How would a RedPill man cope with being cheated on?

mister_barfly75 · 2014-12-12T14:57:50+00:00

Hard next, no contact. Some introspection to try and identify where I'd gone wrong, then work on improving that.

bicepsblastingstud · 2014-12-12T15:15:37+00:00

How could you possibly consider giving her a second chance? Do you have any respect for yourself at all?

itsxeno · 2014-12-12T15:02:32+00:00

watch this OP

MrEiffel · 2014-12-12T15:01:43+00:00

This is a wrong perspective of relationships. Women will pick a man based on his SMV and right mix of Alpha/Beta characteristics. In an ideal scenario she will use her peak SMV moment to catch the highest SMV man she can and lock him in.

Women cheating/leaving is usually based on two scenario's.

Your SMV dropped due your incompetence/general failure in life and she realises she made a bad investment. Driven by her hypergamy instincts she will look for a better partner as soon as possible and cheat/leave you.

In this case you are at fault. (remember Briffault's Law)

McSuper Alpha Emporer drives by in his golden car and she jumps on his dick.

The woman is simply stupid and let her immediate attraction destroy her relationship. During any LTR there will always be a moment a woman/man meets someone who's SMV is so high all the instinctual drivers go ballistic.

If this happens you have nothing to blame yourself except that you were in an LTR with a woman with low control of her instinctual drivers (n-count matters here alot.)

homo_homini_lupus · 2014-12-12T15:34:52+00:00

Dump her immediately, learn how to recreate yourself as higher value for the next one

tombreck2 · 2014-12-12T14:56:17+00:00

I can't help but think of myself as the biggest failure here

You are because you married a woman who has no loyalty; she was going to be that no matter who she married so the reality is that you picked a bad mate

Stayinghereforreal · 2014-12-12T15:41:09+00:00

No second chance. Ask her to move out, immediately, if you are the one on the lease. If she is the one on the lease, move out immediately. And when I say immediately, I mean it: she goes to work at 8 am on Monday, at 8:05 am your moving van pulls up and your stuff is gone, gone, gone before lunch. No prior indication of this action is given by you to her.

After that, accept no calls from her. Block her on your phone. When she tries to find you at your new location, refuse to answer the door and tell her--through the closed door--to get the fuck away from the house/apartment and stay away, or you are calling the cops. Call the cops if she does not leave immediately. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.

If she goes to your work, have someone else inform her that she must leave, or the police will be called. Be calm about it, but explain to the work supervisor that she is a stalker ex-GF and this is an unfortunate situation you need help with. Keep your voice level, confident and direct. Your boss will almost certainly follow your lead and fetch the cops rather than have you deal with it, so long as you don't get all simpering and chin-wavering pathetic about it.

In short, you just ghost on her. Hard ghost. As in so ghost, when mutual friends bring her up, you just look at them without expression and say, "I don't talk about her. We are changing the topic." and refuse to provide any feedback, thoughts, or other communication on her or your opinions about her.

A second chance? Are you kidding? That is for when you have kids, mortgage, and face all the horrors of the Trapped Dad who wants to see his kids and keep Mr. Neck Tattoo from moving his band into the house after the Frivorce. An unmarried guy without kids (I assume)? He totally ghosts on that woman, without delay or second thought.

sunwukong15 · 2014-12-12T18:46:56+00:00

Just wanna say a few months ago I was at the same place. Girlfriend of about a year and half cheated and left me for another guy. Shit fucking sucks man.

You can sit and think about if you didn't "meet her needs" or if she is just a cunt, but the truth of the matter is it doesn't really mean much of a difference. I will say though, the "needs" of a modern women are pretty fucking shitty and backwards now a days, but if your in /r/theredpill you already know that. SO FORGET THAT.

What do you do? If you aren't hitting the gym 3-4 times a week... You need to start. Start yesterday. Even if you feel you look pretty good already, exercise will restore your soul. It will revitalize your mind and body.

Look at your diet. Your diet has huge effects on your mental state of mind and your emotions. Eat more brocolii, increases your testosterone a lot. If you are trying to gain muscle you need more protien. Cut out greasy, junkie, processed garbage. Its worth your time.

If your mind isn't occupied with something, you are going to be thinking about your ex and other bullshit. Dive into whatever your passion and hobby. Find new hobbies. Spend as much time with your bros as possible, make new friends, get out and talk to some random women. Read books, this was huge for me, start learning things and expand your horizen.

