Why get married?

nastynickdr · 2017-04-13T16:37:42+00:00

Marriage is a bad deal for men nowadays. Period.

You can live together, have kids, joint income, be monogamous (or not) all while not being married.

creating_my_life · 2017-04-13T16:15:09+00:00

I am 30, in a Ltr LDR.

There's no such thing as a long-distance LTR.

It's nice. It's healthy.

Keep telling yourself that.

Why even get married in the first place?

Most RP advice steers away from marriage. If I was younger knowing what I know now, I would not get married. Some MRP men are happily married.

Are there any other benefits

Lots of benefits for women. All risk for men.

V1adimirPoontin · 2017-04-13T19:21:11+00:00

First, I think it is important to dispel the myth that you are 100% protected by not getting married, and instead cohabiting with an LTR. First and foremost, if you have children and end the LTR, you are afforded no protection. And, often times non-married fathers receive worse treatment by the courts than married fathers. If you are not married to the mother of your children, there is no legal presumption that you are the father. Unless you are legally declared the father (placed on birth certificate, established paternity test, registry, etc.) you have no rights (not a 100% accurate statement, you may have rights but you are going to have to argue for them). Now, the courts will gladly establish paternity to make sure that you provide for the child, but until that happens the mother makes the decisions. I'm aware that even in marriage you can't be 100% sure the child is yours (AWALT and DNA isn't as accurate as most people think), so maybe that doesn't have a big impact on the decision.

Additionally, there are plenty of remedies for recovery for unmarried cohabitants. Cohabitation Agreements or other express contracts, implied contracts, joint ventures or partnerships, the theory of quantum meruit, unjust enrichment (big one, especially if you share property owned by you), constructive trusts, resulting trusts, and promissory estoppel. And those are only the ones I know about personally, an inventive attorney could probably find more methods of recovery.

An example is, you own a home. LTR shares the home with you. You decide to finish your basement. LTR contributes funds to the project. Project raises the value of your home. There is an argument for unjust enrichment, and a method for recovery.

Courts are recognizing these forms of recovery at an increasing rate due to the high number of couples who engage in LTRs instead of marriage (and previously as a sort of work around for same sex couples). You are lying to yourself if you believe that a strong public policy argument for marriage no longer exists. Laws and the courts make this very clear.

This being said, you should only get married if you want to. Weigh the pros and cons of marriage and long term cohabitation and choose whatever option you want. I chose marriage because I wanted to. I accept that my marriage could end in divorce (each marriage has its own fail rate, and not everyone is at 50%), and own my decision. The success of a marriage should not be defined by whether or not you divorce. You can have a successful marriage that ends in divorce, and unsuccessful marriages where the couple is still together.

ReddJive · 2017-04-13T16:40:35+00:00

I may have said this here before, but as a martial artist grows in whatever his chosen style is he gets to the point where he sees it as expression (Bruce Lee). Meaning he sees the body as weaknesses and strenths. He sees the limited set of movements the body can do. He sees it all as one. Therefore the only difference between the styles is the manner and method of training.

As for marriage....you need to research more if you are asking this question. It varies on the man and where he sees his mission.

My personal view. No. there is no benefit in a modern society. Any benefit gained is essentially a business arrangement (tax breaks, health care, family discounts....). It kind of puts into perspective where society views marriage.

If the woman in my life wants to join my adventure she is welcome to do so. Rules apply so be on board with that. I don't need a legal document to make her. I would rather have loyalty. I know what I am saying in the face of hearing women aren't loyal....I argue then that you aren't doing it right.

Loyalty is a decision each day by you and her to stay the course. the concept I have rolled over in my mind is that you go through the RP process. You get to the point where you understand game, evolutionary psych, AWALT, AMALT, but you are not butt hurt about any of it. You realize that...it's just the way it is. The truth is known and....you know kung fu.

It's literally the truest version of DGAF and OI you can be. In this way you are not disparaging weaknesses nor pedestalizing strengths of the other.

It's your world.

redmountainpill · 2017-04-13T19:55:25+00:00

Marriage can be great when you're working together, make a great team, raising kids, and fucking frequently. But you don't need a piece of paper for that. And it requires enormous amounts of work to maintain your identity.

