I’m giving up on dating and women and just focusing on myself

rjones416 · 2022-09-09T03:30:59+00:00

show us a pic so we can help you improve your look.

Jadiv · 2022-09-09T10:57:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cronasminate · 2022-09-09T00:42:19+00:00

As someone who has been relatively lucky in the genetic lottery. I do not blame you at all.

I have gotten a taste of what it's like to be not so lucky when I slipped a little bit in the looks department and got injured/got fat/stopped grooming. As a 6'1 dude with a decent face, good body proportions, and pretty well-off socially and socioeconomically, the difference was night & day. And I was JUST fat. I can only imagine what it's like to have other disadvantages.

Not only that, I've known so many guy friends who were just short of the optimal "looks" department in one department and they were pretty much virgins their whole life. I have relatives who are doctors, engineers, and business owners and they ended up virgins just because they didn't get so lucky in the height department or in terms of looks.

The requirements nowadays to be considered attractive and those who meet the threshold are really spoiled for choice. The requirements are kinda of insane so I don't blame anyone who decides not to play this game.

Keep in mind looks, just like anything, is a tool. You have other leverages to pull to gain an advantage (social skills is one of them so start building it today) and it may take time for you to build/attain them. It's up to you to use your intellect to find out what those are and get them.

Most importantly stop playing into the game of chase with women. 90% of the time if they don't show interest upon meeting, they are not attracted to you so don't chase the in hopes that they will change their mind. They most likely won't and your efforts are better spent elsewhere.

Plenty_Software4415 · 2022-09-09T02:36:22+00:00

Take the gym life more serious. Calculate your calories. I have to eat 3,000 calories a day to gain weight. It’s hard but where there’s a will, and a way, only thing stopping you is you. You’ll find someone I promise, just focus on you for now and get your physique to its best. You got nothing to lose, go for it

learnbyrepetition · 2022-09-09T04:31:36+00:00

If it’s legal in your country and you’re ok with it, I’d strongly suggest you go with an escort and get it over with. Being a virgin in your late 20s-30s can have a huge impact on your dating life, consciously and subconsciously.

RicoEStrong · 2022-09-09T02:56:15+00:00

The game is rigged so I don't blame you

_Presence_ · 2022-09-09T03:23:18+00:00

Iour physique is something that can be improved on through hard work and the correct application of diet and the right kind of exercise. While genetics plays a significant role in how easy or difficult it is to achieve your physical potential, almost all of us (barring specific physiological conditions) can make VAST improvements by putting in the work at the gym.

OP, I recommend checking out Greg Doucette on YouTube. He has a vast collection of videos that gives high quality advice for all aspects of body building. He’s also got some body building books that would send you on the right path.

Much of his content is focused on weight loss, but just as much is focussed on body building. Which is probably what you want to work towards if you want to improve your physical appearance. Our physique is one thing that is in our control. Changing who we are on the inside and our personalities is a far more nebulous, and in my opinion, fraught endeavour.

You could gain a stunning physique in a couple of years. That will likely open some doors that were previously closed. But you are still you and you SHOULD continue being YOU.

You are right to work on yourself. In addition to working out to improve your physique, you could also try improving your inner self, while still being you. Try reading interesting books, or develop hobbies and skills that can involve other people such as music. Seek out activities to try to see if it’s something you enjoy doing, but activities that also involve other people, both men and women. If you find yourself playing a LOT of video games or TV, replace that with other hobbies that improve yourself in some way. Don’t eliminate it completely if you enjoy it, but limit it.

Work towards being the best you that you can be, while being conscious to go places and do things that put you in contact or close proximity to other people on a regular basis. Yes, you say you are boring and have difficulty making friends. That’s okay. You haven’t yet met the friends that you click with, where you’re not awkward, or…. Even better, everyone is just as awkward and you all accept each other for who you are. But you have to be out and about to have a chance to meet them. You never know when the random person you meet at some random event might become your next best friend (male or female).

That’s the hard part for introverts. Just being “out there”.

I’d also take a break from the YouTube channels on developing charisma and all that sort of stuff. Focus on being the best YOU and not someone who is trying to be charismatic by applying tricks and gimmicks.