After you get out of a relationship your emotional state is gonna be shit. Its worse if you are young. You need to turn inward, and build yourself up. So if you take anything out of this post or this thread, take what I am about to say. Start practacing meditation. Meditation transformed my life. It may take weeks or months for you to notice its effects, but it will give you peace. With peace comes the frame of mind you need to move on from this shitty experience and get on to better things.

Good luck to you, and rememeber everyone deals with break-ups and heart aches, its the reason half of us came here.

asd1100 · 2014-12-12T18:22:11+00:00

You laugh, and thank her for her honesty.

You tell her she done fucked up. Tell her to get her shit and leave.

If you are a classy motherfucker you give her a good bye pat on the head and you call your boys to tell them you're free again.

You never let your ego rule you as a man, the ego is weak, shortsghted and dumb.

This is literally the best outcome that can result out of her cheating: a clean break. And for that you should be thankfull not angry.

this may be a bit to hard on you in your current position but better to burn that cognitive loose end than let it dangle.

I can't help but think of myself as the biggest failure here.

Biggest no, but you are a failure in the same way a college student can't replace his shower head or Bear grills gets mangled by a tiger. You simply wheren't good enough to handle the situation optimally.

That is technically a failure. But realistically if you cut out the ego and stop reaching for explanations and excuses, you will realise that sometimes you can not win. Sometimes you don't get the medal. It can be your fault, but most often than not, that is not enough as failure like success needs a more complex set of circumstances. Just one specific event is not enough. to cause something(it can trigger it, but it can't cause it).

So the only rational option is to do better next time.

_and_a_PhD · 2014-12-12T20:47:24+00:00

Here are two real world examples from some friends of mine.

Both of them found out their SOs were cheating on them withing about 3 months of each other.

One friend went to counseling, tried to fix the relationship etc. He found out that she was pregnant (they didn't have kids) from the other guy, so he decided to marry her. They fought all the time, he was miserable and started drinking a lot and racked up a few DUIs, and turned into a total wreck. Long story short, they married, she cheated again, divorced him and took all his money AND he is paying or child support for someone others kid. She moved in with the new guy who is loaded, but they haven't married so he is paying both alimony and child support until she gets remarried. He is living in a shitty apartment barely making his bills even though he is a well paid engineer making six figures.

My other friend found out his wife was cheating a few months later. He came home early from work one day, and found lingerie in the laundry (and they hadn't had sex in a while), and used condoms in the trash. They didn't have kids, so he rented a moving truck, packed up his stuff and moved out. Never talked to her again. Just his lawyer. No explanation, nothing. There was no such thing as TRP and reddit then, but moved out into an apartment, got the divorce through the courts and lost a ton money and his house. She ended up moving in with the other guy, got pregnant, he left her and she tried to bounce back to him. He had deleted her from his life and wouldn't even respond to her. He ended up getting a restraining order on her after she showed up at his place. Meanwhile, he went back to school, started working out, got a much better job with better pay. He ended up moving away to a town that has more women then men and is knee deep in 20 year old girls.

Moral of the stories, kick her to the curb and make your self better. If you stay with her, it will ruin your life.

secret_barber · 2014-12-12T15:52:27+00:00

Cheating is an instant next. No questions asked. Don't be a fucking chump.

oldredder · 2014-12-12T15:35:03+00:00

no man can be the top man forever. A woman must seek the top man. The only thing that ever held a woman back from cheating is losing her home & all her man's money from it. Otherwise women will cheat.

vandaalen · 2014-12-12T15:40:33+00:00

I can't help but think of myself as the biggest failure here.

It sounds more harsh, than I mean it, but you are absolutely right here.

It's the male's responsibility, to be in control of a relationship and if the relationship fails, he has failed. Either because of poor pre-selection (which seems to be the fact here, regarding your other posts), or because of poor leadership.

Don't be too hard to yourself though. It happened and there is no way for you to change it. Accept your part in this incident, and as I wrote in my other comment: Learn from it and do better in the future.

8675309c · 2014-12-12T15:44:46+00:00

it's ok to take some blame ONLY if you use it as motivation to move forward and improve

hard next her and NEVER take a woman back

if you're fighting BP tendencies, don't even entertain the thought of plating her

FrameWalker · 2014-12-12T16:25:00+00:00

Hard next. Nuclear option cut all contact delete number etc. You will grow faster without her.

40Watts · 2014-12-12T17:25:44+00:00

Personally, I'd reduce her to plate status. If she wants to fuck other men then I can fuck other women. However, if you can fuck other women then she wouldn't have left you in the first place.

