Dealing with rejection...seriously this is getting old guys.

Astrocytic · 2015-04-15T04:55:37+00:00

Most people have boring lives, interesting things are how you frames them. I basically only study and read every day, boring right? After a while I started to believe that because my friends were taking expensive vacation, getting great jobs, and after years when people would asked me what I've been up to I'd tell them the exact same as last time, reading, studying, and going to class. But later I realized hey, I also think about diseases and issues concerning life or death daily, and most of life seems less serious because of it to me.

I've always thought medicine was interesting but have felt like an outsider to humanity because of it. This was until I recognized how it made me different as a person.

If you think you're boring it's only because you're comparing yourself to others' definition of what's exciting. There's something special and interesting about you, but you're just dazzled by others who are simply good at playing to their own strengths. I promise you that you're not boring, you've lived a life with experiences that are unique to the rest of the world and those are interesting as stories and because they shape who you are.

just_a_waste_of_time · 2015-04-15T02:02:44+00:00

I think you know what happened. In any relationship you get out what you put in. Sounds like you were putting in the bare minimum to get by, the girls stayed long enough to see if you would step things up and you didn't, so they left.

exophrine · 2015-04-15T03:38:48+00:00

I've posted this here a lot of times before, but it bears repeating:
Beige Phillip Rule: Always Be Ready To Take The L (...as in the loss)

Don't grow too attached. You're not supposed to be meeting your soulmate, just someone to hang out with and have some fun. It's easier to get over it (and you'll come off as more attractive overall, as opposed to being the guy who can't let go) if you're prepared to simply walk away from it all at a moment's notice. Internalize and be over the pain before it even starts. Besides, when the girl is gone, it's time to move on.

MrAnonyMousetheGreat · 2015-04-15T03:46:02+00:00

So you're kinda are feeding us the answer you think it is. So barring anything you failed to mention as being the cause of this (like that you might have terrible breath), I think what you're experiencing is the downside of "abundance mentality."

So the utility of abundance mentality is that it increases your confidence which makes you attractive to women to some extent for at least a short while.

The drawback of I've been seeing in the stuff I've read from these seduction sites is that the abundance mentality undermines many practitioner's belief in monogamy or the idea of love, where you can so madly fall in love with a woman, making you feel that no, she is not the same as every other woman. I feel like the authors of seduction literature might almost be afraid of letting themselves become so intoxicated with an individual, or alternatively view it as a hollywood/old literature construct.

I think the abundance principle, at least as it's commonly understood by the people learning it and the way it seems to be taught, doesn't place much value on relationships and seems to rely on the idea that relationships are not substantially unique and are replaceable. While I AM a believer that there are plenty of fish in the sea, I think history and emotions matter. You feel some way about somebody, they matter to you. That's why losing a friend hurts. When you break up from a long term relationship, yeah, there's probably some woman out there that you could fall in love with if that's what you're looking for, but some woman you just started dating is not going to compare to your ex with whom you share so much history. When you do form a relationship with a new woman, it will be a different experience.

So while the abundance principle is good for staving off the neediness, self-doubt, jealousy, and lack of confidence, it also deincentivizes emotional investment into relationships. The issue you ran into with the first two is that actively prevented yourself from becoming emotionally invested, and they could sense that. I'd say, don't put up those walls next time if you start thinking you might want to start a relationship with someone. I mean obviously keep sort of modicum of abundance principle in your head, so that you don't let your partner step all over you (although if you've found the right one and you're kosher (mature) yourself, this won't be an issue). But don't flash it (make her feel like you can leave any time. This is the opposite of love.) or let it seduce you into making her feel insecure so that she's easily manipulated (if for some reason she's really into you). The abundance principle is good attitude to have initially as you peruse women and initially pursue them. But allow yourself to fall in love. And show that passion/romance earlier (go on a romantic date or something), so that they'd be more receptive to being called pet names after three months rather than it coming off as weird. It almost seems like you'd kinda steered the relationship down casual relationship lane and then tried to shift towards passionate relationship mode.

As for being boring as fuck. I think your lifestyle attracts women who are attracted to that lifestyle. Are you attracted to the women who are attracted to your lifestyle? Some women want to go on a hike every weekend or do some unusual, creative hobby every weekend. Some women want to go clubbing on their nights off. And some women just want to stay home and read a book or watch netflix. Which are you attracted to potentially long term?

Dorman010 · 2015-04-15T08:16:30+00:00

The first and foremost problem you must tackle is the way you described yourself:

I am boring as fuck

The seduction tips and tricks we learn are all very nice, in the short run. But if that's all a facade, how would you expect any woman to show interest in you in a more significant way than just sleeping around?

I too like working by routines - for the first couple of years I was doing seduction, I worked 100% with routines. And yes, I felt boring as fuck. I felt as if I was running this script that made me better - as long as I ran the script, I would be good with women. I was wrong. Well, I was also right - I got results, after all - but it wasn't really me. I then decided to look more into natural game - attract ladies by simply being naturally attractive (includes being interesting), occasionally falling back on routines. This has, so far, been one of the best decisions of my life.