But if you're even considering marriage while in an LDR you're just a dumb shit who doesn't know what he doesn't know.

Veritas76 · 2017-04-13T17:22:28+00:00

Call me an old fashioned blue pill piece of shit but there is not any benefit to man nor there should be any. The marriage is proposed by man to woman. What you the marriage implicitly says is:

I will physically protect you.

You will enjoy my company.

You enter my life style.

You can enjoy my guidance.

I will protect our kids.

I am giving you access to my resources.

It is a gift to you, no strings attached.

If you are with a woman and you have strong urge to give her everything above than go and propose.

If you are looking for benefits in marriage, well there are no benefits there. It is gift to her, no strings attached.

Is she worthy of that gift? That is an another question.

blarggggggggggg · 2017-04-13T17:42:43+00:00

Why? Cause you want to, I guess.

But think about it carefully - You are irrationally entering a contract with 50% failure rate, where you are likely to be bearing all the costs, while the other party will likely gain all the benefits.

You are entering a deal with an institution (govt. and family courts) that are unjust - you are selling yourself out that system and have no power against it, other than the amount of money you have and are willing to throw at it via family law attorneys.

I don't even need to be sexist or demonize women or mindlessly chant AWALT - what I have said above still stands. I'm sure there are still some women out there worthy of marrying. Some who want a relationship that celebrates and follows male/female polarity. That builds upon the strengths of each gender.

But with a legal contract, you need to remove emotion and look solely at risk/reward. Roll the dice if you want but very few would do so after an objective analysis. There is just no point for marriage.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-04-15T01:30:34+00:00

Why even get married in the first place?

You are only a casual lurker I take it. MRP has an unofficial official position on marriage. It sucks. Don't do it. Yes you CAN make it work as /u/thefamilyalpha reminds us but as others know, the juice is not worth the squeeze in today. When men had power it was worth it. They were respected and had authority over their wives. They could not badmouth the husband without consequences. They were not flaming bitches else they would be sent to their rooms. Today, not so much.

All the prior historical duties and responsibilities remain for men. None of the power. None of the authority. None of the respect. No control over your children. No reasonable promise of fidelity. No thanks.

Most Merps were already married when they unplugged. We are making the best of a situation that has the deck stacked against us. Women have all the power in marriage. She has the law, the police, the courts, the social workers, and the churches 100% in her corner. She has guaranteed alimony/child support and almost guaranteed custody and can throw you away for any reason or no reason.

She can make a phone call at any time and big men with clubs will come over and beat the crap out of you before locking you in a cage for a day or more. She can ~~use her hostages~~ alienate your children at any time and keep you from seeing them for years. At any time she chooses. She has full support of society no matter what she does or wants.

Girl cuts off sex. You go girl.

Guys cuts off sex. Divorce that faggot.

Girl decides to file for divorce. Cash and prizes, full custody, you go girl.

Guy files for divorce (actually it rarely happens but whatever this is one of my rants). Single bedroom flat in the inner city. SMV destroyed. Finances ruined. Continuing to work and slave for a woman you don't even fuck and kids you almost never see who resent you for not shaking some sense into the bitch and paddling her ass when it was needed.

Griever114 · 2017-04-13T17:17:11+00:00

Lots of benefits for women. All risk for men.

There are NO benefits. Only risks.

There is literally NO reason to get married in today's culture. Unless you like playing with a loaded gun, dont fucking do it.

CaptJohnLukeDiscard · 2017-04-13T16:08:22+00:00

Different people will have different answers. For me, there are two aspects: religious / spiritual and then secular.
The religious component for me is that I truly believe that my wife is a support and help to me in our faith walk together. I'll leave it at that but if you want to know more, feel free to ask.
The secular aspect is more quantifiable. Where I live (US of A), there are tremendous benefits to being married versus a LTR. These involve taxes, rights to your children, retirement planning, social acceptance, etc. Society was built and strong vestiges remain for the respect of the nuclear family unit. While there are certainly downsides, I think the majority of men who have their shit together and aren't married to a bitch would agree that marriage is a net positive in their lives.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-04-13T17:46:07+00:00

A LDR is not a normal relationship with potential for long-term success.
Think of a marriage as a business relationship with a successful, high-performance partner. You can never do enough vetting of this type of partner.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-04-13T17:51:40+00:00

Ltr/LDR

Pick any one

addictedtoyourface · 2017-04-13T18:08:10+00:00

Why get married?