Sadpanda596 · 2014-12-12T17:44:39+00:00

I've had probably 5 or so 6 month plus relations, never been cheated on. Ive always felt that if you wanted to keep the relationship going, the only way you could actually gain her respect is the "fairs fair, I get to fuck another girl now, and you owe me some really dirty dirty sex." Probably least healthy thing in the world. But from an emotional standpoint I could give a shit if a girl cheated on me, its only an ego/respect thing for me.

rpMwafrika · 2014-12-12T18:55:58+00:00

You know what happens when you accidentally touch a hot piece of metal? You drop it. Immediately. And you don't pick it up again.

The same concept applies to a cheating girlfriend.

eatingonthetoilet · 2014-12-12T23:47:57+00:00

Well when what she needs from a relationship is a dozen other guys disease ridden sperm showered all over her then you're better off without her.

Seriously though monogamy is for chumps, the woman is always going to be a free agent that will swing from one cock to the next if the other cock has a nicer car. Don't take it personally, she can't help it because it's just instinct.

We don't have souls, what we do have is DNA and fluke of genetic code in there that gives us a sense of consciousness that we call a soul, so she was just following what instinct programmed into her DNA told her to do.

There is no true love, there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, everybody dies alone, the universe is a cold, random and chaotic place. Get used to that and some bimbo swinging from cock to cock won't bother ya.

All you need to do is work on making yourself the hardest motherfucker on the planet. Work on your body, your mind, your education, your career, your social life and your bank account.

Don't even think about women, they aren't worth the effort of though and while you're progressing on all the other stuff they'll just fall into orbiting you without you even trying.

Life is a zero sum game because everybody dies and not everybody gets to enjoy it.

Most important, have fun. Smoke weed and do combat sports.

ConfidenceMatters · 2014-12-13T10:19:18+00:00

Plate and exploit.

fnordsnord · 2014-12-12T15:32:47+00:00

Well, a LOT of guys are going to tell you to dump her, go zero contact, and not ever look back. And that is probably best for you.

They're going to bring up the "sunk cost fallacy" and tell you that no matter how much time you've put into this woman, it's gone, and spending MORE time/energy/emotion on her isn't going to make it better.

A woman who cheats once is more likely to cheat again. Especially if she actually had full-on sex. (I don't claim to fully understand the rules by which the Female Hamster makes it's decisions, but I've been told by my female friends that Flirting, Making Out, Hand-on-Cock, and Even Oral "don't count" when they're working up their Number. Some even claim "I was drunk" and "I was on vacation" "don't count."

But both you and she both clearly agree that she's cheated and once she's cross that line, it's easier for her to do it the next time.

But this might not just be "sunk cost." Are you actually married? Do you cohabit? Do you have any children with her? These are bonds that are hard to break, and trying to save the relationship isn't just "throwing good money after bad."

fnordsnord · 2014-12-12T14:43:15+00:00

I need to you clarify - how to deal with what you're feeling, or what should do about the woman and the relationship?

randarrow · 2014-12-12T15:39:55+00:00

If she's a plate, all that matters is was it safe, reengage plate mode. If she's your SO, that is a problem, dump her and move on; don't let her or her family/friends pressure you into trying again.

If she is still "looking for work" that is even more of a problem and you need to get rid of her before common law marriage goes into effect.

LeGrandDiableBlanc · 2014-12-12T17:08:37+00:00

First, do you have a friend or family member nearby you can stay with? Do that shit ASAP. Pack yourself whatever shit you need for the weekend and next week and get the fuck out.

Second, she needs to get the fuck out of your life.

There is nothing left to salvage. You will never trust her again in the way that is necessary for an LTR. You will always wonder about who else she is fucking until the end of time if you don't boot her the fuck out.

From your comments I gathered that she moved across the country to live with you. That's actually good, because that means the place is yours.

After you go to your friend or family's place, you send her a message stating that she has 1 week to sort out her affairs and move out, after which you will remove all of her remaining shit from your house yourself.

Third, welcome to the dark side. Your question regarding how you failed to make this happen shows maturity and promise. It is absolutely the correct mindset to have.

Bottom line, you need to work on increasing your sexual market value via getting in good physical form and improving your overall quality of life. You also need to work on game, which is really just a dumb name for the social dynamics of relationships and sex. For a long term plan, head over to BecomeAMan. Here is a link to the posts sorted by date, starting with the oldest (click the 'Prev' button to get days beyond day 4): BecomeAMan

Your first lesson starts now, and it is about frame. Frame is about being certain of your thoughts and maintaining them in spite of attempts to change your mind. Your first homework is to decide to kick this bitch out, and then then hold your frame by not letting her snivel her way back into your life.