So how do you make your life interesting? The answer is simple - you don't necessarily do exciting things, but you have to stay active and productive. Find things to do - hobbies. Let me illustrate this with my life: I do weightlifting between 3 and 5 times a week. I play the saxophone every day. I allow myself a maximum of 2 hours of gaming each day (gaming/sitting idly by your computer is not productive). I try to learn at least one new thing every day. I also work 9 hour shifts and cook my own food almost every day.

Now, I didn't do all these things at once. I did them one by one, adding an activity as soon as I felt I can easily handle whatever load I put on myself. Remember, this is real life - nobody's gonna push you to improve, only you can do that.

ScepticalProphet · 2015-04-15T02:23:10+00:00

I also noticed I am boring as fuck...once I got to know these girls I didn't have much of anything interesting to say because my life is very mundane, predictable, and routine. Problem is, that's by design. Should I have to do exciting things become interesting to attract women? That's not necessarily me.

What? You're self-admittedly boring. Why would anyone want to date you. You don't sound like you would even date yourself.

Stop being boring or put up with what you've got; i.e. self improvement versus no progress.

simkessy · 2015-04-15T04:00:20+00:00

This might help. I haven't read it yet but it seems to address one of your concerns.

Gareth321 · 2015-04-15T04:47:54+00:00

I honestly think you're over-analysing. You went from several girls on the go to none. There will be times when you have 10 on the go, and times when you have none. You need to relax. This is normal.

Yes, work on those aspects of yourself you don't like. If you wouldn't want to date you then do shit that would make you want to date you. You say being boring is by design. That's cool. There are plenty of things which won't make your life out of control but will still add spice. Learn an instrument. Hit the gym. Take up some kind of hobby. Chicks dig guys with drive.

Now the real issue you have is moving from "player" mode to "relationship" mode. This usually comes naturally once you have the initial attraction. I think the main issue is (and you identified this), you didn't put in as much effort as you should have. It's hard to do that when you're seeing three girls at once! So what you need to do in future is get better at screening. Once you've met one you think is relationship material, drop the others and focus on her. If it doesn't work out, at least you tried.

HighAsDuck · 2015-04-15T05:24:30+00:00

It sounds to me like you're too attached to having a girl. Become ok with just being yourself, then revisit game.

recyclablebantha · 2015-04-15T10:50:09+00:00

I slowly sifted through all the girls and found 1-2 I liked. Both of them faded on me quickly....my last girl in my cycle decided she wasnt into it and let me know about it via text......I can feel myself being desperate.

This is a normal situation. Sounds like too much of your confidence is resting on the validation you're getting from these girls. So when things slip with one, soon all of them are gone.

I also noticed I am boring as fuck...once I got to know these girls I didn't have much of anything interesting to say because my life is very mundane, predictable, and routine. Problem is, that's by design.

Could you be more specific? Why do you say that your life is "boring as fuck?" Are you literally bored out of your skull all the time? What do you do for fun? If you have ANYTHING you do for fun, then this claim that your life is boring, means that it's possibly not your life that's boring, but your point of view.

Should I have to do exciting things become interesting to attract women? That's not necessarily me.

NO NO NO. You should do exciting things FOR YOURSELF. Fuck doing it for anyone else. Bored? Do something about it. Not happy about something in your life? Change it.

What hobbies do you have, out of curiosity?

I guess what I am asking is...how do you bring out that passion in a relationship in women? I wasn't clingy, I slow played them all. I wasn't showering them with compliments, gifts or dates or anything. Like I said it was very casual. I established keno and had physical contact with some all of them.

You're not necessarily telling me a lot here. I can't be sure, but it sounds like there's still some neediness here and it's coloring everything you're doing.

OR it could be that you just reached the natural end of the dating cycle with those girls. It happens. Accepting the end with grace is a big step.

There is one common theme with these girls however...when I got to a point where it felt like it was comfortable saying things like "babe" and not explicitly saying that I liked them, but subtly hinting at it...it seemed to go down hill abruptly. Maybe I didn't slow play them as much as I thought.

Nothing to go on here either, exactly. But since you were veering into relationship-ish territory here and this is when they left, then that means that they weren't for you and you were saved a lot of trouble when they screened themselves out.

evolve18 · 2015-04-15T14:22:47+00:00

Dude, take a break for a few. You sound exhausted in your post. One huge element of seduction and game is self-development. Take some time to focus on yourself.

I also noticed I am boring as fuck...once I got to know these girls I didn't have much of anything interesting to say because my life is very mundane, predictable, and routine.

