Help with fetch quests

Archwinger · 2016-10-11T14:43:11+00:00

In her eyes, her time sitting on the couch fucking with her cell phone while the TV is on in the background is important time for her to unwind from her day.

Your time sitting on the couch fucking with your cell phone while the TV is on in the background is time you're wasting that you could be doing something for her and for your family.

She's doing you a favor by getting you off of your ass and serving her, and is desperately hoping you don't sit back down and keep wasting time you could be benefiting her and the family.

Obviously, you shouldn't actually be spending that time on her. You should be spending it on you. But her message is loud and clear:

Fucking around on your cell phone wasting time is a woman thing. Are you a woman? Wives don't want to suck the dicks of other women.

innominating · 2016-10-11T12:19:28+00:00

Look her sternly in the eye and say, "honey I'm your lover not your butler."

RPSigmaStigma · 2016-10-11T12:14:21+00:00

without making them a big deal.

You mean without her making a big deal out of it if you say no? Let her make a big deal out of it. Are you scared of her emotions?

red_blue_and_hot · 2016-10-11T12:27:24+00:00

If only there was a entire book around about saying no and not feeling guilty about it... nah, that's just silly.

Obviously, you should learn from the master: start to ask her to fetch water for you and she how she responds. That thing she's doing there, that's called frame. You want some of that.

This is a place where STFU doesn't really work well. It makes you look either butthurt or hard of hearing. A&A works better.

Would her highness like anything else? A full body massage? Her enemy's head on a stake? Let me go on a year-longquest through mountains and forests, do battle with fierce dragons, and bring back to her highness the elusive and rare water.

Ok, honey, I'll get some water for you. You want, what, 10, 20 gallons? Let me just grab my keys. No, don't wait up, I'm sure I'll be back way late tonight.

Or, building on /u/stonepimpletilists response: hey, honey... remind the number to your doctor? I need to give them a call... oh my god, I don't think this can wait until morning, 911 it is. Your legs have suddenly stopped working and you obviously can't survive.

Or, you can just sit there and ignore her and see how that turns out for you.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-10-11T12:00:34+00:00

Did you ever think to ask if her legs work?

Bread_Pilled · 2016-10-11T12:40:59+00:00

When men start taking their lives back, one of the quandaries they encounter is how to handle compliance tests. The goggles have come off and now the realization sets in that the men have become a servant for their spouse. Yet, after become conditioned for so long to "help" their loved one, how are these men supposed to handle the next time they are asked for a "favor"?

Some fine gentlemen outright refuse these requests. They have reached the stage in their relationship where they can do so, and have it not result in blowing up into a "thing." Their frame is such that this will not be viewed as being Red Pill Rambo.

However, for those that have not achieved that frame, compromise may be a far better option.

So, consider doing her this "favor" on your terms.

Perhaps a simple answer, such as "Sure, I'll get a glass of water for you the next time I'm in the kitchen" would suffice.

redxanaxe · 2016-10-11T12:17:10+00:00

I used to get a lot of fetch requests. I stopped "hanging out" with her. The only downtime I have anymore is at the end of the day in bed. I made it clear that once I'm in bed I'm not getting out unless there's a fire.

Make yourself busy. If she keeps asking for shit ignore, laugh at her requests, or pressure flip and tell her to fetch it herself and one for you as well. My go to is "what, your legs are broken?" (Although this hasn't been working recently cause, well, her leg is broken).

You can comply once in a while if it's actually convenient for you, or if you were already planning on it.

pikadildo · 2016-10-11T12:45:35+00:00

You could say "No."

You could use exponential backoff when scheduling fulfillment.

You could play "strip fetch" - playfully demand she take off an item of clothing.

UEMcGill · 2016-10-11T13:05:34+00:00

The right answer is simple enough. "no"

But I suspect you are having a hard time getting past that, and it's not really about her asking for stupid things. So make it transactional.

"will you get me a glass of water? "

"sure, but while I'm doing that get naked for some couch sexy time!"

It does a few things. One it lets her know that nothing is free in life. It also puts the presure back on her.

When she balks laugh and tell her "not that thristy huh?"

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2016-10-11T14:38:33+00:00

Ask her to fetch you a glass of water and observe her response. Simple.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2016-10-11T18:11:32+00:00

"No."

No need to DEER why you're saying no. Just "No."

turkishbacon · 2016-10-11T13:07:35+00:00

When my girl does something like this, I will say "sure my queen" in a sarcastically playful tone. I'll get up get the glass of water, and she'll watch me drink it as i walk over to her and hand it to her with maybe 2 sips left. then I'll say "sorry babe, I was thirsty" I do shit like that all the time and she loves/hates it. She'll try to get me back too, but I just tell her "you're so cute when you're out for revenge" and then we laugh.

thisisme0007 · 2016-10-11T15:12:09+00:00

Tease her by saying "what's the magic word?"