I may have gone a little overboard with my thoughts here. Take it for what you think it’s worth. Online dating is for the lucky and the top 10% of good looking guys. Be out in life and enjoy what you can of it. Even if that means going to events on your own. It can be better if you have another male friend (wingman), but even if you don’t, put yourself in places where people are, even if, at first, you don’t talk to anyone. Over time, the skills of social interactions will develop. But there will likely be a decent amount of awkwardness along the way.

incognito3107 · 2022-09-09T07:15:54+00:00

You focus too much on your downsides. Dating game is pretty rough and obviously not the most important thing in life. Girls are very different than boys, seeking their approval may easily lead you into madness. You should treat your dating life like a casual game, with hit and miss, like a quest to become attractive male, not like a life battle. It may take some time until you get into decent vibe, that will attract some women to you. You are too harsh on yourself for no reason. It's understandable that you are sexually frustrated, but you just need to work on your game from scratch, reject the idea of being judged by anyone. You can also use some sexual service, but I guess it would be a temporary solution.

zapadz · 2022-09-09T06:08:35+00:00

Take a comedy class, or improv class. Try and make friends with women, put yourself in the friend zone with attractive women, learn to meditate. All these can make you much more attractive.

Substantial-Top1593 · 2022-09-09T14:06:15+00:00

If I would have been a girl, would have helped

2022-09-09T00:26:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Neo-Rio · 2022-09-09T03:35:06+00:00

Here we go, another sob story.

If you tell us a story about all the negatives that YOU THINK you suffer from (but may not actually suffer from), and you have that run around in your head all day on repeat - then *of course* it's going to repel women. There's not a single positive comment in there about yourself, and you have to love yourself before you can love others.

Remember: let women find reasons to reject you. Don't give them any yourself!

I recommend reading Dr Joseph Murphy's seminal book "The Power of your Subconscious Mind". That should provide a tonic to all the negativity you have going on and encourage you to find ways to stop it.

spinoza418 · 2022-09-09T10:52:55+00:00

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

Edit: you are not gaining at the gym because you are not eating enough. Increase your caloric intake to 300-500 cal surplus and consume protein, 1g per pound of your lean bodyweight.

Ryan_Wins_LMFAO · 2022-09-09T06:55:22+00:00

28 bro. Same situation. If you wanna talk message me.

RandomFish83 · 2022-09-09T05:50:31+00:00

Hey OP, if you're like me. I'm shorter than you are (5'5) and 32 years old and I live in a European country. So you know I'm already below average.

I screwed up a date last week by talking about black pill stuff with a girl I really liked. It took me exactly two days to bounce back and go out with other people.

I was an incel. Yes, I hated women 2 years prior to this and although I have not fully recovered I believe I know where you're coming from.

You're carrying a lot of mental baggage, you give off that desperate vibe because you can't find anyone but at the same time you can't get rid of it because you feel starved for that validation that it's the only thing on your mind? That was the sudden realization I had last week after my bad date and I bounced back quickly.

Find something that makes you happy, that can make you feel fulfilled on your own, I promise you and then when you decide to put yourself out there, you'll probably be so confident in yourself that you wouldn't care when they say no, approach enough people and you'll eventually find someone who will give you the time of day and someone that can share your big heart with.

Example: right now, what gives me fulfilment is that I am approaching random people I find attractive because I want to share my story, of someone who also didn't win the genetic lottery but I do alright in terms of dating by just working on myself. In fact, the first post I've ever made to this subreddit was one where I overthink a situation and pressured the girl by chatting with her about black pill stuff. I dont care if a girl says no to me because I am content and I find fulfilment by inspiring people out there to just go out and talk to people as you wouldn't know whats gonna happen.

What helped me was that when I saw a person that looked attractive to me, I give them a compliment and leave them alone. Like seriously, just GTFO out of there after you give them that compliment. And this compliment should be something that is genuine and about something they can change like "hey I love your outfit, have a nice day". Do this every time you see something that catches your eyes and I'll promise you that you'll stop giving out that vibe.

beachhouse404 · 2022-09-09T11:06:47+00:00

Hang in there man. I think focusing on yourself is always a good play. I’m sure you’ll meet someone if you just try to be patient and make your life a little bit better everyday. You seem like a cool guy so don’t let those shallow girls get in you’re head, love yourself

Jasonhardon · 2022-09-09T05:57:32+00:00

Sounds like you’re looking for a pity party. Roll up your sleeves & don’t be afraid to get dirty (rejected)

snooocrash · 2022-09-09T09:03:42+00:00

Dude, be yourself and be vulnerable.. girls love that shit and you will find someone eventually. This alpha PUA stuff is all bullshit .. I’m an old dude 40+ and get laid heaps , I don’t do any of that seduction bullshit just be yourself and keep being nice to people, someone will notice.