So now is the time to refocus on you. You say that you are boring by design, but that's a cop out. Take some time to figure out three things you want to accomplish or that you want to take up as a hobby. I highly recommend some form of exercise (i.e., gym, 5k, swimming, etc.) as one of your hobbies. If you drink, I recommend you become knowledgeable about wine, beer, or whiskey. Search out new and old music. Stay away from videogames; fuck that shit, no girl wants to hear about how you conquered castle sterling and the dwarves. Spend the next few weeks refocusing on these goals. In a month, get back in the dating game fresh and anew.

SabinatheBrain · 2015-04-15T03:41:12+00:00

Take a break. Go do fun things and forget about looking for a relationship. You're boring? Then invest in your persona. Build yourself up so YOU are overflowing with happiness. How do you expect anyone to enjoy your company if you don't enjoy your own company. Become your own best friend first and then the rest will follow. Explore the world, do fun things, go to concerts alone, learn new things.., and when you least expect it, you will find someone.

CasperFatone · 2015-04-15T04:55:40+00:00

On the subject of you feeling boring- you don't need to be unbelievably interesting, but you do need to be passionate about something. There has to be something that you love, and you should show people how you feel about it. If a girl doesn't want to hear about what you care about the most, then she is not the right girl for you so just move along. Please keep in mind that you are the most important person in your life, what you care about matters the most, and never value someone else's opinion over your own. Keep your head up!

enkae7317 · 2015-04-15T06:18:06+00:00

Don't live a boring life. Some of the TOP coaches say that if all you do is game women then you're doing it wrong.

I'd say get into some extracurriculars. Tennis, for example, is a great hobby and sport to get into shape. People hit the gym too for a hobby or just to get in shape.

Have a strong circle of friends. Hit some parties up and talk to not just the women but the guys too. You'll never know who you might meet.

Go places. Plan road trips. Take LOTS of pictures (seriously don't gimp yourself here). You get the gist. I'm sure in the end you're not very boring at all but just think you are. Even the most "boring" person, if framed correctly, can be exciting to others.

Spacemage · 2015-04-15T11:37:54+00:00

/r/howtonotgiveafuck

g4tnews · 2015-04-15T13:41:53+00:00

There is definitely something missing either in your life personally or in your approach. The boredom and Monday now specs of your life is a big red flag. If you're okay with a boring life that doesn't mean most women will. if you approach your relationship tempted and lukewarm emotionally don't expect a woman to stick around. passion in life and passion in a relationship is infectious and if you love someone and want to be with them you are passionate about them. you sound like a very analytical person and you might be investing too much of your approach from things that you read on the internet. Or you could be suffering from some type of autism spectrum disorder.

philosarapter · 2015-04-15T16:52:20+00:00

Lets just repeat what you wrote: You were dating 3 girls at once and once they faded you are feeling down and lost. Cmon man. You were just dating 3 women. They all clearly found you interesting and attractive to date. Maybe you didn't feel a strong enough attraction to dedicate more time to them, but that's nothing you should feel down about.

If women have been attracted to you before, they will be attracted to you again. There is no need for anxiety over this issue. History has proven you are a desirable man to many women.

But maybe you need to prove to yourself that you are worthy and desirable. So that you don't just think it, or remember that one reddit post that told you so, but actually FEEL like a desirable man.

Make that your mission, write it down on a whiteboard in your room and look to it every day. Your goal is to become irresistible to women. Get your ass to the gym, look up style tips and improve your wardrobe, always look and smell your best, pick up some hobbies that make you interesting: learn to dance, learn to juggle, learn to paint, learn to mix music, learn how to do a backflip, whatever. Just always be improving yourself and learning new things.

Should I have to do exciting things become interesting to attract women? That's not necessarily me.

YES. Fuck what you define as 'me'. That tiny box of definition you try to exist in is limiting you from achieving your maximum potential. What person purposely goes out and looks for a mediocre person to date? Nobody. Everybody wants someone interesting. You're not a special snowflake where you can change nothing, do nothing, be boring and still have girls lining up to meet you. That's not how the world works.

I guess what I am asking is...how do you bring out that passion in a relationship in women?

You have passion for other things in life that aren't women. Passion is passion, if you don't have it for your life, you aren't going to have it for the women you date. You need to find something that fulfills you as a person, something challenging yet rewarding. When you have that, then that passion is easily transferred over to your love life.

Lastly, did you have sex with any of these girls you were seeing? Not engaging sexually after months will cause a woman to lose interest and find someone who will try to have sex with her. Establish physical intimacy first, then you can move onto the emotional intimacy. Do it the other way around and girls will get freaked out and bail.

jackzander · 2015-04-15T13:52:22+00:00

Well did you ever take them camping?

polarpack · 2015-04-15T14:22:14+00:00

Did you bang anyone yet?

Title	Dealing with rejection...seriously this is getting old guys.
Author	theCHAMPdotcom
Upvotes	84
Comments	61
Date	April 15, 2015 1:16 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/32msov/dealing_with_rejectionseriously_this_is_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dealing-with-rejectionseriously-this-is-getting.1386727 https://theredarchive.com/post/1386727

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