Tell her you need a blow job in return

Alcebiadeeze · 2016-10-11T14:52:10+00:00

I'd rather vanquish your enemies than fetch your errands.

Head nod "good one!"

Good idea, I'll take one when you get up.

Kids, mom needs a Sammich!

I like the "I'm you lover not your butler" one as well.

If she's familiar with Will Farrell just yell back "Ma! Meatloaf!"

My wife prefers the pre-empt. Like when I'm still in bed but just rolling out "let's make the bed." I always just don't respond. Go take a piss. Brush my teeth. Take my time getting dressed. Then if she's still waiting there when I get done, I walk in "let's make the bed."

Usually she's wandered off by then and we come back to it later.

Chinchilla_the_Hun · 2016-10-11T15:23:59+00:00

Uh oh...I think we're married to the same woman.

Seriously though, I was where you are up until a few months ago, although it also included shit like neck rubs and whatnot. (I was half-assing the Pill for about a year or two, but have stepped up this year and been owning my own shit more.) We're a Christian couple, so I would always have nagging feelings of guilt that I wasn't "serving my betrothed" if I didn't comply. Eventually, I saw her requests for what they were and made a point to counter these shit tests.

First of all, any response you may come up with on your own or acquire from the community will fall flat if you're not improving yourself. (i.e. LIFT, MAP, etc.) The same applies to you trying to flip the dynamic and ask her to put effort into getting you something. That doesn't mean you should acquiesce the Mrs. until you're in a better place though.

What /u/redxanaxe said about being busy is a great place to start. Just remember to be productively busy by fixing things or improving stuff around the house. As already pointed out by others, if you think being busy dicking around on your phone is enough of a non-verbal, think again. At first, even productive busy-ness won't deter her fetch requests, but it's something you'll need to persevere in.

Also, /u/red_blue_and_hot 's comment about A&A is key. You can comply, but in doing so, go overboard and draw attention to her own laziness. You can also D&A (disagree and amplify):

Her: "Honey, can you..." You: "Does it involve me getting up? Because I just got in my comfy zone and I don't think I'll be able to find it if I move." [pouty face]
Her: [fetch request]. You: [struggle and strain in an exaggerated fashion to reach requested item without moving, give up in dramatic defeat] "I'm sorry, I can't reach it, I'm too far away." [STFU and ignore]

You get the idea. Basically, you want to disrupt her frame while staying in your own.

enfier · 2016-10-11T15:34:07+00:00

I just told her once that her requests were insulting and lazy and she'd have to go fetch her own stuff. I didn't really spend that long on the fetch requests before I realized it was just laziness and signed off from it while still in BP land.

Otherwise you can take a page out of Parenting with Love and Logic - genuinely empathize with the problem, then express confidence that she can handle it.

Example - "Good idea to drink some water, I'm sure you can grab some from the filter."

deadsandsushi · 2016-10-11T17:51:33+00:00

Watching TV is a passive waste of time. Lift, read a book, or work on a project. Don't zone out in front of the junk box and act as her servant.

First step is to end this waste of time. This isn't quality time with your wife. Second is if you are there, tell her simply that you aren't her servant and she can get up herself. I'll gladly get my partner a napkin or glass if I'm up already, but I'm not running errands to serve hand and foot.

bangorlol · 2016-10-11T18:50:57+00:00

screechhater · 2016-10-11T20:55:25+00:00

I'm with a lot of others What the fuck are you doing on the couch with her ?

BluepillProfessor · 2016-10-12T01:04:00+00:00

We should put a book on the sidebar about how to say "no" without feeling guilty.

If you have read it, maybe you should read it again. WISNIFG is dense reading.

RPSigmaStigma · 2016-10-12T15:37:07+00:00

I was thinking about this post today and I suddenly remembered a great youtube video that does a good job of (somewhat sarcastically and humorously) explaining female mind games and how if you lose the dominance game, it will ruin the relationship for both of you. He specifically talks about fetch-n-get games, etc, and even does a pretty good job of explaining the difference between shit tests and comfort tests (he doesn't use those terms).

Willow-girl · 2016-10-20T12:55:57+00:00

For our entire relationship this has been very one sided and I've always complied.

Well, why not make it less one-sided? My BF and I do little things like this for each other all the time. It is one of the nice luxuries of having a partner. :-)

Of course, if your situation is TRULY one-sided -- if she REFUSES to reciprocate -- then you have a problem. But if she's willing to give as good as she gets, NBD, IMO.

Title	Help with fetch quests
Author	Iron_Sharpens_Ir0n
Upvotes	5
Comments	49
Date	October 11, 2016 11:58 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/56xmdq/help_with_fetch_quests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/help-with-fetch-quests.207012 https://theredarchive.com/post/207012

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