Global-Bridge-6787 · 2022-09-09T03:04:30+00:00

How tall are you?

thefragile- · 2022-09-09T07:04:37+00:00

It’s your mindset that’s the issue. I’m 6’3 and 160lbs and still pull every time I’m out. Gotta fake it till you make it.

80Cranez · 2022-09-09T09:07:06+00:00

I’m not a virgin but I haven’t had sex since I was 17 and I turn 20 this month. So I might as well be consider one.

But I’m not going down this road of self sabotaging, Why not? Because I haven’t done over 5 approach these past years because I’m too nervous. So I don’t expect to get anywhere in dating(I use dating apps but that shit is trash I really don’t expect anything from it). Until I learn to work with this anxiety/nervousness.

You said it yourself you are shy and I’m assuming you don’t approach women or even talk to the ones that are near you atleast.

Plus your mindset is off you don’t need women bro know or sex know that. Just see them as benefits to a even better life. But build a life you are happy with, with or without women being in the picture. And know when to let go and walk away from the ones who waste your time and energy.

Otec_Fedor · 2022-09-09T15:48:26+00:00

Do you have money? Go to Thailand or the Philippines and get laid already (not talking abt prostitutes btw).

You don't have money? Fuck you then, go make some money, then see above.

5_7pickup · 2022-09-09T07:49:53+00:00

You struggle with women because you take no actions in improving your dating life.

Watching youtube vids and making a bumble profile is hardly action.

How many women do you meet a week? During my peak, I met 100 girls a week. Tomorrow Ill meet 15-20 girls. What about you?

icouch · 2022-09-09T07:59:53+00:00

no woman no cry

Ron_Armweak1995 · 2022-09-09T06:54:47+00:00

Get 10% bodyfat and lift, then get fillers or cosmetic surgery. Then sarge girls

jdolf-clitler · 2022-09-09T07:50:12+00:00

Omg. This broke my heart. Do you know how many women out there have the exact issue. . . My dude.. Las Vegas, NV.. just outside city limits is a place called the Bunny Ranch. I highly recommend a visit. Good luck and don't give up.

Andress1 · 2022-09-09T08:52:22+00:00

How many women are you meeting and asking out in a month?

KompletterGeist · 2022-09-09T09:23:02+00:00

Hey OP, this is probably not what you want to hear, but looks really are not THAT important. I'm a little over 6ft and weigh 60kg, have receiding hair line, no facial hair to speak of, weak jawline, less than optimal posture, wear glasses

I am for all intents and purposes a nerd. I play videogames and like to tinker with stuff

And I can get girls believe it or not. I speak with purpose, I have humor, I pursue goals and have boundaries. And I am a damn good cook as well as being intelligent. Those are my strengths and I try to play them to my advantage!

I'm not an apex PUA or player, but even I have a bodycount of 5. My point is: you are the biggest cockblock yourself. I feel your frustration but you gotta try not to succumb to self pity. It's the biggest turnoff by far

putcoolusernamehere · 2022-09-09T11:17:13+00:00

Don’t blame you. If you don’t have world class emotional stability (I don’t) then dating, especially the cold approach strategy, is going to tilt the living shit out of you, which could lead to losing progress and focus in other areas. I’m on 13 interactions in a row without a phone number, and every time recently I’ve gotten a phone number I’ve been unable to convert it into a date. Even recently this one online dating match I had who had this super deep long text convo with me ghosted me when I went to plan the logistics of the date. Takes one hell of an even keeled task oriented man to not let that sort of persistent rejection weigh on his mental health.

Icy_Rub1839 · 2022-09-09T11:57:35+00:00

Damn, that's pretty brutal.

Hopefully your next few years will be prosperous in whichever venture you try.

Where are you located?

yodeah · 2022-09-09T12:11:45+00:00

Focus or fitness and making bros who will help you

ebenezerz10 · 2022-09-09T13:41:49+00:00

It’s smart to focus on yourself, I’d say give yourself 1-2 years of being in the gym and developing confident skills, and I think you’ll be generally surprised at who you become. Pm if needed

GloomySkiez · 2022-09-09T14:30:03+00:00

If you live in the US or LA,California just go to Figueroa street. Bunch of good looking escorts who’d have you for less than 100$.