Archwinger · 2014-12-12T17:23:32+00:00

Cope? No coping. That's an immediate next.

Staying and trying to fix that is the largest demonstration of a compete lack of self-respect possible. The cheater will piss all over you and never respect you.

dickinlips · 2014-12-12T17:42:19+00:00

How did you find out? I'm pretty beta and love gossip.

[deleted] · 2014-12-12T18:14:07+00:00

the first thing that comes to mind is that she isn't getting what she needs from a relationship.

Seriously? Wtf man give your head a shake. Unless you did it to her it's not your fault. Maybe you were a shitty bf but that doesn't justify her sucking some other guys dick.

She is trash. Realize your special snowflake is not special but in fact a common slut.

If you take her back you'll never look at her the same. Regardless of whatever nonsense she spouts about what a mistake it was and how it will never happen again, by taking her back you are saying to her, 'there is no limit to how shitty you can treat me and I will accept it.'

Have some dignity.. be a fucking strong man... and kick that cheating slut out of your life.

eazy_ · 2014-12-12T19:06:33+00:00

Get rid of her now. She is wasting your time and resources.

Use this pain as motivation to improve a facet of your life and be the best you for you.

tenientj · 2014-12-12T19:58:49+00:00

I rather be single and alone the rest of my life fapping to pr0n than be with someone that has even emotionally cheated on me, let alone full sex.

minuscipher · 2014-12-12T20:21:17+00:00

First let me start off by saying, I know dem feels brah and second "I wish I could tell you things will get better but they wont; you'll get better." -Joan Rivers in Louie C.K. show. Don't waste anymore time on this immediately improve on yourself by removing filth from your life and continue to prosper. Honestly despite how cliché or redundant it seems, hit the gym get some testosterone flowing. Good-luck man!

94redstealth · 2014-12-13T00:27:52+00:00

kick her as to the curb with a tissue for her years, because you don't want any part of them.

[deleted] · 2014-12-13T01:37:46+00:00

Hard next. I read that she is living with you (huge fuck up on your part but recoverable if you get your ducks in a row). So, now you need to start acting on evicting the freeloading bitch.

Ask her to start moving out. Give her two weeks.
If #1 fails:

I'm sure you are the only one on the lease. You need to serve her with a 30 day eviction notice. It cost some money but the best way would be to file it through the county clerk's office and pay to have her served by a Sheriff. Show you are serious and have it on record. She can contest the eviction through the court by saying she doesn't have anywhere to go or can't afford it. Of course courts will feel sorry for her cause she is a helpless woman and will give her up to 6 months to a year(that is if you lease last that long. If you lease is up soon, then she will have to move on lease end or apply for a new lease).
Once she is gone.... GET OUT THERE AND FUCK 10 BITCHES TO GET OVER ONEITUS.

Fine print:

Or if she is great in bed, you need to cut all emotions for her, start spinning plates, and convert her to an in-house plate that you fuck. Once you stop giving her so much attention, she will crave it and the sex will flow. But the main thing is, you have to remember that she no longer respects you and she is only a hooker that you pay by housing her.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-12-13T02:45:09+00:00

EKcore · 2014-12-13T04:49:51+00:00

I'll quote some redman and method man.

"The only thing better than pussy, is new pussy"

Take a trip and get the hell away from that cunt.

z_omg · 2015-01-07T22:46:01+00:00

Fuck that, there's no introspection needed here. Noone deserves to be cheated on. Keep your chin up, boot her to the curb, and TRUST that you will find someone more deserving of you.

[deleted] · 2014-12-13T03:45:22+00:00

[permanently deleted]

_valtiel_ · 2014-12-12T22:24:20+00:00

Wouldn't a red pill man not get cheated on?

GimpdStal · 2014-12-12T14:57:40+00:00

A bit of story:

So I've known this girl for half of my living life on earth. I've always been interested in her, but long distance kept us apart. About 6 months ago she moved across the country to move in with me, look for work.

Over the holidays she went home to see family, and fucked a male friend on her last night before flying back to me.

She seems genuinely upset and sorry about it.

Part of me wants to work through it, part of me wants to throw her out of my life.

Title	How would a RedPill man cope with being cheated on?
Author	GimpdStal
Upvotes	38
Comments	158
Date	December 12, 2014 2:39 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2p2xn5/how_would_a_redpill_man_cope_with_being_cheated_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-would-a-redpill-man-cope-with-being-cheated-on.42 https://theredarchive.com/post/42

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