonstrate, don't explicate. Acta, non verba.

Whatever you end up doing, remember this counsel.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-05-05T01:02:24+00:00

I find her paragraph to be a great example of olympic-athlete hamster training.

She has given YOU commitment? No. She hasn't. If you were having sex all the time, then maybe she could argue that, but the fact is that you are getting nothing from the relationship. She doesn't have interesting things to talk about. She doesn't pay the bills. She doesn't drop to her knees when you're in need.

I'm on your side. But what should you do? I'm guessing you came here because you're not ready to end this thing and move on. So, 12 levels of dread. You've started with level 0. You are improving yourself. Level 1 is some light dread. Flirt with other women. Do it in front of her. If sex isn't important to the relationship (as she claims) then you having sex with other women (or having the option) shouldn't be important either. I'm guessing you'll find out what a million other married men have found out before you. If she thinks you could easily be getting sex elsewhere, it will make her a LOT more interested in you, sexually.

MRPguy · 2016-05-05T14:23:55+00:00

I know you want only sex from me, but I need and expect more.

Do NOT fall for this shit. This is a trap. It is YOU who should expect more from her. If what you only wanted was sex you would have an affair or find a prostitute.

Yetna · 2016-05-05T15:35:51+00:00

Dude this is the perfect chance out of a shitty relationship. Get the fuck out while you still can. When she ask why. Say I thought about what you wrote and ditto bitch!

BluepillProfessor · 2016-05-05T22:48:10+00:00

You have no desire to be around me and when you are it feels forced. You are a stranger to me. I don't know who you are anymore.

Is any of this true? Are you only withdrawing when she withdraws? Are you bringing a positive, upbeat frame every day until she gives a hard no?

Or are you withdrawing for days at a time every time you get a hard no? Are you butthurt and angry?

wife also tries to degrade me(which I ignore) and occasionally tease me by flashing boobs, rubs dick, flashes ass but denies me in the initiation.

Pure power play with a heaping of cruelty. This is like a cat toying with it's victim. It sounds like she is the one getting butthurt because she has lost one of her favorite thing to do (torture her husband, and then deny him in order to see the hurt on his face).

ImprovingMan · 2016-05-04T16:19:59+00:00

How old are you two? How long have you been married? I am wondering if 5 months is long enough. Also, you didn't go into how she degrades you. Is she verbally abusive? At the least, you are in a marriage with a very difficult personality. You very well could be dealing with an angry person that might need a lot of therapy. Read about borderline personality disorder and see if that fits. A lot of people get labeled as a narcissist but are actually BPD. Just a thought...

Either you are being toyed with, or she just isn't attracted to you yet. What about Outcome Independence? After you initiate and she rejects, would she say you are acting like a kid that didn't get candy? If you are awesome and she doesn't respond, you need to think about your other options.

I get really bothered when a spouse is degrading or disrespectful. To me, that is never a good sign of long-term happiness.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-05-04T17:19:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Fidesphilio · 2016-05-05T20:48:40+00:00

Sounds like you don't want a wife. Get one of those pillows with a hole in it; you'll be happier and she can leave you and be happier.

nastynickdr · 2016-05-05T20:52:51+00:00

Its really funny how a woman can write a wall of text and say freaking nothing. All it reads is hamsterhamsterhamsterhamster

"They only thing I have not done is sex, but I don't have sex with strangers and that is what you are to me."

Good fucking lord hamster overdrive!!!!!!!!!!

CZall23 · 2016-05-06T18:35:54+00:00

Ok, I'll probably get downvoted like crazy for this but this is getting too depressing.

OP, what do you want?

Do you want just sex on demand? Is it important that it is with your wife or would any girl do? What is your end goal for your marriage?

Because it seems to me all you want out is lots of sex and when she doesn't put out, you pull away. Because all you want is sex.

If you just want sex, why not just get divorce and have sex with lots of women? I'm sure with your new and improved SMV, it wouldn't that hard for you.

I wish you the best of luck.

SlimLovin · 2016-05-06T12:42:31+00:00

Jesus, man.

Maybe be nice to your wife instead of taking advice from boys on the internet and playing dumb games you learned from a philosophy based on nothing.

Stop "AA"ing and "fogging" and "SMV"ing and whatever other bullshit acronyms you're doing and just be kind, you shitbag.

You are going to lose your wife.

druganswer · 2016-05-04T22:50:10+00:00

I think that stone nailed it with:

I get you're mad, just come along, you'll like it.

Honey, this is what good couples do. [insert your expectations, and what you can deliver].

Time to deliver your vision.

However, I would suggest you do look into yourself on the subject of: "You have no desire to be around me and when you are it feels forced. "

Is this true?

"I'm not interested in hanging out with someone who isn't interested in sex" Makes it sound kind of true. Is she only good for sex? I mean if she wouldn't even date you what makes you think she's going to put out for you now that she has you locked down by mr government?

I'm not saying "do nice things for her," but I am saying be awesome and enjoy your life, including the times you hang out with her.... whether she's putting out or not. If every time you two hang out it is miserable then she just sees you as this boring miserable guy who used to at least be pretty nice and useful to her but is beginning to even lose those qualities.

You say flirty and fun, she says miserable. One of you is bullshitting yourself. We like to assume it's always the woman, but since you're on this forum complaining about how your wife won't fuck you and calling her a narcissist I give it 50/50 odds.

If you email back I would only say that you can talk in person.

And idk if a girl is rubbing your dick and then denying you have you really tried initiating hard? Do you fight through her LMR? Is she really giving you hard Nos?

Title	Email from wife
Author	RPStruggle
Upvotes	14
Comments	81
Date	May 4, 2016 3:38 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4hv14g/email_from_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/email-from-wife.207448 https://theredarchive.com/post/207448

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