TLDR21 · 2022-09-09T14:40:54+00:00

Hey I feel you man. Its a journey that I think if you keep travelling on there is a lot of self development that will come along the way.

Think_History_5682 · 2022-09-09T15:38:37+00:00

Look bud, some advice.

You live in America I'm assuming right?

There are tons of women in your area that would love to be with you and are easy to approach and talk to and don't mind the awkwardness. If weight and obesity perhaps maybe high number of children isn't an issue for you... There are tons!

Now that that part is out of the way.

If you are looking for someone that's more reasonably proportioned you are going to have a really hard time of it. That's only 30 percent of the population and competition is intense for them even among alphas

So choose not to play this game. Get busy living or get busy dying

Go out and have sex. if the incredibly fucked up circumstances in the US are an obstacles go around them. There are sites you can meet women for an exchange there's nothing wrong with doing that. Your counterpart as a woman has probably had between 3 and 9 partners by this point and is likely going to be married have a family and divorced by time she's 40. That's called female privilege.

There's also places like Brazil, the DR and Asian countries you can go to and meet a nice girl that's traditional and dedicated and would give their right arm to be with you

These options are always open to you.

Lastly

If you have too much anxiety to do those things

Work out, a lot. Go to the gym get muscular and fit. Sooner or later the awkwardness goes away and your desire ability goes up women(American) will start noticing you more and laughing at your stupid jokes. I'm physically disabled and I've done all of the above. If I can do it you can do it

None of the above is the key to a lasting relationship it just gives you much much more opportunity.

A lasting relationship is driven from what you are on the inside.

But you can't even get to that point without opportunity

Remember you are a grown man you deserve to have intimacy so reward yourself with it.

Blackmagic213 · 2022-09-09T16:15:10+00:00

Bro….Please don’t think I’m judging but I think there’s a bit of a self talk issue that need fix here. When I was reading your post, you listed off a list of disadvantages and rarely mentioned your advantages. You have things to bring to the table bro.

Please don’t fall for the illusion that you’re not worth it, you are. You just need someone kind to help you a bit. I think it’s smart that you’re taking time to focus on yourself.

I think you need to find out what beliefs that are making you a act as a pushover. I used to be a pushover too but I dealt with my internal beliefs and now I’m still a very sweet/kind guy but with definite boundaries/strength.

Your username is AmbitiousAD which tells me you have some self belief. I believe in you but you’ll have to put in the inner work. Best of luck and pm if you’d like to chat.

billy261990 · 2022-09-09T16:30:51+00:00

It really is a numbers game and you're gonna meet so many duds before you find someone half decent, but if you want to learn about yourself and grow you have to do it. The value of a relationship, even if it doesn't last, can't be understated. Do it for the value.

shusain2991 · 2022-09-09T16:42:54+00:00

Atleast to get a chance to date you have to be good looking or ultra rich. If you are not one of these..... sorry bro you have no chance.

EAlRe · 2022-09-09T18:01:35+00:00

Get your virginity taken off asap by and escort

Get someone to fix your style and get you a make over if you actually believe you're ugly (it might turn you from a 2 to a 5 or 6) /

Go to the gym or do gym at home but do it, it's one of the most helpful things for confidence / Meditate (it also helps with anxiety and confidence )

Never ever try to "pick up" girls, just talk to them casually, and make the conversation fun for you, practice by talking to randoms, "Hey got the time?" "Do you know the nearest X store" "what time does the Bus come by"

Everything what you're pointing out is basically just lack of Confidence and a mix of anciety and depression ( and this is basically the problem on why you cannot get girls, not because you might be ugly or have no carisma) Fix these Asap first, get your thoughts together, go watch some masculine movies or videos that get you motivated to do these things.

Once your fix this basics, we can help you with girls

ftdrain · 2022-09-09T18:34:10+00:00

Loser mentality, theres no such thing as having trouble gaining weight, not nearly as much as uninformed people think there is. Eat more, lift more, read important books: No more mr nice guy, Models etc. Its unfortunate that so many dudes were raised so bluepilled that women give them the "you dont have a penis treatment".

Title	I’m giving up on dating and women and just focusing on myself
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	109
Comments	91
Date	September 9, 2022 12:14 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/x9gb1j/im_giving_up_on_dating_and_women_and_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-giving-up-on-dating-and-women-and-just-focusing.1250336 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250336

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