Because you want to. If you don't....don't

I know what you're looking for, but at the end of the day, do some research on the subject and make a decision.

OldRoke · 2017-04-13T20:27:28+00:00

What's the point of a LDR? Isn't that the same as imagination

alphabeta49 · 2017-04-13T23:37:44+00:00

You get to file joint taxes. Bit of a cut, at least in CA. And if your spouse dies, its easier to legally get a payout.

Everything else a marriage is good for, like raising kids, sex, joining income, etc. can be accomplished without involving the government.

I got married because we got pregnant. This was before I found TRP and I believed in Jesus and thought that religion would make sure everything turned out alright.

I wouldn't do it again. In fact, I wouldn't ever offer commitment to a girl again, in any form, unless she was a goddamn unicorn and proved that she wasn't an entitled, two-faced, manipulative, self-absorbed, feminist bitch. Which is a tall order.

Question: what proof do you have that your LDR isn't cheating on you?

jacksarmy · 2017-04-13T23:40:27+00:00

The only reason apart from economic ones,tax incentives etc is that everyone in the family has the same last name....Yeah dont do it

screechhater · 2017-04-14T11:15:01+00:00

Lots come here looking for a magic pill. Typing into google "why my wife won't fuck me ? "

Lots stumble around using parts of the doctrine to make a few improvements, but never get to the bottom of it.

You can, if you apply yourself and do the work.

Look up the word "propinquity"

When you define it, ask yourself, has a gal at work i work with or see at the gym, or wherever been giving me signals ? Have I pushed them off because I'm committed in an LDR ? . Girl leaves, you get the call from Ms LDR, she says it's not you. It's her. Goodbye. See, this is the truth "propinquity" wins out all the time. It's been researched over and over.

It even wins out in a fucked uo LTR where one freezes out the other. Propinquity will win out with that

Now you know why, we work on ourself and decide is the SO is adding value. Can the SO in an LDR truly add value ? Ask yourself is the benefit so great that you actually enjoy 11 months of solitude ? Will this always be the case ?

As for getting married, look to see if she adds value My SO adds quite a bit of value, but I do have a few issues and decisions to make in the next 3 months

What you need to decide, is what are you willing to do to live your life on your terms ? Does an LTR add value ? Is an LDR seriously fulfilling ?

shamgar-77 · 2017-04-15T05:32:55+00:00

I got married because of my religion. If I ever become single again I am going to stay that way because marriage is very hard and because it is a bad deal for men.

bourbonhipster · 2017-04-15T13:43:37+00:00

You don't need to be married to share houses income or for reproduction.

FireTempered · 2017-04-16T20:06:28+00:00

Looking to the future...... maybe your future.

I live in a community of retired people. Yes, there is divorce even for old guys here. Divorce rape is so common that the polite society never discusses this obvious fact. Since there are no children, divorce rape can go both ways here. It isn't always the man that loses.

More men go for the divorce than women, by far. Then there is the death factor. Yes guys die younger than women, nothing new there.

For the healthy single men that are left, there is a "three to one" ratio of single women to men. Then you add in the married women that are looking for side-sex cause hubby can't, OR WON'T, get it up anymore.

Do these oldsters get re-married? Very, very few. They don't even live together very often. Seems you can teach some old dogs new tricks.

So the answer here is a "BIG NO" on (re)marriage.

Scurvemuch · 2017-04-13T17:37:03+00:00

LD - are not R's.

and no, there is not an actual reason to get married.

cabanaboy46 · 2017-04-13T16:31:22+00:00

Relationships that can lead to a succesfull marriage have many layers that include sexual chemistry, loyalt, trust, family dynamics, financial dynamics parenting strategies and religious affiliations to name a few.

Most relationships evolve sexually first and then the more layers of a person you see, the less you want to be with them. I decided to get married when i met a woman where my attraction increased as i got to know her more intimately.

Title	Why get married?
Author	Tampotissues
Upvotes	9
Comments	97
Date	April 13, 2017 3:54 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/656bx8/why_get_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/why-get-married.206285 https://theredarchive.com/post/206285

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